Drug Rehab Options Blog

other special event as an excuse to drink or be mean/hateful? Mine seems to come to life on birthdays, holidays(any, it doesn't matter which), a vacation or just something important?

Seems like everytime one comes around here he just goes haywire.

I've come to understand/realize that the misery in my 2-year marriage was not because of his alcoholism (which he's been in recovery and not had a drink in over 5 months), but because of his abuse. He was never the type to scream or call me horrible names, nor to hit me. He was subtle, manipulative. My entire life has been run with guilt and manipulation. First by my mom, now by my stbXRAH.

I started to see something was seriously wrong back in November (about 3 months after he'd started AA). He was using everything and everyone in my life against me. I moved out, and about a week later I filed for divorce. Despite multiple times telling him that we both have issues we need to work through on our own before we could even consider reconsiling our marital issues, and telling him we need a break from each other (I've clearly said NO CONTACT until x date multiple times), he ALWAYS crosses that boundary. Always steps over the line.

He insists that we should not be getting a divorce. His excuse for crossing the line is he wants reasons, answers, goals. I've tried to explain, but everything falls out of my head when he and I talk (argue) - he's so good at making me crazy. I get off the phone feeling completely exhausted, confused, and most of the time don't remember what we even talked about. More than once he's told me I am chemically imbalanced and need mental help. But I know that's not true. My doctor sees me and knows I am not crazy.

However, I'm still in love with him. I still want him to want to change. He keeps saying, "I'm a changed man, but you haven't been around to see it" (accusing me that my moving out and filing is what's ruining our chance at a good marriage). He's always been all talk. I have no reason to start trusting his words now when his actions have never proven anything - with the exception that he stopped drinking.

He wants to meet with me tonight. He wants to talk. I'm scared because I don't know if I'll be able to hold my own. But I'm not sure I want to lose him. And I'm not sure I really want this divorce. Some days it seems so clear, then other days I just want to go home and believe it will all be ok.

I've tried to explain that his controlling measures and the way he acts like he "owns" me is abuse. And the way he talks to me is abuse. And he gets upset and says I'm crazy and that someone is filling my head full of ridiculous ideas. Is there a clear, healthy way to share the abuse concept with someone who is so clearly a verbal abuser (via guilt/ manipulation/ coersion/ etc) so they understand what they are really doing and how very wrong it is? Is there any hope that he can see the light? How can I explain this to him???

I feel like if I just divorce him to get away, it wouldn't be "fair" because I was not clear enough with how he is abusive, since that would be my reason for divorce (and these feelings may be more imposed upon me by him and by my parents than myself, but I still feel them). He says he wants marriage counseling. He says he wants to know why I filed for divorce. And why I want time apart. And how it's supposed to help. But deep down I feel like he's just asking those questions so he can build up excuses to undermine those things and break me down further and make me come back without him really changing anything.

About a month ago, my stepmom was locked up for trying to get a fraudulent prescription filled, and was getting lortabs from a friend, in addition to the ones she got by prescription.

My dad was forced out of his denial of her addiction, and she was begging me to help her with this problem.

Now, a month later, I am ready to wring both their necks.

Dad took her to the dr. yesterday. When I got up, and was getting ready for work, I asked him what she got. He just said "the same stuff she always gets..pain pills". He had no clue as to how many, and snapped at me "how would I know? What difference would it make, when she's in pain all the time?"

She got out of bed, (this is at 3pm) and he asked her how many pills she got. She got 90 lortab 10 mg, to take one, 3 times a day. I said "so, in a week, you should be down 21 pills". She snaps "it doesn't MATTER how many I've taken in a week".

Dad tells me she's been doing better and that jail scared her and since she has a prescription, she knows if she runs out she can't get any more until it's been a month. I ask if she's had any pills since she was arrested, and can't get a straight answer. She's ALWAYS had a prescription, ran out, which is why she got them elsewhere.

Honestly, stepmom doesn't have a lot of options to get pills elsewhere, as dad has control of the finances, and she can't just leave the house without someone knowing.

My question is, am I overreacting? I see red flags everywhere, but they act like I'm the meanie, and trying to stir up trouble. I did tell dad, that if she got to where she was passing out again, or did anything stupid, he'd better not DARE to say "why didn't you tell me" again.

I'm trying my best to let this go. When I was leaving the house, I told her I wasn't trying to be mean, I was just concerned. She said "I know, I just don't want my nerves to get bad", which is another excuse for her to get numb. MY nerves were pretty frazzled, and I wanted to just escape, but I went to work.

I tried prayer, said "let go and let God" a zillion times, turned the radio up loud so I couldn't hear my own thoughts. Finally got distracted at work, when we had a lot of customers with adorable kids. It just irritates the crap out of me, that I let this stuff get to me.

I feel better now, but then I knew I would, as soon as I could get to my SR:)

Hugs and prayers!

Amy

Long before she was arrested. My sister abandoned her kids 10 years ago, by choosing to party instead of parent.

She finished nursing school and set off to work her first hospital as a certified RN. We were all so proud of her. Always making bad choices in men, friends, finances, etc. her life had always been unstable. Married to a guy who can't keep a job to save his life, and could care less to have to work anyway. Regardless of the 3 kids or his wife who was going to school to beat a new path of stability for her family.
Move ahead 7 years. . . Fired from her 5th job as a nurse because of drug tests coming back "dirty". Here we go again, borrowing money to pay her bills late, getting evicted from their 7th place, 4 cars repossessed, 2 bank accounts closed, kids video games and bikes coming up missing, moving back in with my parents (yes, the whole family of 5 for the 3rd time), stealing food and anything "pawnable" from my house and my parents house, and the list goes on.

Hiding her track marks with an ace bandage and the excuse of pulling a ligament in her arm while moving a patient from one bed to another. Picking her face to shreds and losing 45 lbs in less than 4 months. Coming over to my house to "borrow" gas money and cigarette money from my 16 year old son. Making my father scrape together change to give her, so she could buy milk for the baby. All the while the loser husband sits at home and sucks up the AC and lays down the law.
Now here we are, she finally gets busted. Stolen prescription pads from various doctors offices, filling them out and "cashing them in". 3 Walgreens in less than 2 hours. BUSTED! Cops handcuff her and arrest her for 3 counts of drug trafficking. Oxycotin. Same thing she had been shooting in her arm for the past year. $50,000.00 Bond. My entire family is tapped out with helping her financially, mentally, and emotionally.

Oh yeah, let's not forget the 3 children laying eyes to it all. Thank God not the Walgreens incident. They were at the house waiting on her to bring back lunch. 4 hours later, the 17 year old figures out that something is very wrong.
My dad has to go pick up his truck, as he had loaned it to her so she could get to work and get the kids to school ( her car was repo'ed AGAIN).

I now have the 3 kids, along with my 2. Who would have thought at the age of 36 I would have 5 children. 17, 17, 11, 4 and 4. I love them with all of my heart and soul. I feel for these kids every day. I die inside when the little one asks where Mommy is, when the 11 year old falls apart and can't even speak, and the 17 year old laughs and calls himself a nomad because he is numb to it all (on the surface).

This is their safe place. It's always been a real home to them. My husband works 7 days a week now to pay for the extra groceries, lunch money, field trips, weekend fun, school clothes and supplies, etc. With the economy the way it is. . .well, I just don't know. I am honestly scared of disappointing these kids. I was laid off from my job, and now pick up gigs here and there so I can be home for them.

All my sister cares about is getting out. "When am I getting out of here, I don't want to be here. Why can't my family who is supposed to love me get the bail money together?" She is in the best place right now. For all of us.
I am angry, sad, worried, stressed, exhausted,and strangely, seeing the kids happy and knowing they do not have to see their mom stick needles in her arms anymore, relieved. Now we have to deal with the loser dead-beat dad trying to lay down his laws while we raise his kids. I am tempted to call the cops and let them go get him for the warrant he has out for his arrest. People tell me that could be a horrible thing to have to explain to the girls. So, add one more to my list of emotions. . . confused.

I just want them to be free of all the pain and let down that their lives have been consumed with. We want to give them back what was taken from them. Trust. So, where do I go from here?:praying

Well - it's not the first time and it IS with the same woman, who is also an alcoholic. He'd sworn up and down that he wasn't interested in her at all and he'd been drunk, etc. It's sure easy to blame alcohol for everything that goes wrong - isn't it?

Anyway - we'd split for a time when he met her and that would have been legit, except he hung onto me (his enabler) the whole time, and I couldn't really get rid of him completely because we owned a house together (I know not an excuse - but I needed him to be on board to at least try to help me sell, and he spent a lot of time trying to talk me out of it - which meant that I didn't get his support).

Found out that when I was getting together with a friend on Friday night - he decided to go out to the country to visit friends overnight. Well - he never left the city and spent all night until 4 the next afternoon with her. He's such a good liar that his lies were down to the last minute detail, but he'd left the computer on his mail passed out and I saw a message from her, which read that she was confused because he's told her that he loves her and was supposed to call her on Sunday, which he didn't and she knows NOTHING about me (he's such a good liar). He's been stringing her down the garden path as well ... but always blames his actions on the alcohol.

I freaked on him. It was the last straw. I woke him up out of a sound drunken sleep to confront him and he was still lying, even though I had the evidence, calling me insane, etc. I didn't sleep all night and today told him that was it! I wanted him out or I was leaving - although neither of us have anywhere to go, so it was moot. I was adamant though and held my ground. I told him never to touch me again, etc.

THEN - HE WENT TO REGISTER FOR REHAB TODAY - for the very first time. He's NEVER sought ANY help in all of the 13 years we've been together, although I've given him the information many times. He has an appointment for an assessment in a couple of weeks and is on call if there is a cancelation sooner. He said they told him I could join him for the consultation. Honestly, I told him that I wasn't sure I even cared enough to help with that and at the time I said it, I really meant it (but I feel myself softening a little).

Obviously, it took THIS nasty incident to happen in order for me to react firmly, and his worry of finally losing me for him to take the step. It's a HUGE step in the right direction (especially for the man who said he NEVER needed help with anything), but I'm feeling - too little - too late.

There is ZERO, ZILCH, NADA trust here. I wanted so badly to ditch him, and yet here I am just going with the flow ... I wish I had the courage of my convictions! Why should I have to put up with the abuse a second longer? He pleaded with me to give him 6 months.

I've had anxiety practically my entire life. I'm a 21 year old college student and I've been on and off meds and seeing a therapist since I was 15. I'm currently on a low dosage of xanax and wellbutrin(I've been taking both forever, and haven't changed my meds recently), although I would like to get off the wellbutrin.
I have been seeing a great therapist for the past four years. I feel like she helped me more than any drug. But recently I've become incredibly frustrated. Last semester(the fall semester) I was diagnosed with some form of meniere's disease(which gives you crazy vertigo, but I've got it under control pretty well) and all my anxiety came back. I stuck the semester out and got good grades, kept up with my social life, etc. I'm living at home for the first time in 2 years. I kind of made up some bs excuse to my parents about being "burnt out," but the truth is that I have become terrified to go anywhere. Don't get me wrong, I do go places. I force myself too. But the classroom, restaurants, stores, you name it, they all freak me out. I feel that old feeling of panic like I have to *bolt* right then and there. For example, if I go to the grocery store I'm incredibly tempted to drop my stuff and run out. My breathing gets shallow and I feel dizzy.
My therapist says that I'm making process because the "old me" would have bolted. However, if these symptoms of anxiety have been persisting for months and getting worse, I don't feel like I'm "getting better." This is extremely frustrating, as I'm sure so many of you know.
I didn't really admit to myself how anxious I've been and how bad I'm feeling until a couple of days ago. I'm trying not be hard on myself for moving back home and cutting back on some school clubs etc, but I am disappointed in myself. I start classes tomorrow and although I am psyched about what I'm taking I'm so afraid of getting dizzy.
My questions are... do you think my therapist is right? and what do you do to treat that "I have to bolt" feeling(not a panic attack, per se, just anxiety when you feel trapped).
thanks! and my sincere, freaking *love* goes out to the rest of you with anxiety. I usually go about four months free from it(heaven!) and then it comes back to bite me.

I have recently separated (again...) from my alcoholic girlfriend - moved back to my hometown. She was not the only reason for this, work was finishing up and I missed my family, my mates and so on. What I want to know is this...

In retrospect, many of the things she said to me over the past few months have now made me think that she 100% wants to stop, but now cannot - as opposed to still *wanting* to drink. I say this after listening to the AA Big Book the other night and Bill W. talks about reaching the point where he DOES want to stop, but cannot - of course without the help of a higher power.

Prior to this last incident, she had been attending AA and was very proactive in starting her recovery. So it makes me wonder. Is she just feeding me more excuses or what? The last month or so she slipped about once a week, but a lot of this talk did not come immediately after the event - much later when we were just talking together.

Her mother is on the scene again, who is also an alcoholic. These two together are like the devil incarnate squared. I truly believe her mother does not help her situation at all. My girlfriend is also a double winner, very co-dependant - especially with her mother. And so, she does not want to *abandon* her.

Of course this could be an excuse (and sounds like one...) I know this isn't *really* mine to solve, but hers. It's just that if I can still be there as at least ONE person who is there to listen and offer encouragement, then I'd like to be. Then again, she could be full of sh*t and that really scares me. She had said a lot of things that nobody has prompted her to believe in the past and if it's all just another lie, then she's headed further away and not closer to recovery - from one extreme to another. Well, she IS still drinking as far as I know. So maybe I have my answer...

Any views on this? Obviously there is not definite answer, but some thoughts would help.

And I guess the proof IS in the pudding...

I am back to day one after a four night binge from Christmas Eve to last night. My booze brain snuck back up on me "I hate that". I have been a problem drinker since my teens. The last ten years consistenly would go to work, come home and proceed to drink 6-10 units and do it all over again the next night. Then my dad passed away two years ago at the age of 55 and my drinking got worse.

However, one day about six months ago I told myself thats it. I went 34 days without a single drop and then relapsed. I wasn't drinking every day as I use to, but was trying to convince myself I could try and restrict it. It was working *sort of* still drinking too much when drinking, but not every night. Then came holidays from work & I made an excuse to go on a binge again. That lasted five days and I awoke on day six and said time to go sober again.

That sober period lasted 39 days. Relapsed and the same pattern has emerged again. I'm thinking that I am going to have to resign to the fact that total abstinence is the key to figuring my problems out.

Anyways, i'm glad I stumbled onto this site. It may prove to be useful to talk to others in the struggle. Merry belated x-mas and happy new years.

I am newly wed, my husband always had dislikes against drinking. I have always enjoyed drinking. My typical way of drinking has been, have 2 glasses of wine as I cook and have dinner (I am a big foodie and love the combination of good drink with good food) about 5 days a week. I drink more if we go to friend's party etc, which is probably less than once a month.

He says he doesn't like me drinking because I get slow (vs. witty) and less attentitive toward him and gets emotional. He always had different "reasons" why he dislikes me drinking (one of them used to be that I may cheat on him while I am drunk, at the early dating stage, so I was allowed to drink only when he was around, even at home! He finally understant I am not the cheater, he doesn't say that anymore)

I feel I can drink less frequently, so I recently agreed on drinking just weekends and special occassions. He was supposed to be happy with that, but he is still unhappy and says he doesn't want to be around me if I drink.
I have never been told by anybody (parents, my teeage kids and close friends etc) that I am unpleasant when I drink, rather fun to be around.

He wants me to quit drinking completely and he thinks I can never do so
because he thinks I am an addict. I know I can totally quite (I have done so with past pregnancies and nursing etc). But I don't feel it is necessary other than the fact that I can prove to him that I can quit, which seems to me, the wrong motivation. To me, cutting back to weekends seems like a good plan.
I feel since my wine with good food is something I would call "hobby" it will elminate my eating fun too (BTW I dont have any health problem either, stay fit), he says I am making excuse since I can't quite.... What should I do?

Thank you all! I have been lurking since I decided to change my drinking habits 4 days ago! The stories have helped me through the really tough hours!

I am 25 and have been improving my drinking habits since the age of 21, when my husband and I were really bad--- splitting a jug of scotch some nights :( Now I just really like wine and we got it down to only a couple drinks most nights. However, it was EVERY DAY and got to be costly, both financially and physically. Rare was the day when the BEAST didn't strike after work...and it seemed any excuse to have "just one" was enough. Even though we were drinking a lot less (many nights within manageable limits), it became harder and harder to turn down additional drinks, or to abstain all together. We have never been in any trouble, but I have started to feel like trouble was on the horizon. Then came the wake-up call...went to a friends' house and observed the behavior of his real crazy alcoholic friend. That sunk in big-time, and I stewed about it over my last drinks (4 that night). The next morning, 4 days ago I was hung over and realized around 8 PM that I hadn't had a drink even though it was our day off. I went with it...hubby offered a beer and I said no. He seemed happy and ready for a change as well. That night I battled the usual shakes and anxiety, as well as belly pain. Starting day 2, I felt fine, and feel better today come day 4! I can already see my complexion clearing, and I have more energy! The diahrrea seems to be my biggest withdrawl symptom, and that is abating as well...

I realize after days of non-drink that it was much more the habits we got into than the alcohol itself. We went out to Olive Garden (too expensive with drinks, so we usually don't go there) on day 2 as a treat, and had no problem turning down a free wine tasting!! Last night we went to hubby's bro's house, where we usually drink, and were offered beer but decided not to. Nobody said boo, and we had a great time! It's not like we would have any problem with a beer (I NEVER drink more than 1-2 beers...filling but tasty), but we already made a commitment and set which days this season we could drink... Christmas and New Years! Funny, I'm not even concerned or waiting around for those days... and I know its because this is the right time for us to be adults and be more responsible. Also, on the first day sober I read about AVRT, and everything just made sense. And I have identified my danger/habit time...if I just resist the urge for that immediate unwind, and do something else, EAT instead, or take a shower...well, the craving magically vanishes! I really think working in a bar in my early youth set me up to learn bad habits as a drinker...but now I feel powerful and in-control! We have already dropped the more unsavory drinky acquaintances, and don't go to parties, so that's not an issue for us. For a long time we won't be going to bars or the usual after-work haunts, but try new places where the habits are absent. Seems to work so far. Don't feel the need for meetings...the fam and friends know we are abstaining completely, at least for the time being. Always been the type to get things done on my own, and hubby on my side doesn't hurt :) Some education and reading personal experiences has brought me around, and I can't thank you guys enough!

Peace and Love this holiday season! It will be my best in years!!!!!