Archive for the ‘Family And Friends’ tag
Newbie, 1/4/09 first day free of alcohol.
Hi, I'm 22 and have been drinking since the age of 17ish. It wasn't a problem then (most b/c of access) - I would get drunk once in a while and have a good time.
I began drinking very heavily in June - about a 6-8 drinking session every afternoon on an empty stomach (I would only eat one big meal a day to cap off my last drink). This was the first time I started to lose control and realize that it was a problem. If I tried not to drink for a day, I would get this overwhelming fatigue and fog in my mind and body.
I think I'm an alcoholic b/c I have zero sense of control. I would say to myself, "ok, just a 24oz today" at 5pm. And by 11pm, after 8 or so drinks and 3 trips to the store later, I would just crash out and forget everything the next morning.
I've also tried to make alot of excuses for my drinking behavior, blaming others, blaming things beyond my control - but never looking inward. This has hurt my family and friends (on top of me generally acting like an ass while drunk). This is not limited to alcohol as I have an addictive personality generally, whether it was illicit drugs in my youth, or prescribed pharmeceuticals, I just don't have any control with regards to psychoactive substances.
I had 11 drinks last night and I felt the urge again today at 4pm before I stumbled onto this website. I read enough that I felt myself prepared to make this commitment; the posts also illustrated how difficult the quitting process and life without alcohol can be. I really want to "nip this in the bud" before my drinking problem gets out of hand. This is after realizing that I can never become a "social drinker" - it's either alcohol free or a pathetic drunk.
This site is a wonderful resource and I look forward to sharing my experiences (and hearing yours). Happy abstaining!
I began drinking very heavily in June - about a 6-8 drinking session every afternoon on an empty stomach (I would only eat one big meal a day to cap off my last drink). This was the first time I started to lose control and realize that it was a problem. If I tried not to drink for a day, I would get this overwhelming fatigue and fog in my mind and body.
I think I'm an alcoholic b/c I have zero sense of control. I would say to myself, "ok, just a 24oz today" at 5pm. And by 11pm, after 8 or so drinks and 3 trips to the store later, I would just crash out and forget everything the next morning.
I've also tried to make alot of excuses for my drinking behavior, blaming others, blaming things beyond my control - but never looking inward. This has hurt my family and friends (on top of me generally acting like an ass while drunk). This is not limited to alcohol as I have an addictive personality generally, whether it was illicit drugs in my youth, or prescribed pharmeceuticals, I just don't have any control with regards to psychoactive substances.
I had 11 drinks last night and I felt the urge again today at 4pm before I stumbled onto this website. I read enough that I felt myself prepared to make this commitment; the posts also illustrated how difficult the quitting process and life without alcohol can be. I really want to "nip this in the bud" before my drinking problem gets out of hand. This is after realizing that I can never become a "social drinker" - it's either alcohol free or a pathetic drunk.
This site is a wonderful resource and I look forward to sharing my experiences (and hearing yours). Happy abstaining!
Heading in the right direction
:nyxSo once again it has been a few weeks since I last posted. Maybe a little longer, not quite sure. The last time I wrote to you, I let you know that instead of being an effected other, an enabler and a major co-dependent, I was writing to you as an addict.
About nine months ago, I fell in love with a drug addict. His DOC was painkillers. When I met him, he was on the suboxone program. He abused the suboxone, would run out early and use in between refills. Somehow, his doctor kept giving him more chances. I think he really wanted to see him succeed.
Well, in September, I couldn?t handle the addiction anymore. The obsessing and constantly worrying if he was going to kill himself was literally killing me. I ended up trying to kill myself. That was a huge wake up for me?..but?.obviously not a strong enough wake up.
The end of October we found an adorable house to rent together. Approximately a week after moving in, he asked to go buy some cocaine. My thought was, hey, go ahead. As long as I know what you are doing. Then I made the dumb mistake of asking to try it. That was all it took. I ended up getting very addicted to cocaine. I fell very far behind on all of my bills, our relationship was going down the drain, I pawned all of my beautiful jewelry, I lost myself and to top it off??I lost the most important person in my life. I lost my daughter. And to think, I even stayed with him after to try to get him clean?.STILL!!!
Well, with the help of a very special friend on SR, my family and my very understanding ex-husband, I?ve turned around and am heading in the right direction again.
By taking some very good advice, I was able to stop using cocaine. I never thought I would be able to but I?m realizing that I?m a lot stronger than I give myself credit for.
I FINALLY left my addict boyfriend. I think that was harder than anything. I loved him so much and still do but I also realize with the help of my therapist, family and friends that my love for him was more of an addiction. So?.because of that, I have to treat him like a recovering addict would treat drugs?..stay FAR AWAY!!!!! I have no contact with him now and everyday is getting better.
What I am most excited about is that I have my beautiful little girl back. I?m still learning again to be the Mom that I once was. It is going to take time to rebuild our relationship and for her to trust me completely?..to trust that I will be there for her.
And now, I?ve joined a gym and am looking to not just get clean from drugs but to improve my overall mental and physical well being. I have so much life to look forward to and I don?t want to wait around to find it just passed me by.
So, I know this was quite lengthy but I just wanted to update you all and say thank you so much for your endless support, your encouragement and your wisdom. I am so grateful that I stumbled on this site back in July. I have found so much good advice, met great friends and learned a lot about addiction.
Well, part of being healthy is getting a good night?s sleep so I am headed to bed. Thanks again everyone! Talk soon
Hugs,
About nine months ago, I fell in love with a drug addict. His DOC was painkillers. When I met him, he was on the suboxone program. He abused the suboxone, would run out early and use in between refills. Somehow, his doctor kept giving him more chances. I think he really wanted to see him succeed.
Well, in September, I couldn?t handle the addiction anymore. The obsessing and constantly worrying if he was going to kill himself was literally killing me. I ended up trying to kill myself. That was a huge wake up for me?..but?.obviously not a strong enough wake up.
The end of October we found an adorable house to rent together. Approximately a week after moving in, he asked to go buy some cocaine. My thought was, hey, go ahead. As long as I know what you are doing. Then I made the dumb mistake of asking to try it. That was all it took. I ended up getting very addicted to cocaine. I fell very far behind on all of my bills, our relationship was going down the drain, I pawned all of my beautiful jewelry, I lost myself and to top it off??I lost the most important person in my life. I lost my daughter. And to think, I even stayed with him after to try to get him clean?.STILL!!!
Well, with the help of a very special friend on SR, my family and my very understanding ex-husband, I?ve turned around and am heading in the right direction again.
By taking some very good advice, I was able to stop using cocaine. I never thought I would be able to but I?m realizing that I?m a lot stronger than I give myself credit for.
I FINALLY left my addict boyfriend. I think that was harder than anything. I loved him so much and still do but I also realize with the help of my therapist, family and friends that my love for him was more of an addiction. So?.because of that, I have to treat him like a recovering addict would treat drugs?..stay FAR AWAY!!!!! I have no contact with him now and everyday is getting better.
What I am most excited about is that I have my beautiful little girl back. I?m still learning again to be the Mom that I once was. It is going to take time to rebuild our relationship and for her to trust me completely?..to trust that I will be there for her.
And now, I?ve joined a gym and am looking to not just get clean from drugs but to improve my overall mental and physical well being. I have so much life to look forward to and I don?t want to wait around to find it just passed me by.
So, I know this was quite lengthy but I just wanted to update you all and say thank you so much for your endless support, your encouragement and your wisdom. I am so grateful that I stumbled on this site back in July. I have found so much good advice, met great friends and learned a lot about addiction.
Well, part of being healthy is getting a good night?s sleep so I am headed to bed. Thanks again everyone! Talk soon
Hugs,
Ex-Boyfriend Alcoholic
I broke up with my boyfriend. We were close to talking marriage, etc. I realized he had a problem, he said he sometimes has a problem. I dumped him hard, broke contact off completely, I went to a shrink and I am continuing this. He is now seeing a psychiatrist and opened up to me and told me about his abuse as a child, every possible kind. He is getting help. We aren't seeing each other until the Spring. We both have hope, but I don't know if I am just being niave about this. He wants to change, he has told all of his family and friends that he is an alcoholic and he is not drinking now. I am going to my first Al-Anon meeting in a few minutes. We write letters in postal mail only to communicate now. My therapist says I could wait for him, but I might resent him. There is a lot of hurt, I don't know I guess I'll go to this meeting and see what it is all about. Thanks.
(((((((To Everyone)))))))))
It is indeed a blessing to be able to share my journey with all of you and receive your unconditional love, acceptance, experience, strength, and hope. I know I promised to update you and I will, but I ended up in e.r. last night with a nasty case of bronchitis (I really gotta quit smoking). BUT..
I wanted to share this with you. I was just thinking the other day how absolutely perfect my life would be if only Hammer and Rarly would come back to the forums to share with me these things...and here is Hammer! I missed you so much brother! And welcome to you Squid, you will find lots of support and love here in this forum and on this whole site. You can do it my brother!
I have had the most peaceful, happiest CHRISTmas I can remember in a really long time, and have had the opportunity to witness many of the promises come true for both myself and my new family and friends. Children returned, parents brought back into their adult children's lives...it goes on and on. Yeah, the e.r. sucked, but the drunk in the next room screaming about wanting his i.v. out and his wife trying to calm him down made me think once again, there but for the Grace of God go I.
I am truly happy and at peace about EVERYTHING. I don't worry much anymore, except for other people. I don't pray for myself anymore except for clarity, discernment, and that His grace and mercy be enough for me (borrowed from Toad :). I pray for others, especially those that I feel have hurt me somehow. I will soon learn how to figure out what my part in the situation is/was. I've forgiven my husband, but will no longer allow him to guilt or manipulate me. He moved in with his girlfriend yesterday. I pray that he will someday find what he is looking for, but I realize now that it is not my battle.
That said, I need to get some rest. I am going to go cuddle up with Daniel the dog and once again dream sweet dreams.
I want to thank you all from the bottom of my heart. You all will never know how grateful I am for all that you have said and done for me. I hope that I am able to pay it forward someday. And I WILL keep coming back.
I love you guys!
Annie
I wanted to share this with you. I was just thinking the other day how absolutely perfect my life would be if only Hammer and Rarly would come back to the forums to share with me these things...and here is Hammer! I missed you so much brother! And welcome to you Squid, you will find lots of support and love here in this forum and on this whole site. You can do it my brother!
I have had the most peaceful, happiest CHRISTmas I can remember in a really long time, and have had the opportunity to witness many of the promises come true for both myself and my new family and friends. Children returned, parents brought back into their adult children's lives...it goes on and on. Yeah, the e.r. sucked, but the drunk in the next room screaming about wanting his i.v. out and his wife trying to calm him down made me think once again, there but for the Grace of God go I.
I am truly happy and at peace about EVERYTHING. I don't worry much anymore, except for other people. I don't pray for myself anymore except for clarity, discernment, and that His grace and mercy be enough for me (borrowed from Toad :). I pray for others, especially those that I feel have hurt me somehow. I will soon learn how to figure out what my part in the situation is/was. I've forgiven my husband, but will no longer allow him to guilt or manipulate me. He moved in with his girlfriend yesterday. I pray that he will someday find what he is looking for, but I realize now that it is not my battle.
That said, I need to get some rest. I am going to go cuddle up with Daniel the dog and once again dream sweet dreams.
I want to thank you all from the bottom of my heart. You all will never know how grateful I am for all that you have said and done for me. I hope that I am able to pay it forward someday. And I WILL keep coming back.
I love you guys!
Annie
Off on holiday… Merry Christmas everyone
Hi guys, day 17 for me today, and all is going well thanks to this site, your wonderful support and the support I have from my lovely family and friends, I am very very grateful to everyone, more than I can even put into words.
Well everyone here is very excited, we are off on holiday for a week today, out to a lovely wee isolated country cottage. There is no T.V, phone or computer. It will be just us, the 3 girls and our golden retriever.
We will spend the week in the spa pool, fishing, eeling and playing croquet, badminton, and picnicing etc..... We have lots of good music packed to boogie to with the girls and a ton of really yummy food and non alcoholic drink.
This is going to be my first sober christmas in years and I am so excited about it.
I wish you all a stress free, and very happy christmas and I pray your hearts are filled with hope and peace, and you have a wonderfull time with those you love.
:Xmascb
Well everyone here is very excited, we are off on holiday for a week today, out to a lovely wee isolated country cottage. There is no T.V, phone or computer. It will be just us, the 3 girls and our golden retriever.
We will spend the week in the spa pool, fishing, eeling and playing croquet, badminton, and picnicing etc..... We have lots of good music packed to boogie to with the girls and a ton of really yummy food and non alcoholic drink.
This is going to be my first sober christmas in years and I am so excited about it.
I wish you all a stress free, and very happy christmas and I pray your hearts are filled with hope and peace, and you have a wonderfull time with those you love.
:Xmascb
Important-Please Read
This is from our SR Policy Forum
Sober Recovery is a forum for those recovering from alcohol and substance abuse addictions and help for family and friends whos lives have been affected by someone else's addiction. Although we care about everyone and all the issues our members struggle with we feel that some topics can cause damage to those who are trying to recover on our forums. Posts with serious suicide threats, details of sexual abuse, and details of sexual addiction are many times too much of a trigger for some of our members and can trigger a relapse in recovery. General discussions are welcome.
We will remove posts at our discretion that contain triggering content. Please do not take this as rejection. It is our way of protecting everyone here. If you are in crisis please call your physician, visit a hospital emergency room of call a hotline.
USA NATIONAL Suicide & Crisis Hotlines - When You Feel You Can't Go On... Call a Suicide Hotline. / SuicideHotlines.com - Direction for immediate crisis intervention for the gravely suicidal & treatment for major clinical suicidal depression
Sober Recovery is a forum for those recovering from alcohol and substance abuse addictions and help for family and friends whos lives have been affected by someone else's addiction. Although we care about everyone and all the issues our members struggle with we feel that some topics can cause damage to those who are trying to recover on our forums. Posts with serious suicide threats, details of sexual abuse, and details of sexual addiction are many times too much of a trigger for some of our members and can trigger a relapse in recovery. General discussions are welcome.
We will remove posts at our discretion that contain triggering content. Please do not take this as rejection. It is our way of protecting everyone here. If you are in crisis please call your physician, visit a hospital emergency room of call a hotline.
USA NATIONAL Suicide & Crisis Hotlines - When You Feel You Can't Go On... Call a Suicide Hotline. / SuicideHotlines.com - Direction for immediate crisis intervention for the gravely suicidal & treatment for major clinical suicidal depression
Doing so well…Until today
Hello All,
I posted last week explaining that my alcoholic partner had left me after a hard 5 years, we have a baby together and since his alcoholic Father has come into a lot of money (7 weeks ago now) he has stopped contacting me about mine and her wellbeing, left the family home, us, his car, his job and not turned up for several meetings with her (though I wanted to see him too) arranged through his Sister, when we have spoken he's told me several times that it's over, accept it and that he doesn't love me anymore, though this I am finding so very very difficult to accept because before his fathers Money he did really appear to love me and her and I really know that he did despite all the difficulties his lifestyle gave us.
You all gave me tremendous words of support and I had a great weekend with my family and friends really feling one step closer to finding normal again.
Anyhow, felt the need to write becasue today I feel dreadful. My best friend was out in our local pub and then on to a nightclub last night and he was out seemingly having the time of his life, she is very honest with me and simply said that he was drunk (obviously) but quite content and full of fun and didn't even ask her how either of us were (she was always a good family friend so I find this just plain odd).
I now feel a mix of things, 1. All the sadness and missing him has resurfaced and I just want to call his sisters phone to even be able to talk to him though I know he will just want me off the phone and I'll feel even worse at the end. 2.Jealousy I guess that others are still able to spend happy times with him but we are not as he finds it too problematic. 3. Anger, whilst he hasn't contributed a penny to her in 7 weeks - all my household bills are the same and I'm struggling and cold he is able to go to expensive nightclubs without even a thought.
So these are my questions if any of you can help again-
How do I get over all this again? And do you think he really, really doesn't love me so much he can't even bear to see me or speak to me and his baby daughter who he seemed to adore. Does any part of him miss me? and if it does would he even recognise it after 7 weeks of solid heavy drinking?
I know how I'm coming across and I know the answer, that I need to concentrate on me, which I was feeling I was doing but obviously that must have been false because I'm right back where I was 7 weeks ago today, I think the tablets for depression are working and it'd good not to have the angst of living with a drunk but the yearning and emptiness that his leaving has left behind today, feels worse than all of the disaster and chaos we had when he was there.
So sorry for bleating on again, but this has been a lifeline for me, you are all so wise and kind. x
I posted last week explaining that my alcoholic partner had left me after a hard 5 years, we have a baby together and since his alcoholic Father has come into a lot of money (7 weeks ago now) he has stopped contacting me about mine and her wellbeing, left the family home, us, his car, his job and not turned up for several meetings with her (though I wanted to see him too) arranged through his Sister, when we have spoken he's told me several times that it's over, accept it and that he doesn't love me anymore, though this I am finding so very very difficult to accept because before his fathers Money he did really appear to love me and her and I really know that he did despite all the difficulties his lifestyle gave us.
You all gave me tremendous words of support and I had a great weekend with my family and friends really feling one step closer to finding normal again.
Anyhow, felt the need to write becasue today I feel dreadful. My best friend was out in our local pub and then on to a nightclub last night and he was out seemingly having the time of his life, she is very honest with me and simply said that he was drunk (obviously) but quite content and full of fun and didn't even ask her how either of us were (she was always a good family friend so I find this just plain odd).
I now feel a mix of things, 1. All the sadness and missing him has resurfaced and I just want to call his sisters phone to even be able to talk to him though I know he will just want me off the phone and I'll feel even worse at the end. 2.Jealousy I guess that others are still able to spend happy times with him but we are not as he finds it too problematic. 3. Anger, whilst he hasn't contributed a penny to her in 7 weeks - all my household bills are the same and I'm struggling and cold he is able to go to expensive nightclubs without even a thought.
So these are my questions if any of you can help again-
How do I get over all this again? And do you think he really, really doesn't love me so much he can't even bear to see me or speak to me and his baby daughter who he seemed to adore. Does any part of him miss me? and if it does would he even recognise it after 7 weeks of solid heavy drinking?
I know how I'm coming across and I know the answer, that I need to concentrate on me, which I was feeling I was doing but obviously that must have been false because I'm right back where I was 7 weeks ago today, I think the tablets for depression are working and it'd good not to have the angst of living with a drunk but the yearning and emptiness that his leaving has left behind today, feels worse than all of the disaster and chaos we had when he was there.
So sorry for bleating on again, but this has been a lifeline for me, you are all so wise and kind. x
I’m not crossing the street
I have been on my side of the street for a while now and I know it is healthy to detach and live my own life and let the A find their own way, give them the dignity to be who they are etc...
One thing that I find frustrating is when someone else scoops them up and helps them dig their grave.
I stick to NC (except for one weird situation in over a year of NC where he called me crying about wanting to kill himself)
I know I enabled him in the past and I have learned ways not to do that again if I ever find myself in similar situations with family and friends.
It just makes me sad to think that it doesn't matter either way to the person I detached from. He has the perfect enabler and will probably never get well. I know it's not my business. I know it is his choice to stay where he is and live the life he is living. Just feeling a little sad about that.
One thing that I find frustrating is when someone else scoops them up and helps them dig their grave.
I stick to NC (except for one weird situation in over a year of NC where he called me crying about wanting to kill himself)
I know I enabled him in the past and I have learned ways not to do that again if I ever find myself in similar situations with family and friends.
It just makes me sad to think that it doesn't matter either way to the person I detached from. He has the perfect enabler and will probably never get well. I know it's not my business. I know it is his choice to stay where he is and live the life he is living. Just feeling a little sad about that.
My emotions are all over the place. This is a nasy ride and I want off!!!!!!!!
Hi all and Happy Thanksgiving to all my SR family and friends.
In my last post I was angry at myself and at AH.
Today, I'm sad. Crying again and I don't even know what about, if that makes any sense. Maybe it's because it's holiday time and I didn't plan on going it alone again this year. With no family or close friends near by it makes this time of year very lonely and sad for me. I am going to dinner with a coworker who didn't have anyone to spend the day with and then I'm supposed to work 7pm to 7am. But, I got a call tonight that the census was low on my floor and I will most likely be put on call. UGH!! Work brings me peace of mind. I'm able to help others who are sick and stuck in the hospital and that makes me feel good and helps me to appreciate the good things in my life. I miss my family and friends back home but not the snow they've gotten lol!! This is my DANGER ZONE. I've been doing good with the no contact rule but when I get to feeling abandoned and alone is when I start to want to hear his voice. But, it's weird because I have FINALLY accepted him for who his is and not who I want him to be and I know if I do talk to him it's just lies and more lies. It's like it's a bad habit. I cleaned my little heart out today then took a nap. It was supposed to be a nap but ended up a 5hr nap. So now I'll be up all night. I've tried to sit down and write a letter to him (not meant to be sent) but the words just won't come out. :e088:
In my last post I was angry at myself and at AH.
Today, I'm sad. Crying again and I don't even know what about, if that makes any sense. Maybe it's because it's holiday time and I didn't plan on going it alone again this year. With no family or close friends near by it makes this time of year very lonely and sad for me. I am going to dinner with a coworker who didn't have anyone to spend the day with and then I'm supposed to work 7pm to 7am. But, I got a call tonight that the census was low on my floor and I will most likely be put on call. UGH!! Work brings me peace of mind. I'm able to help others who are sick and stuck in the hospital and that makes me feel good and helps me to appreciate the good things in my life. I miss my family and friends back home but not the snow they've gotten lol!! This is my DANGER ZONE. I've been doing good with the no contact rule but when I get to feeling abandoned and alone is when I start to want to hear his voice. But, it's weird because I have FINALLY accepted him for who his is and not who I want him to be and I know if I do talk to him it's just lies and more lies. It's like it's a bad habit. I cleaned my little heart out today then took a nap. It was supposed to be a nap but ended up a 5hr nap. So now I'll be up all night. I've tried to sit down and write a letter to him (not meant to be sent) but the words just won't come out. :e088:
Is it ever ok to give offense?
Hi
As I try to change my alcoholic and negative habits/thoughts/ideas I need some advice from people who have more time in recovery than me. With the holidays coming up I am facing a lot of uncomfortable situations, mostly having to deal with being around family and friends of family. My instinct is to avoid these situations completely by just not being around at all. By avoiding them I would offending said family and friends as they would know that I was avoiding them as I have done so many times in the past. If I avoid them however, I will save myself a lot of axiety and mental well being. My question is, do you think it is okay to give some offense to these people if it will save me from unnecessary hardship? Thanks for any opionions.
As I try to change my alcoholic and negative habits/thoughts/ideas I need some advice from people who have more time in recovery than me. With the holidays coming up I am facing a lot of uncomfortable situations, mostly having to deal with being around family and friends of family. My instinct is to avoid these situations completely by just not being around at all. By avoiding them I would offending said family and friends as they would know that I was avoiding them as I have done so many times in the past. If I avoid them however, I will save myself a lot of axiety and mental well being. My question is, do you think it is okay to give some offense to these people if it will save me from unnecessary hardship? Thanks for any opionions.
