Drug Rehab Options Blog

To qualify all of this, I am not subscribed to any organized religion. Although I believe there is much value in the teachings of all religions, I don't like God as I understand him to have rules imposed by others. That is one of the beautiful things about 12 step programs to me, I can relate to a God of my understanding.

With that said, prayer has become a very important part of my recovery. It didn't happen overnight, and I still have a long way to go. Going from cursing God every morning for waking me up another day, to thanking him for the same reason is a humbling thing. What's interesting to me, is how my prayer life has progressed throughout my recovery. That includes my previous unsuccessful attempts.

I started out like most probably do, praying in disbelief. Was there really a God? If there was why did he care about me after all the terrible things I had done? Most of all, why would he want to help me? Those feelings slowly passed, as I saw the intrinsic benefits of prayer. I didn't want to believe, I really didn't. It all started with those foxhole prayers during my addiction, "God please help me", "Get me out of this, I swear I'll never do it again" and so forth. One day that please help me prayer was answered, and my life was never the same.

As things have progressed my prayers have become more complex. More thought goes into them. First I thank God for keeping me clean and sober that day, then I continue into other prayers. Prayers for my own well being, for those I love and care about, and strangely enough for those I hold resentments against. That was a tough one.

I thought this would be a good place to share thoughts and opinions on prayer. For or against, everyone is entitled to their own opinion and experience. What I am really interested in is the prayers that my fellow addicts use for the problems that may arise. I have many of them, but this post is long enough so I'll share them as we go. The serenity prayer and the other step prayers are of course classic and integral, but that's not really what I am getting at. Everyone seems to have their own conception of prayer and God, and that's the main thing I'd love to hear about. This could be a good resource for newcomers to recovery, as well as something valuable for people with tons of time. We all can learn from each other. If you're not interested just move on no problem, but I am very interested and it would be great to hear other's opinions, and questions, about prayer and recovery. Sorry to ramble and thanks in advance for your thoughts.

Long story short - my b/f and I broke up three years ago. He is an addict/alkie, but I was his: body, heart and soul.

With and without drugs, we had the best times and we just "fit" together. Let's just say, we have to be apart. It's the best thing for all concerned. He is the father of my child, will always be in my life and I will always love him.

Basically, I felt horrible, I wanted to die, but instead I drank and took painkillers for three years. Which I am now trying to stop. But it is really hurting. It is like we just broke up.

I can see myself coping with everyday life again, the stresses and stuff, but this emotional stuff from so long ago has just come up and smacked me so hard. I'm one second away from crying all the time.

Having the mentality of a two year old, I want someone to say something magical that is going to take all my pain away!!!

I have been with my boyfriend since July 2007, or a little over a year. In January, a friend of his shared some cocaine with him, which sent him down a slippery path. At this time, he was still suffering from undiagnosed Depression, and is a student in a very rigorous program at a challenging university, so he began using habitually as a coping mechanism. During this time, he also used Ecstasy for the first time. When school ended for the year, his problems did not go away; upon returning home, his beloved dog died, and so he continually used both cocaine and E, sometime at the same time, for a week or so after. Around this time, he finally saw a psychiatrist and was put on medication for his Depression. However, he continued to use cocaine frequently and E occasionally throughout the summer. One night in August, he tried LSD for the first time. He took far too much for a first-time user, and went into a violent state that got his parents involved and opened their eyes to their son's problem. Shortly thereafter, he started attending rehab. He has been off of hard drugs ever since then (he still smokes weed, but that was never his problem, so I don't worry about it).

The only problem is that, even after almost four months of sobriety, he still talks about using coke or E again one day. He maintains that his feelings on those drugs were such happy ones that he simply cannot picture going through the rest of his life never feeling that sort of happiness again.

I understand that there are so many factors that would make him feel this way, namely the depression that was still plaguing him throughout much of his use. Still, it pains me to think that he might go back to drugs; we've talked at length about how painful it was for me during that time. I know that he wants to marry me, and I feel the same way about him. How can I convince him that one day, together, we will have enough happiness in our life that he won't need these drugs?

He's not getting better--my alcoholic father--in fact, he is getting worse. Because he used to be a happy drunk, and now he's miserable all the time. I used to be able to talk to him but every conversation turns into a fight either out of his misery or my anger feelings to him. He cut out his coffee in the morning to save money, but he continues to drink a 48 pack unassisted at night. Before, it was easy to say he's not that bad, but he is, and he has no intention of stopping. It was easy to lie to myself, but I'm sick and tired of lying to myself to somehow make myself believe that life isn't what it is. I lie to enough people around me, to send me to hell, just to cover him.

And my mom, I feel so bad for her, because all she's ever done is work hard, she's like an angel, and she won't leave him because my sister's getting married soon, and she doesn't want to ruin her wedding. And she only gets to break away every now and then from him for a night partially to make sure he doesn't do himself in one of these days and to keep me from babysitting. You're supposed to look up to your parents, and I look up to my mom someone who puts others first often but still manages to be solid and not all broken like I've become.

I just pray that God or whoever the higher being is, will take me out of this mess. A teacher once told me to say thank you foreverything that is thrown your way. And it's easier some days than others to do so, but no matter how hard I try I can't say thank you for this. I can't say "Thanks, God, that alocholic father, he was a real bessing in desguise!" I don't see the blessing, I'm not finding the good in it. I keep looking for a little glimmer of something, and I can't find it. I guess I'm not looking hard enough. But I don't know how much harder I can look.

All I feel around him is anger and resentment.

Hey all you all....

I am battling manic-depressive emotions daily. I'm not actually M/D, but with new sobriety and "feeling" the feelings - it's been a heck of a roller-coaster ride!!!

Yesterday was a seemingly bottomless pit. Today, great. I know I can't predict tomorrow cuz I'm not there yet but I'm expecting this same up and down, unpredictable -- overwhelming emotional crap that I just can't put a lid on or somehow control. When it's good, it's really good. When it's shhhi... it's bad!

Trying to just roll with it and know "this too shall pass". Easy to say to others, however, not so easy with myself!

I'm thanking God for the great day I had today and am grateful I wasn't on the flip side like the day before.

Hope YOU had a great Thanksgiving, and if not, there's always tomorrow!

:wtf2

Today sucked emotionally and mentally. Sinking into depression and hate the feelings that I can't control!

Gotta do the dinner thing tomorrow and just wish everything would disappear instead.

Don't feel the gratitude right now for much of anything.

Goin to bed sober -- hope I can sleep!!!

Encouragement????

my ex addict/alcoholic boyfriend saw me at a show the other day, and tried to talk to me despite me telling him often that we can not talk , and that we can not be friends because i am still in love with him. we broke up about 6 months ago--- but were together off and on 8 years or so.

I tried to be nice , i said how are you he said he was okay, i half heartedly forced myself to smile, i said good and i left.

last night i got an email sounding angry and mad that we couldnt talk , that he was "glad to see ive grown up a bit" "this is what all our history come to".

i wrote him back saying that he thought i was clingy and needy. now im none of those things to him- and he should be a bit prouder and that maybe i have "grown up a bit".

I also told him that i thought he was selfish for not factoring in my feelings, that because i am still constantly reminded of my heart break, i would just want to remind him, too which isnt healthy.
i also explained that i loved him more than myself and that until that changed it would be unhealthy if we were "friends" and that i still care about him, if he really needed me id be there for him.
and that i was sorry he thought it was selfish- but it wasnt. ive told him i couldnt be friends with him as he still broken my heart and that i could say to him too, couldnt we ha ve worked it out- this is what all our history has come to? and that he made this decision.

he has read it, but not replied. it REALLY HURTS. i feel like he got me again. i wrote him a second email basically saying, thanks i guess he got what he wanted- to know i still cared and that he was okay. and while i poured my heart out, he just said nothing.

it really bummed me out. he gets all angry that ere not talking and then HE doesnt even talk to me . i know thats probably for the best.

but the problem i have here is that I guess he is just OVER the breakup now??? just wants to be friends?!!? what a jerk. i hope i expressed that he is selfish in my email for not thinking of my broken heart.

I'd like to thank everyone for their input on my problems with the AW. I am at the situration now where I do realize that I have to make choices for my own life.

The question I have for all of you, is how did you work up the courage to do the things you had to do? In my analysis of my feelings, I guess I'm frozen in indecision because of al the messy feelings that are going to come out of changing my life. Please take the following as a compliment. How did several of you become such hard nosed people? I really need a dose of that in my personality.

Redd

All it takes is a little bit of alcohol, and we fight. My fiance and I have thus agreed to have a dry house when it's just the two of us. But! With Thanksgiving fast approaching, said fiance has friends in town that want to come to our house this Wednesday. There will be beer, etc. That makes me nervous! I have always in the past made an excuse to have "just one" drink. Next think you know I'm wasted, happy!, but wasted... and oh so hung over the next day. Today is day two of my sobriety. I'd like to continue to press on ...

I think I may head out of town early to my family's place for Thanksgiving on Wednesday after work. I spoke with my guy about my feelings and he understood why I felt the need to be away from the house if he and his friends were to be drinking.

Simply put, alcohol is like POISON between my guy and I. Even one sip is a bad idea. One sip leads to another.:e136:

I'm sad that we cannot be together this holiday. That because I'm sober, and my guy is not going to be, that I have to create space.

What a lonely feeling.

Just did a personality profile on EHarmony.
They are running a free week, so, I figured, Why not? :e058:

Anyway, here's the results.
Thought it was pretty cool!

Seems to be pretty spot on, I think... :wink3:

Shalom!