Drug Rehab Options Blog

so way back when my 2nd husband and i married, after many years together as a couple, one year for christmas i decided it was time for us to start NEW traditions, our own family traditions....so i went with the bow/ribbon thing for tree decorations....cute checkered and striped bows, that each had to be hand tied to the tree. i still have a photo of my daughter and i in front of the "first" tree......

so bows became a tradition......til the year that we'd stored the decorations in boxes in the attic and they got all hot and moist and mildewed. so that christmas i announced i was not gonna do bows.....well my daughter took that as a mortal blow....but mooooo'm i luuuuuvvvv the boooooowwwzzzzzz.....so off i went to get MORE damn bows, each that had to be hand tied on the tree.

my daughter is 25 now....iives on her own, has her own tree, i've moved a few times in the past few years, but faithfully drag the damn bows with me. so i did bows again this year, the kind you have to hand tie on individuallly, cuz renee was coming over for an early christmas and god forbid i don't have BOWS.

i called renee today, we hadn't spoken in a few days, just traded some emails and i missed her voice and we somehow got on the subject of THE BOWS....and she said mom, you can quit the bow thing now...they aren't the same, so they've lost their meaning.......

this means i have FOR YEARS, a decade at least, kept the bow tradition alive cuz I thought they held meaning for her.....and god forbid i disappoint my kid or ruin christmas....

so when i take down the tree i'm disposing of the stupid bows (if i ever get all the damn bows off the tree) and NEXT christmas i get to start a NEW tradition and do the tree exactly the way I want....

I've been with this guy three years, he has a cocaine addiction which i didn't know about until i was in to deep and had no idea about addiction til i came on here.

We'd been rowing recently and one night in between Xmas and New Year he was acting stranglely on the phone saying he was going to bed at 8.30pm which was unusual and i couldn't help but feel anxious, i just needed to know for myself if he had someone else there so i drove round to his house

When i got there he wouldn't let me in and had to confess he had another girl there. I went crazy, i was so upset but he kept swearing there was nothing going on and he just wanted an outsider to talk to about his problems. He was on coke i could tell and it scared me as i've never known him to do it in the week.

This girl is friends of our mutual friends but i don't know her or have never met her but apparantly she takes coke aswell. I was so upset and naturally split with him.

Since then i've had phone calls of sorries and he wants to make things work between us, then calls saying hes confused and needs time, then calls saying its over and we just don't work together and he doesn't love me, then calls saying he loves me and wants me and he said he doesn't love me before because he was angry and his head was screwed, then back to give me a few months and we can talk.

He swears swears all the the time he has no interest in this girl and there was absolutely nothing going on. Then a few days after New year i see pictures of them together on face book from New Years Eve??

What the hell is he doing or thinking? Does he have no respect? What has happened to him? we were so close and i never thought he would do this? Has he just stopped loving me?

I asked him about these pics and hes still saying get it through your head there is nothing going on. He keeps saying you havn't got a clue have you.

I just want the truth so i can let go once and for all. I also feel so jealous of this girl, i keep seeing her face and these pictures of them. Its making me feel sick.

This has got to have been the worst holiday season I have ever had (and I have had a few bad ones!). New Years Eve was the worst -- I'm very sure that my A/AH was using cocaine in our home while we were having a get together -- I thought it was pretty obvious (although I have never seen him stoned where it was this noticable) and my close friend who knows what has been going on mentioned it to me. New Years Day, my daughter (16) also commented (I think he continued his binge the next day) and actually asked me if he was doing cocaine (both my daughters know that he has a drinking problem but don't know about the drugs). That floored me and I didn't know exactly what to say. The very next day he disappeared again for 24 hours. I decided (well have been making the decision for a while now) that enough was enough. I have been cleaning and "dunging" for a few days trying to get the house spruced up to put on the market. Well doesn't he show back up, loaded on Saturday night, completely obnoxious. All the while my daughter is shaking her head in disgust, crying, etc. She is so angry at him. I was disgusted -- he crossed a line.

I have been going ahead with some plans, cancelling some others that we had with friends (very upsetting but necessary). I have a very hard time not getting overwhelmed -- every time I turn around I think of something else I have not thought about in regards to leaving -- I had a very emotional hard day today at work -- couldn't stop crying. My co-workers must be aware that something is wrong but I haven't told them yet. Of course, everyone was just back from holidays today asking how everyone's was, etc. It was hard. Minute to minute I waver from being strong and wanting to leave, to giving in and just staying because it takes less energy to bawling my eyes out because of all that I have lost and all that will be lost in the future.

Anyway, he hasn't barely said a word to me in two weeks, comes and goes as he pleases and is hurting my kids. When I got home tonight, he wanted to "talk if I had time for him". He is playing such a victim role today. I think he knows that I've had enough and he is scared. He wanted to know where we stood -- he doesn't want to stay in this house without me, "for what it's worth -- he is sorry" -- blah, blah, blah. He told me how much he is hurting and how f**** up he is. And he is. My question is why, after ALL HE HAS PUT ME AND MY KIDS AND HIS FAMILY THROUGH am I feeling so many mixed emotions -- is that the true meaning of co-dependent? As soon as I heard him vulnerable, I felt awful for him. I'm so sad that he is going through this -- can he really help it? I need some words of encouragement, my courage is waning!

thanks (sorry, I'm always so :wtf2long winded!)
ttg

I have cut back from 3-12 per day to 2-3 (my tapering plan so i dont flip out)- my job wouldnt allow that and i have 5 dependants on my income, and those are real numbers on the drinking. Beer only. I know I will go back if i dont stop. so i am going to pick a day to completely stop- in the next few days. i know this is boring, but thought i would share. you guys motivate me a lot. love to all... and seeing you winners on here really gets me going, thats from the heart.
D

A few days ago me and some of my friends did adderall this was not my first time using it it was his though but this was the most i had every done by a long shot. We took 160 mg is alittle over 1 hours The affect didnt go away for about two day could we have overdose or was this just way to much. Both of us are 15 about 5 8 and 120 all websites iv look at showing side we both had alot of them

I came here to make a topic and ask for advice, but I got caught up in replying to a private message from back in September, and replying to a topic.

Instead of typing it all out again I'm copying/pasting both right now. I'm starting to think that being a part-time alcoholic is worse than doing this every day. I hope I make it through tonight because I want to embrace the addiction of being sober at the level I have drank in the past few days.

Oh, here are my messages. I'm tired of typing.

Reply to private message:

Thank you.
Sorry I'm so slow to reply, it's my first time logging in again.

I was better for a few months then sunk really low again in the past few days. I binge drink. Sometimes I go weeks without any. Then I go nuts for a few days and occasionally miss work.

I've been in such denial because I'm not a "normal" alcoholic. It doesn't control my life every day. It just grabs chunks of it and eats it up. But I've had enough of that.

I went back to AA on Monday but I didn't stay long. I was very uncomfortable and also going through withdrawal. I tried getting a cup of coffee but spilled some and burned my hands because I was shaking so much, then I pretended to go out for a smoke (believe it or not, I'm actually doing good with quitting smoking), and I just got in my car and drove home. I didn't drink that night. Or for a couple of nights after.

It's kind of ridiculous. I was in the one place in the world where I don't have to be embarrassed about my shaking hands. I'm sure most people in that room can relate.

But I started again on new years eve and I'm trying to survive tonight because I ran out totally, the stores are closed, and I couldn't drive anyway.

Anyway, that was a rant...more than I meant to type. I appreciate the private message and I hope things are still going good for you. I think I'm ready to end the denial and work towards something different.

Reply to post:
This is the first time I've honestly read or heard something that I totally relate with. ....

I was at my lowest point several years ago. I drink much less now, but when I do, it seems the result is worse. But it's not every day. Or every week.

I've learned to "maintain" my problem. And hide it from everyone, really well, I managed to quit smoking AND lose about 30 pounds in about 3 months. Everyone is amazed at how good I look. And they think "temporary drinking problem" a few years ago is gone. Because I keep it to myself now. When I'm in a social situation I have 1 or 2 drinks, then stop. Then I go home in finish a large bottle of vodka. And it goes on for a few days, I stop, go through withdrawal, and do it again a few weekends later. Nobody ever sees me drunk anymore. Only people online, this message board and many others, sometimes I read my messages the next day and I'm shocked and disgusted.

-not functioning so well right now....

I'm making a new topic now, that's what I came here for. Sorry for the repeat.

Wish me luck tonight everyone, I've gone through worse and I don't have it in me to reach out for help with friends and family right now. I don't want to disappoint anyone again. They all thought I was the 1 in million person that conquered alcoholism and began a successful social drinker.

I can't take that back now because I might want to go back to that fantasy sometime in the future.

Sorry for the crazy long topic.

Hi all.I had been sober for over a year when during the summer I started on lexapro for anxiety and panic.

Then stupidly bought 1mg xanax and 10 mg valium over the internet and have been taking them daily.I then went drinking over christmas and went on a mad binge new years eve with all my xanax and valium gone.

I have had terrible panic and anxiety for the past few days and went to the hospital for help today.
The doctor prescribed me 2 10mg librium every four hours but it doesnt really seem to be taking the edge off.
He only gave me enough until Monday and told me to see my GP.

I really feel I need to take something else as I took three librium just to try and calm down for a while.And what he prescribed wont last till monday if i keep taking three.

I really dont know how ill manage till monday on what he gave me as its seems im withdrawing from xanax valium and alcohol at the same time.

should i take the extra librium as i really need them or what?
Anyone have any advice please help as Im in the horrors here.
I will NEVER drink again after this episode and i was doing so well and now have three witdrawals at once.
any advice???

Hi all..been having a difficult time of late dealing with life on life's terms...looking for some support in this category! While I don't want to drink and I'm trying to use all of my aa tools in my toolbox...these past few days have been hell in the emotion dept...
my daughter has been having some health issues, as has my husband..both have been going for testing...results not back yet..tuesday we had to put our dog & beloved friend of 10yrs down due to cancer and we are so overwhelmed with credit card debt from yrs of careless alcoholic spending...
and these are only a few...
i try to talk myself down..this too shall pass, gratitude list running over & over in my head, serenity prayer, etc...but sometimes i just have this overwhelming fear...
any thoughts appreciated...glad i am here with you all and not at the bar!! just need some help!
thanks!
Lisa

I've been reading through many posts on here the last few days about what everyone is going through (so sorry for everyone's struggles yet somewhat relieved by knowing I'm not going through them alone).

Anyway. The posts have really got me to thinking about my own situation and what I need to do to make it better, or keep me sane anyway.

And it dawned on me today that my BF is SOOO much easier to deal with and live with and be around when he is drinking. He's still a jerk, don't get me wrong (mean drunk). But he's almost twice as mean when he's gone a few days without drinking. And then when he does finally get that drink he's been craving he gets three times meaner.

So I'm stuck wondering what to do. I certainly don't want to be an enabler. I want him to sober up (I've been with him sober and he is so perfect weeks, months into it). And the fact that he easily goes through a case a day scares the crap out of me--what happens a few years from now as far as his health goes? I definitely don't want to be part of the reason for what happens then.

But on the other hand, the only time we ever really get into it fighting and screaming and things flying through the house at each other is when he doesn't have a drink or when he's getting back up on that high after going days without one.

This probably sounds so stupid to some of you. I'm just confused. I want the guy I met over a year ago--the happy, full of smiles and laughter, sober one. The one I could talk to, the one I wasn't afraid of.

We're digging ourselves out from the last few days.

Who else is unearthing themselves from the sticky white stuff.