Drug Rehab Options Blog

Bobble's ears are like black looking inside and they smell awful. Is that a sign of something?

And she kneads all the time on my bed..On me..What is that. She does it like for minutes at a time before she lays down.

Anyone know..Cause I dont..I need to call and see how much avet visit is going to be. She needs to be checked out..Seeing how I am not sure when the last time she was.
Thx.

I have ever heard is the saying of The Lord's Prayer at the end of AA meetings. It seems like all the voices, soft and strong, go from our mouths directly to God's ears. I swear that sometimes I think I am going to break the hand of both people I am holding hands with. I just think it is one of the most beautiful sounds, and I am so grateful for our God.

What is going on here lately?

Why? Why are people so sensitive lately? Why are we fighting amongst ourselves so much? Why are so MANY experimenting with this disease?

I came to SR in May of this year and it was such an open and welcoming place to be. People came on here and were so overwhelmed with support. They seemed to really reach out for help and took advice from those that had walked in their shoes and they really made an effort to better their situations. There weren't these personal walls that have been built up lately.

I hope this is just a freak thing because I would hate to see people give up on this site. I personally would be lost without it.

In the last couple of hours I have seen 3 people stomp off angry. In the last 24 hours I have seen too many to count leave. I have somebody on SR that I am extremely worried about and she has yet to return.

If people are acting a little harsh on the ones that are still going out its because they have been watching people drop for the last 24 to 48 hours and it puts fear into oneself. You feel a bond with people and when you know why they're here and you watched and read their struggle, its hard to just accept this another part of the disease. I agree with those that are angry with the disease because it isn't fair when it takes our friends and whispers in their ears all the lies they need to hear to give it up.

I had to vent and I hope others will not take it the wrong way. I am not pointing fingers. I am frustrated and I am sad, but I am not blaming the people only the damn disease.

So I quit my job today. donated all of my teaching stuff to an integrated pre-school.

And guess what? Before I could finish packing....he came back. Texted me to tell me he was okay. Walked in as if nothing had happened, and he did nothing wrong. Didn't apologize. I didn't raise any fights, because what is the point really? I just want to leave it all so I can breathe....so I can relax and finish cooking this bun in the oven! :) So now I'm faking a song and dance until I can actually make a break for it. Is this really my life? Am I actually doing this?

I'm leaving. I have quit my job. There is no turning back. And yet there is guilt....there is hurt. I wonder if he will be okay. I worry that he'll hurt himself.

I DO LOVE HIM.

And how could I just be expected not to love him over night? I think I feel guilty because for the most part I am an honest and good person. I don't enjoy revenge.

And so...

I went out and bought him groceries. And filled his car with gas. And bought him two packs of cigarettes. Dear Lord, I am such a codie----but you know what? it made me feel better, somehow.

Everyone tells me that maybe this is the kick in the pants he needed. I am hopeful....but part of me kind of knows just how it will go. And I don't think it looks pretty.

He kept having auditory hallucinations tonight. Said he heard sirens in his ears. I can't help but wonder if God is trying to tell him......

I am no longer filled with anger......now it's more sadness.

We are leaving when we get the chance tomorrow. Everything is packed but my books, my clothes, and my computer. And we are jumping off into the unknown. I know we'll be okay.

Thank you all for your thoughts and prayers. I will touch base as soon as possible when I get to New York. SR is my newest addiction :)

Love and Hugs,

K

I have a question--I've used oxycodone for about 2 years in pretty high doses (up to 200-300mg day). I've always had problems with my ears since I was a child, but it has been more problems hearing. The past few months, when I using the heaviest, I noticed that I am now extremely sensitive to loud noises like semi trucks and motorcycles. Has anyone else had anything like this? Any other effects you've noticed?

Does anyone else have phases when they feeling like fainting?

I had it really badly in November last year and the Doc's couldn't figure out what was causing it. At one time they thought it was my meds but then it turned out not to be.

They have taken my blood pressure sitting down, then get me to stand up and my blood pressure drops considerably. Another thing the suggested was that because I have MS, my heart takes longer to pump blood or oxygen to my head

I ask as I had it quite badly at the gym yesterday and had to keep sitting down. I start to get this buzzing in my ears, everything goes like this broght yellow colour and I feel like I'm going to fall over.

I also have Fibro but am unsure if it could be related to this at all.

Comments?

anyone got any? ive got 6 tats (leg, arms, back, chest) some BIG, working on a full sleeve and ive got my nose done, ears 8 times each side and a monroe (beauty mark piercing above the lipline) anyone else got anything good? take care all, krissy

I am still new and one thing I've learned in the MONTHS of being in treatment is "keeping it green". No matter how many days, weeks, months or years I have I should never forget where I came from.

One great thing that I learned about what I do as an addict is my behavior and I learned that a lot of things I was doing was just as bad as picking up a drink or was at least the first step in taking one.

Also, when people make suggestions I should "take the cotton out of my ears and stick it in my mouth" and take a look at what I'm doing because sometimes other people, our peers, friends, family, sober supports see things that we don't because we're in the middle of it or "in our own way" so to speak.

Sobriety isn't a bed of roses, a bowl of cherries, some days it's a living hell and I'm prepared to deal with that with out picking up. Acceptance is key for me.

Anyway, there is a reason why I had to post this and mainly because I was at a group tonight and a gal there had some issues that I addressed and she felt hurt by what I said and when she attacked me I said nothing because that's her stuff, not mine.

I will, however, never sign off on anyone's BS. Why? Because if I make it ok for you to do what ever it is that you're doing, you know what? That means that I just laid down the path to make it ok for me to do in the future. I'm setting myself up for a relapse and that's not ok!!!!

Here goes the final vent of it all......................

If you're going to tell me about your bad behavior I'm going to call you on it and I would expect you to do the same for me.........if you care. ;)

Thanks!! :rant:

Hi all. Hope every one is having as good of a Monday as possible.

Today has been sort of weird for me and I hope you won't judge me for what I am about to say. I have been emailing this guy. He is a family member of someone I work with and lives overseas. He is coming for a visit in about a month and wants to meet me. I have a feeling that he is interested in more than just "friends" but I don't think he is interested in more than something casual. He is very good looking and talking to him has made all this easier. I know, able to leap from one relationship to another, look up in the sky-it's a bird, it's a plane, no it's Rebound Man. LOL.

Thing is I got to thinking about the xah. We are still married and will be for a while from the looks of things. I don't think, in fact I know, that I am so not ready to sleep with someone else emotionally or psychologically, the pain is still to raw. I lost the battle. I lost him. I miss him. I miss what he could have been if he had given himself a chance. I fell in love with the possibility, not the reality? I miss what we could have been and what we once for a fleeting moment were.

I left him badly. I don't think he ever really believed me in the last couple of years when I said I wanted out, that it was getting to be too much. Something always came up once I made up my mind to leave. One time I was in a bad car accident, one day I came home and had every intention of telling him I was leaving when he met me in the garage saying his father had had a heart attack. He lost his job another time and I stayed not knowing it was because of the drinking.

When I left we were penniless and up to our ears in liquid debt. We had already lost everything that wasn't paid for. I begged him to get a part time job as his job does not pay overtime and I was already working almost sixty hours a week at my job. He told me that he couldn't because our cell phones had been cut off and no one could get a hold of him. I managed to get and keep jobs with no car, no phone and a small child, his response infuriated me. He was the man, he was supposed to take care of his family. I got angry at him about a month ago, the house smelled like a brewerey/commode and I wanted to get one of those plug in air freshener refills. He said we could not afford it but we had three twelve packs in the dang cart. For the first time in ten years I could not afford to buy my daughter school clothes, but he could buy beer.

Honestly, when I called the police that night it was not that he had hurt me but because I was afraid that he would. I told him the next day I wanted out, he said it wasn't so bad, we hadn't gotten into a serious fight. My first husband beat the living snot out of me, I fight back now and the AH has the scars to prove it. He has a thing about grabbing me by the neck, my nails are real and they grow fast, he has the scars to prove it. Think what you will but I will never allow another man to hurt me like that. If you think it is ok to grab, pull, yank or whatever you will get it back. I may be small but I will defend myself at all costs.

I wonder if he even thinks about me anymore. I honestly wonder if he even remembers what color my eyes are. Why did I fall so badly and deeply in love with some one who could not even remember which one of my two brothers had died? Why do I want to know he is thinking about me or that he is ok? He never worried if I was ok because he always knew I could and would take care of myself. Why did I let this happen to me and more importantly why did I let my daughter be exposed to this? Why can I not allow my self to mourn? I need to cry but I won't let myself and I think the reason I know the reason I am writing this is not so anyone else reads it but because I just need to feel again.

I don't know why but I miss him. I miss the way he looked at me. I miss the way he smiled at me.

Wow,
So I just realized tonight that I have over 60 days sober and I have never felt this good about life. God, I know that everybody hear has heard it time and again, but I too never thought I'd make it; I couldn't even imagine one day sober much less 60+ days. I have re-found my love for my work, I am meeting more people than I ever have - good people, building positive relationships and actually finding a love for life that I just never thought would/could ever exist for me. I don't normally keep track of "the days"; I learned early on that for me, that puts me in a dangerous mindset. Once I start thinking that I have x-days sober, I start thinking that I might not be sick, but I AM. I just keep putting in my work to recovery and living each day to it's fullest. I know I'm not out of the woods, I know I never will be. This disease will be with me my entire life. BUT, I don't have to die young, I can find beauty in life, and I too can be happy. When I think of all of the good stuff that's happened to me just in the past two months, I know that I'm finally heading down the right path. It does bring a tear to my eye at times and I just wanted to thank everyone here for their story, their faith, their receptive ears and their caring nature. And, I hate to sound like a broken record, but to everyone that thinks that their too young or too old, too far gone or not far gone enough, you CAN get help, you can find happiness, you can get well. You DO NOT have to die from this disease. Yes, for me, as I'm sure for many others, truly committing to step one is really hard, but TRUST ME, once you let go, you can start grabbing life. No, it sure as hell isn't easy, but it is definitely worth.

Thank you...everyone.