Archive for the ‘Empathy’ tag
This new season of Celebrity Rehab
The other thread got me thinking.
I like this show a lot and hate Intervention for some reason. Maybe I like to see people getting clean rather than in the depths of their addiction. Maybe that's something that happens in our brain, we get empathy back. It kills me to see someone using, but it makes me so happy to see someone cleaning up.
I absolutely hate Intervention because of two shows, a heroin addict they found in a drain and the girl who was addicted to canned air inhalent (which I didn't even know you could be addicted to until that show)
Yet, I watch Celebrity Rehab every week religiously.
I like this show a lot and hate Intervention for some reason. Maybe I like to see people getting clean rather than in the depths of their addiction. Maybe that's something that happens in our brain, we get empathy back. It kills me to see someone using, but it makes me so happy to see someone cleaning up.
I absolutely hate Intervention because of two shows, a heroin addict they found in a drain and the girl who was addicted to canned air inhalent (which I didn't even know you could be addicted to until that show)
Yet, I watch Celebrity Rehab every week religiously.
18 days and counting
I've been going through an emotional roller coaster. Fits of aggression, anger, depression. I don't even know who I am right now. I've been a heavy pot smoker for 15 years. Although, I'm invigorated by my new found truth, it scares the **** out of me. I have been stoned my entire adult life and am frightened of what I might become if I don't "medicate"
I know I should read the forums to search for tips, but I don't have the energy right now.
This week I feel like I am empty of all empathy. I could care less if I hurt people, especially my girlfriend. I used to be so aware of not hurting peoples feelings, and now I could give a ****.
Does this go away? I hope and pray that it does because I feel like a black hole. I basically watched my girlfriend ball her eyes out for hours and had no reaction at all. Zero. In the past I would have consoled her by holding her, but I couldn't bring myself to do it.
I've been faking and lying for so long, I don't know what's real anymore.
Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated
j
I know I should read the forums to search for tips, but I don't have the energy right now.
This week I feel like I am empty of all empathy. I could care less if I hurt people, especially my girlfriend. I used to be so aware of not hurting peoples feelings, and now I could give a ****.
Does this go away? I hope and pray that it does because I feel like a black hole. I basically watched my girlfriend ball her eyes out for hours and had no reaction at all. Zero. In the past I would have consoled her by holding her, but I couldn't bring myself to do it.
I've been faking and lying for so long, I don't know what's real anymore.
Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated
j
JFT Sept 18 - Honest Relationships
September 18
Recovery gives many of us relationships that are closer and more intimate than any weÂ’ve had before. As time passes, we find ourselves gravitating toward those who eventually become our friends, our sponsor, and our partners in life. Shared laughter, tears, and struggles bring shared respect and lasting empathy.
What, then, do we do when we find that we donÂ’t agree with our friends on everything? We may discover that we donÂ’t share the same taste in music as our dearest friend, or that we donÂ’t agree with our spouse about how the furniture should be arranged, or even find ourselves voting differently from our sponsor at a service committee meeting. Does conflict mean that the friendship, the marriage, or the sponsorship is over? No!
These types of conflict are not only to be expected in any long-lasting relationship but are actually an indication that both people are emotionally healthy and honest individuals. In any relationship where both people agree on absolutely everything, chances are that only one person is doing the thinking. If we sacrifice our honesty and integrity to avoid conflicts or disagreements, we give away the best of what we bring to our relationships. We experience the full measure of partnership with another human being when we are fully honest.
Just for today: I will welcome the differences that make each one of us special. Today, I will work on being myself.
Copyright © 1991-2008 by Narcotics Anonymous World Services, Inc. All Rights Reserved
Honest relationships
“One of the most profound changes in our lives is in the realm of personal relationships.”
Basic Text, p. 55
––––=––––
––––=––––
Recovery gives many of us relationships that are closer and more intimate than any weÂ’ve had before. As time passes, we find ourselves gravitating toward those who eventually become our friends, our sponsor, and our partners in life. Shared laughter, tears, and struggles bring shared respect and lasting empathy.
What, then, do we do when we find that we donÂ’t agree with our friends on everything? We may discover that we donÂ’t share the same taste in music as our dearest friend, or that we donÂ’t agree with our spouse about how the furniture should be arranged, or even find ourselves voting differently from our sponsor at a service committee meeting. Does conflict mean that the friendship, the marriage, or the sponsorship is over? No!
These types of conflict are not only to be expected in any long-lasting relationship but are actually an indication that both people are emotionally healthy and honest individuals. In any relationship where both people agree on absolutely everything, chances are that only one person is doing the thinking. If we sacrifice our honesty and integrity to avoid conflicts or disagreements, we give away the best of what we bring to our relationships. We experience the full measure of partnership with another human being when we are fully honest.
––––=––––
Just for today: I will welcome the differences that make each one of us special. Today, I will work on being myself.
Copyright © 1991-2008 by Narcotics Anonymous World Services, Inc. All Rights Reserved
A different kind of prayer
A DIFFERENT KIND OF PRAYER
Heavenly Father,
Help us remember that the" jerk" who
cut us off in traffic last night is a
single mother who worked nine hours
that day and is rushing home to cook
dinner, help with homework,
do the laundry and spend a few
precious moments with her children.
Help us to remember that the pierced,
tattooed, disinterested young man who
can't make change correctly, is a
worried 19-year-old college student,
balancing his apprehension over
final exams with his fear of not getting his
student loans for next semester.
Remind us, Lord, that the scary looking
bum, begging for money in the same spot
every day (who really ought to get a job!)
is a slave to addictions that we can only
imagine in our worst nightmares.
Help us to remember that the old couple
walking annoyingly slow through the
store aisles and blocking our shopping
progress are savoring this moment,
knowing that, based on the
biopsy report she got back last week,
this will be the last year that they
go shopping together.
Heavenly Father, remind us each day that,
of all the gifts you give us,
the greatest gift is love.
It is not enough to share that love
with those we hold dear.
Open our hearts not to just those
who are close to us, but to all humanity.
Let us be slow to judge and quick to forgive,
show patience, empathy and love.
The will of God will never take you where the grace of God cannot protect you.
Be careful how you live. You may be the only Bible some people will
ever read. His love is always with you, His promises are true, And when
we give Him all our cares, You know He will see us through.
Heavenly Father,
Help us remember that the" jerk" who
cut us off in traffic last night is a
single mother who worked nine hours
that day and is rushing home to cook
dinner, help with homework,
do the laundry and spend a few
precious moments with her children.
Help us to remember that the pierced,
tattooed, disinterested young man who
can't make change correctly, is a
worried 19-year-old college student,
balancing his apprehension over
final exams with his fear of not getting his
student loans for next semester.
Remind us, Lord, that the scary looking
bum, begging for money in the same spot
every day (who really ought to get a job!)
is a slave to addictions that we can only
imagine in our worst nightmares.
Help us to remember that the old couple
walking annoyingly slow through the
store aisles and blocking our shopping
progress are savoring this moment,
knowing that, based on the
biopsy report she got back last week,
this will be the last year that they
go shopping together.
Heavenly Father, remind us each day that,
of all the gifts you give us,
the greatest gift is love.
It is not enough to share that love
with those we hold dear.
Open our hearts not to just those
who are close to us, but to all humanity.
Let us be slow to judge and quick to forgive,
show patience, empathy and love.
The will of God will never take you where the grace of God cannot protect you.
Be careful how you live. You may be the only Bible some people will
ever read. His love is always with you, His promises are true, And when
we give Him all our cares, You know He will see us through.
My fav quotes from SR that helped me detach
I feel like I have made great gains since finding this place. So much wisdom and experience. Many, many words I needed to hear and perspectives I needed to see. I saved some of the ones that hit hardest and thought I would share them. Maybe others will benefit from reading them too.
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> >>>>>
What Addicts Do
My name's Jon. I'm an addict. And this is what addicts do. You cannot nor will not change my behavior. You cannot make me treat you better, let alone with any respect. All I care about, all I think about, is my needs and how to go about fulfilling them. You are a tool to me, something to use. When I say I love you I am lying through my teeth, because love is impossible for someone in active addiction. I wouldn't be using if I loved myself, and since I don't, I cannot love you.
My feelings are so pushed down and numbed by my drugs that I could be considered sociopathic. I have no empathy for you or anyone else. It doesn't faze me that I hurt you, leave you hungry, lie to you, cheat on you and steal from you.
My behavior cannot and will not change until i make a decision to stop using/drinking and then follow it up with a plan of action.
And until I make that decision, I will hurt you again and again and again.
Stop being surprised.
I am an addict. And that's what addicts do.
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> >>
it can be VERY helpful when trying to sort out life with an addict and what it has to OFFER you to stick with the facts, ma'am, only the facts......eliminate any romantic references, any adjectives, the words LOVE and IN LOVE...and then see what ya got. cuz addiction is NOT romantic, has NOTHING to do with love, and has a stark reality all its own that does not need any superlatives....so let's review:
(removed specifics of this thread)
you are not responsible for this man. he is not your assignment, nor your patient. he is an adult and has chosen THIS way to conduct his life. What you see is what you get. The good AND the bad. IF the above is OK with you and you can deal with who he is and how he is NOW, then keep your eyes open and carry on. IF already you feel you are in over your head, then you need to figure out how long you can hold your breath.
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
For me the difference is that letting go is about that which I don't own...other people's behaviors, thoughts, values, choices. It is an illusion to think I have any control over these things.
Letting life happen, to me, means doing my best to be the best person I know how to be, even with my shortcomings, and then letting life fall into place however it may happen.
I cannot control what others do, even when what they do affects me. What I can do is set my personal boundaries as to what is acceptable in my life and what is not. I can act in good thought (which is a reflection of me and my values) rather than "react" to them, which is a reflection of their bad behavior or choices.
Protecting myself, caring for myself, and being true to myself are all ways to assure that my side of the street is clean and that my day will be healthy and safe.
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> >>>>>
What Addicts Do
My name's Jon. I'm an addict. And this is what addicts do. You cannot nor will not change my behavior. You cannot make me treat you better, let alone with any respect. All I care about, all I think about, is my needs and how to go about fulfilling them. You are a tool to me, something to use. When I say I love you I am lying through my teeth, because love is impossible for someone in active addiction. I wouldn't be using if I loved myself, and since I don't, I cannot love you.
My feelings are so pushed down and numbed by my drugs that I could be considered sociopathic. I have no empathy for you or anyone else. It doesn't faze me that I hurt you, leave you hungry, lie to you, cheat on you and steal from you.
My behavior cannot and will not change until i make a decision to stop using/drinking and then follow it up with a plan of action.
And until I make that decision, I will hurt you again and again and again.
Stop being surprised.
I am an addict. And that's what addicts do.
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> >>
it can be VERY helpful when trying to sort out life with an addict and what it has to OFFER you to stick with the facts, ma'am, only the facts......eliminate any romantic references, any adjectives, the words LOVE and IN LOVE...and then see what ya got. cuz addiction is NOT romantic, has NOTHING to do with love, and has a stark reality all its own that does not need any superlatives....so let's review:
(removed specifics of this thread)
you are not responsible for this man. he is not your assignment, nor your patient. he is an adult and has chosen THIS way to conduct his life. What you see is what you get. The good AND the bad. IF the above is OK with you and you can deal with who he is and how he is NOW, then keep your eyes open and carry on. IF already you feel you are in over your head, then you need to figure out how long you can hold your breath.
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
For me the difference is that letting go is about that which I don't own...other people's behaviors, thoughts, values, choices. It is an illusion to think I have any control over these things.
Letting life happen, to me, means doing my best to be the best person I know how to be, even with my shortcomings, and then letting life fall into place however it may happen.
I cannot control what others do, even when what they do affects me. What I can do is set my personal boundaries as to what is acceptable in my life and what is not. I can act in good thought (which is a reflection of me and my values) rather than "react" to them, which is a reflection of their bad behavior or choices.
Protecting myself, caring for myself, and being true to myself are all ways to assure that my side of the street is clean and that my day will be healthy and safe.
wheres the empathy?
well, I had a terrible weekend. I have been having pain in my lower left and right sides off and on for 3 months now. well, on friday it was very intense and as I was leaving work, I called AH and told him and started crying I was hurting so bad. well, he tells me to go home and go to bed. I did and at 8pm he calls to tell me, in drunken slurs, he's on his way home and that he's gonna stop and get something to eat. Didnt even ask if I wanted anything. I told him that and that I really could use something to eat. Well, when he got home, he griped about how much money he spent on 2 dinners and then started fussing. Then i told him he doesnt need to talk that way to me because I was in pain and he may have to take me to the ER. Well he says, "take your ownself," and went to bed. Well, saturday I was hurting so bad I proceeded to go to the urgent care clinic 30 miles away. He says, "i'm taking you". I said "why bother caring now, you didnt last night". Well, the doctor told me to stay all weekend in bed and go my dr. on monday morning. Well, he did not take care of me at ALL! Did not bring me my medicine, fix me anything to eat or drink, check on me in the bed or NOTHING! He says that leaving me alone to let me rest is his way of showing he cares. Also, that asking me "You still hurting" when I would hobble into the kitchen to get a glass of water to take my medicine is his idea of caring. WTF!!! and then I go to the dr. and she wants to send me for a cat scan. She thinks I have a fibroid with a cancerous growth on it. And since then, he has been a dog. Griping about cooking for himself and all. :wtf2
