Drug Rehab Options Blog

December led me straight into the bottle after almost having 30 days. Actually my addiction did. I don't know what happened, it happened so fast and before I knew it I was on a downhill spiral that led to a near overdose... twice. I had letters written of when I'm gone and my body was giving out. I woke up though. Hated waking up. Had to drink and drink to not feel or think but the thoughts kept coming.

Don't know how all this happened. Was working a ligit job, my massage business was taking off, presents were bought, Christmas was in the air and then I picked up and it was all over. Was able to maintain for a Christmas celebration on the 23rd and worked the next two days, then I was off and running, shutting my phones off, quitting my job and getting beligerent to the point of babbling. My heart feels an emptiness, no not really. It is filled with that tremendous feeling of failure, pain and horrific despair. This is my first day with no alcohol and the pills have been emptied.

I need help and don't know where to reach out except here for now. Please lend some support and understanding cuz I know most of you have been there.

Thank you!
Nickishine:a108:

Hi I am new and relapsed after approx 20 yrs of recovery.

I was bulimarexic before I got married. When I became pregnant and then married, I stopped cold turkey and never looked back. I guess I felt loved and a sense of responsibility to my baby and husband and self.

I got divorced - then a few relationships later, the last one to a demeaning addict, I ended up bulimic again.

This relationship ruined me on so many levels. I got counseling and went to Naranon but it hasnt stopped this rollercoaster of feeling like an unloveable failure.

The addict contacted one of my ex bfs who was abusive to me and decided it would be fun to terrorize me via emails and practical jokes. Part of the reason I ended the relationship is the immaturity of both of them.

I feel really bad about myself and feel hungry a lot. But even when i am not hungry i am angry at what a failure I am. i dont want to date or go out with friends anymore. After my marriage ended things got worse for me. I suffer from depression and anxiety but was doing well until I dated the addict. I started to get sick along with his illness. I had to get out of it.

I find myself angry so much now. I feel like a loser and useless and unloved. I wish I never got divorced seeing the kind of dating scene out there now. I dont even feel like trying anymore.

Counseling really didnt help - I tried but the two exes wouldnt stop harassing me and I felt more and more useless and hated. How could two adult men find joy in this? It worked. I wish they would leave me alone.

Please help me. I am so afraid.

Hey, y'all.

So, I'm leaving on Thursday for a weekend trip to Buffalo/Niagara Falls, NY.I'll be there from Thursday evening till Sunday morning, and I'll be with two girl friends.

They don't know that I don't drink any more. They both do drink (like normal people).

I am 97% confident that I will be able to say no when I'm with them. It's the 3% I'm worried about. I would be lying if I didn't say that there is a little voice in my head telling me not to tell either one of them before I get there just so I don't close that door too soon.

God, I feel ashamed just typing this. I've typed and deleted a couple of sentences 3 times now. I think I need to put this out there so that I can deal with it and move on, if that makes sense. But wow... it's harder than I thought it would be.

One of these girls is a very dear friend of mine. I could tell her I simply don't drink anymore, or I could tell her the complete truth about WHY I don't drink anymore. She wouldn't judge me, she would listen, and she would be fine with it. She also wouldn't pressure me (I really don't believe she would) if I just left it at "I quit". The other girl is a friend but not someone I've gotten incredibly close to or comfortable with yet. I would simply tell her that I don't drink anymore and let that be that. I've been thinking about telling them both before I get up there just so they know right off the bat that I won't be drinking with them. Just today I asked if we had any plans for Saturday other than seeing Niagara Falls and one's response was, "Get drunk? :)" I started an email and then deleted it. Why?

Because part of my brain/addiction wants to cling to the belief that if they don't know and I drink then it doesn't count. I am already giving myself excuses to cheat. I am setting myself up for failure.

I just hit 90 days, and 91 days ago I never would have believed it. Why am I plotting and planning how to sneak around and cheat, and how on earth am I convincing myself that it won't count?!

Again I ask you wonderful people - WTF is WRONG with me!?

totally baffled with the realization I could not stop drinking no matter what I had tried on my own. I thought alcohol was the only thing keeping me together. I figured I could use some psyciatric help and did go to an intervention with suicide hotline, but I knew nothing of AA and had no clue about alcoholism and when they suggested I may need AA I scoffed at them and kept trying to fix myself. One last attempt and one last failure. Totally demoralized. Standing at work and the words came out of my mouth "I cant
stop drinking". A friend heard me and I ended up in an AA meeting that night and haven't had a drink since (it was no easy task for me I assure you)

In tears and after a couple of beers, he told me over the phone last night, that he has a problem. He said it's so clear when he's been drinking, but when he's sober he just wants to put the blame on everyone else. He's embarrassed and in disbelief he's even spoken those words. It's hard for him to understand (and me too) and he's confused. I said something about AA, but immediately he's worried about people finding out. He feels like a loser, a failure, ect. He said he misses me and needs my support. (He really wants me to come back home. He thinks that it would be extra motivation for him. I don't think it's a wise idea.) My question is, what do I do next? How do I support him? I don't want to push AA down his throat. I suggested I come over and we do dinner some evenings....just to take his mind off of doing other things and for us to spend time together. I just don't want to ruin this breakthrough.

For the first time in my life I have realized that I need help. I am a young and recent college grad who has a very strong sense of self and have always felt "different." I have realized and that realization has come like a slap in the face, that my feeling "different" is actually me being codependent. I have started researching and reading so much on this and it is truly unbelievable how much I can apply to my own life. I have learned time and time again about this concept of "codependency," but not once ever applied it to my own life. Now that I have I feel like I am so much more aware of it and myself, but what do I do? I am for the first time in my life single and ALONE. After dating many young alcoholics and feeling a failure after ending the relationships, I am finally realizing this pattern that I have created and even how it all started. I definitely don't want any relationship (especially with another alcoholic) as my last 4 year relationship ended just this October. I have a very complicated story and don't want to share all of it quite yet, but I guess I just need some guidance because I go from sort of being able to enjoy myself, to rage that I don't know where it comes from, to a sadness that takes over my whole body to obsessing over everything that is beyond my control. I am seeing a therapist for some insights and an objective point of view and I am also planning to attend Al Anon meetings ASAP. I feel like I am on the right path but just feel so alone, isolated, angry and sick and tired of being sick and tired of the effects of alcoholism and how it has affected my life and those I care about so profoundly. HELP!!!

An addict is an addict way before he/she ever makes the first contact with a drug or alcohol. Addiction only is a symptom of a difference in brain chemical make up.

In all of my years of dealing with addictions and knowing so many good people who are addicts I find that addicts are the most intelligent, creative, and sensitive of the whole population. Without them life would not be as beautiful or colorful. Unfortunately the treatments implemented for them does not help a very large number of them. I think taking a look at the stats on addiction will show that recovery success rates are low.

I think it is terrible that so many people end up in jail because they have not been able to get a handle on their addictive behaviors. What if society decided that having cancer, heart disease, kidney disease or any other serious condition needed to be treated with prison confinement? People would be outraged and we as addicts and the loved ones of addict ought to be outraged as well....

I believe that main factor in recovery success or failure is being grossly over looked. The brain of an addict is different from the very beginning of their life. When they do make contact with a substance or behavior that raises the levels that are less in their brain this begins the cycle.

Unfortunately the drive to make contact with the addictive substance or behavior is unconscience in the addict.

Fortunately recovery can happen when a person caught up in the symptom of addictive behaviors are trained to recognize these differences and are taught how to deal with it and how to accept and be conscience of drives that happen on a sub conscience level.

After an addict goes through detox and their bodies have recovered they are over half way home.

The limbic brain of a person with addictive behavior problems has a different balance in their brain than other people. This difference does not have to be medicated. The person with the problem needs to be informed of this difference.

Raising the levels of certain neuro-transmitters with chemically reproduced neuro-transmitters serves as a temporary solution with harmful side effects that can affect devastating change on the personality of the individual especially in younger people. This is not the solution.

I know there are many dedicated health care professionals working with individuals with addictions. That is to be commended. Still they are treating the symptom rather than the cause. They are doing the same thing over and over expecting a different result. Addiction is not a disease it is a symptom of a difference in the limbic brain.

Thank you for reading this.

Hi,

Not an addict.....then an addict....then not an addict again. Confused?.... Me too.

Something very strange happened to me as a teenager and I would like to share it with you here.

When I was 14, I got put into a long term drug rehabilitation program called "Kids Helping Kids". I didn't have a drug problem or alcohol problem but my parents were manipulated by this program and told that I was a drug addict and alcoholic due to my bad behavior. This program was horrible and I had to admit to being an addict to progress. I was psychologically broken over the course of several months before I progressed to 2nd phase. I won't go into detail about what they did to me in there but it was illegal and it was child abuse. It was systematic psychological torture.

Well, I don't exactly know what happened but I eventually admitted to being a drug addict and believed it (although I actually never had any drug problems). I am guessing I was brainwashed and other people I was in there with have suggested the same thing. I graduated this program and worked there thinking I was an addict and attended AA meetings religiously out of fear of relapse. I was then 16.

I eventually left the "program" and had no support. I eventually started smoking, and then drinking and at one point I didn't even care what drugs I was doing, who I was fighting or who I was having sex with. It was chaotic. I believed I was a loser addict and would die without the program that ostracized me.

One day I just realized that I needed to stop going to jail and clean my life up. I stopped all of the bad behavior and much to my amazement realized that I didn't have a drug or alcohol problem at all. I remembered life before the program and being a normal teenager. It was amazing to not be afraid of relapse, that was such a big concern for me and after I drank that first time after the program, I felt like a failure and felt even worse so I drank more thinking I was a screwup. I cleaned my life up, quit smoking and by then I was 19.

Today I am much older and I don't drink, smoke cigarrettes or use any drugs. I just don't need to. I keep away from these things because they are unhealthy. I am now 36.

I wanted to get a response as to what people think about teenagers being brainwashed into thinking they are addicts inside these rehabilitation programs. I personally saw non-addict kids brainwashed and subsequently broken by the program I was in, and I have heard these rehabs are all over the country now. I am very concerned that this is still happening and what those of you in recovery think about these practices. Are you aware that these types of programs exist?

It took me several years to realize that I had been brainwashed and that I wasn't an addict. I only realized the full spectrum of what was done to me about a year ago.

For some, they seemed to adhere to what they were indoctrinated with in the "program" and became super-addicts, almost like they were addicted to the lifestyle of the addict. In this program, following program doctrine meant a position of power over other kids. This was a position where you had COMPLETE control over other kids lives. When I was on my upper phases as an "oldcomer" I wielded an authority not allowed in our society. The things I could do to others would have been considered human rights violations on the "outside", mainstream world.

I have read that most of the type of drug rehabilitation programs like the one I was in are all of the STRAIGHT INC. type which has been classified as a cult. one program I am aware of that still uses these methods is called "Pathway Family Center". What does anyone think about this?

Coming from the perspective of understanding addiction and recovery, is this known about? Has this been talked about before? I believe the abuse we endured in the "program" led many kids to become addicts. Isn't that an ironic thing, a drug rehab hurting kids in their mind so they hate themselves and become addicts?

Last night was hell. I knew I couldn't drink because of taking Antabuse. I had a very busy day of head & house cleaning and thought with only a couple days sobriety I could wear myself out physically to finally be able to sleep. Laid in that bed and my mind was spinning and my body couldn't relax. Couldn't focus even on one thought except what a waste my life has amounted to. Self loathing and memories (many of them) of being a failure and not being able to follow through with continuity in my life. The broken relationships and the time lost from boozing it up --- everything negative ran ramped in my mind. I don't know if I'll ever feel good about myself when I can't even face myself in the mirror -- really seeing me. I know the facades and wear them well but inside I am screaming!!! The pretty face that used to turn heads is now hard to even lift and look someone in the eye. I want this to get better but it seems like a nightmare that will never go away. I know you've felt this way too. Please share with me some of your thoughts and experiences so I feel "This Too Shall Pass"....

Another thing.... I just started on this website -- found it by accident. I'm having a hard time navigating through this thing!!! Is there anyone who can give me some step by step directions??? Am I allowed to post my e-mail address and get a someone's phone #??? Probably not. If you can help please let me know! Thanks!:skillet

Thanks SR friends- I'm on day 38 alcohol free! However, I thought I'd be feeling all fine and dandy and instead my worries creep up on me. I fear so much for my health. The statistics are just dismal. I'm so ashamed of having been such a heavy drinker for so long and I fear what could very well happen years down the road even after abstinence. I feel like a failure as a female. I used to have some self respect- now I can't believe how low I let myself sink and what ridiculous decisions I made. I thought as long as one didn't have any apparent health problems, abstinence was a sure route to a happy, healthy life. But things can get back to you according to my internet research. It's scarier being a woman! I was under such delusion while drinking, the whole "Nothing can happento me" frame of mind, and thinking I'd already been through so much tha nothing else could be worse. I also wanted someone to notice and tell me to stop. How screwy is that? I may be extra stressed because someone really put me through the ringer for a few weeks emotionally, lying and the whole bit to get what they wanted. At least I have a quiet living space for the time being. I am a downer today, sorry!