Drug Rehab Options Blog

I'm posting this here because I'm hoping to get some insight from people that have gone through a family member being an alcoholic and how they deal with it. I am an alcoholic with one year sobriety, and I LOVE and honor and cherish my sobriety deeply, yet I am having an issue with my father. Now that I've been sober a year, I'm learning how to stand up for myself and not hide from everyone, to express myself and not be embarrassed for being me, because I think that had a lot to do with why I started drinking in the first place. Recently, when I started standing up to my dad about things I didn't agree with, he has become angrier and angrier with me (I pretty much let him tell me what to do and think the entire two years that I drank). Two weeks ago, when we got into a disagreement, he started yelling that the only reason I was disagreeing with him was because I'm a drunk and was probably drinking again. I was so hurt, but I remained calm and just figured I'd let things pass. He has no reason to think I am drinking at all, so I just thought it was said in anger. It's been two weeks now that he hasn't spoken to me, he won't return my phone calls, and when my two boys have called them (which are their only grandsons), they tell them they won't see them as long as I'm around. It's almost my birthday and Christmas, and I am so deeply hurt and angry. I would like some insight. I know I put them through a lot when I was drinking, but I'm doing everything I'm supposed to do now, and they choose now to tear our family apart. It's very hard to understand.

Well this is a good thing for me tonight. Here it is after 2:30am been coding, working my butt off all day on the sites. I have been sick but am feeling much better. I have a issue that I have had to deal with most of my life and it is even harder to express how you are saying things more so on the Internet than it is in person. The reason is really no one knows the tone in which you are sitting there typing. EVEN WITH CAPS that doesn't mean that I was yelling there although most automatically think that you are.

So my issue is, I try to reply or to maybe even go as far as to explain something that someone might be missing. Than, I read a response to what I said, and feel as if I hurt someones feelings, or maybe even lost another friend. I have lost so many through the Internet, held on to a few, and haven't had any issues with others. So when I end up hurting someone, than I start to retreat into my shell. I leave, basically, run....run from the issue at hand. Once I can deal with it I do try to go back and see what can be done. Heck there might be a few people even here that they will end up reading this and think that it is about them LMBO

The point is I guess, I feel as if maybe my services on the Internet are finished. I have worked very hard for about 1 1/2 years now, not knowing anything when I started, and basically have trained myself to everything that I know (which isn't much) but there comes a time when you have to know when it is time to let go. I am not saying that I should, want to, that isn't the case! I love what I have done, whom I have helped, and for those who have helped me so much in learning patience, tolerance and love. It is just to the point that I am not sure if I can do anything creative, anything that could make a difference. I have given my all and yet it seems as if I continue to fall.

OK probably not making any sense.

Thanks for listening

Is there a topic? LMBO

First of all - I think it's been over a year since I told my AH I wanted a divorce and then short thereafter found out about his porn and opiate addiction.

Wow!

What a year it has been! I have been so fortunate to have such a supportive village - because, at least in my case, it has taken this village to get me sanely thru this process (no snickers from the peanut gallery on the "sane" comment - thank you very much!)

I thought I'd take a moment to reflect on some of the things I have learned so far, which all of you have taken a part in the teaching of to me. After my therapy session today, I had to acknowledge "out loud" that I have come further than I thought I had.

I have learned, that while I accept my responsibility for how long I allowed my AH's behavior to affect me when I knew it was unacceptable, it is OK to blame, scream, point, overthink at times, etc., so long as it got me to acceptance and peace.

I have learned that I no longer simply believe everything someone (anyone) tells me and to try to twist and make what I know to be reality fit into theirs. I also no longer feel the need to try to get them to admit reality. I can now listen, nod and go on my way - knowing what I know.

I have learned that it's OK to be vulnerable.

I have learned that I am a good, kind, pretty (enough) person - inside and out.

I have learned that I have something to give back.

I have learned to express an opinion on something I feel strongly about without the need to attack, belittle or be validated.

These are but a few of the lessons in just over 12 mos. I have learned. I think you all should give yourselves a pat on the back, because you are all wonderful instructors!

I have put most all of the things above into practice (not by trying, but automatically) this past week. Yep, it's been in my bones - WOW, I couldn't believe it!


I'm proud and happy to be part of this group. I am grateful for my husband's addiction (not in a mean way). Without that, I wouldn't be here - and I can't imagine that any longer. The blessings that have come to me along this journey, I have tried to count along the way and express it, but it continues to amaze me. I wouldn't change a thing. Not one hurt, not one lesson. If I did, I wouldn't know you.

Thank you - for those of you ahead of me on this journey, I look to you for continued guidance. For those of you behind me on this journey, hang on tight - you're in a great place and you will get there before you know it, just keep walking the walk - one baby-step at a time!


:ghug :a194:

Hello my name is Cassandra. New here. Looking for answers. My ex BF and father of my children is (I believe) addicted to percocet and in my heart feel that he is now doing other things. He was prescribed the perks almost 2 years ago for a back problem which is now fixed because of surgery. He is 5 months out and I really had started pushing him to go to rehab.

There were times where he was taking 20 pills a day at 15mg a pill. This seriously worried me. I then began to suspect he was snorting the pills. I have just found and seen things that dont add up. Did I catch him ever? No, but like I said things just didnt add up.

So over the last 9 months or so he began to change and I mean drastically. I first thought it was depression because he couldnt work and this injury was workmans comp and they were fighting him and blah blah. But it just got worse. He lost his sex drive. His desire to spend time with me and the kids and just basically sat in front of the TV.

Well like I said I had been pushing him to go to rehab ALOT. Last week I found a test message that he had bought 2 bags of something for 40 bucks a piece. This money came out of our rent money. I found out and kicked him out. He has been gone a week and I really think he is still using, on a vacation and its really starting to make me think my family is broken and beyond repair. THIS IS NOT THE SAME MAN!!! I cant express that enough.

So he is staying with his sister and apparently she is pressuring him to go to rehab because in the last few days he has talked about going to inpatient rehab. But he has been saying alot of crazy stuff lately. He is forgetful, sweaty all the time, sometimes confused, sometimes falls asleep in mid conversation and other times just down right mean.

This man loved his kids so much and now he doesnt even call to say goodnight to them. That is why I know something is up because he just would never have done that before.

So my question is has the drugs changed him mentally so much so that he will be this way forever? Do drugs change you so much that you are never able to get back to who you used to be? He used to have a problem with cocaine/crack a few years ago that is why I suspect he is using something else also but he swears up and down that he isnt and then even makes me feel bad for even suggesting he would do that.

Any help in understanding the nature of this beast would be very helpful. Have I lost this man for good? It seems like he just doesnt give a crap about us anymore.
Thanks

Grrr....

I don't understand. My A and I haven't really been talking lately. Well today - completely random - I get a text that says " I need to quit drinking. I'm f*cked up."

Me - "What'd you do now?"

A - "Nothing. I'm just out of control, broke, no gas, and scared of where I'm headed."

Me - "Well then it looks like you have some choices you need to make for yourself"

A - "I just don't know what to do."

Me - "Yes you do."

Some more back and forth I said - "Why don't you try one weekend without drinking? I will keep you company as long as you're sober."

He replies with "I doubt that I can. It's f*cked up, I wish I could quit dirnking but I don't want to NOT drink."

Me - "Well that's your choice. You have a lot to lose ya know. Sometimes need and want are two different things and we all gotta grow up sometime and do what we NEED to do."

A - "I know."

:chatter

AHHH!!! I am sure I didn't say all the right things. I didn't come to ask what I should have said or done. I want to know WHY THE HELL DO A'S EXPRESS THIS OVER AND OVER AND OVER AND OVER BUT NEVER EVEN GIVE AN OUNCE OF EFFORT?


If they "know" where their life is headed, or if they "know" what they NEED to do - why can't they get help - or just don't frickin tell me about it when no action will be taken!!!! CHOOSE YOUR LIFE AND KNOW THAT YOU CHOSE IT! That's what I want to scream at him! Don't whine about it - YOU can choose to change YOUR life. I can't so don't come to me crying about it!

Ugh. Sorry. Just angry. Obviously sad - because as much as I would like to "help" I know I can't, and I know I won't. It isn't my job - it's his. I wish I could engrave that into his mind.

Thanks for listening....

September 10

“We learn that a simple, loving hug can make all the difference in the world...”

Perhaps there have been times in our recovery when we were close to someone who was in great pain. We struggled with the question, “What can I do to make them feel better?” We felt anxious and inadequate to relieve their suffering We wished we had more experience to share. We didn’t know what to say.

But sometimes life deals wounds that canÂ’t be eased by even the most heartfelt words. Words can never express all we mean when our deepest feelings of compassion are involved. Language is inadequate to reach a wounded soul, as only the touch of a loving Higher Power can heal an injury to the spirit.

When those we love are grieving, simply being present is perhaps the most compassionate contribution we can offer. We can rest assured that a loving Higher Power is working hard at healing the spirit; our only responsibility is to be there. Our presence, a loving hug, and a sympathetic ear will surely express the depth of our feelings, and do more to reach the heart of a human being in pain than mere words ever could.


Just for today: I will offer my presence, a hug, and a sympathetic ear to someone I love.



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