Archive for the ‘Fifteen Years’ tag
Blurting it all out.
I sent this as a personal message to someone but felt i should put it on here and hopefully someone can relate and not feel alone?
I am doing quite well and have gone nearly four days sober and i feel good for it. My girlfriend has been a rock and i love her so much for it. We had a talk at the weekend (in fact it lasted nearly all weekend) and for once we didn't argue ... yer know why? BECAUSE WE WERE BOTH SOBER! Now dont get me wrong she doesn't have problems with addiction but she can get a bit moody when drunk and that can be bad. She has now stopped drinking as well and that means alot. We have been talking about going for walks and going for meals etc etc. Something that wouldn't have been an option before but with me being clean and having money it is. You see she works and i dont (i'm a musician) so she has paid for alot the four years we have been together. I had much worse addiction problems before i met her but i had never kicked my demons entirely and they crept up again at many points through the relationship. I used to be a heroin and amphetamine addict but always smoked dope too. I kicked the first two by the time i was about 20 (i am now 25) but carried on with dope as i thought it wasn't a problem but lo and behold it got worse and worse. I took ecstacy because it 'wasn't addictive' i took dope because it 'wasn't addictive' and i drank because i could handle that. OH NO NO NO i couldn't. These drugs however recreational took me to many dark places and set off some weird self harming when high. When on ecstacy i used to get cigarettes and burn my arms but not little burns but welts all down my arms. I dont know i got a buzz because when i was high it didn't hurt half as much. But then when i was just a bit drunk i started doing it and it became a problem. I haven't done it for a while now and i feel it was just the drugs bringing it out. I am now four days sober after nearly fifteen years of drug abuse and i have done that before but once and for all this sh~t is going to be gone forever and then it will be positive music and gigs where i dont need to be hammered to perform. Walks in the countryside and nice food. I love food and love cooking and i love walking and the more i think i love many things but never got round to them. This time i will definitley. Anyway i am really rambling on but i've never wrote this out before.
Alex
I am doing quite well and have gone nearly four days sober and i feel good for it. My girlfriend has been a rock and i love her so much for it. We had a talk at the weekend (in fact it lasted nearly all weekend) and for once we didn't argue ... yer know why? BECAUSE WE WERE BOTH SOBER! Now dont get me wrong she doesn't have problems with addiction but she can get a bit moody when drunk and that can be bad. She has now stopped drinking as well and that means alot. We have been talking about going for walks and going for meals etc etc. Something that wouldn't have been an option before but with me being clean and having money it is. You see she works and i dont (i'm a musician) so she has paid for alot the four years we have been together. I had much worse addiction problems before i met her but i had never kicked my demons entirely and they crept up again at many points through the relationship. I used to be a heroin and amphetamine addict but always smoked dope too. I kicked the first two by the time i was about 20 (i am now 25) but carried on with dope as i thought it wasn't a problem but lo and behold it got worse and worse. I took ecstacy because it 'wasn't addictive' i took dope because it 'wasn't addictive' and i drank because i could handle that. OH NO NO NO i couldn't. These drugs however recreational took me to many dark places and set off some weird self harming when high. When on ecstacy i used to get cigarettes and burn my arms but not little burns but welts all down my arms. I dont know i got a buzz because when i was high it didn't hurt half as much. But then when i was just a bit drunk i started doing it and it became a problem. I haven't done it for a while now and i feel it was just the drugs bringing it out. I am now four days sober after nearly fifteen years of drug abuse and i have done that before but once and for all this sh~t is going to be gone forever and then it will be positive music and gigs where i dont need to be hammered to perform. Walks in the countryside and nice food. I love food and love cooking and i love walking and the more i think i love many things but never got round to them. This time i will definitley. Anyway i am really rambling on but i've never wrote this out before.
Alex
