Archive for the ‘Denial’ tag
Conflicted….but trying to avoid more drama
My AD, age 32, lives with us after we helped her escape from an abusive situation, so she could begin to rebuild her life. She has mental health issues, probably from PTSD, and is taking antipsychotics and is in counseling, although between her work schedule and counselor's rescheduling, she's not seen him much yet.
I am *sure* she's using, probably heroin. Her ex BF used to inject her with dilaudid to help the voices go away -- she says he hit her if she tried to resist. She's working and gives me some of her checks to keep for her. She's trying to find an apartment, although she doesn't make much. But she became friends with a guy who supposedly also moved here to start over, and I'm positive he uses.
She's quite personable sometimes -- like the woman she used to be before the traumas hit her -- but her pupils are tiny when she's like that. She also has been diagnosed with HepC (thanks to the ex) and explains her lack of interest in learning much about the disease as "denial" -- my thinking is "I'll say!"
We talk all around drugs. She walked out angrily once when I asked her to take a drug test, and came back three days later, a wreck from not taking meds. She hasn't been here long enough to really have made many friends. She's been told she can't use and live here. But there is not a smoking gun,...yet.
I believe it will take a big drama -- OD, getting picked up, or denial of treatment for HepC (and I'll bet she'll find some way to explain that) to get her to admit to using.
I'm working the program for me, trying very hard to focus on ME and my husband, instead of letting her problems rule my world. But I HATE that she's using here, which I'm nearly certain she is, although she is not keeping anything in her room, at least that is evident -- more likely in her car. I just would like to avoid a complete drama scene and let it play out as it will -- for I'm certain it eventually will --
So am I just stupid for not forcing the issue?
I am *sure* she's using, probably heroin. Her ex BF used to inject her with dilaudid to help the voices go away -- she says he hit her if she tried to resist. She's working and gives me some of her checks to keep for her. She's trying to find an apartment, although she doesn't make much. But she became friends with a guy who supposedly also moved here to start over, and I'm positive he uses.
She's quite personable sometimes -- like the woman she used to be before the traumas hit her -- but her pupils are tiny when she's like that. She also has been diagnosed with HepC (thanks to the ex) and explains her lack of interest in learning much about the disease as "denial" -- my thinking is "I'll say!"
We talk all around drugs. She walked out angrily once when I asked her to take a drug test, and came back three days later, a wreck from not taking meds. She hasn't been here long enough to really have made many friends. She's been told she can't use and live here. But there is not a smoking gun,...yet.
I believe it will take a big drama -- OD, getting picked up, or denial of treatment for HepC (and I'll bet she'll find some way to explain that) to get her to admit to using.
I'm working the program for me, trying very hard to focus on ME and my husband, instead of letting her problems rule my world. But I HATE that she's using here, which I'm nearly certain she is, although she is not keeping anything in her room, at least that is evident -- more likely in her car. I just would like to avoid a complete drama scene and let it play out as it will -- for I'm certain it eventually will --
So am I just stupid for not forcing the issue?
Thankful and sad
This is going to be long.
In my home it was wonderful and full of love, joy. My daughter spent a couple of hours making these cute cupcakes with edible turkeys on them. I think cupcakes have replaced Big Macs as her comfort food :)
When it was time to pray she was chomping at the bit and asked to say it this year. That took us all by surprise because she's straddled the line between being an atheist/deist for most of her 21 years. Her prayer was so beautiful we all had tears in our eyes and fought actually crying.
The sad part is because of my mom. She and my 46 year old sister have always been codies, though there's no substance abuse. My sister has been married 4 times, has two beautiful boys, and is probably mentally ill. She's always refused therapy because nothing is ever her issue. She has no friends any more. She manipulates and lies to get whatever she wants and this has going on for about 26 years if not longer. Recently she has run into what probably is her first brick wall. My mom is dedicated to trying to fix it.
My mom hasn't come to see her granddaughter yet (my RAD) after that nasty wreck. She kept saying she was trying but there's been one excuse after another. We insisted on buying her a plane ticket but then she found another excuse. My daughter really wants to see my mom and tell her about this damned addiction. At this point I'm not sure that's a good idea.
My mom and I have never really been close, she was never a mommy to me. Thankfully many of my family members saw it from the start and actually talked with me about it when I was younger. It was liberating and helped me keep putting one foot in front of the other.
That doesn't stop the sadness though. The relationship I have spent years working at with my mom is almost gone. We don't talk about my sister because she's in denial, 70 years old, and it's too much drama for me. In other words, we don't talk about much at all because my sister is her addiction.
I'm using every recovery tool I have towards letting go. I'm going to regular sessions with my therapist and finally cried about it Wednesday. We were talking and all of a sudden I felt it, told him "oh crap here it comes!" I didn't know there was so much pain inside me about my mom. 44 years of it.
This morning I read something: Conflict precedes clarity.
I have my daughter back for today and never had my mom.
I needed to release some pain today about this and am grateful to have a safe place to do it. Thank you SR.
In my home it was wonderful and full of love, joy. My daughter spent a couple of hours making these cute cupcakes with edible turkeys on them. I think cupcakes have replaced Big Macs as her comfort food :)
When it was time to pray she was chomping at the bit and asked to say it this year. That took us all by surprise because she's straddled the line between being an atheist/deist for most of her 21 years. Her prayer was so beautiful we all had tears in our eyes and fought actually crying.
The sad part is because of my mom. She and my 46 year old sister have always been codies, though there's no substance abuse. My sister has been married 4 times, has two beautiful boys, and is probably mentally ill. She's always refused therapy because nothing is ever her issue. She has no friends any more. She manipulates and lies to get whatever she wants and this has going on for about 26 years if not longer. Recently she has run into what probably is her first brick wall. My mom is dedicated to trying to fix it.
My mom hasn't come to see her granddaughter yet (my RAD) after that nasty wreck. She kept saying she was trying but there's been one excuse after another. We insisted on buying her a plane ticket but then she found another excuse. My daughter really wants to see my mom and tell her about this damned addiction. At this point I'm not sure that's a good idea.
My mom and I have never really been close, she was never a mommy to me. Thankfully many of my family members saw it from the start and actually talked with me about it when I was younger. It was liberating and helped me keep putting one foot in front of the other.
That doesn't stop the sadness though. The relationship I have spent years working at with my mom is almost gone. We don't talk about my sister because she's in denial, 70 years old, and it's too much drama for me. In other words, we don't talk about much at all because my sister is her addiction.
I'm using every recovery tool I have towards letting go. I'm going to regular sessions with my therapist and finally cried about it Wednesday. We were talking and all of a sudden I felt it, told him "oh crap here it comes!" I didn't know there was so much pain inside me about my mom. 44 years of it.
This morning I read something: Conflict precedes clarity.
I have my daughter back for today and never had my mom.
I needed to release some pain today about this and am grateful to have a safe place to do it. Thank you SR.
Disappointed again
I was invited to a day-long Thanksgiving get-together by a friend for the third time now and had a lovely time with fun people. ABF didn't want to be there the entire day, but said he would like to come for dinner. I was happy that we would spend Thanksgiving dinner together, especially since the host is the reason we met two years ago.
I went to pick him up and he was stoned. I let that go. He went to get changed and ready and before we left, he was looking for a lighter to smoke some more pot. He KNOWS I hate it and it was getting later and later. He became angry because he couldn't find a lighter that worked. When he did, I asked him why he is doing this if he knows how I feel about it. He slammed down the pipe and asked me to leave and I did.
I drove back to my friend's place, collected myself, and promised myself to NOT let this ruin my day. When I got back I told them some story (not everyone there needed to know the truth) and had the best Thanksgiving dinner ever - so delicious (and I have left-overs in the fridge, yay!).
I am glad that I was able to enjoy the rest of the evening and these great people's company. I am mad at myself for not leaving my ABF although I can see how is getting worse. This utter disregard for me is shocking. He is not abusive, but most definitely chooses his DOCs over me and I deserve better and he knows I do.
I know I should just end it, but I can't right now. It's just not an option. I am drowning in work and I am visiting my family in two weeks and don't want drama. I just want to withdraw a bit and regroup. I know it will continue if I let it and I feel weak for not putting an end to this right now, but sometimes I am so sick of making decisions and right now I just want to do what I have to do professionally and not deal with it. Kinda of like being in denial until January and not think about what will be. I just want this year to end on a high note because I get my work done.
I am so sick of being disappointed and crying and having to lie. I know what I SHOULD do, but right this moment, all I want to do is whine...:worried:
Still: Happy Thanksgiving! :thank1
I went to pick him up and he was stoned. I let that go. He went to get changed and ready and before we left, he was looking for a lighter to smoke some more pot. He KNOWS I hate it and it was getting later and later. He became angry because he couldn't find a lighter that worked. When he did, I asked him why he is doing this if he knows how I feel about it. He slammed down the pipe and asked me to leave and I did.
I drove back to my friend's place, collected myself, and promised myself to NOT let this ruin my day. When I got back I told them some story (not everyone there needed to know the truth) and had the best Thanksgiving dinner ever - so delicious (and I have left-overs in the fridge, yay!).
I am glad that I was able to enjoy the rest of the evening and these great people's company. I am mad at myself for not leaving my ABF although I can see how is getting worse. This utter disregard for me is shocking. He is not abusive, but most definitely chooses his DOCs over me and I deserve better and he knows I do.
I know I should just end it, but I can't right now. It's just not an option. I am drowning in work and I am visiting my family in two weeks and don't want drama. I just want to withdraw a bit and regroup. I know it will continue if I let it and I feel weak for not putting an end to this right now, but sometimes I am so sick of making decisions and right now I just want to do what I have to do professionally and not deal with it. Kinda of like being in denial until January and not think about what will be. I just want this year to end on a high note because I get my work done.
I am so sick of being disappointed and crying and having to lie. I know what I SHOULD do, but right this moment, all I want to do is whine...:worried:
Still: Happy Thanksgiving! :thank1
For those of you out there with children in active addictions…
For many many years, the holiday season, specifically Thanksgiving through Christmas, were incredibly painful and difficult for me.
Initially it was because I was in recovery from my own addictions/alcoholism and I was still wading through the intensely painful memories of the pain/chaos/confusion that I heaped upon loved ones and friends.
Then my own journey began as the parent of an addict/alcoholic, and I began to truly understand the depths of despair, the hopelessness, and helplessness that my parents had felt.
It has not been an easy journey, and despite my own recovery from alcoholism/addiction, I have had my own struggles with denial and enabling, all the crazy-making behavior of not being able to detach, especially with grandchildren being involved.
Finally, I have come to a point that, in spite of having a 30 year old daughter who continues on her path of destruction, I have peace of mind, and a quiet heart. I will celebrate this Thanksgiving with gratitude for all the blessings that I do have in my life, for there are many if I just look and see.
It hasn't been so long ago that I don't remember what it's like to spend a holiday filled with the agony of knowing my child is in active addiction, feeling nothing but sorrow and pain.
My higher power, my God, is a kind, loving, and immense God, and I want each and every one of you to know, especially those of you who will be struggling tomorrow through this holiday, that I have asked my God to wrap his loving arms around you too.
I pray that your heart will also find peace some day too. :ghug :ghug
Initially it was because I was in recovery from my own addictions/alcoholism and I was still wading through the intensely painful memories of the pain/chaos/confusion that I heaped upon loved ones and friends.
Then my own journey began as the parent of an addict/alcoholic, and I began to truly understand the depths of despair, the hopelessness, and helplessness that my parents had felt.
It has not been an easy journey, and despite my own recovery from alcoholism/addiction, I have had my own struggles with denial and enabling, all the crazy-making behavior of not being able to detach, especially with grandchildren being involved.
Finally, I have come to a point that, in spite of having a 30 year old daughter who continues on her path of destruction, I have peace of mind, and a quiet heart. I will celebrate this Thanksgiving with gratitude for all the blessings that I do have in my life, for there are many if I just look and see.
It hasn't been so long ago that I don't remember what it's like to spend a holiday filled with the agony of knowing my child is in active addiction, feeling nothing but sorrow and pain.
My higher power, my God, is a kind, loving, and immense God, and I want each and every one of you to know, especially those of you who will be struggling tomorrow through this holiday, that I have asked my God to wrap his loving arms around you too.
I pray that your heart will also find peace some day too. :ghug :ghug
ACOA & worried about own drinking/drugs
Hi everyone
I've been looking at the forums for a couple of weeks, from the point of view of an "adult child of an alcoholic". I've always thought I could never become an addict, I didn't have an "addictive personality" or thought that if I was going to 'become' one- I would have done it by now! (I'm only 27!!)
While I don't think i can call myself (at this stage) an alcoholic or addict (whether this is denial or a comparison to my father who was/is drunk 24/7?) I do think i have a problem with alcohol and drugs. Recently, I've been drinking pretty much every night, sometimes only 1 or 2, often a lot. I've been taking ecstasy every few weeks and ketamine too. Seems to be getting worse, in the last week::
i've got drunk, i'd say,4 nights and i've secretly crushed up ecstasy to snort to give me a "lift" and to keep me awake when i've been going out for a drink with friends.... one of these nights took some ketamine to try and knock me out when i went to bed and ended up throwing up everywhere. Missed work with a hangover/comedown 1 day... been crying and despairing a lot, not wanting to get out of bed ...
I do a live in job the middle of nowhere and only have a few people to hang out with, who i also live and work with. Stupidly I've gotten partially involved with a guy who works here and is like every guy i've been involved with/attracted to - angry, emotionally unavailable, immature, drinks too much etc etc... his mother is an alcoholic... i'm being a complete idiot and would have walked away a long time ago but i'm not strong enough to stay away from him .. he's always here! I feel like I'm suffocating and I'm going to leave. This will help. But that doesn't change the fact that without distractions of being in a city and around loads of friends etc I see how ****** up i really am...
A couple of years ago I used to regularly go without drinking for a month or so and i can't imagine having the willpower now. i feel weak. i need to sort this out before i f**k up my life, get physically addicted to something or end up in a relationship with an alcoholic. Need to deal with all my issues with my dad. I've done lots of reading and have plenty of knowledge, but how can you get it to sink in, maybe fundamentally i don't want to recover, or don't think i'm worth it???
Reading other peoples posts give me hope, thanks for sharing, im glad i found this place
I've been looking at the forums for a couple of weeks, from the point of view of an "adult child of an alcoholic". I've always thought I could never become an addict, I didn't have an "addictive personality" or thought that if I was going to 'become' one- I would have done it by now! (I'm only 27!!)
While I don't think i can call myself (at this stage) an alcoholic or addict (whether this is denial or a comparison to my father who was/is drunk 24/7?) I do think i have a problem with alcohol and drugs. Recently, I've been drinking pretty much every night, sometimes only 1 or 2, often a lot. I've been taking ecstasy every few weeks and ketamine too. Seems to be getting worse, in the last week::
i've got drunk, i'd say,4 nights and i've secretly crushed up ecstasy to snort to give me a "lift" and to keep me awake when i've been going out for a drink with friends.... one of these nights took some ketamine to try and knock me out when i went to bed and ended up throwing up everywhere. Missed work with a hangover/comedown 1 day... been crying and despairing a lot, not wanting to get out of bed ...
I do a live in job the middle of nowhere and only have a few people to hang out with, who i also live and work with. Stupidly I've gotten partially involved with a guy who works here and is like every guy i've been involved with/attracted to - angry, emotionally unavailable, immature, drinks too much etc etc... his mother is an alcoholic... i'm being a complete idiot and would have walked away a long time ago but i'm not strong enough to stay away from him .. he's always here! I feel like I'm suffocating and I'm going to leave. This will help. But that doesn't change the fact that without distractions of being in a city and around loads of friends etc I see how ****** up i really am...
A couple of years ago I used to regularly go without drinking for a month or so and i can't imagine having the willpower now. i feel weak. i need to sort this out before i f**k up my life, get physically addicted to something or end up in a relationship with an alcoholic. Need to deal with all my issues with my dad. I've done lots of reading and have plenty of knowledge, but how can you get it to sink in, maybe fundamentally i don't want to recover, or don't think i'm worth it???
Reading other peoples posts give me hope, thanks for sharing, im glad i found this place
In Need Of Advice Please !
Well, I'm pretty new at this. I've been addicted to prescription drugs for 2 1/2 years. Pain killers and Xanax, over the past year, when I couldn't always get pills, I was desperate enough to try just about anything as long as it would get me high. I just wanted to forget all my problems for a while.
At the beginning of summer someone reported me to dfacs and my children were taken away from me. I was given supervised visitation, I thought I was going to die ! I stayed in denial that I had a problem for 2 more months until I heard about a methadone program in my community. I went and have been clean now for 92 days.
My question is ... I still have really bad cravings, and I think about getting high, but I don't want to screw up again and start my addiction over. I just want to know if this gets any easier?
I've been going to NA meetings for the last 4 weeks, but haven't found a sponsor yet. I still feel like I just don't belong anywhere in this world. Am I crazy or what ?
At the beginning of summer someone reported me to dfacs and my children were taken away from me. I was given supervised visitation, I thought I was going to die ! I stayed in denial that I had a problem for 2 more months until I heard about a methadone program in my community. I went and have been clean now for 92 days.
My question is ... I still have really bad cravings, and I think about getting high, but I don't want to screw up again and start my addiction over. I just want to know if this gets any easier?
I've been going to NA meetings for the last 4 weeks, but haven't found a sponsor yet. I still feel like I just don't belong anywhere in this world. Am I crazy or what ?
Give me the strength
I used to think that I was the oldest drug addict in the world at age 29. I realized that I had a serious problem with speed. I had begun hearing voices and was paranoid most of the time. The drug had stopped working or so it seemed. I was very afraid and did not know what to do.
I thought that they would put me into an institute and I would never be allowed to see my children. When I kept telling my myself that THEY knew, I wanted to know who and I always said THEM. THEM being the voices in my head.
I did not know what recovery was, I did not know what to do to stay clean but I did know I wanted to stop because I was sick and tired of being angry, paranoid and lonely.
I made a phone call to my insurance and told them I had a bad drug problem and what should I do. They wanted me to be seen by a psychologist before they could do anything. Imagine that. They gave me three names to call and I did. Now mind you I did not even have a car to get anywhere at this point.
Out of the three only one of them called me back. Her name was Roberta and I told her I was on drugs and needed help. If I did not get help that day I was ready to throw my life away. I wanted to die but just could not overdose no matter how much I did.
It is a 30 day program and I am looking forward to the retreat. I only wish that the "one" would have been there with me too. When I am done with this step, I know I will no longer to speak to him, and that breaks my heartin half, but if you will not be with me in sorrow, you do not deserve me in grace.
If you read this and you think you have a problem, chances are you do. Please do not let your fear and your denial get in the way of your recovery. I did not live to live life without drugs I lived so that I could help others like myself.
I lost a sister to addiction five years ago and know that this disease is a killer, it's a sure way to mess up your family, your life and they life of those you love. Please if you are out there still remember this is hope. With the one tiny piece of hope I can tell you from my experience that it was well worth getting my life back.
I thought that they would put me into an institute and I would never be allowed to see my children. When I kept telling my myself that THEY knew, I wanted to know who and I always said THEM. THEM being the voices in my head.
I did not know what recovery was, I did not know what to do to stay clean but I did know I wanted to stop because I was sick and tired of being angry, paranoid and lonely.
I made a phone call to my insurance and told them I had a bad drug problem and what should I do. They wanted me to be seen by a psychologist before they could do anything. Imagine that. They gave me three names to call and I did. Now mind you I did not even have a car to get anywhere at this point.
Out of the three only one of them called me back. Her name was Roberta and I told her I was on drugs and needed help. If I did not get help that day I was ready to throw my life away. I wanted to die but just could not overdose no matter how much I did.
It is a 30 day program and I am looking forward to the retreat. I only wish that the "one" would have been there with me too. When I am done with this step, I know I will no longer to speak to him, and that breaks my heartin half, but if you will not be with me in sorrow, you do not deserve me in grace.
If you read this and you think you have a problem, chances are you do. Please do not let your fear and your denial get in the way of your recovery. I did not live to live life without drugs I lived so that I could help others like myself.
I lost a sister to addiction five years ago and know that this disease is a killer, it's a sure way to mess up your family, your life and they life of those you love. Please if you are out there still remember this is hope. With the one tiny piece of hope I can tell you from my experience that it was well worth getting my life back.
is it true you can’t go back?
"......I mean can I go back to AA? Will I be accepted even though I don't subscribe to some of the tenets?...."
if you walk in with the desire not to drink
you have a seat
as far as going back?
i've been doing it all my life
i'll do it now........................
If you're happy in recovery, you're in denial???
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
you may be missing something, sarah29
this is a "we" program
it's is not about you or me, he, she, them, they
or even bill w.
"we"
it's a lot like a elite club
larry shared with me years ago,
"many are called, few are chosen"
7/20/05 atthe brooklyn heights meeting
yeah, i got a dairy of what some said at meetings
consider yourself cjosen, you'll feel better
so....................................
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sarah29
I'm the only member amongst my group of friends that has an addiction problem and one day they basically told me to shape up or find new friends.
I shaped up and got clean and sober. I have a lot of friends in recovery but most of them are not in recovery. Some of them don't even drink or use drugs because they just choose not to. They are normal happy people.
I'm a happy person too. Lately I've been struggling with some members in the rooms just pestering me. They treat me like I'm not normal, like I should be going through some sort of crisis and if my life is not dramatic then I must be in denial.
(between you and me, i struggle with a few aa's
rosa typed a disiheritance letter four me
claire got me out of the will
and
jerry broadcast it to everyone in new york, brooklyn, intergroup, etc
charles robbed me of a brand new dvd camcorder
amicomplaining?)
I'm not saying that my life is perfect, but I am happy and some people's attitude towards my joyful deminure is really getting to me. It's almost as if they would feel better if I was miserable and neurotic.
I get the comments such as "Of course, Sarah is always happy, her life is perfect ... blablabla"
It's difficult for me because I can't relate to most people in the rooms; I had a great childhood, good education, love, friends ... I simply loved to party too darn much, and I would use drugs to stay awake on those long study nights, it wasn?t a bright thing to do. It got out of control.
I went to treatment and got my life back ... I'm happy. What is wrong with that? Why am I not OK (according to some) if I?m not going through some bouts of depression, or chaos?
I'm starting to feel different; my sponsor is really being supportive but she can't really relate to my situation either.
The only thing that is starting to affect my happiness is other people telling me that I can't be this happy unless I'm in denial.
Maybe I?m projecting a few people?s opinion onto the rest of the fellowship ? maybe I need to change some of my friends and make new friends that will accept me the way that I am ? happy ? for now
don't go getting noble on me
pardonmeforasking,
why is sarah29 a happy person
who is struggling with some members in the rooms
who are just pestering her
and
treating her like she's not normal
like she should be going through some sort of crisis
and if her life is not dramatic
then she must be in denial?
i mean
sarah is not getting enough attention in her group her friends
so she conveniently hops on the A train
as in "addiction"
and her friends are sick of sarah and her problems
so they let her know that it is either ship up or shape out
find new friends
well, a normal person would have said "seeya"
and bought a few new rags
join a bowling league
go to a movie
maybe even
since this is 2008
ask a guy out to dinner and foot the bill
but, no,
since her group of friends are doctors, lawyers, indian chiefs
with a masters in addiction
who can adequately and professionally diagnose her condition
she takes their prescription with a smile
of course, they are now at the malt shop
"where's sarah?"
"oh, she found new friends"
and the new friends
who are pestering her
because she is happy and her life is perfect ... blablabla"
are, now at the aa meeting "sharing"
(they probably wait for you to leave after the meeting,
or deny they are even talking about you
but, that's their problem)
"oh, sarah is pestering us by blablabla-ing us on the internet"
"she's not normal"
"yeah, accusing us of pestering her when she is pestering her"
"wait till i tell the others that she is pestering us because we are pestering her"
of course, sarah29 doesn't recognize anything is wrong
that she is on the internet
disparaging her old friends, new friends,
she hasn't gotten to the yet to be friends yet
pardonmeforaskingagain
but is it called creating a crisis by saying others are saying you need a crisis or you are in denial?
and
clicks off soberrecovery.com praying to the higher power that those who reply to her thread will absolve her of blame
i mean, you went for treatment and got your life back
if you got your life back
you are basically saying this is the way your life was
only, now you are not drinking
and
spending a good part of your life at meetings
("It's difficult for me because I can't relate to most people in the rooms")
sharing you have a life
to a group of people
you can't relate to
but, hey, i'll relate to them anyway
who don't care you have a life
and, according to you
are making you miserable
if this is shaping up
maybe you should try shipping out
imjustsaying
frankie
it feels good to go back
best
fraankie
if you walk in with the desire not to drink
you have a seat
as far as going back?
i've been doing it all my life
i'll do it now........................
If you're happy in recovery, you're in denial???
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
you may be missing something, sarah29
this is a "we" program
it's is not about you or me, he, she, them, they
or even bill w.
"we"
it's a lot like a elite club
larry shared with me years ago,
"many are called, few are chosen"
7/20/05 atthe brooklyn heights meeting
yeah, i got a dairy of what some said at meetings
consider yourself cjosen, you'll feel better
so....................................
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sarah29
I'm the only member amongst my group of friends that has an addiction problem and one day they basically told me to shape up or find new friends.
I shaped up and got clean and sober. I have a lot of friends in recovery but most of them are not in recovery. Some of them don't even drink or use drugs because they just choose not to. They are normal happy people.
I'm a happy person too. Lately I've been struggling with some members in the rooms just pestering me. They treat me like I'm not normal, like I should be going through some sort of crisis and if my life is not dramatic then I must be in denial.
(between you and me, i struggle with a few aa's
rosa typed a disiheritance letter four me
claire got me out of the will
and
jerry broadcast it to everyone in new york, brooklyn, intergroup, etc
charles robbed me of a brand new dvd camcorder
amicomplaining?)
I'm not saying that my life is perfect, but I am happy and some people's attitude towards my joyful deminure is really getting to me. It's almost as if they would feel better if I was miserable and neurotic.
I get the comments such as "Of course, Sarah is always happy, her life is perfect ... blablabla"
It's difficult for me because I can't relate to most people in the rooms; I had a great childhood, good education, love, friends ... I simply loved to party too darn much, and I would use drugs to stay awake on those long study nights, it wasn?t a bright thing to do. It got out of control.
I went to treatment and got my life back ... I'm happy. What is wrong with that? Why am I not OK (according to some) if I?m not going through some bouts of depression, or chaos?
I'm starting to feel different; my sponsor is really being supportive but she can't really relate to my situation either.
The only thing that is starting to affect my happiness is other people telling me that I can't be this happy unless I'm in denial.
Maybe I?m projecting a few people?s opinion onto the rest of the fellowship ? maybe I need to change some of my friends and make new friends that will accept me the way that I am ? happy ? for now
don't go getting noble on me
pardonmeforasking,
why is sarah29 a happy person
who is struggling with some members in the rooms
who are just pestering her
and
treating her like she's not normal
like she should be going through some sort of crisis
and if her life is not dramatic
then she must be in denial?
i mean
sarah is not getting enough attention in her group her friends
so she conveniently hops on the A train
as in "addiction"
and her friends are sick of sarah and her problems
so they let her know that it is either ship up or shape out
find new friends
well, a normal person would have said "seeya"
and bought a few new rags
join a bowling league
go to a movie
maybe even
since this is 2008
ask a guy out to dinner and foot the bill
but, no,
since her group of friends are doctors, lawyers, indian chiefs
with a masters in addiction
who can adequately and professionally diagnose her condition
she takes their prescription with a smile
of course, they are now at the malt shop
"where's sarah?"
"oh, she found new friends"
and the new friends
who are pestering her
because she is happy and her life is perfect ... blablabla"
are, now at the aa meeting "sharing"
(they probably wait for you to leave after the meeting,
or deny they are even talking about you
but, that's their problem)
"oh, sarah is pestering us by blablabla-ing us on the internet"
"she's not normal"
"yeah, accusing us of pestering her when she is pestering her"
"wait till i tell the others that she is pestering us because we are pestering her"
of course, sarah29 doesn't recognize anything is wrong
that she is on the internet
disparaging her old friends, new friends,
she hasn't gotten to the yet to be friends yet
pardonmeforaskingagain
but is it called creating a crisis by saying others are saying you need a crisis or you are in denial?
and
clicks off soberrecovery.com praying to the higher power that those who reply to her thread will absolve her of blame
i mean, you went for treatment and got your life back
if you got your life back
you are basically saying this is the way your life was
only, now you are not drinking
and
spending a good part of your life at meetings
("It's difficult for me because I can't relate to most people in the rooms")
sharing you have a life
to a group of people
you can't relate to
but, hey, i'll relate to them anyway
who don't care you have a life
and, according to you
are making you miserable
if this is shaping up
maybe you should try shipping out
imjustsaying
frankie
it feels good to go back
best
fraankie
The manipulation starts
So as many of you know my son ran away from rehab - after three desperate days I finally found him and he was arrested.
Saturday he got two messages to me that he wanted me to visit. it was hard but i didnt go for visitation.
Sunday night he called and acted as if nothing had happened. Starts talking about how when he is committed to the state he'll get out and be home and is hoping it will be by Christmas. He is in total denial as to the seriousness of his charges at this point. All I said is they are not letting you out and you need to get that out of your head. He still denied it. He also tells me about how his diabetes is out of control right now and that he's feeling really bad (manipulation to suck me in through his health issues)
I told him that we both knew that if he got out of jail that within two weeks he'd be arrested again, so it didnt really matter. He says he's used to jail now and doesnt really care if he gets sent away - in fact would prefer going to jail to rehab because he wouldnt have to do anything but the time.
I told him that after what he did to me last weekend that I needed some time away from him and didnt want to talk or see him. I told him that I could not live like this anymore and that he couldnt come home and live with me anytime soon. He couldnt understand why. He went off about how i was abandoning him and he would have no where to live. That he did nothing to me and that it wasnt that big of a deal. He says that I am selfish and only think about myself and that he spends his life thinking about everyone else. Yes I know its total bs but its like he has this control over my heart that makes me doubt myself.
Saturday he got two messages to me that he wanted me to visit. it was hard but i didnt go for visitation.
Sunday night he called and acted as if nothing had happened. Starts talking about how when he is committed to the state he'll get out and be home and is hoping it will be by Christmas. He is in total denial as to the seriousness of his charges at this point. All I said is they are not letting you out and you need to get that out of your head. He still denied it. He also tells me about how his diabetes is out of control right now and that he's feeling really bad (manipulation to suck me in through his health issues)
I told him that we both knew that if he got out of jail that within two weeks he'd be arrested again, so it didnt really matter. He says he's used to jail now and doesnt really care if he gets sent away - in fact would prefer going to jail to rehab because he wouldnt have to do anything but the time.
I told him that after what he did to me last weekend that I needed some time away from him and didnt want to talk or see him. I told him that I could not live like this anymore and that he couldnt come home and live with me anytime soon. He couldnt understand why. He went off about how i was abandoning him and he would have no where to live. That he did nothing to me and that it wasnt that big of a deal. He says that I am selfish and only think about myself and that he spends his life thinking about everyone else. Yes I know its total bs but its like he has this control over my heart that makes me doubt myself.
A list of wrongs
My AH decided to get mouthy with me the other night and asked me what he did to deserve to be treated like he is (I'm assuming he's referring to my detachment). I started to get into it with him, but came to my senses and retreated to the other room. My boundary is not to engage in conversation when he is drinking (any amount....even one beer), which is pretty much all of the time.
So, I was thinking about it and decided to put pen to paper and came up with pages of things that I have allowed to go on in my home that I am angry about. Everything from being flipped off through the bedroom window as I was backing out of the driveway to him telling the kids that if the dog barked one more time he would barbeque her for dinner. That just touches the surface....and I take full responsibility for my part in allowing it to continue, each time thinking it might be the last.
I'm not considering sharing it with him because I know he would have an excuse or denial for each item, but wondered what I should do. I've thought about saving it to remember how things really were when I start to romanticize. I also though it might be good to burn it, and scatter the ashes......sort of a burial of the past. I knew you all were a creative bunch, and thought you might have some ideas or input that would help me heal and move on.
So, I was thinking about it and decided to put pen to paper and came up with pages of things that I have allowed to go on in my home that I am angry about. Everything from being flipped off through the bedroom window as I was backing out of the driveway to him telling the kids that if the dog barked one more time he would barbeque her for dinner. That just touches the surface....and I take full responsibility for my part in allowing it to continue, each time thinking it might be the last.
I'm not considering sharing it with him because I know he would have an excuse or denial for each item, but wondered what I should do. I've thought about saving it to remember how things really were when I start to romanticize. I also though it might be good to burn it, and scatter the ashes......sort of a burial of the past. I knew you all were a creative bunch, and thought you might have some ideas or input that would help me heal and move on.
