Archive for the ‘Feelings Of Love’ tag
Here I am again….
Hi all....
It's been a while since I've posted...this roller coaster has taken a toll on me. I ended up in the ER with chest pain yesterday, was there for 7 hours.....I followed up with my reg pcp today and they hooked me up to a 24 hr monitor. They think it's stress related, but they want to be sure. I know it's stress. I am nauseas, I can't eat, can't sleep, cry constantly. I was doing so well...reading my books.....visiting the sites...going to naranon, and then boom...he relapsed and I lost it. I am trying to get back on track...detaching..and working on me , but it's so hard!!!!! To recap a lil for those who don't know...I am 37....My bf is 29...he is a heroin addict...we've been together almost 11 months..and He told me 7 months into the relationship he was an addict...because he had been arrested and needed to go to detox/rehab. I totally died at that moment cried screamed...ran left....2 days later I talked to him and realized I love him ..and needed to help him , support him and give him a chance. so I did!!! since then ...he's relapsed once a month I think..and you know the lies, excuses....guilt, bs etc...I stood by him, I was his warden at times....compassionate at times....I tried it all....finally this last time when he picked up again I lost it and said NO..I am detaching totally..it hurt..i cried....but I tried to take it each day asit came..and did ok..two weeks later i see him ..and all those feelings of love came back..I love his mom..and she loves me....I got to see her....b/c I had also detached from her....I missed her soooo...It was nice. He is going into detox tomorrow........so I pray this is the time he does it..stays clean....does the work...etc.....Please pray for him......me & mom!! Thanks for listening...any advice......would be appreciated!!!!!
:praying
It's been a while since I've posted...this roller coaster has taken a toll on me. I ended up in the ER with chest pain yesterday, was there for 7 hours.....I followed up with my reg pcp today and they hooked me up to a 24 hr monitor. They think it's stress related, but they want to be sure. I know it's stress. I am nauseas, I can't eat, can't sleep, cry constantly. I was doing so well...reading my books.....visiting the sites...going to naranon, and then boom...he relapsed and I lost it. I am trying to get back on track...detaching..and working on me , but it's so hard!!!!! To recap a lil for those who don't know...I am 37....My bf is 29...he is a heroin addict...we've been together almost 11 months..and He told me 7 months into the relationship he was an addict...because he had been arrested and needed to go to detox/rehab. I totally died at that moment cried screamed...ran left....2 days later I talked to him and realized I love him ..and needed to help him , support him and give him a chance. so I did!!! since then ...he's relapsed once a month I think..and you know the lies, excuses....guilt, bs etc...I stood by him, I was his warden at times....compassionate at times....I tried it all....finally this last time when he picked up again I lost it and said NO..I am detaching totally..it hurt..i cried....but I tried to take it each day asit came..and did ok..two weeks later i see him ..and all those feelings of love came back..I love his mom..and she loves me....I got to see her....b/c I had also detached from her....I missed her soooo...It was nice. He is going into detox tomorrow........so I pray this is the time he does it..stays clean....does the work...etc.....Please pray for him......me & mom!! Thanks for listening...any advice......would be appreciated!!!!!
:praying
friends, tough love please!
I've allowed my XABF back into my life as a friend. A slippery slope indeed I know. Because though our relationship is not complicated by intimacy I still have strong feelings of love. As strong as ever. He's also been helping remodel my house and for the most part has been sober, with a few slips.
But there are other things that have not changed or actually have gotten even worse. For I am now complete secret from his ex wife (a woman he often describes as a bi***) whom he shares custody of his two sons with. he fears telling her about his relationship with me because it will jeapordize his visitations with his children. he also feels it's important that this children see them together occasionally and participate in family activities with them and the ex. All of which I understand but feel very demeaned non-the-less by the secrecy.
this weekend they have planned a camping trip. He made sure to let me know he will hve a seperate tent with one of the boys. and he asked me to "not get upset". then he asked me to think about this and decide if I still want to come over to his place and hang out.
thus I am asking you very insightful and strong people to tell me, convince me, that I need to somehow respect myself more than this and command that I deserve more than a secret friendship from this relationship.
Problem for me, is that I don't know how to do this.
I'm afraid of being alone. I'm also vulnerable at this time because i am also losing my job in next next few months and he's one of the few friends i have outside of work. oh and...my house remodeling isn't done yet...but I do have a backup plan for that, another friend agreed to finish it for a price.
so yes. bring on the tough love. I need strength right now. i don't want to cry and plead with him to understand, I want to somehow show him that this is not tolerable. that I want an open honest loving relationship.
thank you in advance!
But there are other things that have not changed or actually have gotten even worse. For I am now complete secret from his ex wife (a woman he often describes as a bi***) whom he shares custody of his two sons with. he fears telling her about his relationship with me because it will jeapordize his visitations with his children. he also feels it's important that this children see them together occasionally and participate in family activities with them and the ex. All of which I understand but feel very demeaned non-the-less by the secrecy.
this weekend they have planned a camping trip. He made sure to let me know he will hve a seperate tent with one of the boys. and he asked me to "not get upset". then he asked me to think about this and decide if I still want to come over to his place and hang out.
thus I am asking you very insightful and strong people to tell me, convince me, that I need to somehow respect myself more than this and command that I deserve more than a secret friendship from this relationship.
Problem for me, is that I don't know how to do this.
I'm afraid of being alone. I'm also vulnerable at this time because i am also losing my job in next next few months and he's one of the few friends i have outside of work. oh and...my house remodeling isn't done yet...but I do have a backup plan for that, another friend agreed to finish it for a price.
so yes. bring on the tough love. I need strength right now. i don't want to cry and plead with him to understand, I want to somehow show him that this is not tolerable. that I want an open honest loving relationship.
thank you in advance!
