Archive for the ‘Extent’ tag
Hi to all!! Back with son’s addiction
Hi everybody! I've thought about you all often and it's good to know that this awesome forum is still going and offering help/advice/support to those that need it.
When I first came on here in 2004, it was my xabf and a year of turmoil there. But, through Al Anon and all of you, that relationship ended a long time ago.
It's my son who will be 30yrs old this year...that has the drinking addiction. He got two DUI's back-to-back in 2007 and needed a lawyer. The laws have gotten alot stricter here in CO, as they should be.
I retained a lawyer for him and my as (alcoholic son) just did in house arrest for the month of Dec. for the one DUI and now he's in jail today for a bit for the 2nd one.
The whole time he was on house arrest, he was still drinking. I'd go visit him and see him on the holidays and he was still using. So, house arrest didn't do much for him because he was still "running' while on it.
In jail, he'll have to be sober and also his PO will be taking random breathilizers and putting a device on his vehicle to blow into before driving.
He has HUNDREDS of community service, fines and classes. He has no job, he's gotten fired from each one. He's homeless because everywhere he lived, he didn't pay rent.
On house arrest, he stayed with his Dad and during that time stold his Dad's credit cards and booked flights for his gf's and other things...ran up thousands of $ on his dad's cards. It just seems like his addiction is getting worse and worse, he lies constantly. He's very sensitive to talk to...if one thing is said that he doesn't like...he jumps on you verbally.
He's just filled with pain...his uncle/best friend, died of a cocaine accidental overdose on Christmas 2005 and my son knew his uncle did some drugs, but not to the extent that he was. My AS was the last person with his uncle the night before he died and so my AS has been feeling guilty ever since. He constantly runs and needs people's acceptance.
My fear is for when he gets out of jail....where will he go? What will he do? Will he finally see after years and years of drinking that it's JUST NOT WORTH IT?
I'm scared for him because of the fact that he continues to keep the cycle going.
I ask for your prayers for him...this is gonna take alot to get him to FINALLY hit that bottom and want back up.
Thank you and I hope all of your holidays were blessed!:praying
When I first came on here in 2004, it was my xabf and a year of turmoil there. But, through Al Anon and all of you, that relationship ended a long time ago.
It's my son who will be 30yrs old this year...that has the drinking addiction. He got two DUI's back-to-back in 2007 and needed a lawyer. The laws have gotten alot stricter here in CO, as they should be.
I retained a lawyer for him and my as (alcoholic son) just did in house arrest for the month of Dec. for the one DUI and now he's in jail today for a bit for the 2nd one.
The whole time he was on house arrest, he was still drinking. I'd go visit him and see him on the holidays and he was still using. So, house arrest didn't do much for him because he was still "running' while on it.
In jail, he'll have to be sober and also his PO will be taking random breathilizers and putting a device on his vehicle to blow into before driving.
He has HUNDREDS of community service, fines and classes. He has no job, he's gotten fired from each one. He's homeless because everywhere he lived, he didn't pay rent.
On house arrest, he stayed with his Dad and during that time stold his Dad's credit cards and booked flights for his gf's and other things...ran up thousands of $ on his dad's cards. It just seems like his addiction is getting worse and worse, he lies constantly. He's very sensitive to talk to...if one thing is said that he doesn't like...he jumps on you verbally.
He's just filled with pain...his uncle/best friend, died of a cocaine accidental overdose on Christmas 2005 and my son knew his uncle did some drugs, but not to the extent that he was. My AS was the last person with his uncle the night before he died and so my AS has been feeling guilty ever since. He constantly runs and needs people's acceptance.
My fear is for when he gets out of jail....where will he go? What will he do? Will he finally see after years and years of drinking that it's JUST NOT WORTH IT?
I'm scared for him because of the fact that he continues to keep the cycle going.
I ask for your prayers for him...this is gonna take alot to get him to FINALLY hit that bottom and want back up.
Thank you and I hope all of your holidays were blessed!:praying
JFT January 1
January 1
Vigilance
?We keep what we have only with vigilance...?
Basic Text, p. 60
????=????
How do we remain vigilant about our recovery? First, by realizing that we have a disease we will always have. No matter how long we?ve been clean, no matter how much better our lives have become, no matter what the extent of our spiritual healing, we are still addicts. Our disease waits patiently, ready to spring the trap if we give it the opportunity.
Vigilance is daily accomplishment. We strive to be constantly alert and ready to deal with signs of trouble. Not that we should live in irrational fear that something horrible will possess us if we drop our guard for an instant; we just take normal precautions. Daily prayer, regular meeting attendance, and choosing not to compromise spiritual principles for the easier way are acts of vigilance. We take inventory as necessary, share with others whenever we are asked, and carefully nurture our recovery. Above all, we stay aware!
We have a daily reprieve from our addiction as long as we remain vigilant. Each day, we carry the principles of recovery into all we do, and each night, we thank our Higher Power for another day clean.
????=????
Just for today: I will be vigilant, doing everything necessary to guard my recovery.
Vigilance
?We keep what we have only with vigilance...?
Basic Text, p. 60
????=????
How do we remain vigilant about our recovery? First, by realizing that we have a disease we will always have. No matter how long we?ve been clean, no matter how much better our lives have become, no matter what the extent of our spiritual healing, we are still addicts. Our disease waits patiently, ready to spring the trap if we give it the opportunity.
Vigilance is daily accomplishment. We strive to be constantly alert and ready to deal with signs of trouble. Not that we should live in irrational fear that something horrible will possess us if we drop our guard for an instant; we just take normal precautions. Daily prayer, regular meeting attendance, and choosing not to compromise spiritual principles for the easier way are acts of vigilance. We take inventory as necessary, share with others whenever we are asked, and carefully nurture our recovery. Above all, we stay aware!
We have a daily reprieve from our addiction as long as we remain vigilant. Each day, we carry the principles of recovery into all we do, and each night, we thank our Higher Power for another day clean.
????=????
Just for today: I will be vigilant, doing everything necessary to guard my recovery.
Trying to give up again
Back here again for some help and support in giving up. The Christmas period has seen me drinking a huge volume of alcohol, mostly on my own. I have started drinking as soon as I get up.
I have been diagnosed with anxiety, which is made worse by the drinking. The worst time is first thing in the morning, hence the morning drinking. I feel anxious as soon as I wake up, sometimes to the extent of having a panic attack. I also have a lot of anger and insomnia, both of which are helped by medication, zyprexa (olanzapine).
I can't keep doing this to myself anymore, but I find it so hard to give up. Even though I know the alcohol is killing me I still want to drink. I think rehab would be very helpful for me.
I have been to the AA but I didn't like it. I don't like the references to God and I don't like the assumption that I need a higher power to resolve my alcohol problem. I believe that I hold the power in myself to give up.
Today I've made a huge step in not drinking so far. Just need to make it through to the end of the day, then then end of tomorrow, etc!
I'm feeling scared and lonely. Thanks for reading.
I have been diagnosed with anxiety, which is made worse by the drinking. The worst time is first thing in the morning, hence the morning drinking. I feel anxious as soon as I wake up, sometimes to the extent of having a panic attack. I also have a lot of anger and insomnia, both of which are helped by medication, zyprexa (olanzapine).
I can't keep doing this to myself anymore, but I find it so hard to give up. Even though I know the alcohol is killing me I still want to drink. I think rehab would be very helpful for me.
I have been to the AA but I didn't like it. I don't like the references to God and I don't like the assumption that I need a higher power to resolve my alcohol problem. I believe that I hold the power in myself to give up.
Today I've made a huge step in not drinking so far. Just need to make it through to the end of the day, then then end of tomorrow, etc!
I'm feeling scared and lonely. Thanks for reading.
Last Night Was Scary
Wow, last evening at my dad's house. This is the first year I have been "outside looking in", so to speak. And it has been a whole new perspective, to say the least. I never realized how much the Christmas Eve festivities revolve around alcohol and feeling good. S---, that's all they talked about.
They don't know I am living a sober life because I am not ready to tell them. I am not as close to my dad's side of the fam. My parents divorced when I was 6.
Now, alcohol was never my drug of choice. I never craved it, because I always craved something else. It made me sick at my stomach too, to get drunk. Didn't "need" it.
I am not judging this side of my family. They are good people. But this new perspective was scary. My half brother had this bottle of pure grain, and I told him I didn't want any. He kept insisting that I have a little. Again, I said I was ok. Alcohol was everywhere, family bragging and making fun of each other for different drunken occasions. I felt so out of place this year.
But what surprised me and scared me is that I actually wanted to drink REALLY bad. I am now realizing the extent of how anything is a slippery slope for me now. Because I don't have my old standby of getting high, coming down, and falling asleep, forgetting about everything and avoiding everything. So alcohol sounded real good last night.
This is so hard, because I am dealing with alot of paranoia about myself. I need to be living today. And today I am doing that a little better than yesterday. Actually did a couple meetings last night, and visited with my significant other who I am working things out with day by day. Not forcing anything, and that is hard too. But I am 18 days sober. Yes!
Can I somehow be an alcoholic who hardly ever drank too?
They don't know I am living a sober life because I am not ready to tell them. I am not as close to my dad's side of the fam. My parents divorced when I was 6.
Now, alcohol was never my drug of choice. I never craved it, because I always craved something else. It made me sick at my stomach too, to get drunk. Didn't "need" it.
I am not judging this side of my family. They are good people. But this new perspective was scary. My half brother had this bottle of pure grain, and I told him I didn't want any. He kept insisting that I have a little. Again, I said I was ok. Alcohol was everywhere, family bragging and making fun of each other for different drunken occasions. I felt so out of place this year.
But what surprised me and scared me is that I actually wanted to drink REALLY bad. I am now realizing the extent of how anything is a slippery slope for me now. Because I don't have my old standby of getting high, coming down, and falling asleep, forgetting about everything and avoiding everything. So alcohol sounded real good last night.
This is so hard, because I am dealing with alot of paranoia about myself. I need to be living today. And today I am doing that a little better than yesterday. Actually did a couple meetings last night, and visited with my significant other who I am working things out with day by day. Not forcing anything, and that is hard too. But I am 18 days sober. Yes!
Can I somehow be an alcoholic who hardly ever drank too?
Unable to Drink Moderately
"For those who are unable to drink moderately the question is how to stop altogether. We are assuming, of course, that the reader desires to stop. Whether such a person can quit upon a non-spiritual basis depends somewhat upon the strength of his character, and how much he really wants to be done with it. But even more will it depend upon the extent to which he has already lost the power to choose whether he will drink or not. Many of us felt that we had plenty of character. There was a tremendous urge to cease forever. Yet we found it impossible. This is the baffling feature of alcoholism as we know it - this utter inability to leave it alone, no matter how great the necessity or the wish."
new here but do I really want it bad enough?
Hi everyone,
I've been reading posts on here for quite some time, but finally decided to join today. Ok, so I have a question. What if you know you need to stop drinking, you realize it's a problem, but you're not quite at the point of wanting it enough to stop?? That's where I'm at right now. I know I'm an alcoholic. No one is really hurt by it except me. I usually just drink at home. My husband's job has moved us 1000's of miles away from both of our families, so no one knows the extent of my drinking. We have no children, & my husband travels a lot for his job. Right now he's been away from home for a couple weeks & won't be home for a few more days. We both drink, but he has no idea how much I drink when he's not around. I've read it many times on here before that you have to want to stop more than you want to continue drinking, but I don't think I'm there yet. I don't want to be judged on this website. I just need people to talk to to help get me to that point. I want to be honest that I'm still drinking. I guess I just want to know, how do you get to the point where you REALLY want to stop??? I really just want to be able to talk to people & post until I get to that point, so please don't judge me that I haven't stopped yet. Thanks for listening.
I've been reading posts on here for quite some time, but finally decided to join today. Ok, so I have a question. What if you know you need to stop drinking, you realize it's a problem, but you're not quite at the point of wanting it enough to stop?? That's where I'm at right now. I know I'm an alcoholic. No one is really hurt by it except me. I usually just drink at home. My husband's job has moved us 1000's of miles away from both of our families, so no one knows the extent of my drinking. We have no children, & my husband travels a lot for his job. Right now he's been away from home for a couple weeks & won't be home for a few more days. We both drink, but he has no idea how much I drink when he's not around. I've read it many times on here before that you have to want to stop more than you want to continue drinking, but I don't think I'm there yet. I don't want to be judged on this website. I just need people to talk to to help get me to that point. I want to be honest that I'm still drinking. I guess I just want to know, how do you get to the point where you REALLY want to stop??? I really just want to be able to talk to people & post until I get to that point, so please don't judge me that I haven't stopped yet. Thanks for listening.
Fear of Change & Having a social life while sober
Sorry everyone, this is kind of a two-for-one here.
I think one of the biggest blocks to my staying sober (as of a year ago, I have not been able to stay sober longer than two weeks, before that it was much shorter) was fear of having a new life.
I've had one foot in A.A. and the other foot out for the last two years.
I've been too afraid to fully climb aboard A.A. because I feared it would be boring, sterile and bland. I'm afraid of the stigma of being part of a 'cult'.
I don't know how to socialize with people while sober.
I have held back telling my friends (or the ones I have left- who all drink to excess) that I can't go out with them anymore (and to do *anything* with them is to go out and drink). The rare times I have gone out with them and not drink, they're practically in convulsions by the end because they're jonesing to go to a bar.
I can't go on Myspace or Facebook anymore because everyone of my friend's status says something to the extent of 'I'm going out to a bar'. Sometimes just even seeing these people faces makes me want to drink because of the association.
I live in a town where pretty much the only fun for people is go out to a bar.
Even during the monthly Art Walk (where you get to go to all the Museum's in the city for free) there is complimentary wine (my drink of choice) EVERYWHERE.
It seems with everything that's fun to do here, there is some element of alcohol present. Nice restaurant? = HUGE wine list!
And I have not yet mastered being able to go to a bar or other situation where there is drinking and not drink. I've tried and I've done it before but I usually end up being bored, having a panic attack or giving in to the first drink.
But I need to socialize!
The only other option is to completely surrender myself to A.A.
I have issues with going to meetings all the time. I have issues with going to the meetings at night because I feel really amped up afterwards and can;t sleep from the coffee or have alot of my mind. Many of the night meetings are in area's I don't feel safe or have alot of horny young guys which I find irritating and distracting and they seem to be the only ones who will talk to me!
The morning and afternoon meetings are great, but by the time evening rolls around, I'm bored and I simply forget that I'm trying to quit drinking.
I know what the answer to this is, is to call people in A.A. and see if they want to do something, but it's been alot of my experience that they're too busy or untrusting of me because I can't seem to get thirty days together.
I lost a dear friend in A.A. over my constant relapses, and there seems to be this wariness of newcomer's, though I totally understand.
I can't just sit at home alone in front of my computer every night.
Does anyone have any suggestions for what they did for fun in early sobriety?
Thanks alot!
I think one of the biggest blocks to my staying sober (as of a year ago, I have not been able to stay sober longer than two weeks, before that it was much shorter) was fear of having a new life.
I've had one foot in A.A. and the other foot out for the last two years.
I've been too afraid to fully climb aboard A.A. because I feared it would be boring, sterile and bland. I'm afraid of the stigma of being part of a 'cult'.
I don't know how to socialize with people while sober.
I have held back telling my friends (or the ones I have left- who all drink to excess) that I can't go out with them anymore (and to do *anything* with them is to go out and drink). The rare times I have gone out with them and not drink, they're practically in convulsions by the end because they're jonesing to go to a bar.
I can't go on Myspace or Facebook anymore because everyone of my friend's status says something to the extent of 'I'm going out to a bar'. Sometimes just even seeing these people faces makes me want to drink because of the association.
I live in a town where pretty much the only fun for people is go out to a bar.
Even during the monthly Art Walk (where you get to go to all the Museum's in the city for free) there is complimentary wine (my drink of choice) EVERYWHERE.
It seems with everything that's fun to do here, there is some element of alcohol present. Nice restaurant? = HUGE wine list!
And I have not yet mastered being able to go to a bar or other situation where there is drinking and not drink. I've tried and I've done it before but I usually end up being bored, having a panic attack or giving in to the first drink.
But I need to socialize!
The only other option is to completely surrender myself to A.A.
I have issues with going to meetings all the time. I have issues with going to the meetings at night because I feel really amped up afterwards and can;t sleep from the coffee or have alot of my mind. Many of the night meetings are in area's I don't feel safe or have alot of horny young guys which I find irritating and distracting and they seem to be the only ones who will talk to me!
The morning and afternoon meetings are great, but by the time evening rolls around, I'm bored and I simply forget that I'm trying to quit drinking.
I know what the answer to this is, is to call people in A.A. and see if they want to do something, but it's been alot of my experience that they're too busy or untrusting of me because I can't seem to get thirty days together.
I lost a dear friend in A.A. over my constant relapses, and there seems to be this wariness of newcomer's, though I totally understand.
I can't just sit at home alone in front of my computer every night.
Does anyone have any suggestions for what they did for fun in early sobriety?
Thanks alot!
A little blue.
I am really stuck in a place that I want so badly out of, I am considering options again that are deemed unacceptable. I have a low stress threshhold. All I can do is stay in bed or watch television, asking myself why on earth people do the things they do. And what my damage is. And why I'm so absolutely unnoticable and have nothing to offer. Apparently, I'm good for people to use and blame. That's the extent of it. I want out.
Dinner date with a zombie…oh how I hurt.
Just needed to vent a little tonight, Hope someone has some words of wisdom, comfort, or empathy of sorts... because I feel so alone.
I have been doing relativly well, praticing my detatchment. Had a bad weekend with my abf- and when he told me how aweful I am, I bought into it. I believed all weekend that he was right and i wasn't "fun" anymore, when he looked at me and said "what happend to you? I used to love meeting you out, now I sit on pins and needles everytime you walk in a room"... "even my friends wonder how I put up with you"
For the record,his friends are partyers as he is, and the ones who aren't don't know the extent of his addiction. He is well known, and everyone thinks hes just a great, hardworking, SOCIABLE, guy who is the life in every party/room/function, that we attend.
SOOOOOO, after buying into his b.s.... I decided that I would be "nice" girlfriend- that utimatly means letting him do his thing. and just be sooo happy when he decides to show up for our relationship.
He went out with his friends mon and tue night. Last night (while high and happy) he called and said he felt guilty, that he should be out with me having dinner. Said he would take me and my son out tonight(wed).
As usual, (back in the old dynamic again) I sat here happily waiting for my crumbs from him. He showed up an hour late and grumpy. My son and I - estatic for some quailty time jumped in the car and headed out to dinner with him.
There he sat. Quitet, empty, boreing, a shell of a human being. I TRIED to be "fun" I tried to make us laugh- I tried to have a "good time" with him tonight- like the good time I knew he had last night with his friends....
after all- last night he was laughing and joking on the phone with me while he was out, he was so loving. My old boyfriend.
Not tonight. Not for us. Know why.... I bet you all do, and I do as well. Because his best friend wasn't swimming around his nervous system. Mr. Oxycodone wasn't at the table with us. And I am sad. So very sad. I know the man I love was physically at that table.... that was it.
So so so sad. I cry right now as I type. I know I need to say goodbye to the man I love, he is downstairs on the couch right now. But I don't want to. I want my love to come back. I don't want to believe he's gone...
Don't want to.
I am sorry, I feel like a stubborn child kicking and screaming inside. I'm sorry my post is so darn long.... I'm just crushed inside. It hurts beyond words.
Thank you for listening.
Cessy
I have been doing relativly well, praticing my detatchment. Had a bad weekend with my abf- and when he told me how aweful I am, I bought into it. I believed all weekend that he was right and i wasn't "fun" anymore, when he looked at me and said "what happend to you? I used to love meeting you out, now I sit on pins and needles everytime you walk in a room"... "even my friends wonder how I put up with you"
For the record,his friends are partyers as he is, and the ones who aren't don't know the extent of his addiction. He is well known, and everyone thinks hes just a great, hardworking, SOCIABLE, guy who is the life in every party/room/function, that we attend.
SOOOOOO, after buying into his b.s.... I decided that I would be "nice" girlfriend- that utimatly means letting him do his thing. and just be sooo happy when he decides to show up for our relationship.
He went out with his friends mon and tue night. Last night (while high and happy) he called and said he felt guilty, that he should be out with me having dinner. Said he would take me and my son out tonight(wed).
As usual, (back in the old dynamic again) I sat here happily waiting for my crumbs from him. He showed up an hour late and grumpy. My son and I - estatic for some quailty time jumped in the car and headed out to dinner with him.
There he sat. Quitet, empty, boreing, a shell of a human being. I TRIED to be "fun" I tried to make us laugh- I tried to have a "good time" with him tonight- like the good time I knew he had last night with his friends....
after all- last night he was laughing and joking on the phone with me while he was out, he was so loving. My old boyfriend.
Not tonight. Not for us. Know why.... I bet you all do, and I do as well. Because his best friend wasn't swimming around his nervous system. Mr. Oxycodone wasn't at the table with us. And I am sad. So very sad. I know the man I love was physically at that table.... that was it.
So so so sad. I cry right now as I type. I know I need to say goodbye to the man I love, he is downstairs on the couch right now. But I don't want to. I want my love to come back. I don't want to believe he's gone...
Don't want to.
I am sorry, I feel like a stubborn child kicking and screaming inside. I'm sorry my post is so darn long.... I'm just crushed inside. It hurts beyond words.
Thank you for listening.
Cessy
alcohol, depression, counselling and medication
Hi
I wanted to strart this post as I have been drinking all my adult life (now 37). I went to AA, counselling, and tried to deal with alcoholism myself too unsuccessfully. I was always depressed about what i thought was the drinking.
2 months ago i decided it might be time to start thinking about how to end my life as it really was not living anymore and i could not get any better. At this point i decided i would have one more shot at it and went to a counseller.
I've been going for 2 times a week ever since and have been sober with no real hard cravings like when i tried to give up myself. I think in some way it has helped me to be told that i have been self medicating using alcohol to either in some part deal with the anxiety/depression/social anxiety and to some extent the issues i have with myself, which i am addressing now and will continue to do so at counselling.
I was prescribed anti-depressants (seroxat or paxil as it is known in the states), anatabuse and an anti anxiety pill for the weeks coming off booze.
I want to start this thread as i wanted to get some feedback on the above and also wanted to discuss users questions about my road to recovery which has, and i know will be now, successful. Fears on medication etc.
I would never have really considered what i have done to get to being able to sit here happy and posting in a sane frame of mind, post away please:-)
I wanted to strart this post as I have been drinking all my adult life (now 37). I went to AA, counselling, and tried to deal with alcoholism myself too unsuccessfully. I was always depressed about what i thought was the drinking.
2 months ago i decided it might be time to start thinking about how to end my life as it really was not living anymore and i could not get any better. At this point i decided i would have one more shot at it and went to a counseller.
I've been going for 2 times a week ever since and have been sober with no real hard cravings like when i tried to give up myself. I think in some way it has helped me to be told that i have been self medicating using alcohol to either in some part deal with the anxiety/depression/social anxiety and to some extent the issues i have with myself, which i am addressing now and will continue to do so at counselling.
I was prescribed anti-depressants (seroxat or paxil as it is known in the states), anatabuse and an anti anxiety pill for the weeks coming off booze.
I want to start this thread as i wanted to get some feedback on the above and also wanted to discuss users questions about my road to recovery which has, and i know will be now, successful. Fears on medication etc.
I would never have really considered what i have done to get to being able to sit here happy and posting in a sane frame of mind, post away please:-)
