Archive for the ‘First Meeting’ tag
Did it (first meeting)
I went, I pretty much just observed, but everyone was very nice....go the welcome pack of pamphlets and one gentleman gave me a copy of the Serenity Prayer on a wallet card
It was different than expected, but in a good way.
One question....I see a lot of the literature that is available - what do you all think os the best starting point? I an unemployed and pretty much broke, so I need to spend my few spare pennies very wisely. Thoughts?
It was different than expected, but in a good way.
One question....I see a lot of the literature that is available - what do you all think os the best starting point? I an unemployed and pretty much broke, so I need to spend my few spare pennies very wisely. Thoughts?
I got a sponsor!
Finally! :banana:
I think she's going to be awesome. She was one of the women who took me aside when I was shaking in my boots at my first meeting. She also has gone through a divorce and has a 2.5 year old daughter. And one thing I like about her is that she is always smiling. They say your sponsor should be someone who has what you want. She told me that if I work the Steps with her, I'll finally be able to turn off all the voices in my head. I want that.
I really needed this because it's been a rough couple days. I think this is going to be a monumental thing for me and for my recovery.
I think she's going to be awesome. She was one of the women who took me aside when I was shaking in my boots at my first meeting. She also has gone through a divorce and has a 2.5 year old daughter. And one thing I like about her is that she is always smiling. They say your sponsor should be someone who has what you want. She told me that if I work the Steps with her, I'll finally be able to turn off all the voices in my head. I want that.
I really needed this because it's been a rough couple days. I think this is going to be a monumental thing for me and for my recovery.
Stuck Here
Someone at an A.A. meeting once told me that regardless of whether I'm 'in' or 'out', I am in A.A. for life. I think maybe what he meant was, that the moment I went to my first meeting and admitted that I am powerless over alcohol is that I am by default, an A.A.-er.
I was frightened by that prospect, until I found myself with one foot in A.A. halls and one foot out over the last two years for what seemed like no end.
Then it started to hit home as soon as I began regularly running into people that I had seen at meetings out in public and sometimes it was not such a welcome encounter.
Coincidentally, just before I started to go to meetings on my own accord (and not being dragged in by a friend who was in the program) I started seeing this guy jogging in my neighborhood. He had this big smile and always said hi. There was something about him that made me feel inspired.
Then, sure enough, I went to a meeting in the neighborhood and he was the treasurer there. He didn't bat an eye when he saw me.
Since then, he has seen me at meetings, he has seen me hanging outside of bars, walking out of a liquor store, he has seen me remorsefully hung-over and he has seen me beaming with my head held high after leaving a meeting. I can't say it is not a very awkward experience and association to have with a person who the only thing you only know is their first name.
When I was beginning to go to meetings, I held a fear that I would run into more of my drinking friends and have awkward encounters with them and I wanted to keep up a front that I was still their drinking buddy (I would just not return their calls when they called me later to ask me if I wanted to go out with them).
The interesting (or maybe not-so-interesting) thing about this is, is that my old drinking buddies are never to be found, or not until I look for them.
But an A.A.-er will pop up at any time at the most unexpected places. And I will admit, it does get annoying (because their getting in the way of my addiction!)
I guess it is to serve as a reminder. I have always been incredibly afraid of running into a drinking buddy while I was having coffee with someone in A.A. and having to explain who this person was and where I knew them. But the funny thing is, is that that has happened maybe once, but the times I've encountered people in A.A. while I was out with a drinking buddy are numerous.
I guess my point is, that whether I like it or not, I am stuck in recovery. It will follow me and rear it's head just as much those enticing neon signs from the corner bars do. I guess it is my choice which path I really want to take.
Besides, I think the Neighborhood guy has probably had enough of these awkward encounters as I have.
I was frightened by that prospect, until I found myself with one foot in A.A. halls and one foot out over the last two years for what seemed like no end.
Then it started to hit home as soon as I began regularly running into people that I had seen at meetings out in public and sometimes it was not such a welcome encounter.
Coincidentally, just before I started to go to meetings on my own accord (and not being dragged in by a friend who was in the program) I started seeing this guy jogging in my neighborhood. He had this big smile and always said hi. There was something about him that made me feel inspired.
Then, sure enough, I went to a meeting in the neighborhood and he was the treasurer there. He didn't bat an eye when he saw me.
Since then, he has seen me at meetings, he has seen me hanging outside of bars, walking out of a liquor store, he has seen me remorsefully hung-over and he has seen me beaming with my head held high after leaving a meeting. I can't say it is not a very awkward experience and association to have with a person who the only thing you only know is their first name.
When I was beginning to go to meetings, I held a fear that I would run into more of my drinking friends and have awkward encounters with them and I wanted to keep up a front that I was still their drinking buddy (I would just not return their calls when they called me later to ask me if I wanted to go out with them).
The interesting (or maybe not-so-interesting) thing about this is, is that my old drinking buddies are never to be found, or not until I look for them.
But an A.A.-er will pop up at any time at the most unexpected places. And I will admit, it does get annoying (because their getting in the way of my addiction!)
I guess it is to serve as a reminder. I have always been incredibly afraid of running into a drinking buddy while I was having coffee with someone in A.A. and having to explain who this person was and where I knew them. But the funny thing is, is that that has happened maybe once, but the times I've encountered people in A.A. while I was out with a drinking buddy are numerous.
I guess my point is, that whether I like it or not, I am stuck in recovery. It will follow me and rear it's head just as much those enticing neon signs from the corner bars do. I guess it is my choice which path I really want to take.
Besides, I think the Neighborhood guy has probably had enough of these awkward encounters as I have.
First meeting…
I went to my first meeting tonight, and boy did I need it. I had been on the verge of tears all day and really didn't want to go, but I forced myself. I had met with another Alanon member a few times and talked on the phone to some others but it was always one-on-one. The meeting was wonderful. Everyone was so sweet, and I DIDN'T cry the entire time (though I did sit in the back). The topic was conflict. I heard lots of good stuff. I'm definitely going back.
I want to thank everyone for getting me to where I am. You all got me here, I couldn't have done it without you.
I want to thank everyone for getting me to where I am. You all got me here, I couldn't have done it without you.
I think I am now getting into my recovery
Hello all
I didn't know what to write in my post title. To be honest the last few months have left me feeling so unsure about everything I get scared to say I know how I feel in case I wake up and hit bottom again but something tells me that this time the feeling may be starting to become more permanent than fleeting.
It's been 4 months now since I left my partner, 2 months since I left our town and nearly a year since it all started to go wrong. He had been in rehab twice for heroin addiction in the past and as far as I know right now he is not doing that but is drinking and using drugs, mainly cocaine.
I finally went to a meeting after trying to do this on my own and via here and it really helped, just like you all said it would. I broke down at work one day too not so long ago and without having to divulge the details to my boss managed through my employer to get a bunch of counselling. I have been twice so far. Since starting to go to see this professional subtle changes have been taking place. After the first meeting I came out feeling worse than ever. So much so that I was almost scared to go the second time but I made myself and I am glad I did. I'm going to see her again on Monday.
I felt so much responsibility for his choice and so much guilt for how I handled him. I don't know exactly how I feel now as I don't want to tempt fate but I know I am thinking of him less, or at least I am not panic-stricken or full of guilt when I do. I am starting to feel lucky that I managed to escape his illness. I don't think I would ever have become an addict but I really think if I had stayed I would have continued to take drugs to fit in and lost all perspective and stuff in my own life. Even if I had managed to not take drugs I would have ended up hating our relationship/life/social circle etc.
I remember last time I went to the counsellor and I said I had felt guilty because surely if I loved him I would have stuck around until he stopped playing with coke, that after all he was not on heroin. She said the drug of choice was not the problem but the use and she asked me did I not think that Coke was a pretty nasty addiction too. Sounds really trivial but it kind of triggered something inside of me. All these months he has been fooling everyone around that he is not in relapse because it is not heroin and we all, myself included, swallowed it. I don't even know if everyone around him has swallowed it or if they (his family for example) are wiser and more able to detach.
Well today you know what? I slept through my alarm call. Do you know how happy that made me? For months my head has literally hurt and felt like it was stuck on this cycle of nothing but him and yet this morning I was so relaxed that I managed to not even hear my alarm. I hope these days are going to become more frequent.
I thought I could leave my partner easily when it started to go wrong because in some way I believed that leaving would bring him to his senses. God, that sounds egotistical but I did. Instead it made him embrace his addiction more, which although left me feeling broken initially has now made me realize the full power drugs have over someone in active addiction . For this reason I am glad in a way that i walked away when I did or I fear I never would have. I hold no anger or resent anymore. Occasionally I get little pangs that make me want to say, ' how could you do this to us, our hopes and dreams of our future, my heart" but I know now to sit with it and it soon passes.
This whole last week my mind has had much peace and I have felt ok. Tonight I am going to sleep really soundly and I am actually looking forward to sleeping alone.
I just wanted to share this today.
Lots of love
xxx
I didn't know what to write in my post title. To be honest the last few months have left me feeling so unsure about everything I get scared to say I know how I feel in case I wake up and hit bottom again but something tells me that this time the feeling may be starting to become more permanent than fleeting.
It's been 4 months now since I left my partner, 2 months since I left our town and nearly a year since it all started to go wrong. He had been in rehab twice for heroin addiction in the past and as far as I know right now he is not doing that but is drinking and using drugs, mainly cocaine.
I finally went to a meeting after trying to do this on my own and via here and it really helped, just like you all said it would. I broke down at work one day too not so long ago and without having to divulge the details to my boss managed through my employer to get a bunch of counselling. I have been twice so far. Since starting to go to see this professional subtle changes have been taking place. After the first meeting I came out feeling worse than ever. So much so that I was almost scared to go the second time but I made myself and I am glad I did. I'm going to see her again on Monday.
I felt so much responsibility for his choice and so much guilt for how I handled him. I don't know exactly how I feel now as I don't want to tempt fate but I know I am thinking of him less, or at least I am not panic-stricken or full of guilt when I do. I am starting to feel lucky that I managed to escape his illness. I don't think I would ever have become an addict but I really think if I had stayed I would have continued to take drugs to fit in and lost all perspective and stuff in my own life. Even if I had managed to not take drugs I would have ended up hating our relationship/life/social circle etc.
I remember last time I went to the counsellor and I said I had felt guilty because surely if I loved him I would have stuck around until he stopped playing with coke, that after all he was not on heroin. She said the drug of choice was not the problem but the use and she asked me did I not think that Coke was a pretty nasty addiction too. Sounds really trivial but it kind of triggered something inside of me. All these months he has been fooling everyone around that he is not in relapse because it is not heroin and we all, myself included, swallowed it. I don't even know if everyone around him has swallowed it or if they (his family for example) are wiser and more able to detach.
Well today you know what? I slept through my alarm call. Do you know how happy that made me? For months my head has literally hurt and felt like it was stuck on this cycle of nothing but him and yet this morning I was so relaxed that I managed to not even hear my alarm. I hope these days are going to become more frequent.
I thought I could leave my partner easily when it started to go wrong because in some way I believed that leaving would bring him to his senses. God, that sounds egotistical but I did. Instead it made him embrace his addiction more, which although left me feeling broken initially has now made me realize the full power drugs have over someone in active addiction . For this reason I am glad in a way that i walked away when I did or I fear I never would have. I hold no anger or resent anymore. Occasionally I get little pangs that make me want to say, ' how could you do this to us, our hopes and dreams of our future, my heart" but I know now to sit with it and it soon passes.
This whole last week my mind has had much peace and I have felt ok. Tonight I am going to sleep really soundly and I am actually looking forward to sleeping alone.
I just wanted to share this today.
Lots of love
xxx
New here and need some advice
Hi everyone. I separated from my alcoholic about 3 years ago. By the time I left I was emotionally, mentally, physically, and spiritually broken. I didn't think I would ever recover from the abuse. I went to see a therapist and she advised me to go to alanon. I went to my first meeting and an older man in the room rushed over to me after the meeting to give me a hug. I felt very uncomfortable, so I stuck my hand out to shake his. Later I thought about it and thought maybe I was being to stand offisih. I started seeing this man at meetings and we started talking about how similar our childhoods were and alanon. He has been a very good listener and has helped me a lot since he has been in the program for 10 years. It came out that he wanted more than a friendship and I am not ready for a relationship at this time. He had told me he is a sex addict, which I did not want to get involved with anything like that. I kind of distanced myself from him and started talking to other people in Alanon. I received an e-mail notification that he has been searching my name online. I was so scared that I stopped going to meetings for a while. I finally e-mailed him the notification I received and asked him if there was something he wanted to know about me. He said he just wanted to see how I was doing. I know that is a lie or else he would have e-mailed me directly. I am afraid of running into him at meetings after these events and I don't know what to do. I am hoping someone on here can give me some advice.
JFT Oct. 19 - Standing For Something
October 19
In our active addiction, we were prepared to compromise everything we believed in just to get our hands on more drugs. Whether we stole from our families and friends, sold ourselves, or lied to our employers, we were ignoring the values that mattered most to us. Each time we compromised another dearly held belief, another chunk of the mortar holding our characters together fell away. By the time many of us came to our first meeting, nothing was left but the ruin of our former selves.
We will locate our lost values as we carry out our first honest self-examination. But in order to rebuild our characters, weÂ’ll find it necessary to maintain those values, no matter how great the temptation to shove them aside. We will need to be honest, even when we think we could fool everyone by lying. If we ignore our values, weÂ’ll discover that the biggest fibs weÂ’ve told have been the ones weÂ’ve told ourselves.
We donÂ’t want to start the demolition of our spirits again after all the work weÂ’ve put into their restoration. ItÂ’s essential that we stand for something, or we risk falling for anything. Whatever we find important to us, we honor.
Just for today: I stand for something. My strength is the result of living my values.
Copyright © 1991-2008 by Narcotics Anonymous World Services, Inc. All Rights Reserved
Standing for something
“...we could feel time, touch reality, and recognize spiritual values long lost to many of us.”
Basic Text, p. 85
––––=––––
––––=––––
In our active addiction, we were prepared to compromise everything we believed in just to get our hands on more drugs. Whether we stole from our families and friends, sold ourselves, or lied to our employers, we were ignoring the values that mattered most to us. Each time we compromised another dearly held belief, another chunk of the mortar holding our characters together fell away. By the time many of us came to our first meeting, nothing was left but the ruin of our former selves.
We will locate our lost values as we carry out our first honest self-examination. But in order to rebuild our characters, weÂ’ll find it necessary to maintain those values, no matter how great the temptation to shove them aside. We will need to be honest, even when we think we could fool everyone by lying. If we ignore our values, weÂ’ll discover that the biggest fibs weÂ’ve told have been the ones weÂ’ve told ourselves.
We donÂ’t want to start the demolition of our spirits again after all the work weÂ’ve put into their restoration. ItÂ’s essential that we stand for something, or we risk falling for anything. Whatever we find important to us, we honor.
––––=––––
Just for today: I stand for something. My strength is the result of living my values.
Copyright © 1991-2008 by Narcotics Anonymous World Services, Inc. All Rights Reserved
JFT October 18 We all belong
October 18
We all belong
“Although ‘politics makes strange bedfellows,’ as the old saying goes, addiction makes us one of a kind.”
Basic Text, p. 84
––––=––––
What a mixture of folks we have in Narcotics Anonymous! In any given meeting on any given night, weÂ’ll find a variety of people who probably never would have sat down in a room together if it werenÂ’t for the disease of addiction.
A member who is a physician described his unwillingness to identify at his first meeting by refusing to go into “that room full of junkies.” Another member with an extensive background in jails and institutions shared a similar story, except that her shock and surprise stemmed from the realization that “there were nice people there—wearing suits, yet!” These two friends recently celebrated their seventh wedding anniversary.
The most unlikely people form friendships, sponsor each other, and do service work together. We meet in the rooms of recovery together, sharing the bonds of past suffering and hope for the future. We meet on mutual ground with our focus on the two things we all have in common—addiction and recovery.
––––=––––
Just for today: No matter what my personal circumstances, I belong
Copyright © 1991-2008 by Narcotics Anonymous World Services, Inc. All Rights Reserved
We all belong
“Although ‘politics makes strange bedfellows,’ as the old saying goes, addiction makes us one of a kind.”
Basic Text, p. 84
––––=––––
What a mixture of folks we have in Narcotics Anonymous! In any given meeting on any given night, weÂ’ll find a variety of people who probably never would have sat down in a room together if it werenÂ’t for the disease of addiction.
A member who is a physician described his unwillingness to identify at his first meeting by refusing to go into “that room full of junkies.” Another member with an extensive background in jails and institutions shared a similar story, except that her shock and surprise stemmed from the realization that “there were nice people there—wearing suits, yet!” These two friends recently celebrated their seventh wedding anniversary.
The most unlikely people form friendships, sponsor each other, and do service work together. We meet in the rooms of recovery together, sharing the bonds of past suffering and hope for the future. We meet on mutual ground with our focus on the two things we all have in common—addiction and recovery.
––––=––––
Just for today: No matter what my personal circumstances, I belong
Copyright © 1991-2008 by Narcotics Anonymous World Services, Inc. All Rights Reserved
First Meeting tonight..
Hi all..
So this evening I found a meeting near me, at the perfect time/location, for beginners. I had a month under my belt, and blew it this past week. I thought I could go to the store and not buy liquor... I thought I could buy it, and not drink out of control... I thought I could drink out of control and that no one would notice. Wrong, of course. WTF... darn alcoholic brain! I gotta get that part in control, because I KNOW I can live without alcohol. I want to, I think I just need some focus, and none of this "I can do everything on my own" BS.
I know I can't do this on my own. I do have an issue with the Higher Power part of AA, but for now, it's the only meeting I can find today. I believe that because it is for beginners, there will be a lot of opportunities for questions, or just a room full of supportive people, and basically, it will be a much better place to be at 7pm on a Saturday night than at home, alone.
I'm scared.. I'm scared I'll know someone.. I'm scared to talk right now.. I'm scared there will be no one there (right!?).. I'm scared to show my face.
Wasn't sure if this was the best place to post, so I'm posting in both 12 Step Support, and Newcomers to Recovery.
Thank you for reading.
So this evening I found a meeting near me, at the perfect time/location, for beginners. I had a month under my belt, and blew it this past week. I thought I could go to the store and not buy liquor... I thought I could buy it, and not drink out of control... I thought I could drink out of control and that no one would notice. Wrong, of course. WTF... darn alcoholic brain! I gotta get that part in control, because I KNOW I can live without alcohol. I want to, I think I just need some focus, and none of this "I can do everything on my own" BS.
I know I can't do this on my own. I do have an issue with the Higher Power part of AA, but for now, it's the only meeting I can find today. I believe that because it is for beginners, there will be a lot of opportunities for questions, or just a room full of supportive people, and basically, it will be a much better place to be at 7pm on a Saturday night than at home, alone.
I'm scared.. I'm scared I'll know someone.. I'm scared to talk right now.. I'm scared there will be no one there (right!?).. I'm scared to show my face.
Wasn't sure if this was the best place to post, so I'm posting in both 12 Step Support, and Newcomers to Recovery.
Thank you for reading.
What do you like about AA?
I went to my first meeting when I was 21. I'm 34 now and wish I had never left. I am going to give it a go again and see it through come hell, highwater, or anything in between. :umbrella: So I would like to hear from folks who LOOOOOOVE AA - or even just like it a little.:yup: Share, please!
