Drug Rehab Options Blog

I've been fortunate and haven't lost a family member, lost a job etc. Since getting sober.

How many of you have had your feet put to the fire since getting sober?

Real testament to how this program works when, the going gets tough, the tough get going.


I watched several friends in the program lose spouses and not drink. I need to see people go thru this for myself. That offers me hope that, I'll be able to handle the real life challenges some day

Started over again today. I thought i could handle drinking even after my third dui on haloween and resulting 2 week hopital stay.

Saturday I went out with my usual drinking buddies and blacked out as usual. Normally i prefer to get quietly trashed at home and listen to sad music. When i go out i know that i will loose control.

I look like an idiot when i black out at the bar. My friends tell me that I hold my hands above my head and kinda lurch around. I dont understand or ever remember this but my guess is it is some kind of way to balance myself.

Came home drunk last night and upset a family member that is good enough to let my broke self live with them.

Through all the trouble and injury I've sustained I some how stay alive. At times I wonder why because at age 27, I have basically no life, skills, or career. I may not have much going on, but I absolutely cannot drink anymore.

You are reading from the book The Language of Letting Go

Asking for Help

It's okay to ask for help.

One of the most absurd things we do to ourselves is not asking for the help we need from a friend, a family member, our Higher Power, or the appropriate resource.

We don't have to struggle through feelings and problems alone. We can ask for help from our Higher Power and for support and encouragement from our friends.

Whether what we need is information, encouragement, a hand, a word, a hug, someone who will listen, or a ride, we can ask. We can ask people for what we need from them. We can ask God for what we need from God.

It is self-defeating to not ask for the help we need. It keeps us stuck. If we ask long and hard enough, if we direct our request to the right source, we'll get the help we need.

There is a difference between asking someone to rescue us and asking someone in a direct manner for the help we need from him or her. We can be straightforward and let others choose whether to help us or not. If the answer is no, we can deal with that.

It is self-defeating to hint, whine, manipulate, or coerce help out of people. It is annoying to go to people as a victim and expect them to rescue us. It is healthy to ask for help when help is what we need.

"My problem is shame," said one woman. "I wanted to ask for help in dealing with it, but I was to ashamed. Isn't that crazy?"

We who are eager to help others can learn to allow ourselves to receive help. We can learn to make clean contracts about asking for and receiving the help we want and need.

Today, I will ask for help if I need it - from people and my Higher Power. I will not be a victim, helplessly waiting to be rescued. I will make my request for help specific, to the point, and I will leave room for the person to choose whether or not to help me. I will not be a martyr any longer by refusing to get the help I deserve in life - the help that makes life simpler. God, help me let go of my need to do everything alone. Help me use the vast Universe of resources available to me.

From The Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie ©1990, Hazelden Foundation.

I'm posting this here because I'm hoping to get some insight from people that have gone through a family member being an alcoholic and how they deal with it. I am an alcoholic with one year sobriety, and I LOVE and honor and cherish my sobriety deeply, yet I am having an issue with my father. Now that I've been sober a year, I'm learning how to stand up for myself and not hide from everyone, to express myself and not be embarrassed for being me, because I think that had a lot to do with why I started drinking in the first place. Recently, when I started standing up to my dad about things I didn't agree with, he has become angrier and angrier with me (I pretty much let him tell me what to do and think the entire two years that I drank). Two weeks ago, when we got into a disagreement, he started yelling that the only reason I was disagreeing with him was because I'm a drunk and was probably drinking again. I was so hurt, but I remained calm and just figured I'd let things pass. He has no reason to think I am drinking at all, so I just thought it was said in anger. It's been two weeks now that he hasn't spoken to me, he won't return my phone calls, and when my two boys have called them (which are their only grandsons), they tell them they won't see them as long as I'm around. It's almost my birthday and Christmas, and I am so deeply hurt and angry. I would like some insight. I know I put them through a lot when I was drinking, but I'm doing everything I'm supposed to do now, and they choose now to tear our family apart. It's very hard to understand.

I'm in a relationship with a guy who is also a recovering alcoholic. My family have always been distant from me, long before the drinking started so the only family member i stay in contact with is my brother, and that isn't great.
My fella however has a daughter and is best friends with his ex wife and is also close to his family. I haven't got any friends. I'm jealous of his ex, but try to keep this hidden. I just feel very lost in this world but feel I am doing my best. My boyfriend says he's madly in love with me but i just don't know what i think or feel any more. I feel numb. I wanted to connect with this site and see how others feel in relationships and in life in early recovery.

I'm sad today. Today is my son's 25th birthday. I had such amazing plans 25years ago when I gave birth to that little blonde haired, blue-eyed boy. Today, my birthday gift consisted of meeting him at a gas station to fill up his car. What kind of "gift" is that? What happened to a new outfit, new shoes, luggage, dinner out? It all seemed so sad, so pathetic. This person he is, this person he seems to want to be, is not someone I like really, nor someone I would choose as a friend or family member. His words, his demeanor, his dress, his actions, are all so unfamiliar with how I raised him, how the rest of my family thinks and acts and lives. I try so hard to not be judgmental, but really, we are getting to be so different from one another that I don't see us being together that much in the future, which again, just breaks my heart. Like he is a stranger, not my son, not my little boy whom I gave birth to 25 years ago. It makes me wish to go back, to do it all over, to find that moment when he started this cross over into drugs and alcohol, and try to prevent this path he is choosing.

Just kind of sad today. I envisioned a 25 year old son to be so different back then, so much farther ahead, and not at all the guy I met at the gas station today. Makes me cry.

Today I'm greatful for the unconditional love that animals bring.

Theres a 'shelter' around here that's notorious for putting about 90% of its animals down, and not even taking great care of the rest of them.

An addict friend & I had just gotten off work around 9:15pm, and we passed by the shelter to feed an emaciated horse the kept there. while we were there, a woman came with a car full of dogs, threw 2 of them into an outdoor pen, and left.

There was a rat terrir mix & a young cocker spaniel mix. We went to check them out, but the terrier bit my friend and ran off; the saniel mix ran right to my car, jumped into the open front door, and parked her behind in my back seat, like she belonged there.

I didn't have the heart to put her back in that damned cage.

But, I have a pit bull mix & my roommate has a kitten, so we are already a full house... so i put out an ad in the paper, and a week later a nice woman with an autistic boy took her home.

Now, 2 weeks later, Foxy is back at home... huge & about to burst with a litter of puppies. The adopter dropped her off while i was at work, and when i drove up and she saw me from her kennel she immediately began wiggling with joy.

Now she's asleep next to me in bed. Puppies are coming anytime from now to 2 weeks. I think she's glad to be away from the kids, and she follows me around the house to make sure that when i sit down, she has room to cuddle up against me.

I have a feeling that we have a new permanant family member...

Do you have a family member who is struggling with an addiction to drugs or alcohol? Has their addiction taken control over their life as well as yours? Is rehab or an intervention your last hope to saving your loved one?s life?

We are casting for a new national television show dedicated to helping young people overcome their addictions. If you have a family member or friend who appears to be between the ages of 18-23 and has a drug or alcohol addiction, please email us at casting@gigantic.tv with your story and some information about your loved ones situation.

Hello,

I happened to stumble upon this site because I typed the words "My Mother died of Alcoholism" into the Google browser. I'm at so much of a loss that I expect Google to find some answers for me. Ha.

My Mother has been dead now for 13 years, since just after my 14th birthday. I never saw her dead body. We never had a funeral. She was cremated and my family opted to not receive her ashes. My Mother vanished, and 13 years later I am still trying to make sense of it.

All I know about my Mother is that her Father sexually abused her, and her Mother (the woman who raised me) has always been a vehement denier of this fact. I believe my Mother, even though I know she lied about many, many things. I believe her because she went on to molest me and my sisters, and my Grandmother and Father have never believed me. Needless to say, I come from a long line of denial, enabling and codependence.

My Mother married several times. Somewhere in between husbands she found my Father who was already married and had a son; I was their love child. So, because my Mother was a chronic alcoholic and my Father already had a wife and family, my parents legally gave up custody of my two sisters and I to the state of California. Unfortunately, my sisters remained in the custody of our Grandmother, and we endured years of terrible sexual abuse, neglect, and violence.

Because we were still in custody of a family member, even though my Mother was court ordered to stay away from my sisters and I, she came around very often, and sometimes lived with us (why my Grandmother let her stay is beyond me...codependence, I know...but really...). She was always VERY drunk. I remember her running over one of her boyfriends with her car, trying to stab my Grandmother with scissors, and attempting to kill my sister (who was then 5 or 6) with a kitchen knife. Once when I was 13 she tried to quit drinking and during detox she guzzled Isopropyl Alcohol and had several Grand Mal seizures, during which I was her sole care giver.

In all honesty, when she died, I was relieved. I was finally granted permission to be a kid, and to not be in constant worry over where my mom was, what she was getting herself into, and what she might subject me to next.

Obviously, over the years I've been able to get in touch with my deep grief over having lost my Mother. The cycle of abuse is very vicious---I have had to work very hard to heal myself so that I don't become an alcoholic or an aggressive person. It is our responsibility to seek help and heal ourselves and to protect our children.

I know that alcoholism is a disease, and that my Mother was also chronically depressed and probably bipolar. But, I believe that all of those things are completely treatable. I believe that her treatments failed her, not that she failed them. I believe that she wasn't offered adequate resources in the early stages of her disease, and eventually she gave up.

If there are any Mothers who are alcoholics who are reading this: I want you to know that I am certain your children love and need you beyond any comprehension. They accept and love you no matter who you are and what you have done and their forgiveness is boundless. They offer you each day a new opportunity to be the fabulous Mother that you absolutely ARE. I understand the fear, grief and even terror that accompanies changing your actions, letting go of the addiction, and stepping into the field of vulnerability that is Sobriety and Motherhood.

I will never get to know my Mother and this is a terrible tragedy. She violated me in MANY ways, but she was very ill, and I believe that if she had put earnest effort forth, we could have healed the things she had done, even though they were of the most heinous nature. I would have worked with her.

My deepest wish is that someone will read this and think about their future instead of their past. Learn to forgive yourself and everything will follow. Believe that you can change and experience the love that you yearn for so deeply. Perhaps then my Mother's life will not have been a tragedy, but a gift that teaches us all to be careful with our young ones and each other.

Hi

I'm wondering if anyone is willing to share some of the boundaries you have set with your alcoholic family member. I'm having trouble articulating what I want to say, without being demanding or controlling. (I know every situation is different, and that each person has set their own limits for their relationships, I'm just trying to get a clearer handle on the actual language.) Thanks.

Hope