Archive for the ‘First Thought’ tag
1 week today! It was a tough one!
It seems like it's always one crisis after another with my kids... and my first thought it always "I need a drink".... it's how I am used to dealing...
My son, who has been the healthy one, had his check-up today and his Doctor was very concerned about his lack of weight gain and ordered a battery of tests and referred us to a specialist... who ironically my daughter has to see tomorrow anyway because of HER issues... (she had a stroke before she was born) and so I got my son in for tomorrow as well, which is a miracle... but the doctor knows what we have been through....
I just hate that my kids suffer sometimes... and I KNOW that if I drink, they will suffer more... so I refuse to give in so that I can be the BEST MOM I can be....
I have a week again.. and that is a start. I know I can do this...
Thanks for listening!!!!
My son, who has been the healthy one, had his check-up today and his Doctor was very concerned about his lack of weight gain and ordered a battery of tests and referred us to a specialist... who ironically my daughter has to see tomorrow anyway because of HER issues... (she had a stroke before she was born) and so I got my son in for tomorrow as well, which is a miracle... but the doctor knows what we have been through....
I just hate that my kids suffer sometimes... and I KNOW that if I drink, they will suffer more... so I refuse to give in so that I can be the BEST MOM I can be....
I have a week again.. and that is a start. I know I can do this...
Thanks for listening!!!!
New relationship - old baggage!
Hello! I'm new here... I have been searching for a place to feel at home, hopefully this is it.
I've been divorced after a 16 yr marriage, for 2 years now from XAH. Boy - have things changed! I've dated 3 guys - all completely different. First...fell head over heals - he said I love you right away...we dated for a year..then ran straight from my kids. Second...dated never said I love you's he wasn't very affectionate.. I wanted him to be - so he ran. Third - had issues... he cheated - I ran, happily.
But now - I've met a really nice guy but I have all these flags that I keep raising. We've been dating since July and just recently had the conversation, brought up by him, about how serious we are about each other. Making sure this is an exclusive relationshilp. I'm great with that.. I really like him. He's met my boys twice and I, his daughter - she's great! Maybe I'm scared he's just too good to be true.
My flags are this: I asked him to my Christmas party and he originally said he'd have to see if he had his daughter that weekend. (he gets her for a week at a time) My first thought was.. he could just get a sitter. Then - I started thinking. He used to date a girl that works for the same company... and is he worried or uncomfortable about possibly running in to her. If so - should that bother me??? I think if that's the reason - it does.
Then I wonder if I'm just being paranoid about things b/c of my past relationships.
What are ya'll thoughts??
I've been divorced after a 16 yr marriage, for 2 years now from XAH. Boy - have things changed! I've dated 3 guys - all completely different. First...fell head over heals - he said I love you right away...we dated for a year..then ran straight from my kids. Second...dated never said I love you's he wasn't very affectionate.. I wanted him to be - so he ran. Third - had issues... he cheated - I ran, happily.
But now - I've met a really nice guy but I have all these flags that I keep raising. We've been dating since July and just recently had the conversation, brought up by him, about how serious we are about each other. Making sure this is an exclusive relationshilp. I'm great with that.. I really like him. He's met my boys twice and I, his daughter - she's great! Maybe I'm scared he's just too good to be true.
My flags are this: I asked him to my Christmas party and he originally said he'd have to see if he had his daughter that weekend. (he gets her for a week at a time) My first thought was.. he could just get a sitter. Then - I started thinking. He used to date a girl that works for the same company... and is he worried or uncomfortable about possibly running in to her. If so - should that bother me??? I think if that's the reason - it does.
Then I wonder if I'm just being paranoid about things b/c of my past relationships.
What are ya'll thoughts??
Update & Continued Prayer Request…
I want to thank everyone on this board for your prayers & support. My ABF (who I split up with a several months ago) has been through ALOT the past couple of months. We had split up twice before this, but this time I prayed really hard that if God wanted him in my life, to bring him back a 3rd & final time, but realizing he has an A problem. Well, he DID come back, and seems different....says he "hit bottom".....well....in my opinion, he is still drinking so he isn;t "quite there" yet.....but I feel God WORKING on SOMETHING :praying!!! It is just incredible. SLOW....God's time, not mine.....lol..ugh (I'm SO impatient!!) but WORKING.
Just today I was having a bad time, a job came to him that I at first thought would hurt our relationship ( the devil was working overtime on me, my imagination was going crazy).......and out of the blue a Christian ladyfriend of mine phoned & asked if everything was okay. She said she could not get me out of her mind today. SO....long story short, that phone call really helped put my mind back in prospective, and was clearly from GOD!!!!
Things are working out slowly......but so far my ABF isn't ready to deal with a DUI warrant from 2004........he just doesn't want to discuss it, and it scares me. He's afraid of the jail time (probably only 3-5 months, some possibly house arrest), and also says he doesn;t have $$ for the fines, so it's no use dealing with it.....:skillet
It does seem like there is no way out of his situation, yet I KNOW with God NOTHING is impossible!!
As for my life, I really need a life partner so badly. I long to be married again, and I do love this man.
So I'm asking all of you to continue to pray for my BF to realize he has to face this DUI from 2004. (If it is God's will). And more importantly, that he realizes he needs to FIND GOD in his life. We are living in such critical times!! His childhood was horrendous, so it's extremely difficult for him. But I DO believe God is working on him.
There is power in numbers, so please continue to pray for his & our situation. Thank you all for listening!!
Just today I was having a bad time, a job came to him that I at first thought would hurt our relationship ( the devil was working overtime on me, my imagination was going crazy).......and out of the blue a Christian ladyfriend of mine phoned & asked if everything was okay. She said she could not get me out of her mind today. SO....long story short, that phone call really helped put my mind back in prospective, and was clearly from GOD!!!!
Things are working out slowly......but so far my ABF isn't ready to deal with a DUI warrant from 2004........he just doesn't want to discuss it, and it scares me. He's afraid of the jail time (probably only 3-5 months, some possibly house arrest), and also says he doesn;t have $$ for the fines, so it's no use dealing with it.....:skillet
It does seem like there is no way out of his situation, yet I KNOW with God NOTHING is impossible!!
As for my life, I really need a life partner so badly. I long to be married again, and I do love this man.
So I'm asking all of you to continue to pray for my BF to realize he has to face this DUI from 2004. (If it is God's will). And more importantly, that he realizes he needs to FIND GOD in his life. We are living in such critical times!! His childhood was horrendous, so it's extremely difficult for him. But I DO believe God is working on him.
There is power in numbers, so please continue to pray for his & our situation. Thank you all for listening!!
Well here we go again……
I know better than to think it, or even say it out loud. (wow things are getting better!) Seems those are the words that blow it all to hell. The home life has been great for about two months now, but recently the AH went to a funaral and stayed gone all day with an old drinking/gambling buddy, Then he slipped out for a while again a few days later and now he doesn't even hide it. What he does do is walk in with this angry ora that dares me to confront him. Like I need to. I"m not stuped and I know what he is doing. The difforance this time is that rather than reacting by doing something destructive like cheeting on him, I use this as yet another tool that reminds me I am on the right track in my own life.
In so many ways I am proud of my self and that gives me stringth. When I first came to this site, I had no stringth at all. I isolated and just cried. What a sad way to live.
I went to my AA meeting last night and it was a great meeting. The subject was "living in the solution" I came home feeling real good because yesterday I had some revolations about my self and my healing, and last night they talked about just that sort of thing. So I am all happy, I got some things done in the house, but when I hit the house.... no one is there. He walked up the street to the local bar. At first I was upset and sad, but then I realized I wasn't the one in the bar so why was I so upset. My first thought was "he picked the bar over you" then I remembered he is sick. His drinking has nothing to do with loving or not loving me.
I am upset that my relationship looks like it's comming to an end but I am not nearly as upset as I was in the past. I'm not angry, Or feeling self pitty or that this is all my fault. It just is. I have made some life changing choices and I am so much more happy now that I don't ever want to go back. The idea of sitting in a bar and drinking make me feel ill.
I hope and pray that my AH will realize he can't keep this up and stopps but I am not betting on it and if he goes back to his old ways of drinking all the time then he can fined a new wife.
Hey but the good new is..... I'm not drinking and my house is clean. LOL
D
In so many ways I am proud of my self and that gives me stringth. When I first came to this site, I had no stringth at all. I isolated and just cried. What a sad way to live.
I went to my AA meeting last night and it was a great meeting. The subject was "living in the solution" I came home feeling real good because yesterday I had some revolations about my self and my healing, and last night they talked about just that sort of thing. So I am all happy, I got some things done in the house, but when I hit the house.... no one is there. He walked up the street to the local bar. At first I was upset and sad, but then I realized I wasn't the one in the bar so why was I so upset. My first thought was "he picked the bar over you" then I remembered he is sick. His drinking has nothing to do with loving or not loving me.
I am upset that my relationship looks like it's comming to an end but I am not nearly as upset as I was in the past. I'm not angry, Or feeling self pitty or that this is all my fault. It just is. I have made some life changing choices and I am so much more happy now that I don't ever want to go back. The idea of sitting in a bar and drinking make me feel ill.
I hope and pray that my AH will realize he can't keep this up and stopps but I am not betting on it and if he goes back to his old ways of drinking all the time then he can fined a new wife.
Hey but the good new is..... I'm not drinking and my house is clean. LOL
D
A Cruise, A Halloween party & A Mother-in-Law
and I made it thru all 3! With the help of everyone here. Thanks for all our posts, threads, support and suggestions. I am grateful today for all of you and AA.
To anyone scared they can't do it without alcohol know that you can and it can be better than you imagined. Oh don't get me wrong the thought of a drink passed my mind a different times but as a wise women in my AA group says...you aren't responsible for the first thought that comes into your head but yo are responsible for what you do with it! True words of wisdom.
With all these recent events have shared with more and more people my little secret...i am an alcoholic and I do not drink anymore. No I tell them not even a little!
One friend even asked Do you have to go to those meetings? I told her I didn't have too I wanted too!
Thanks again for always being here!
Jen
To anyone scared they can't do it without alcohol know that you can and it can be better than you imagined. Oh don't get me wrong the thought of a drink passed my mind a different times but as a wise women in my AA group says...you aren't responsible for the first thought that comes into your head but yo are responsible for what you do with it! True words of wisdom.
With all these recent events have shared with more and more people my little secret...i am an alcoholic and I do not drink anymore. No I tell them not even a little!
One friend even asked Do you have to go to those meetings? I told her I didn't have too I wanted too!
Thanks again for always being here!
Jen
Panic Attacks
I has 'em.
This new job is becoming pretty stressful. I quit drinking a couple weeks into it. I woke up at 3 am when our 3 year old crawled into bed with us and couldn't get back to sleep b/c my mind started racing about work. I dozed off, had a stupid dream about work and woke up thinking that my son was on my chest, but he wasn't.
I just had a similar episode sitting here at my desk while trying to find something in a file and the lawyer calling me bytching about something else. He's not the most friendly guy.
Anyone have any tips to get through these moments when my first thought is always have a drink or a toke to calm the nerves?
I don't remember having them in the past, but how would I know when I was always mellow KWIM?
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This new job is becoming pretty stressful. I quit drinking a couple weeks into it. I woke up at 3 am when our 3 year old crawled into bed with us and couldn't get back to sleep b/c my mind started racing about work. I dozed off, had a stupid dream about work and woke up thinking that my son was on my chest, but he wasn't.
I just had a similar episode sitting here at my desk while trying to find something in a file and the lawyer calling me bytching about something else. He's not the most friendly guy.
Anyone have any tips to get through these moments when my first thought is always have a drink or a toke to calm the nerves?
I don't remember having them in the past, but how would I know when I was always mellow KWIM?
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