Archive for the ‘Fears’ tag
Bad dreams about ex-addict b/f…
I've been split up from my ex addict b/f for almost 3 months now. When I left him I didn't take his calls, I even got my # changed the following day, and haven't spoken one word to him since. I don't regret leaving him, it was whats best for my life, and my son's life (not his son). I've even met someone else, he makes me so happy, he treats me right, and it's great...but heres the thing, I keep having crazy/bad dreams about my ex brian. one of them he was doing drugs on the back of a truck, one we were at an amusement park & he was upset b/c they wouldn't let us ride together, and several other meaningless dreams. But the one I had a couple days ago disturbs me the most, I dreamed he kidnapped me, took me to an abandoned building that had bars on the windows and doors, and I couldn't get out..he was screaming at me, hitting me, and raping me. It was such an awful dream, I woke up crying, and it's been on my mind for several days. I know it is probably just my mind wandering about my secret true fears, because he was truly crazy, and violent, and did try to choke me twice for real. But I can't help but wonder if this is some kind of warning that it will happen, or that something will happen. I've been alert and super aware of my surroundings since our split, but it's just creepy. Any thoughts??
alli
alli
Day 1 AGAIN. I feel terrible!
:nykI had 29 days.... then drank moderately for 5 days.... quit for 3 days at Christmas so my kids would have a good Holiday... started back a the day after Christmas... took my last drink 23 hours ago!!!!
I don't know why I feel so yucky this time... I was only drinking at the most 9 mini wines in a 24 hour period during this last 4 day binge... no hard stuff.... whats 9 mini bottles? I mean 5-6 cups... thats nothing for a pro like me.... I used to have 1/2 to a whole a bottle (fifth) of vodka in a day and wine, too... and beer.... or at the very least two big bottles of wine...
I am really letting my anxiety get the best of this time. I am taking Ativan to curb it, but it doesn't seem t be helping as much tonight.... I let my fear of dying of a seizure (not that I have EVER had one) overtake me....
My husband is a good man, but he is ready to leave me.... he doesn't understand my fears or my addiction.... he says he is staying for the kids sake...
I don't know why I feel so yucky this time... I was only drinking at the most 9 mini wines in a 24 hour period during this last 4 day binge... no hard stuff.... whats 9 mini bottles? I mean 5-6 cups... thats nothing for a pro like me.... I used to have 1/2 to a whole a bottle (fifth) of vodka in a day and wine, too... and beer.... or at the very least two big bottles of wine...
I am really letting my anxiety get the best of this time. I am taking Ativan to curb it, but it doesn't seem t be helping as much tonight.... I let my fear of dying of a seizure (not that I have EVER had one) overtake me....
My husband is a good man, but he is ready to leave me.... he doesn't understand my fears or my addiction.... he says he is staying for the kids sake...
Holiday Party at Home Last Night - Not so great
My wife and I have a holiday party every year and she invites her relatives that live close enough to attend. She was anxious in the days leading up to it. She even told me so (unusual for her to admit anxiety). She thought that I may not be ready for a party at home. I am about 3.5 months C&S. Having good/not so good days about 50/50 now.
None of the guests are alcoholic, but they certainly enjoy 2 or 3 beers, a glass of wine with dinner, some a martini...
It's the first time beer/wine/gin has been out at my house since rehab. She has a glass of wine every night and I have reconciled that and lost most, if not all, of my resentment over it... she keeps the wine out of sight, has just one...
But WOW !!! Walking by the case of my favorite brand of beer on the way in from the garage, just where I've kept one for 22 years... nice dry red wine on the table... But, even through that I was keeping a "chin up" good attitude.
But, soon after the party started I crashed and burned. Withdrew, not myself. Couldn't click in with the party. Felt like an outcast, like I wasn't really one of them... that sucks, especially in my own house. But THEY didn't make ME feel like that... I made myself feel that way... Shame?!?!
I just went to bed early. My wife was disappointed, not mad, but probably sad that her fears were realized (darn it!!). Maybe felt a little guilty that we had the party at all. We talked a little. She said (in a nice way... appropriately in the flow) "I had a great time, and I don't drink at all during the party". She doesn't understand, and if I start explaining it... blah, blah, blah, shame, guilt, blah, blah, still early in recovery... She knows she can't ever understand and to her I'm over analyzing...
Going to mass this AM and then a meeting. I'll feel better later.... Thanx for letting me share
Mark
None of the guests are alcoholic, but they certainly enjoy 2 or 3 beers, a glass of wine with dinner, some a martini...
It's the first time beer/wine/gin has been out at my house since rehab. She has a glass of wine every night and I have reconciled that and lost most, if not all, of my resentment over it... she keeps the wine out of sight, has just one...
But WOW !!! Walking by the case of my favorite brand of beer on the way in from the garage, just where I've kept one for 22 years... nice dry red wine on the table... But, even through that I was keeping a "chin up" good attitude.
But, soon after the party started I crashed and burned. Withdrew, not myself. Couldn't click in with the party. Felt like an outcast, like I wasn't really one of them... that sucks, especially in my own house. But THEY didn't make ME feel like that... I made myself feel that way... Shame?!?!
I just went to bed early. My wife was disappointed, not mad, but probably sad that her fears were realized (darn it!!). Maybe felt a little guilty that we had the party at all. We talked a little. She said (in a nice way... appropriately in the flow) "I had a great time, and I don't drink at all during the party". She doesn't understand, and if I start explaining it... blah, blah, blah, shame, guilt, blah, blah, still early in recovery... She knows she can't ever understand and to her I'm over analyzing...
Going to mass this AM and then a meeting. I'll feel better later.... Thanx for letting me share
Mark
TOPIC: Changes In Recovery. We All Go Thru Them.
Hi Im Sharon and Im an Alcoholic.
By the Grace of my HP and people
like you here in SR I havent found
it necessary to pick up a drink of
alcohol since 8-11-90.
For that and you I am truely grateful.
Changes in recovery. We all go thru them.
I suppose if we didnt have changes
then we wouldnt grow and mature.
For me, Ive gone thru many changes.
Forever shedding another peel of
an onion as it falling off.
Child abuse changed me from a shy
child to one full of fear. Fears and
insecurities handicapped into my
latter teenage yrs when i began
to drink.
That substance called alcohol gave me
courage and strength to face obstacles
in my life i wouldnt normally face with
out it.
A 25 yr marriage with half drinking
the rest sober. Drinking to cope
with a family. Drinking to fill a lonely
void. Drinking to belong.
In Feb. 1990 an accident didnt stop my
addiction nor stop me from trying to
end my miserable life.
Aug. 90 family intervention and a 28
day stay in rehab was another change
in my life. Them doing for me what i
couldnt do for myself.
Many many meetings thereafter. A
geographical move to Tx. for 10 yrs.
A failing marriage as i continued trudging
along the road of recovery, sharing
my experience strenghts and hopes
here and there for anyone to listen.
2006 I moved back to my hometown
leaving my little family in Tx. Kids that
were grown and in college and a husband
not wanting to relocate.
All the prayers and tears and forever
being answered and always being
guided by a Force greater than I
is still molding me and changing me
into an fine tuned instrument.
For the last few yrs. more changes
as my HP placed a person in my
life to share it with. I havent asked
for anything and yet I was blessed
with an awesome gift.......all this
due to turning my will and life
over once again and following
the principles of our wonderful
useful program. To finally recieve
the gift of HONESTY.
Once i achieved that then
FREEDOM as mentioned in
the promised was given to me.
This was another unbelivable
remarkable change in my most
rescent life.
Now for today.....i was let go
from my little job, due to
some unquestionable issues
with management.
This door im saying is closed and
will wait for a new one to open.
What change is about to happen
i wonder. Is it time for me to grow
some more? What does my HP
have in mind for me?
Only time will tell.
Till then, im in good hands.
So many changes and still more
to come.
Share ur changes with us if ud
like.
Thanks for letting me share.
By the Grace of my HP and people
like you here in SR I havent found
it necessary to pick up a drink of
alcohol since 8-11-90.
For that and you I am truely grateful.
Changes in recovery. We all go thru them.
I suppose if we didnt have changes
then we wouldnt grow and mature.
For me, Ive gone thru many changes.
Forever shedding another peel of
an onion as it falling off.
Child abuse changed me from a shy
child to one full of fear. Fears and
insecurities handicapped into my
latter teenage yrs when i began
to drink.
That substance called alcohol gave me
courage and strength to face obstacles
in my life i wouldnt normally face with
out it.
A 25 yr marriage with half drinking
the rest sober. Drinking to cope
with a family. Drinking to fill a lonely
void. Drinking to belong.
In Feb. 1990 an accident didnt stop my
addiction nor stop me from trying to
end my miserable life.
Aug. 90 family intervention and a 28
day stay in rehab was another change
in my life. Them doing for me what i
couldnt do for myself.
Many many meetings thereafter. A
geographical move to Tx. for 10 yrs.
A failing marriage as i continued trudging
along the road of recovery, sharing
my experience strenghts and hopes
here and there for anyone to listen.
2006 I moved back to my hometown
leaving my little family in Tx. Kids that
were grown and in college and a husband
not wanting to relocate.
All the prayers and tears and forever
being answered and always being
guided by a Force greater than I
is still molding me and changing me
into an fine tuned instrument.
For the last few yrs. more changes
as my HP placed a person in my
life to share it with. I havent asked
for anything and yet I was blessed
with an awesome gift.......all this
due to turning my will and life
over once again and following
the principles of our wonderful
useful program. To finally recieve
the gift of HONESTY.
Once i achieved that then
FREEDOM as mentioned in
the promised was given to me.
This was another unbelivable
remarkable change in my most
rescent life.
Now for today.....i was let go
from my little job, due to
some unquestionable issues
with management.
This door im saying is closed and
will wait for a new one to open.
What change is about to happen
i wonder. Is it time for me to grow
some more? What does my HP
have in mind for me?
Only time will tell.
Till then, im in good hands.
So many changes and still more
to come.
Share ur changes with us if ud
like.
Thanks for letting me share.
A sense of entitlement
What I'm dealing with:
My ex is still at my house, sleeping in his son's bedroom. He got out of jail nearly 2 weeks ago. He came over to see his son and he never left. He's not working or making any attempts to find a job. I was trying to be kind and let him stay through his next court date (Dec. 29th) but he?s making it really difficult. I thought he might be able to pitch in and help with a few around the house projects I have ? like caulking the bathrooms ? but he?s really not into it. Twice now, he?s gone out at night, and not come back til the next day.
He?s not using drugs (or so he says, and he doesn?t seem hungover when he gets back) but it?s very disturbing to my son who gets very upset every time his daddy leaves because he is worried that he will never come back. It also really annoys me because I am a fulltime parent and I have yet to catch a break or get an evening out even though his father has come to stay.
At first my son was very concerned everytime his father left the house. He would cry because he didn't think daddy was coming back. So I started telling him that Daddy comes and goes and Daddy is looking for his own house. And his daddy would love him no matter where he lived. And that we would go visit him when he did find his own house. That seems to have quieted his fears a little. And I also think that my son may be catching on to his fathers ways - realizing that his father is totally unreliable. Because , ysterday my son surprised me on the way home from work. He asked if his father would be at home. And then he said "I know momma, he comes and goes."
His father is pretty much a playmate to his son and that's all. I've been very sick so it was helpful to have someone there to entertain my child, but now having him in my house is really starting to annoy me. He lays on the couch and does nothing. He has no initiative. He has this attitude of entitlement and when I ask him what his plans are or I express my frustration to him, he just acts like I?m being a bitch and tells me he?ll find somewhere else to stay. But that?s about it. He hasn't actually made a permanent move to find somewhere else to stay. He just comes and goes when he wants and acts like I?m being a nasty beyatch when I ask him to help out or if he?s going to be around when I get home from work.
He has been hanging with his old "druggie" friends. He says they aren't using anymore. He told his mother that he had to re-acquaint himself with his old friends because I wouldn't let him stay us and he had to find somewhere to live. His mother called and asked me not to argue with him. She's afraid he will go out and use drugs and not come home for a visit after Christmas.
Anyway, sorry to post so long. I need to get this out so I can get a grip and make a move. It's easier to set boundaries and make an action plan when I see how ridiculous the situation looks on paper.
ERGH!
My ex is still at my house, sleeping in his son's bedroom. He got out of jail nearly 2 weeks ago. He came over to see his son and he never left. He's not working or making any attempts to find a job. I was trying to be kind and let him stay through his next court date (Dec. 29th) but he?s making it really difficult. I thought he might be able to pitch in and help with a few around the house projects I have ? like caulking the bathrooms ? but he?s really not into it. Twice now, he?s gone out at night, and not come back til the next day.
He?s not using drugs (or so he says, and he doesn?t seem hungover when he gets back) but it?s very disturbing to my son who gets very upset every time his daddy leaves because he is worried that he will never come back. It also really annoys me because I am a fulltime parent and I have yet to catch a break or get an evening out even though his father has come to stay.
At first my son was very concerned everytime his father left the house. He would cry because he didn't think daddy was coming back. So I started telling him that Daddy comes and goes and Daddy is looking for his own house. And his daddy would love him no matter where he lived. And that we would go visit him when he did find his own house. That seems to have quieted his fears a little. And I also think that my son may be catching on to his fathers ways - realizing that his father is totally unreliable. Because , ysterday my son surprised me on the way home from work. He asked if his father would be at home. And then he said "I know momma, he comes and goes."
His father is pretty much a playmate to his son and that's all. I've been very sick so it was helpful to have someone there to entertain my child, but now having him in my house is really starting to annoy me. He lays on the couch and does nothing. He has no initiative. He has this attitude of entitlement and when I ask him what his plans are or I express my frustration to him, he just acts like I?m being a bitch and tells me he?ll find somewhere else to stay. But that?s about it. He hasn't actually made a permanent move to find somewhere else to stay. He just comes and goes when he wants and acts like I?m being a nasty beyatch when I ask him to help out or if he?s going to be around when I get home from work.
He has been hanging with his old "druggie" friends. He says they aren't using anymore. He told his mother that he had to re-acquaint himself with his old friends because I wouldn't let him stay us and he had to find somewhere to live. His mother called and asked me not to argue with him. She's afraid he will go out and use drugs and not come home for a visit after Christmas.
Anyway, sorry to post so long. I need to get this out so I can get a grip and make a move. It's easier to set boundaries and make an action plan when I see how ridiculous the situation looks on paper.
ERGH!
New and looking for advice or support
Hi everyone. I'm new to the forum and have been reading a few posts here and there and have already found some answers I have been looking for, but would like some further advice or support from people who are in my shoes so here it goes....
My boyfriend and I have been together for 4 1/2 years. Two months ago he was arrested for possession of meth. That is when it my fears of suspecting he was on meth was confirmed. I like to see myself as very level headed, well rounded, undertanding and smart, but after this I feel that all went out the window. I knew something was not right with him. I have always been very anti drug, never wanted to try it, not even weed or cigarettes. The only thing I do is drink when I go out. When I met my boyfriend, he smoked weed and I knew a couple years before I met him he use to go to raves and do E. he didn't do any of that as far as I know after we got together and after the first 6 moths he stopped smoking weed. A couple of times I found a pipe and cut straws in his pant pockets and as time went on, his financial situation got to be really bad. Come to find out he has been doing meth on and off for 6 years....2 years before we got together. Right before he was arrested, I was going to break up with him. I am 26 years old and my goal right now is to complete my BA, get my house, and start a family and he just did not fit into that picture anymore, but right now I am here for him mainly for support. He comes from a loving family, has a great 5 year old son, HAD good friends. Sorry so long, but here is the gist of it. At this point, he has already stayed 30 days in a residential treatment home, he is currently in a sober living environment and gets tested every so often and attends meeting very frequently. I have noticed a great change in him all around as I think he has noticed in himself as well. His moods are better, he has energy, he takes care of business, he talks about his fears, anxiety...he actually has feelings, but I am fully aware he is in a controlled environment right now. My biggest fear is him relapsing. I am trying to be supportive and I think I'm doing a great job at it, but if he relapses, I know I'll be angry and resentful. As I read in some other posts, I have to decide on what I can live with and ultimately that is what matters, but I feel like I am so unguided in this situation. There is no one I can talk to close to me who can help me sort out my scattered thoughts and feelings because they don't understand. I know there are no "answers", but I need something of substance to help guide me in my decision. I am mad that he was able to hide this for so long, but through meetings and counseling, I know it was the drug who made him that way. I am also trying not to cross the fine line of being educated and understanding to just being blinded and stupid. Before this our biggest issue was money and now I know why, I guess I'm hoping that if he can overcome his addiction things will be the way they were suppose to be and the way we planned. I understand addiction is a lifelong struggle and I have to be prepared to commit to that. Any comments would be much appreciated.
My boyfriend and I have been together for 4 1/2 years. Two months ago he was arrested for possession of meth. That is when it my fears of suspecting he was on meth was confirmed. I like to see myself as very level headed, well rounded, undertanding and smart, but after this I feel that all went out the window. I knew something was not right with him. I have always been very anti drug, never wanted to try it, not even weed or cigarettes. The only thing I do is drink when I go out. When I met my boyfriend, he smoked weed and I knew a couple years before I met him he use to go to raves and do E. he didn't do any of that as far as I know after we got together and after the first 6 moths he stopped smoking weed. A couple of times I found a pipe and cut straws in his pant pockets and as time went on, his financial situation got to be really bad. Come to find out he has been doing meth on and off for 6 years....2 years before we got together. Right before he was arrested, I was going to break up with him. I am 26 years old and my goal right now is to complete my BA, get my house, and start a family and he just did not fit into that picture anymore, but right now I am here for him mainly for support. He comes from a loving family, has a great 5 year old son, HAD good friends. Sorry so long, but here is the gist of it. At this point, he has already stayed 30 days in a residential treatment home, he is currently in a sober living environment and gets tested every so often and attends meeting very frequently. I have noticed a great change in him all around as I think he has noticed in himself as well. His moods are better, he has energy, he takes care of business, he talks about his fears, anxiety...he actually has feelings, but I am fully aware he is in a controlled environment right now. My biggest fear is him relapsing. I am trying to be supportive and I think I'm doing a great job at it, but if he relapses, I know I'll be angry and resentful. As I read in some other posts, I have to decide on what I can live with and ultimately that is what matters, but I feel like I am so unguided in this situation. There is no one I can talk to close to me who can help me sort out my scattered thoughts and feelings because they don't understand. I know there are no "answers", but I need something of substance to help guide me in my decision. I am mad that he was able to hide this for so long, but through meetings and counseling, I know it was the drug who made him that way. I am also trying not to cross the fine line of being educated and understanding to just being blinded and stupid. Before this our biggest issue was money and now I know why, I guess I'm hoping that if he can overcome his addiction things will be the way they were suppose to be and the way we planned. I understand addiction is a lifelong struggle and I have to be prepared to commit to that. Any comments would be much appreciated.
What is my role? (intro)
My brother just got out of a 30-day inpatient treatment for chronic alcoholism. It was his third time through rehab. Last time, we got 3 1/2 years of sobriety when he got out. This time ... six days. My situation is this: We are a small family, including myself (age 43), my alcoholic brother (age 52), my sister (age 60) and my widowed mother (age 82). My brother is divorced and ended a long term relationship a few months ago (a factor in his relapse, I believe). Prior to going in for this last treatment, my brother was being helped by a friend, who took him to detox (twice and arranged for him to get back into treatment.
On Monday evening, less than a week after getting out of treatment, my brother bought a bottle. He says he only drank part, and poured the rest of it away. I happened to stop by the morning after and found him talking to a woman he knows who also just got out of treatment and is now living in a sober house about two hours from here. She advised me that he shouldn't be left alone, because of fears of DTs, so I stayed with him Tuesday night and all day yesterday. We spent yesterday making calls to try to get him into psychiatric counseling (depression and anxiety are major factors for him) and trying to get his financial situation sorted out (he lost his job with the last relapse).
His eligibility for financial assistance is jeopardized by the fact that his treatment center recommended he go to a halfway house for three months after his release, and he declined (we didn't know about this recommendation). He still refuses to go to the halfway house they recommended, which is about an hour away, because he feels he needs to try to find employment, as his bills are mounting. We have a local halfway house, but it doesn't have any beds currently available. He feels he can't live alone, and had hoped that the friend who helped him before he went into treatment would move in with him. However, I don't believe that is going to happen, as this person is feeling rather discouraged with Kevin's relapse.
Kevin claims he doesn't plan to use again, but obviously we've heard that before. When asked why he made the decision to buy a bottle, he responds, "I don't know." He seems to have latched on to the idea that he has a psychiatric problem, but while I feel his depression/anxiety are complicating his recovery, I don't think they make it IMPOSSIBLE for him to keep from buying.
In any case, I'm struggling to know what my role is. My mother is falling apart over this, and I feel I need to take care of her right now. On the other hand, I am really the only person left in my brother's life, so I want to be available to help him in his SOBRIETY. I don't want to be involved when he is actively drinking. He's told me he would like to keep in close touch with me on a daily basis. I don't know if he's using me as a crutch - someone to keep him on the straight-and-narrow because he doesn't feel like he can do it himself?
Everything I've read says I shouldn't be helping him, as it's just enabling him to keep from helping himself. But I don't know if that means I shouldn't be available for him to talk to when he's feeling sad or scared or vulnerable? I can't quit my job and move in with him to keep him from going off the rails. I can't be available to drop everything and run to help him when he's having a panic attack or whatever. What CAN I do to keep my own life intact while supporting my brother in his quest for sobriety?
Thanks for any advice you can offer.
On Monday evening, less than a week after getting out of treatment, my brother bought a bottle. He says he only drank part, and poured the rest of it away. I happened to stop by the morning after and found him talking to a woman he knows who also just got out of treatment and is now living in a sober house about two hours from here. She advised me that he shouldn't be left alone, because of fears of DTs, so I stayed with him Tuesday night and all day yesterday. We spent yesterday making calls to try to get him into psychiatric counseling (depression and anxiety are major factors for him) and trying to get his financial situation sorted out (he lost his job with the last relapse).
His eligibility for financial assistance is jeopardized by the fact that his treatment center recommended he go to a halfway house for three months after his release, and he declined (we didn't know about this recommendation). He still refuses to go to the halfway house they recommended, which is about an hour away, because he feels he needs to try to find employment, as his bills are mounting. We have a local halfway house, but it doesn't have any beds currently available. He feels he can't live alone, and had hoped that the friend who helped him before he went into treatment would move in with him. However, I don't believe that is going to happen, as this person is feeling rather discouraged with Kevin's relapse.
Kevin claims he doesn't plan to use again, but obviously we've heard that before. When asked why he made the decision to buy a bottle, he responds, "I don't know." He seems to have latched on to the idea that he has a psychiatric problem, but while I feel his depression/anxiety are complicating his recovery, I don't think they make it IMPOSSIBLE for him to keep from buying.
In any case, I'm struggling to know what my role is. My mother is falling apart over this, and I feel I need to take care of her right now. On the other hand, I am really the only person left in my brother's life, so I want to be available to help him in his SOBRIETY. I don't want to be involved when he is actively drinking. He's told me he would like to keep in close touch with me on a daily basis. I don't know if he's using me as a crutch - someone to keep him on the straight-and-narrow because he doesn't feel like he can do it himself?
Everything I've read says I shouldn't be helping him, as it's just enabling him to keep from helping himself. But I don't know if that means I shouldn't be available for him to talk to when he's feeling sad or scared or vulnerable? I can't quit my job and move in with him to keep him from going off the rails. I can't be available to drop everything and run to help him when he's having a panic attack or whatever. What CAN I do to keep my own life intact while supporting my brother in his quest for sobriety?
Thanks for any advice you can offer.
alcohol, depression, counselling and medication
Hi
I wanted to strart this post as I have been drinking all my adult life (now 37). I went to AA, counselling, and tried to deal with alcoholism myself too unsuccessfully. I was always depressed about what i thought was the drinking.
2 months ago i decided it might be time to start thinking about how to end my life as it really was not living anymore and i could not get any better. At this point i decided i would have one more shot at it and went to a counseller.
I've been going for 2 times a week ever since and have been sober with no real hard cravings like when i tried to give up myself. I think in some way it has helped me to be told that i have been self medicating using alcohol to either in some part deal with the anxiety/depression/social anxiety and to some extent the issues i have with myself, which i am addressing now and will continue to do so at counselling.
I was prescribed anti-depressants (seroxat or paxil as it is known in the states), anatabuse and an anti anxiety pill for the weeks coming off booze.
I want to start this thread as i wanted to get some feedback on the above and also wanted to discuss users questions about my road to recovery which has, and i know will be now, successful. Fears on medication etc.
I would never have really considered what i have done to get to being able to sit here happy and posting in a sane frame of mind, post away please:-)
I wanted to strart this post as I have been drinking all my adult life (now 37). I went to AA, counselling, and tried to deal with alcoholism myself too unsuccessfully. I was always depressed about what i thought was the drinking.
2 months ago i decided it might be time to start thinking about how to end my life as it really was not living anymore and i could not get any better. At this point i decided i would have one more shot at it and went to a counseller.
I've been going for 2 times a week ever since and have been sober with no real hard cravings like when i tried to give up myself. I think in some way it has helped me to be told that i have been self medicating using alcohol to either in some part deal with the anxiety/depression/social anxiety and to some extent the issues i have with myself, which i am addressing now and will continue to do so at counselling.
I was prescribed anti-depressants (seroxat or paxil as it is known in the states), anatabuse and an anti anxiety pill for the weeks coming off booze.
I want to start this thread as i wanted to get some feedback on the above and also wanted to discuss users questions about my road to recovery which has, and i know will be now, successful. Fears on medication etc.
I would never have really considered what i have done to get to being able to sit here happy and posting in a sane frame of mind, post away please:-)
More PROMISES
I was taught that any time the Big Book speaks of new insight, prosperity or spiritual growth that it is a "Promise". By that standard there is supposed to be over 300 Promise in the 4th Edition including the stories in the back. I have found that there at least 4 places where cluster of promises can be found;
- 2nd Step Promises (Page 50)
They flatly declare that since they have come to believe in a Power greater than themselves, to take a certain attitude toward that Power, and to do certain simple things. There has been a revolutionary change in their way of living and thinking. In the face of collapse and despair, in the face of the total failure of their human resources, they found that a new power, peace, happiness, and sense of direction flowed into them.
- 5th Step Promises (Page 75)
Once we have taken this step, withholding nothing, we are delighted. We can look the world in the eye. We can be alone at perfect peace and ease. Our fears fall from us. We begin to feel the nearness of our Creator.
We may have had certain spiritual beliefs, but now we begin to have a spiritual experience. The feeling that the drink problem has disappeared will often come strongly. We feel we are on the Broad Highway, walking hand in hand with the Spirit of the Universe.
- 9th Step Promises (Page83)
If we are painstaking about this phase of our development, we will be amazed before we are halfway through. We are going to know a new freedom and a new happiness. We will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it. We will comprehend the word serenity and we will know peace. No matter how far down the scale we have gone, we will see how our experience can benefit others. That feeling of uselessness and self-pity will disappear. We will lose interest in selfish things and gain interest in our fellows. Self-seeking will slip away. Our whole attitude and outlook upon life will change. Fear of people and of economic insecurity will leave us. We will intuitively know how to handle situations which used to baffle us. We will suddenly realize that God is doing for us what we could not do for ourselves.
- 10th Step Promises (Page 84)
And we have ceased fighting anything or anyone â??even alcohol.
For by this time sanity will have returned. We will seldom be interested in liquor. If tempted, we recoil from it as from a hot flame. We react sanely and normally, and we will find that this has happened automatically. We will see that our new attitude toward liquor has been given us without any thought or effort on our part. It just comes! That is the miracle of it. We are not fighting it, neither are we avoiding temptation. We feel as though we had been placed in a position of neutralityâ??safe and protected. We have not even sworn off. Instead, the problem has been removed. It does not exist for us. We are neither cocky nor are we afraid. That is our experience. That is how we react so long as we keep in fit spiritual condition.
- 2nd Step Promises (Page 50)
They flatly declare that since they have come to believe in a Power greater than themselves, to take a certain attitude toward that Power, and to do certain simple things. There has been a revolutionary change in their way of living and thinking. In the face of collapse and despair, in the face of the total failure of their human resources, they found that a new power, peace, happiness, and sense of direction flowed into them.
- 5th Step Promises (Page 75)
Once we have taken this step, withholding nothing, we are delighted. We can look the world in the eye. We can be alone at perfect peace and ease. Our fears fall from us. We begin to feel the nearness of our Creator.
We may have had certain spiritual beliefs, but now we begin to have a spiritual experience. The feeling that the drink problem has disappeared will often come strongly. We feel we are on the Broad Highway, walking hand in hand with the Spirit of the Universe.
- 9th Step Promises (Page83)
If we are painstaking about this phase of our development, we will be amazed before we are halfway through. We are going to know a new freedom and a new happiness. We will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it. We will comprehend the word serenity and we will know peace. No matter how far down the scale we have gone, we will see how our experience can benefit others. That feeling of uselessness and self-pity will disappear. We will lose interest in selfish things and gain interest in our fellows. Self-seeking will slip away. Our whole attitude and outlook upon life will change. Fear of people and of economic insecurity will leave us. We will intuitively know how to handle situations which used to baffle us. We will suddenly realize that God is doing for us what we could not do for ourselves.
- 10th Step Promises (Page 84)
And we have ceased fighting anything or anyone â??even alcohol.
For by this time sanity will have returned. We will seldom be interested in liquor. If tempted, we recoil from it as from a hot flame. We react sanely and normally, and we will find that this has happened automatically. We will see that our new attitude toward liquor has been given us without any thought or effort on our part. It just comes! That is the miracle of it. We are not fighting it, neither are we avoiding temptation. We feel as though we had been placed in a position of neutralityâ??safe and protected. We have not even sworn off. Instead, the problem has been removed. It does not exist for us. We are neither cocky nor are we afraid. That is our experience. That is how we react so long as we keep in fit spiritual condition.
What’s in this for me?
As I have turned the focus more on me, and am working hard to learn about myself, I asked the hard question, "What am I getting out of this?" I know that people don't just continue the same painful behavior unless they are getting something from it.
Once again the book "How Did I Get Here?" by Barbara DeAngelis helped answer this. It's not exactly what I wanted to hear, but I think it was right on target.
1. Attention..........If we remain confused for long enough we get to be a martyr.
2. Advice.........Our daily routine becomes asking the people around us for their opinion about what we should do.........Constantly asking for advice to help us with our confusion is a way to remain a child and avoid growing up.
3. Addictions.........Staying confused is a great way to stay addicted.
4. Avoidance........This is the biggest negative payoff of confusion......Preoccupied with being confused, we get to avoid whatever it is that we don't want to face.
We avoid the truth.
We avoid change.
We avoid facing our fears,
We avoid disappointing people we love.
We avoid taking risks.
We avoid confrontation with others.
We avoid reality.
We avoid leaping off the cliff.
It's a good thing today was a holiday because I wouldn't have gotten a thing done at work! Awesome book.........tomorrow I'll finish it up and get to the part that talks about changing these patterns.
Once again the book "How Did I Get Here?" by Barbara DeAngelis helped answer this. It's not exactly what I wanted to hear, but I think it was right on target.
1. Attention..........If we remain confused for long enough we get to be a martyr.
2. Advice.........Our daily routine becomes asking the people around us for their opinion about what we should do.........Constantly asking for advice to help us with our confusion is a way to remain a child and avoid growing up.
3. Addictions.........Staying confused is a great way to stay addicted.
4. Avoidance........This is the biggest negative payoff of confusion......Preoccupied with being confused, we get to avoid whatever it is that we don't want to face.
We avoid the truth.
We avoid change.
We avoid facing our fears,
We avoid disappointing people we love.
We avoid taking risks.
We avoid confrontation with others.
We avoid reality.
We avoid leaping off the cliff.
It's a good thing today was a holiday because I wouldn't have gotten a thing done at work! Awesome book.........tomorrow I'll finish it up and get to the part that talks about changing these patterns.
