Archive for the ‘Family Friends’ tag
Language of Letting Go - Nov. 15 - Benefits of Recovery
You are reading from the book The Language of Letting Go
Benefits of Recovery
There are two benefits from recovery: we have short-term gains and long-term gains.
The short-term gains are the things we can do today that help us feel better immediately.
We can wake up in the morning, read for a few minutes in our meditation book, and feel lifted. We can work a Step and often notice an immediate difference in the way we feel and function. We can go to a meeting and feel refreshed, talk to a friend and feel comforted, or practice a new recovery behavior, such as dealing with our feelings or doing something good for ourselves, and feel relieved.
There are other benefits from recovery, though, that we don't see immediately on a daily or even a monthly basis. These are the long-term gains, the larger progress we make in our life.
Over the years, we can see tremendous rewards. We can watch ourselves grow strong in faith, until we have a daily personal relationship with a Higher Power that is as real to us as a relationship with a best friend.
We can watch ourselves grow beautiful as we shed shame, guilt, resentments, self-hatred, and other negative buildups from our past.
We can watch the quality of our relationships improve with family, friends, and spouses. We find ourselves growing steadily and gradually in our capacity to be intimate and close, to give and receive.
We can watch ourselves grow in our careers, in our ability to be creative, powerful, productive people, using our gifts and talents in a way that feels good and benefits others.
We discover the joy and beauty in ourselves, others, and life.
The long-term progress is steady, but sometimes slow, happening in increments and often with much forward and backward movement. Enough days at a time of practicing recovery behaviors and piling up short term gains leads to long-term rewards.
Today, I will be grateful for the immediate and long-term rewards of recovery. If I am new to recovery, I will have faith that I can achieve the long-term benefits. If I've been recovering for a while, I will pause to reflect, and be grateful for my overall progress.
From The Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie ©1990, Hazelden Foundation.
Benefits of Recovery
There are two benefits from recovery: we have short-term gains and long-term gains.
The short-term gains are the things we can do today that help us feel better immediately.
We can wake up in the morning, read for a few minutes in our meditation book, and feel lifted. We can work a Step and often notice an immediate difference in the way we feel and function. We can go to a meeting and feel refreshed, talk to a friend and feel comforted, or practice a new recovery behavior, such as dealing with our feelings or doing something good for ourselves, and feel relieved.
There are other benefits from recovery, though, that we don't see immediately on a daily or even a monthly basis. These are the long-term gains, the larger progress we make in our life.
Over the years, we can see tremendous rewards. We can watch ourselves grow strong in faith, until we have a daily personal relationship with a Higher Power that is as real to us as a relationship with a best friend.
We can watch ourselves grow beautiful as we shed shame, guilt, resentments, self-hatred, and other negative buildups from our past.
We can watch the quality of our relationships improve with family, friends, and spouses. We find ourselves growing steadily and gradually in our capacity to be intimate and close, to give and receive.
We can watch ourselves grow in our careers, in our ability to be creative, powerful, productive people, using our gifts and talents in a way that feels good and benefits others.
We discover the joy and beauty in ourselves, others, and life.
The long-term progress is steady, but sometimes slow, happening in increments and often with much forward and backward movement. Enough days at a time of practicing recovery behaviors and piling up short term gains leads to long-term rewards.
Today, I will be grateful for the immediate and long-term rewards of recovery. If I am new to recovery, I will have faith that I can achieve the long-term benefits. If I've been recovering for a while, I will pause to reflect, and be grateful for my overall progress.
From The Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie ©1990, Hazelden Foundation.
Love in Recovery - How to ?
The topics at my meetings and in the NA Just For Today have been love lately.
This is a very hard subject for me to discuss and probably why I have trouble in relationships that dont reciprocate the love I feel I am giving or am trying to give. I find it very scary to approach someone of the opposite sex, especially if I find them attractive. Its like I am not worthy of talking to them or I fear being rejected from the get go. Whether is is with family, friends or a significant other. Is there any light reading out there on these subjects. Im kind of an idiot and have no attention span due to my past and present issues. I would even like to discuss it, take little quotes, suggestions feedback and the like because Im new to the whole thing even though I have been engaged twice and usually my health or drinking/drugging (sometimes equaled to theirs) has been an issue, but not the only one.
Thanks for your help !
I guess Im just a hopeless romantic.
This is a very hard subject for me to discuss and probably why I have trouble in relationships that dont reciprocate the love I feel I am giving or am trying to give. I find it very scary to approach someone of the opposite sex, especially if I find them attractive. Its like I am not worthy of talking to them or I fear being rejected from the get go. Whether is is with family, friends or a significant other. Is there any light reading out there on these subjects. Im kind of an idiot and have no attention span due to my past and present issues. I would even like to discuss it, take little quotes, suggestions feedback and the like because Im new to the whole thing even though I have been engaged twice and usually my health or drinking/drugging (sometimes equaled to theirs) has been an issue, but not the only one.
Thanks for your help !
I guess Im just a hopeless romantic.
Hi everyone…
I had came to this forum about 2 years ago in search of help...I had quit drinking on January 1, 2007 and kept that going for 1.5 years. Here I am again... In May my ex fiance and I were going through a very rough patch and with a trip to Vegas around that time I began drinking again. Then in July I had lost my job.
Now I know I'm headed down the same path as before... Since then I have began drinking about 5-6 days a week and not lightly. I just decided yesterday that I've had enough and have to do it again! It is very scary because I know how hard it was the first time, but I do know it gets soo much easier as time passes.
I know I have a great life--great family, friends, home, job...but I still have continued to drink knowing that it will only cause problems... My sister-in-law tries to tell me that I should just drink on the weekends. The problem is I start drinking through the week and have called off work due to it.
I am on my way to recovery--this is but the second day and I really really want this time to last forever!
Everyone on here has been such great help and I'm happy to be a part of the site!
Thanks!
--Stacy
Now I know I'm headed down the same path as before... Since then I have began drinking about 5-6 days a week and not lightly. I just decided yesterday that I've had enough and have to do it again! It is very scary because I know how hard it was the first time, but I do know it gets soo much easier as time passes.
I know I have a great life--great family, friends, home, job...but I still have continued to drink knowing that it will only cause problems... My sister-in-law tries to tell me that I should just drink on the weekends. The problem is I start drinking through the week and have called off work due to it.
I am on my way to recovery--this is but the second day and I really really want this time to last forever!
Everyone on here has been such great help and I'm happy to be a part of the site!
Thanks!
--Stacy
All, I could use your thoughts and prayers- was diagnosed with testicular cancer
last week. I am having surgery to remove ol' Lefty. The fellowship,sponsees,sponsorship family, friends, family have all showed up. I am humbled by how many calls a day I get leading up to tomorrow. I have a 19th month old and 5 year old and I will watch them grow up. I have faith and trust this process that I will make it through this. I know prayer works. Any help I could have from sober recovery would only help more. I have been praying for faith in my HP and oppurtunities to practice this faith and boy have I got it!! :lol The biggest bummer is that I can't run the Richmond Marathon next month. I have been training all summer for it. I will run one in may hopefully.
Love you all
Thanks
Jason
Love you all
Thanks
Jason
Howdy All!
Just wanted to say a quick hello. I've been reading post's here for the past few weeks - because I (think) I'm dating a heavy drug addict. I put in "think" because this past weekend, things moved to another level with her - which I'll probably post something about in the Family/Friends section - and I'm honestly not sure where we stand in her eyes - or even my own.
To make a long story short - I'm 36 - have learned a lot over the last few years about "personal growth", thanks to an ex-girlfriend who was heavily involved in that area - and am trying to figure out what the heck I'm doing with this person now - when, after all I've learned about myself - I should've run away fast instead of being with her to see what will happen.
This site is helping massively so far - at the very least - to learn about what all is actually going on in my life. At first - I thought there was just a coke problem; then I learned it's an oxy problem - and now - I think it's pretty much anything that can be found / bought or given to her (she works in a bar owned by her family - great, huh?).
So, we'll see what we can see. Thanks to everyone who HAS posted - and for those who will post in response to me from time to time. This is a great place to be - and I actually feel a tiny bit better about things, just by making this "introduction" post ;)
To make a long story short - I'm 36 - have learned a lot over the last few years about "personal growth", thanks to an ex-girlfriend who was heavily involved in that area - and am trying to figure out what the heck I'm doing with this person now - when, after all I've learned about myself - I should've run away fast instead of being with her to see what will happen.
This site is helping massively so far - at the very least - to learn about what all is actually going on in my life. At first - I thought there was just a coke problem; then I learned it's an oxy problem - and now - I think it's pretty much anything that can be found / bought or given to her (she works in a bar owned by her family - great, huh?).
So, we'll see what we can see. Thanks to everyone who HAS posted - and for those who will post in response to me from time to time. This is a great place to be - and I actually feel a tiny bit better about things, just by making this "introduction" post ;)
46 Days!
:bday8
When I started my recovery I never thought that I would make it past the one week mark but her I am on day 45, clean and sober. This is the first time that I have completely given myself to the program, immersing myself in meetings, literature, socialising with fellow AA members and regular contact with my sponsor. In fact he is coming over for dinner on wednesday. I am praying differently too: not the constant complaints and entreaties to God to spare me this (self imposed) suffering, but rather heartfelt thanks for my sobriety and wonder-filled life.
Everything has started falling into place. Work relationships, family, friends and general day to day living. There are exciting oppurtunities on the horizon but I am focusing on "being here now". Just for today I am grateful for AA, my sobriety and the inordinate beauty of a sober, sane life. :a194:
When I started my recovery I never thought that I would make it past the one week mark but her I am on day 45, clean and sober. This is the first time that I have completely given myself to the program, immersing myself in meetings, literature, socialising with fellow AA members and regular contact with my sponsor. In fact he is coming over for dinner on wednesday. I am praying differently too: not the constant complaints and entreaties to God to spare me this (self imposed) suffering, but rather heartfelt thanks for my sobriety and wonder-filled life.
Everything has started falling into place. Work relationships, family, friends and general day to day living. There are exciting oppurtunities on the horizon but I am focusing on "being here now". Just for today I am grateful for AA, my sobriety and the inordinate beauty of a sober, sane life. :a194:
Good Lord Help Me!!
I am 38 years old.I have been a alcoholic since i was 15.Through high school i drank and all i wanted to do was fight.I eneterd the milatary in 1993 to run from trouble caused from my fighting.No branch would accept me execpt the Navy.Needless to say i found a interest and became a Navy Seal.While i was in the Teams i was married and had a son.Needless to say i killed that marriage due to drinking and pure hatred towards life.When i got out i came home to Texas and my problems that i ran from were here waiting for me.Problem lies in the fact i could fight much better and drink twice as much.The years have gone by now and alot has happened.Lost another marriage in 1999 and a very sucessful company because of my meaness and druken state.In 2001 I met a woman that is the only love of my life.I have never cared for another this way.Family,friends past girlfriends Etc..She is very sucessful and her and i started a company again.I have lost her and the company in Bankruptsy....I drank my life away!This is my life in a very small Nutshell.IAm i doomed for the remainder of my life????Completely Lost.
THE TRUTH is…….. (from an addict)
I found this last night...... It's as if my guy is saying it to me - and he actually has - in so many words!
Dear Family/Friends/Loved Ones,
I am a drug abuser. I need help.
Don't solve my problems for me. This only makes me lose respect for you - and for myself.
Don't lecture, moralize, scold, blame, or argue whether I'm stoned or sober. It may make you feel better, but it only makes the situation worse.
Don't accept my promises. The nature of my illness prevents my keeping them, even though I mean them at the time. Promises are only my way of postponing pain.
And don't keep switching agreements; if an agreement is made, stick to it.
Don't lose your temper with me. It will destroy you and any possibility of helping me.
Don't let your anxiety for me make you do what I should do for myself.
Don't believe everything I tell you. Often I don't even know the truth - let alone tell it.
Don't cover up or try to spare me the consequences of my using. It may reduce the crisis, but it will make my illness worse.
Above all, don't run away from reality as I do. Drug dependence, my illness, gets worse as my using continues.
Start now to learn, to understand, to plan for your own recovery. Find Families Anonymous, Nar-Anon, Al-Anon or CoDA; those groups exist to help families in just your situation.
I need help - from a doctor, a psychologist, a counselor, from some people in a self-help program who are in recovery from a drug problem themselves - and from a Power greater than myself.
Love,
Your "User"
Dear Family/Friends/Loved Ones,
I am a drug abuser. I need help.
Don't solve my problems for me. This only makes me lose respect for you - and for myself.
Don't lecture, moralize, scold, blame, or argue whether I'm stoned or sober. It may make you feel better, but it only makes the situation worse.
Don't accept my promises. The nature of my illness prevents my keeping them, even though I mean them at the time. Promises are only my way of postponing pain.
And don't keep switching agreements; if an agreement is made, stick to it.
Don't lose your temper with me. It will destroy you and any possibility of helping me.
Don't let your anxiety for me make you do what I should do for myself.
Don't believe everything I tell you. Often I don't even know the truth - let alone tell it.
Don't cover up or try to spare me the consequences of my using. It may reduce the crisis, but it will make my illness worse.
Above all, don't run away from reality as I do. Drug dependence, my illness, gets worse as my using continues.
Start now to learn, to understand, to plan for your own recovery. Find Families Anonymous, Nar-Anon, Al-Anon or CoDA; those groups exist to help families in just your situation.
I need help - from a doctor, a psychologist, a counselor, from some people in a self-help program who are in recovery from a drug problem themselves - and from a Power greater than myself.
Love,
Your "User"
Top three excuses for not drinking???
Sounds & looks weird reading it but if you are quitting you are going to face that question.
Im more concerned about coworkers at the many work functions than friends but either way its a tough question. Ok.. maybe its an easy one but it sure does seem tough now.
So what are the top three reasons for not drinking that you have given to coworkers & friends?
Coworkers:
1) I'm on medication....
2) I have a big day lined up tomorrow...
3) Ive decided to take it easy for a while
It took me over a minute to come up with the last lame one. Anyway, lets hear your top three excuses for not drinking (maybe 6 if you go with the friends/work thing)
A sober person may say:
1) I care about myself & family/friends
2) I am trying to take care of myself
3) You dont want to see me drunk :a043:
Looking forward to your top 3 reasons you have given others.
Thank you all for helping me stay sober :ghug
Im more concerned about coworkers at the many work functions than friends but either way its a tough question. Ok.. maybe its an easy one but it sure does seem tough now.
So what are the top three reasons for not drinking that you have given to coworkers & friends?
Coworkers:
1) I'm on medication....
2) I have a big day lined up tomorrow...
3) Ive decided to take it easy for a while
It took me over a minute to come up with the last lame one. Anyway, lets hear your top three excuses for not drinking (maybe 6 if you go with the friends/work thing)
A sober person may say:
1) I care about myself & family/friends
2) I am trying to take care of myself
3) You dont want to see me drunk :a043:
Looking forward to your top 3 reasons you have given others.
Thank you all for helping me stay sober :ghug
Hindsight….. is ummm
a double edged sword? The roller coaster of addiction is ongoing .... IF YOU ARE IN IT!!!!
I've learned about character defects (myself).... I've learned about resentments.... I've learned about the importance in trusting someone. Most of all trusting myself. Giving it over to my HP! Being powerless over everything.
I still keep going back - I do not detach by disengaging from it all - I detach for a little bit physically, and then once I'm back physically in it...... I detach emotionally; however, it's STILL present! If I detach physically - I don't detach emotionally. It's twisted.... I am not able to do both simultaneously!
My character defects are still PRESENT! Is there anyway that my character defects have now not caused too much resentment? Am I disrespecting myself? Am I hurting or helping? Am I enabling? WHAT JUST AM I DOING?
YES..... I did the following: I ratted him out to his family about his addiction. Several friends and family did an intervention - that is the #1 resentment he has towards me!
I also then ratted him out when he relapsed to those in the intervention!
THEN I told my family/friends just what the truth has been - because I LIED about all of this to them. When *I* needed the support after he relapsed to get through being away from him. THAT is now another resentment. He saw my father last night - and my father told him EXACTLY how he feels about all of this. My father also shared how my brother and mom feel. Which I interrupted and requested that to be taken off the table - because that is not my father's place to say. But my guy told me to honor my father and to not interrupt - or express that. My guy walked away from that meeting feeling totally defeated and that now he doesn't know if he can do this.
On Saturday (this weekend) ..... after he changed his numbers, my character defect (I REALIZE the trouble with it, and yet I do it!) But I checked his cell phone..... he messaged his dealer with some crazy lies. Not only does that mean the dealer now has his new number - but the lies he said are just crazy! However, we got through that. I actually called his friend/dealer - spoke with him on the phone..... GREAT guy btw.... we had a wonderful conversation. He is not my guy's major supplier - but he considers my guy as his best friend. My head is dazed in all of this. He told this friend of his that he was going to be back up there and that they were getting a place together! And that he was somewhere else with a broken down car and would get in touch at a later date. And that I was ganging up on him and to not let me in anyway shape or form to find out what his new number is!
My guy explained to me that was him letting the friend down "easy".... and that he feels that he has lost so many friends in all of this..... that he doesn't want to lose this one too! CRAZY ....... SO CRAZY! But my guy and I talked, we worked through it - I told him that I have compassion for this and that I forgive him............ and LETS MOVE FORWARD! Well..... now he has just another resentment towards me because I not only checked his phone and read the texts but now I have exposed the truth of our relationship to his friend who had NO idea about the extent of what we are! I exposed my guy in his double life. He said he would work through that resentment. And I believe in recovery he would.
NOW.... this morning.... his friend/drug enabler .... calls him. I ANSWER his phone because he is sleeping. Spent a really long time on the phone talking about religion and it was incredible. It's like all of us are rooting for my guy! He said that he would not give my guy any pills if he came up there again. However, he will have a place to stay if needed.
I SHOULD HAVE NOT ANSWERED THAT PHONE!!!!!!! WHAT IN THE HECK IS WRONG WITH ME?!
I told my guy today upon waking what happened. He blames me now for putting him in the situation of having to be here because he has no where else to go! But that he isn't really saying that. Just that he is confused now about things.
My boys come home in an hour and a half. I told him he has 2 choices.... to be gone or to go in the guest room and that is how we will explain the situation. I will not share my bed with someone who is "unsure"..... while I realize that my character defects are the cause of all this. OF THIS DRAMA - yet the foundation is the addiction...... as he said..... my character defects are what has added fuel to the fire!
Can I get my character defects together and can we pull through this together? I feel that the best way is to not make any decision right now..... and give it some time and pray .... keep in the guest room...... stay in communication..... and get through this or not get through it. BUT I have to work on my character defects.
He says he is tired of all this talking and discussing.... he just wants some peace about it all. My response is that I understand that, as do I, but in order for us to move forward..... things like your dealer/friend calling you - and now your uncertainty of moving forward together because of your fear that my family will not allow us to be...... that he is just drained.
I feel like I'm in the twilight zone. Like I am on this crazy acid trip.
He said that before I spoke with his dealer/friend that he was certain.... but at the same time he came here with Adderall. (which he flushed on Saturday!)
This is ridiculous! I STILL have addiction in my life don't I?! Just because he is "clean" today - doesn't mean there is no addiction.
I think I need my head examined. I think you all must be shaking your heads thinking that I am the biggest moron! The good news though is that I have not shed a single tear .... I am just listening so hard and strong to my HP... to take this from me... to bear this. I have NO control ... and while I say I don't..... I do things like check his phone and answer a call from his drug dealer/friend! And then have a great conversation with guy talking about how I am giving it to God! And he is telling me that it was in God's plan that I did find those text messages with the lies.... because it got me to where I am right now!
Surprisingly enough right now...... i am calm and feel at peace. I have serenity in all of this... like.... it's truly all out of my hands!
And in the next hour - I will find out if he is going or staying in the guest room - and taking some time to see if all this is workable or if he is going to kill himself.
I've learned about character defects (myself).... I've learned about resentments.... I've learned about the importance in trusting someone. Most of all trusting myself. Giving it over to my HP! Being powerless over everything.
I still keep going back - I do not detach by disengaging from it all - I detach for a little bit physically, and then once I'm back physically in it...... I detach emotionally; however, it's STILL present! If I detach physically - I don't detach emotionally. It's twisted.... I am not able to do both simultaneously!
My character defects are still PRESENT! Is there anyway that my character defects have now not caused too much resentment? Am I disrespecting myself? Am I hurting or helping? Am I enabling? WHAT JUST AM I DOING?
YES..... I did the following: I ratted him out to his family about his addiction. Several friends and family did an intervention - that is the #1 resentment he has towards me!
I also then ratted him out when he relapsed to those in the intervention!
THEN I told my family/friends just what the truth has been - because I LIED about all of this to them. When *I* needed the support after he relapsed to get through being away from him. THAT is now another resentment. He saw my father last night - and my father told him EXACTLY how he feels about all of this. My father also shared how my brother and mom feel. Which I interrupted and requested that to be taken off the table - because that is not my father's place to say. But my guy told me to honor my father and to not interrupt - or express that. My guy walked away from that meeting feeling totally defeated and that now he doesn't know if he can do this.
On Saturday (this weekend) ..... after he changed his numbers, my character defect (I REALIZE the trouble with it, and yet I do it!) But I checked his cell phone..... he messaged his dealer with some crazy lies. Not only does that mean the dealer now has his new number - but the lies he said are just crazy! However, we got through that. I actually called his friend/dealer - spoke with him on the phone..... GREAT guy btw.... we had a wonderful conversation. He is not my guy's major supplier - but he considers my guy as his best friend. My head is dazed in all of this. He told this friend of his that he was going to be back up there and that they were getting a place together! And that he was somewhere else with a broken down car and would get in touch at a later date. And that I was ganging up on him and to not let me in anyway shape or form to find out what his new number is!
My guy explained to me that was him letting the friend down "easy".... and that he feels that he has lost so many friends in all of this..... that he doesn't want to lose this one too! CRAZY ....... SO CRAZY! But my guy and I talked, we worked through it - I told him that I have compassion for this and that I forgive him............ and LETS MOVE FORWARD! Well..... now he has just another resentment towards me because I not only checked his phone and read the texts but now I have exposed the truth of our relationship to his friend who had NO idea about the extent of what we are! I exposed my guy in his double life. He said he would work through that resentment. And I believe in recovery he would.
NOW.... this morning.... his friend/drug enabler .... calls him. I ANSWER his phone because he is sleeping. Spent a really long time on the phone talking about religion and it was incredible. It's like all of us are rooting for my guy! He said that he would not give my guy any pills if he came up there again. However, he will have a place to stay if needed.
I SHOULD HAVE NOT ANSWERED THAT PHONE!!!!!!! WHAT IN THE HECK IS WRONG WITH ME?!
I told my guy today upon waking what happened. He blames me now for putting him in the situation of having to be here because he has no where else to go! But that he isn't really saying that. Just that he is confused now about things.
My boys come home in an hour and a half. I told him he has 2 choices.... to be gone or to go in the guest room and that is how we will explain the situation. I will not share my bed with someone who is "unsure"..... while I realize that my character defects are the cause of all this. OF THIS DRAMA - yet the foundation is the addiction...... as he said..... my character defects are what has added fuel to the fire!
Can I get my character defects together and can we pull through this together? I feel that the best way is to not make any decision right now..... and give it some time and pray .... keep in the guest room...... stay in communication..... and get through this or not get through it. BUT I have to work on my character defects.
He says he is tired of all this talking and discussing.... he just wants some peace about it all. My response is that I understand that, as do I, but in order for us to move forward..... things like your dealer/friend calling you - and now your uncertainty of moving forward together because of your fear that my family will not allow us to be...... that he is just drained.
I feel like I'm in the twilight zone. Like I am on this crazy acid trip.
He said that before I spoke with his dealer/friend that he was certain.... but at the same time he came here with Adderall. (which he flushed on Saturday!)
This is ridiculous! I STILL have addiction in my life don't I?! Just because he is "clean" today - doesn't mean there is no addiction.
I think I need my head examined. I think you all must be shaking your heads thinking that I am the biggest moron! The good news though is that I have not shed a single tear .... I am just listening so hard and strong to my HP... to take this from me... to bear this. I have NO control ... and while I say I don't..... I do things like check his phone and answer a call from his drug dealer/friend! And then have a great conversation with guy talking about how I am giving it to God! And he is telling me that it was in God's plan that I did find those text messages with the lies.... because it got me to where I am right now!
Surprisingly enough right now...... i am calm and feel at peace. I have serenity in all of this... like.... it's truly all out of my hands!
And in the next hour - I will find out if he is going or staying in the guest room - and taking some time to see if all this is workable or if he is going to kill himself.
