Archive for the ‘Felonies’ tag
Unbelievable…
I can't believe the power of denial....
Short history - niece in jail for second time, boyfriend lost contact when he got his visits restricted and couldn't put money on his phone for my niece to call him. She was going nuts after about 8 days of no contact, wanted me to pay the phone bill, I refused.
So, yesterday I go visit her - she got a letter. Here's what I know from her report.
He has - no job, no license (suspended), no money (his unemployment is running out,) no home (he's getting evicted), and no car (it was impounded).
His ex wife is taking him to court for back child support (good for her) and suing for full custody of thier 8 year old daughter (he's 34)
He has spent as much as $1600 for phone calls in a month to talk with her, but his unemployment was only $1200 a month.
He supposedly has no felony record but can't find work.
Ok, even if we ignore the past drug use and all the lies he told her so far (he confessed to living a double life while he was married and other things she won't tell me), this isn't a very pretty picture.
And can you believe it, she was so happy that she got the letter that she drew a picture of them kissing with an angel flying overhead and a peace dove descending upon them - Oh brother!
I didn't say anything, I just listened and said - gee he's had a tough time of it, golly I can see why he can't be reached. All the time I want to scream - GET A CLUE!
And - she still thinks he's her knight in shining armor, that he'll get her felonies erased and get her out of the workhouse early.
And then she wonders why I think she's delusional and needs medication.
I read recently that two things were necessary for an addict to get better - one, they had to start to question thier own reasoning and two, they had to have someone they trust to help them figure out how to reason effectively.
My temptation is to write my niece a letter with just the facts and a few quesitons... like how does it sit with her that her boyfriend doesn't pay child support - just like her dad. And how is it that even she, with two huge felonies could find work and he can't.
I'm guessing it would fall on deaf ears.
Any thoughts????
Short history - niece in jail for second time, boyfriend lost contact when he got his visits restricted and couldn't put money on his phone for my niece to call him. She was going nuts after about 8 days of no contact, wanted me to pay the phone bill, I refused.
So, yesterday I go visit her - she got a letter. Here's what I know from her report.
He has - no job, no license (suspended), no money (his unemployment is running out,) no home (he's getting evicted), and no car (it was impounded).
His ex wife is taking him to court for back child support (good for her) and suing for full custody of thier 8 year old daughter (he's 34)
He has spent as much as $1600 for phone calls in a month to talk with her, but his unemployment was only $1200 a month.
He supposedly has no felony record but can't find work.
Ok, even if we ignore the past drug use and all the lies he told her so far (he confessed to living a double life while he was married and other things she won't tell me), this isn't a very pretty picture.
And can you believe it, she was so happy that she got the letter that she drew a picture of them kissing with an angel flying overhead and a peace dove descending upon them - Oh brother!
I didn't say anything, I just listened and said - gee he's had a tough time of it, golly I can see why he can't be reached. All the time I want to scream - GET A CLUE!
And - she still thinks he's her knight in shining armor, that he'll get her felonies erased and get her out of the workhouse early.
And then she wonders why I think she's delusional and needs medication.
I read recently that two things were necessary for an addict to get better - one, they had to start to question thier own reasoning and two, they had to have someone they trust to help them figure out how to reason effectively.
My temptation is to write my niece a letter with just the facts and a few quesitons... like how does it sit with her that her boyfriend doesn't pay child support - just like her dad. And how is it that even she, with two huge felonies could find work and he can't.
I'm guessing it would fall on deaf ears.
Any thoughts????
What do you make of this?
My niece has now been in the workhouse (prison light) for about 2 months.
She tells me tonight when I visited that her nitwit boyfriend has been meeting with the judge and a senator and that she thinks she'll be getting out in a week (her sentence is up in April) and that her felonies will be erased.
After the visit, I immediately left a message for her p.o. to see if any of this were true.
Then later she calls me from the workhouse and tells me not to call her p.o. and tell her anything becuase if I do it will unravel and they (her and the bf) will have to take another route.
I told her I wouldn't call her p.o., but I did not tell her I already did. I also told her that my promise is only for now, and that if I get concerned for her safety, I'll do what I need to do. I'm hoping the p.o. will call me back and let me know what's up.
I'm pretty sure this is delusion. She had this same fantasy while she was awaiting sentencing - that the boyfriend and sleasy lawyer would make it all go away. The likelihood that the 34 year old loser has a relationship with a senator and the judge seems remote. My niece says the bf has information they want which could be true because even the p.o. says he has connections with meth distribution. And - there have been some wild stories she has told that were true.
I am not completely familiar with the legal system, but wouldn't there have to be a court hearing to let her out early? Can this type of thing happen behind the scenes???
When does the drama end?
Thanks for listening. Any insight would be appreciated.
She tells me tonight when I visited that her nitwit boyfriend has been meeting with the judge and a senator and that she thinks she'll be getting out in a week (her sentence is up in April) and that her felonies will be erased.
After the visit, I immediately left a message for her p.o. to see if any of this were true.
Then later she calls me from the workhouse and tells me not to call her p.o. and tell her anything becuase if I do it will unravel and they (her and the bf) will have to take another route.
I told her I wouldn't call her p.o., but I did not tell her I already did. I also told her that my promise is only for now, and that if I get concerned for her safety, I'll do what I need to do. I'm hoping the p.o. will call me back and let me know what's up.
I'm pretty sure this is delusion. She had this same fantasy while she was awaiting sentencing - that the boyfriend and sleasy lawyer would make it all go away. The likelihood that the 34 year old loser has a relationship with a senator and the judge seems remote. My niece says the bf has information they want which could be true because even the p.o. says he has connections with meth distribution. And - there have been some wild stories she has told that were true.
I am not completely familiar with the legal system, but wouldn't there have to be a court hearing to let her out early? Can this type of thing happen behind the scenes???
When does the drama end?
Thanks for listening. Any insight would be appreciated.
Would love to hear your perspective…
My addicted niece is in jail again. She's been in this time for 30 days awaiting the judge's decision (this Wendesday) about what will happen to her.
(for those who don't know the story - niece on meth, used and sold, has one first degree and one second degree felony possession. Was given probation, a little time on work release, treatment and counseling - and a year later she gets pulled over for fleeing an officer and we find she never stopped using or selling - even while on court supervision)
Her p.o. tells me she will get at least 8 months in the workhouse (staight time), and extensive supervision, treatment, counseling, etc. after that.
She hasn't had time for family in the past - doesn't call, doesn't honor commitments, etc. Occassionally she would stop by my place to visit, but usually because she needed something. So now that she's in jail, she's everybody's friend. She's calling me, her mom, all her aunts in another state, old boyfriends, the lot. I know this because they call me to find out what is up.
When she calls from jail, it costs everyone money becuase she has to call collect. I've taken a few of her calls, but every time I talk with her, I feel depressed. Her old boyfriend refused the call and some of my family doesn't pick up anymore because it is very expensive to call collect from jail long distance.
In the begining she was talking very crazy (thought my dead father was in the car with her, etc.). Now she's a bit more coherent, but she thinks the lawyer her meth-addicted boyfriend got her is going to get her out of both this problem and get her felonies erased (there is no way that will happen, I think she's just trying to convince herself of it to avoid reality).
So, Here's my question. Is it enabling to talk to her from jail? Part of me feels bad that she's in there - actually, I'm shocked, devastated and heart-broken about it. Another part of me thinks that if she can't reach anyone, she'll have to sit in jail and think about what she's done.
Last time she was in jail, I visited, put money on her "books" (thats putting money in an account so she can get magazines, candy bars, etc. while in there). This time, I'm not doing any of that. I decided it wasn't worth it to give up my yoga classes (they conflict with visiting hours) or waste my time standing in line for hours to see her for 15 minutes. I do feel a little bad about not visiting her... so I've been taking her calls so far. At the same time, all the calls are just about her rambling on about a million things, most of which have to do with minimizing the likely consequences she's facing.
Any perspective anyone has to offer would be greatly appreciated.
thanks...
(for those who don't know the story - niece on meth, used and sold, has one first degree and one second degree felony possession. Was given probation, a little time on work release, treatment and counseling - and a year later she gets pulled over for fleeing an officer and we find she never stopped using or selling - even while on court supervision)
Her p.o. tells me she will get at least 8 months in the workhouse (staight time), and extensive supervision, treatment, counseling, etc. after that.
She hasn't had time for family in the past - doesn't call, doesn't honor commitments, etc. Occassionally she would stop by my place to visit, but usually because she needed something. So now that she's in jail, she's everybody's friend. She's calling me, her mom, all her aunts in another state, old boyfriends, the lot. I know this because they call me to find out what is up.
When she calls from jail, it costs everyone money becuase she has to call collect. I've taken a few of her calls, but every time I talk with her, I feel depressed. Her old boyfriend refused the call and some of my family doesn't pick up anymore because it is very expensive to call collect from jail long distance.
In the begining she was talking very crazy (thought my dead father was in the car with her, etc.). Now she's a bit more coherent, but she thinks the lawyer her meth-addicted boyfriend got her is going to get her out of both this problem and get her felonies erased (there is no way that will happen, I think she's just trying to convince herself of it to avoid reality).
So, Here's my question. Is it enabling to talk to her from jail? Part of me feels bad that she's in there - actually, I'm shocked, devastated and heart-broken about it. Another part of me thinks that if she can't reach anyone, she'll have to sit in jail and think about what she's done.
Last time she was in jail, I visited, put money on her "books" (thats putting money in an account so she can get magazines, candy bars, etc. while in there). This time, I'm not doing any of that. I decided it wasn't worth it to give up my yoga classes (they conflict with visiting hours) or waste my time standing in line for hours to see her for 15 minutes. I do feel a little bad about not visiting her... so I've been taking her calls so far. At the same time, all the calls are just about her rambling on about a million things, most of which have to do with minimizing the likely consequences she's facing.
Any perspective anyone has to offer would be greatly appreciated.
thanks...
