Archive for the ‘Fingers’ tag
Snow storm preparation
Used to be that if a snow storm was expected (like we're expecting tonight) I'd make darn sure I'd get to the packy sometime today, and stock up on the supply. God know's that not having to go to work was an excuse to "drink an extra day", all day. How else could I possibly be expected to stay home with my two kids all day long?
One of my first posts here at SR was during a snow storm, where I walked down to the packy IN A BLIZZARD cause I didn't plan ahead and when I got there it was closed. Why? CAUSE IT'S A BLIZZARD. And I was shocked.
I"m grateful that today I went to the grocery store instead. And that I'll spend tomorrow with my kids (if they get out of school..fingers crossed)and we'll decorate, and watch movies, and pig out.
Now, that's what snow days are all about.
One of my first posts here at SR was during a snow storm, where I walked down to the packy IN A BLIZZARD cause I didn't plan ahead and when I got there it was closed. Why? CAUSE IT'S A BLIZZARD. And I was shocked.
I"m grateful that today I went to the grocery store instead. And that I'll spend tomorrow with my kids (if they get out of school..fingers crossed)and we'll decorate, and watch movies, and pig out.
Now, that's what snow days are all about.
What came first, the chicken or the egg?
This thursday I start seeing a new counselor through a state mental health clinic (fourth counselor in four years). I'm really crossing my fingers she and I will work out and last this time around. I've had many failures in therapy, showing up hung-over every time and not remembering a thing we talked about and thus wasting both our time, or hating the location and flaking out on appointments, or being sucked into trying out some machine that is supposedly supposed to change my brain chemistry instead of dealing with the issues through talking.
I want to be prepared and organized with what I tell my new counselor and not just rattle off all my issues and concerns without any real plan or destination. I am not sure what I say in order of importance, my drinking? My childhood/family stuff? The past five years?
Sometimes the first couple of sessions are the most difficult emotionally, because I bring up alot of stuff that I rarely talk about and I leave the office feeling as though I've been run-over by a car, but in a good way, if that makes sense.
And what I'm really struggling with is bringing up the Alcohol issue. It's not that I'm trying to deny or minimize it, it just has been my experience that some counselors will prioritize that as being the main problem, while I tend to think it's a symptom of a larger problem (as well as being genetically and environmentally pre-disposed to it). I've had telephone screenings with counselors and the minute I mention the Alcohol they go "Oh, well in THAT case..." and switch me over to someone else entirely. So I don't want that to be the major focus as the be-all-end-all of my problems.
Has anyone had this experience with counselors and the alcoholism issue? How do you go about your first session and what worked, didn't work?
Thanks in advance,
LD
I want to be prepared and organized with what I tell my new counselor and not just rattle off all my issues and concerns without any real plan or destination. I am not sure what I say in order of importance, my drinking? My childhood/family stuff? The past five years?
Sometimes the first couple of sessions are the most difficult emotionally, because I bring up alot of stuff that I rarely talk about and I leave the office feeling as though I've been run-over by a car, but in a good way, if that makes sense.
And what I'm really struggling with is bringing up the Alcohol issue. It's not that I'm trying to deny or minimize it, it just has been my experience that some counselors will prioritize that as being the main problem, while I tend to think it's a symptom of a larger problem (as well as being genetically and environmentally pre-disposed to it). I've had telephone screenings with counselors and the minute I mention the Alcohol they go "Oh, well in THAT case..." and switch me over to someone else entirely. So I don't want that to be the major focus as the be-all-end-all of my problems.
Has anyone had this experience with counselors and the alcoholism issue? How do you go about your first session and what worked, didn't work?
Thanks in advance,
LD
Heart problems or panic attack…
Hello, people.
I've been having premature beats for about a year now. It feels like skipped beats. Sometimes they are random, sometimes they fall into a pattern, like this: "regular beat" , rb, rb, "skip", rb, rb, rb, s.......or sometimes rb, s, rb, s,.........or rb, rb, s, rb, s, rb, rb, rb, rb,s......you get the idea.
It was scary at first, but after a while I learned to pretty much ignore them. Well, this is what happened just now:
I was very calm, sitting at the computer looking for information about a video game....doing boring searching.....I was in an okay mood. Well, the heart palpitations started up again and I didn't think much of it (shoot, it happens all the time).
This time was different...my heart beat was slow and erractic...I put my fingers to my wrist to get a better feel for what was going on....and it sped up all of the sudden for several beats, then slowed down drastically into a very irregular beat.
At this point I began to panic. My heart was crapping up big time. I was home alone. I went to get the phone and thought about calling EMS. At this point (thankfully), probably because I was so scared, my heart was beating very forcefully but regularly. I decided to call my mom at work instead. She talked to me until a friend could get to the house.
I'm glad I had decided not to drink today. I didn't drink last night, either (although I'd bought the beer, I set it aside.).
Well, looks like I'm going to go back to the doctor. I don't care if it was a panic attack, but I'm going to make sure that they do some more thorough testing this time around so that the serious things can be eliminated. That way I don't have to worry (I worry about everything).
Whatever happened, I wouldn't wish that on anyone. This has never happened to me before. It came out of nowhere. I thought I was going to die. Now I'll probably be afraid to go to sleep.
I had to write this down...I really hope this helps someone.
I've been having premature beats for about a year now. It feels like skipped beats. Sometimes they are random, sometimes they fall into a pattern, like this: "regular beat" , rb, rb, "skip", rb, rb, rb, s.......or sometimes rb, s, rb, s,.........or rb, rb, s, rb, s, rb, rb, rb, rb,s......you get the idea.
It was scary at first, but after a while I learned to pretty much ignore them. Well, this is what happened just now:
I was very calm, sitting at the computer looking for information about a video game....doing boring searching.....I was in an okay mood. Well, the heart palpitations started up again and I didn't think much of it (shoot, it happens all the time).
This time was different...my heart beat was slow and erractic...I put my fingers to my wrist to get a better feel for what was going on....and it sped up all of the sudden for several beats, then slowed down drastically into a very irregular beat.
At this point I began to panic. My heart was crapping up big time. I was home alone. I went to get the phone and thought about calling EMS. At this point (thankfully), probably because I was so scared, my heart was beating very forcefully but regularly. I decided to call my mom at work instead. She talked to me until a friend could get to the house.
I'm glad I had decided not to drink today. I didn't drink last night, either (although I'd bought the beer, I set it aside.).
Well, looks like I'm going to go back to the doctor. I don't care if it was a panic attack, but I'm going to make sure that they do some more thorough testing this time around so that the serious things can be eliminated. That way I don't have to worry (I worry about everything).
Whatever happened, I wouldn't wish that on anyone. This has never happened to me before. It came out of nowhere. I thought I was going to die. Now I'll probably be afraid to go to sleep.
I had to write this down...I really hope this helps someone.
Sacrifice
I saw this great speaker last night, and his topic was "Each step asks you to give something up, asks you to sacrifice something, what did you sacrifice to get sober.
The answers were amazing, it was one of the most clever topics I have ever heard.
So the "topic" is, "What did you sacrifice to get sober"
My initial thought was "nothing" hell I was "giving this crap away" what I did didn't work anymore and needed help.
My second thought was everything, I sacrificed all my favorite things in the whole world, things like Pride, lies, arrogance, stupidity, and truthfully I didn't "give" any of these away "willingly" they were all beaten from my "lifeless fingers" by me and my actions, all of these character defects are like boomerangs that come back and all but "cut me to ribbons".
The Big Book states "unless we actively seek humility we will be bludgeoned into it, for some of us this was a tedious process."
I'll take "tedious process" for 500 Alex
Today I really don't feel I "sacrifice" anything the program asks of me, I don't want that shyte anymore, it hurts, and it's harmful to me, I want it gone, the removal of "it" whatever "it" is may be a painful process because I have trouble "letting it go" but for me, it aint a sacrifice.
Newcomers and Oldtimers discussed things Like giving up the web of deceit and lies, giving up drinking of course, pride, pride and more pride, becoming sons, becoming daughters, wives, husbands,...it was an amazing meeting.
What did you sacrifice?
Discuss
The answers were amazing, it was one of the most clever topics I have ever heard.
So the "topic" is, "What did you sacrifice to get sober"
My initial thought was "nothing" hell I was "giving this crap away" what I did didn't work anymore and needed help.
My second thought was everything, I sacrificed all my favorite things in the whole world, things like Pride, lies, arrogance, stupidity, and truthfully I didn't "give" any of these away "willingly" they were all beaten from my "lifeless fingers" by me and my actions, all of these character defects are like boomerangs that come back and all but "cut me to ribbons".
The Big Book states "unless we actively seek humility we will be bludgeoned into it, for some of us this was a tedious process."
I'll take "tedious process" for 500 Alex
Today I really don't feel I "sacrifice" anything the program asks of me, I don't want that shyte anymore, it hurts, and it's harmful to me, I want it gone, the removal of "it" whatever "it" is may be a painful process because I have trouble "letting it go" but for me, it aint a sacrifice.
Newcomers and Oldtimers discussed things Like giving up the web of deceit and lies, giving up drinking of course, pride, pride and more pride, becoming sons, becoming daughters, wives, husbands,...it was an amazing meeting.
What did you sacrifice?
Discuss
Hello To All
I put this thread in the new to recovery (alcoholic forum, Think I made a mistake)
As an Admin for a pc help site I know how frustrating it can be at times!
Here is the story thus far.
Where to start? I have been helping others on pc forums for years, so you would think I would feel at ease doing this!
My name is Brandon and about 5 years ago I had a kidney stone. The doctors gave me a prescription for Vicodin. Well I took the 2 I was supposed to and got real out of it and forgot I took 2 and took 2 more. All of a sudden I was struck with sooo much energy I cleaned the house (wife was happy) and stayed up for a whole day. This is where my addiction started.
About 3 years ago my doc would no longer prescribe me the pills so I started hospital jumping (I think that is what you call it) and I got pretty good at it.(stuck pins in my fingers to fake blood in my urine which show's a kidney stone etc.)
Now 4 years later I just moved to Indiana and have visited 4 hospitals about 4 or 5 times each. I am addicted to the energy they give me. I really dont get "high" off of them but get tons of energy. After reading a little bit it seems I dont take as many as one can. I usually take 4 or 5 7.5's a day. 3 at once and another 2 later in the day.
I find coming off of them though feels the same as others have expressed. Feels like getting hit by a truck, no energy depressed and agitated. My wife is getting fed up with it (as she should) I wish I knew what to do. My pride gets in the way of going to rehab, I also suffer from Panic Disorder and take 2 Mg's of Klonopin a day for almost 10 years. (have not abused those) and the Vicodin took care of the panic attacks as well. Have been off of them for 2 days now and just feel like crud. Have exhausted hospitals (which is good) just afraid I will start going to different dentists now and telling them my tooth hurts. I told my wife to hide the keys so I wont, but I have to go to work. She says I get really angry when she wont give me the keys (as she knows what I am up to).
Sorry for the long post but it feels good to tell someone (even if it is online) this story as I have not told anyone ever before (except the wife) I know it is not good for my kids to see me lying around when I come off the pills.
SO my question is what can or should I do?
As an Admin for a pc help site I know how frustrating it can be at times!
Here is the story thus far.
Where to start? I have been helping others on pc forums for years, so you would think I would feel at ease doing this!
My name is Brandon and about 5 years ago I had a kidney stone. The doctors gave me a prescription for Vicodin. Well I took the 2 I was supposed to and got real out of it and forgot I took 2 and took 2 more. All of a sudden I was struck with sooo much energy I cleaned the house (wife was happy) and stayed up for a whole day. This is where my addiction started.
About 3 years ago my doc would no longer prescribe me the pills so I started hospital jumping (I think that is what you call it) and I got pretty good at it.(stuck pins in my fingers to fake blood in my urine which show's a kidney stone etc.)
Now 4 years later I just moved to Indiana and have visited 4 hospitals about 4 or 5 times each. I am addicted to the energy they give me. I really dont get "high" off of them but get tons of energy. After reading a little bit it seems I dont take as many as one can. I usually take 4 or 5 7.5's a day. 3 at once and another 2 later in the day.
I find coming off of them though feels the same as others have expressed. Feels like getting hit by a truck, no energy depressed and agitated. My wife is getting fed up with it (as she should) I wish I knew what to do. My pride gets in the way of going to rehab, I also suffer from Panic Disorder and take 2 Mg's of Klonopin a day for almost 10 years. (have not abused those) and the Vicodin took care of the panic attacks as well. Have been off of them for 2 days now and just feel like crud. Have exhausted hospitals (which is good) just afraid I will start going to different dentists now and telling them my tooth hurts. I told my wife to hide the keys so I wont, but I have to go to work. She says I get really angry when she wont give me the keys (as she knows what I am up to).
Sorry for the long post but it feels good to tell someone (even if it is online) this story as I have not told anyone ever before (except the wife) I know it is not good for my kids to see me lying around when I come off the pills.
SO my question is what can or should I do?
Hello To All
Where to start? I have been helping others on pc forums for years, so you would think I would feel at ease doing this!
My name is Brandon and about 5 years ago I had a kidney stone. The doctors gave me a prescription for Vicodin. Well I took the 2 I was supposed to and got real out of it and forgot I took 2 and took 2 more. All of a sudden I was struck with sooo much energy I cleaned the house (wife was happy) and stayed up for a whole day. This is where my addiction started.
About 3 years ago my doc would no longer prescribe me the pills so I started hospital jumping (I think that is what you call it) and I got pretty good at it.(stuck pins in my fingers to fake blood in my urine which show's a kidney stone etc.)
Now 4 years later I just moved to Indiana and have visited 4 hospitals about 4 or 5 times each. I am addicted to the energy they give me. I really dont get "high" off of them but get tons of energy. After reading a little bit it seems I dont take as many as one can. I usually take 4 or 5 7.5's a day. 3 at once and another 2 later in the day.
I find coming off of them though feels the same as others have expressed. Feels like getting hit by a truck, no energy depressed and agitated. My wife is getting fed up with it (as she should) I wish I knew what to do. My pride gets in the way of going to rehab, I also suffer from Panic Disorder and take 2 Mg's of Klonopin a day for almost 10 years. (have not abused those) and the Vicodin took care of the panic attacks as well. Have been off of them for 2 days now and just feel like crud. Have exhausted hospitals (which is good) just afraid I will start going to different dentists now and telling them my tooth hurts. I told my wife to hide the keys so I wont, but I have to go to work. She says I get really angry when she wont give me the keys (as she knows what I am up to).
Sorry for the long post but it feels good to tell someone (even if it is online) this story as I have not told anyone ever before (except the wife) I know it is not good for my kids to see me lying around when I come off the pills.
SO my question is what can or should I do?
Edit: I hope this in the right forum.. As I now see the NA forum =(
My name is Brandon and about 5 years ago I had a kidney stone. The doctors gave me a prescription for Vicodin. Well I took the 2 I was supposed to and got real out of it and forgot I took 2 and took 2 more. All of a sudden I was struck with sooo much energy I cleaned the house (wife was happy) and stayed up for a whole day. This is where my addiction started.
About 3 years ago my doc would no longer prescribe me the pills so I started hospital jumping (I think that is what you call it) and I got pretty good at it.(stuck pins in my fingers to fake blood in my urine which show's a kidney stone etc.)
Now 4 years later I just moved to Indiana and have visited 4 hospitals about 4 or 5 times each. I am addicted to the energy they give me. I really dont get "high" off of them but get tons of energy. After reading a little bit it seems I dont take as many as one can. I usually take 4 or 5 7.5's a day. 3 at once and another 2 later in the day.
I find coming off of them though feels the same as others have expressed. Feels like getting hit by a truck, no energy depressed and agitated. My wife is getting fed up with it (as she should) I wish I knew what to do. My pride gets in the way of going to rehab, I also suffer from Panic Disorder and take 2 Mg's of Klonopin a day for almost 10 years. (have not abused those) and the Vicodin took care of the panic attacks as well. Have been off of them for 2 days now and just feel like crud. Have exhausted hospitals (which is good) just afraid I will start going to different dentists now and telling them my tooth hurts. I told my wife to hide the keys so I wont, but I have to go to work. She says I get really angry when she wont give me the keys (as she knows what I am up to).
Sorry for the long post but it feels good to tell someone (even if it is online) this story as I have not told anyone ever before (except the wife) I know it is not good for my kids to see me lying around when I come off the pills.
SO my question is what can or should I do?
Edit: I hope this in the right forum.. As I now see the NA forum =(
laughter can sometimes be the best medicine, even if short-term
last night at work i had a bad headache so i took tylenol and drank pepperment tea and chamomile tea and lots of water but still had the headache two hours later. (perhaps because i'm only a week into detox)
one of my co-workers who is into holistic healing said my headache would go away if she tied rubberbands to the end of my fingers and left them there for five minutes.
it was so ridiculous that i had a good laugh and my headache went away!
it's hard to find humor in some of the situations that we are facing with alcohol and getting sober, but if you can find that one person to make you laugh, it is truly a blessing.
one of my co-workers who is into holistic healing said my headache would go away if she tied rubberbands to the end of my fingers and left them there for five minutes.
it was so ridiculous that i had a good laugh and my headache went away!
it's hard to find humor in some of the situations that we are facing with alcohol and getting sober, but if you can find that one person to make you laugh, it is truly a blessing.
Time for a personal intervention…
I guess I’m feeling a little guilty…I broke my sobriety of one week and drank yesterday. I needed to give myself a good scare again. Cross your fingers for me people. I’m crossing my fingers for you, too.
I'm a little stunned right now...
Just finished watching some clips about "Lawrence" from the Intervention series by A&E (even though I don't like the show because I think it exploits the people shown...but that’s for another post…[maybe]…). Thanks to whoever posted the link (crap, now I don’t know where it is…lost it!).
Anywho, it was hard to watch. I decided to do a little math and compare my worst with what they thought he was drinking on a daily basis. I was surprised with the numbers I got. Now, my math may be wrong (it certainly wasn’t my best subject), but I figured that drinking 1.5 liters of booze at 40% is only slightly higher in total alcohol content than 5 liters of wine at 11%. At my worst, I was fluctuating anywhere from 2.5-5 liters of wine a day. Ouch.
I still remember the mess my old apartment was…there were always several empty boxes thrown anywhere and everywhere. I used to laugh about it. And I used to think I was getting a good deal at the grocery store with boxed wine. Hmm…5 liters for 12 bucks American…sort of like going for the “all you can drink” special. I think that if I hadn't moved when I did I’d be dead now. I still have a long way to go towards recovery, but at least I’m not as bad-off as I was.
I know some of you are wondering when I'm finally going to quit. I'm hanging on and not giving up. Just keeping myself honest with this post...and giving sobriety another try TODAY.
Disclaimer: The amount of alcohol consumed by the individual is not always a reliable measuring stick for determining if one has a drinking problem. This post is merely a reflection of my experiences. Please don't think you're safe if you drink less.
I'm a little stunned right now...
Just finished watching some clips about "Lawrence" from the Intervention series by A&E (even though I don't like the show because I think it exploits the people shown...but that’s for another post…[maybe]…). Thanks to whoever posted the link (crap, now I don’t know where it is…lost it!).
Anywho, it was hard to watch. I decided to do a little math and compare my worst with what they thought he was drinking on a daily basis. I was surprised with the numbers I got. Now, my math may be wrong (it certainly wasn’t my best subject), but I figured that drinking 1.5 liters of booze at 40% is only slightly higher in total alcohol content than 5 liters of wine at 11%. At my worst, I was fluctuating anywhere from 2.5-5 liters of wine a day. Ouch.
I still remember the mess my old apartment was…there were always several empty boxes thrown anywhere and everywhere. I used to laugh about it. And I used to think I was getting a good deal at the grocery store with boxed wine. Hmm…5 liters for 12 bucks American…sort of like going for the “all you can drink” special. I think that if I hadn't moved when I did I’d be dead now. I still have a long way to go towards recovery, but at least I’m not as bad-off as I was.
I know some of you are wondering when I'm finally going to quit. I'm hanging on and not giving up. Just keeping myself honest with this post...and giving sobriety another try TODAY.
Disclaimer: The amount of alcohol consumed by the individual is not always a reliable measuring stick for determining if one has a drinking problem. This post is merely a reflection of my experiences. Please don't think you're safe if you drink less.
Update
hey you guys, hope you havent forgotten me. just wanted to stop by to say hi and to let you know what is going on with me. i had surgery(bone fusion) 2 months ago and im now in theraphy. i still cant use my fingers as well as i would like but i am getting a little stronger. the kids and i are doing just fine. ah is still out of the home, its been about a year now. lately i've basically choosen not to communicate with him or his family though they have been trying. i don't have a real reason why not other than i just don't feel like it. i just don't see the purpose in it right now.
well i still need your prayers for speedy recovery and i will continue to keep you all in my prayers. i think about you a lot and miss you, hopely i'll be able soon to join you more often.
well i still need your prayers for speedy recovery and i will continue to keep you all in my prayers. i think about you a lot and miss you, hopely i'll be able soon to join you more often.
Hycodan withdrawl?
I've been on a fairly low dose of Hycodan for about one year. For the most part, I've taken about 20cc (ml) per day, afraid of draining out my supply -(My pharmacy would not refill before the due date!) and I hated calling my MD to bother her for a refill RX every time my refills ran out. I crossed my fingers every time i asked her, hoping she'd just write out the script and I could be on my way. Well. That ended just the other day. She is concerned that I've been on it for a long time and afraid of what it's doing to my body. Today was the very first day in about a year that i have been without Hycodan. I am trying to see this as a blessing rather than a detox. Here are a few questions, as I have never been addicted (other than cigarettes, which i kicked a very long time ago) Am I really in danger of experiencing withdrawl, or am I worried for nothing?
1. Can I detox naturally, using herbs (dandelion root, herbal teas, milk thistle...) or do you guys think I would need more than this? I have not taken more than 20cc/day (maybe at the very max, 30cc, or three tablespoons on occassion).
2. Did anyone out there notice a real increase in body aches?I mean real achiness that makes it hard to move...
3. And emotionally, do you think on that "small" dose I'm going to experience depression?
Any ideas out there would be very appreciated...I am so glad I stumbled upon this site!
Thank you all so much
:dig
1. Can I detox naturally, using herbs (dandelion root, herbal teas, milk thistle...) or do you guys think I would need more than this? I have not taken more than 20cc/day (maybe at the very max, 30cc, or three tablespoons on occassion).
2. Did anyone out there notice a real increase in body aches?I mean real achiness that makes it hard to move...
3. And emotionally, do you think on that "small" dose I'm going to experience depression?
Any ideas out there would be very appreciated...I am so glad I stumbled upon this site!
Thank you all so much
:dig
