Archive for the ‘Fit’ tag
Hello everyone! Newbie to this, I need your advice
I am newly wed, my husband always had dislikes against drinking. I have always enjoyed drinking. My typical way of drinking has been, have 2 glasses of wine as I cook and have dinner (I am a big foodie and love the combination of good drink with good food) about 5 days a week. I drink more if we go to friend's party etc, which is probably less than once a month.
He says he doesn't like me drinking because I get slow (vs. witty) and less attentitive toward him and gets emotional. He always had different "reasons" why he dislikes me drinking (one of them used to be that I may cheat on him while I am drunk, at the early dating stage, so I was allowed to drink only when he was around, even at home! He finally understant I am not the cheater, he doesn't say that anymore)
I feel I can drink less frequently, so I recently agreed on drinking just weekends and special occassions. He was supposed to be happy with that, but he is still unhappy and says he doesn't want to be around me if I drink.
I have never been told by anybody (parents, my teeage kids and close friends etc) that I am unpleasant when I drink, rather fun to be around.
He wants me to quit drinking completely and he thinks I can never do so
because he thinks I am an addict. I know I can totally quite (I have done so with past pregnancies and nursing etc). But I don't feel it is necessary other than the fact that I can prove to him that I can quit, which seems to me, the wrong motivation. To me, cutting back to weekends seems like a good plan.
I feel since my wine with good food is something I would call "hobby" it will elminate my eating fun too (BTW I dont have any health problem either, stay fit), he says I am making excuse since I can't quite.... What should I do?
He says he doesn't like me drinking because I get slow (vs. witty) and less attentitive toward him and gets emotional. He always had different "reasons" why he dislikes me drinking (one of them used to be that I may cheat on him while I am drunk, at the early dating stage, so I was allowed to drink only when he was around, even at home! He finally understant I am not the cheater, he doesn't say that anymore)
I feel I can drink less frequently, so I recently agreed on drinking just weekends and special occassions. He was supposed to be happy with that, but he is still unhappy and says he doesn't want to be around me if I drink.
I have never been told by anybody (parents, my teeage kids and close friends etc) that I am unpleasant when I drink, rather fun to be around.
He wants me to quit drinking completely and he thinks I can never do so
because he thinks I am an addict. I know I can totally quite (I have done so with past pregnancies and nursing etc). But I don't feel it is necessary other than the fact that I can prove to him that I can quit, which seems to me, the wrong motivation. To me, cutting back to weekends seems like a good plan.
I feel since my wine with good food is something I would call "hobby" it will elminate my eating fun too (BTW I dont have any health problem either, stay fit), he says I am making excuse since I can't quite.... What should I do?
Belly Ring And The Past
Recently I had surgery that one cut went into my belly button area. I really pushed for them not to mess with my piercing area because I so wanted to keep it. Due to some problems and taping issues I had been unable to get to the bottom hole for a week. It was like deep down all along I knew there was going to be a problem. When I finally tried putting the ring back in; as I suspected it was partially closed. Right away I started making plans to get it back in ASAP.
While getting my eye brows done I was explaining to the girls who I knew (my girl was new) my problem. They where horrified with me. The new girl ask why it would be so bad to let it close? I wanted to slap her young face! Didn't she know the pain I suffered getting it...keeping it....putting up with it snagging my jeans! We had a history! Just let it close, unthinkable. Then I wondered if it really was unthinkable.
I got it when I first married my AH. I had felt sexy, alive, strong. I had dreams and things where going to be so much better in this marriage! When I remembered that it really hurt. I had forgotten I ever had dreams!
So it dawned on me that maybe I shouldn't be holding on to that ring it was a symbol of something that is gone dead crushed into dust by the bottle and is never coming back. I'm hoping that the me that is trying to crawl out of all of that recovers to be stronger and wiser then the me of 7 years ago.
My ring doesn't fit in me anymore; kind of how I don't fit my marriage. Maybe even though I work on leaving, I do it kind of dragging my feet; hanging on to something long after I have known all along I should have just let it go and let the wound close and heal.
Just some thoughts...:Xmas7
While getting my eye brows done I was explaining to the girls who I knew (my girl was new) my problem. They where horrified with me. The new girl ask why it would be so bad to let it close? I wanted to slap her young face! Didn't she know the pain I suffered getting it...keeping it....putting up with it snagging my jeans! We had a history! Just let it close, unthinkable. Then I wondered if it really was unthinkable.
I got it when I first married my AH. I had felt sexy, alive, strong. I had dreams and things where going to be so much better in this marriage! When I remembered that it really hurt. I had forgotten I ever had dreams!
So it dawned on me that maybe I shouldn't be holding on to that ring it was a symbol of something that is gone dead crushed into dust by the bottle and is never coming back. I'm hoping that the me that is trying to crawl out of all of that recovers to be stronger and wiser then the me of 7 years ago.
My ring doesn't fit in me anymore; kind of how I don't fit my marriage. Maybe even though I work on leaving, I do it kind of dragging my feet; hanging on to something long after I have known all along I should have just let it go and let the wound close and heal.
Just some thoughts...:Xmas7
Am I being harsh?
Ah just got out of the hospital two days ago. I am sick but I went to work and he stayed home and sat his butt on the couch. Now I understand he needs to recover but don't you think he should at least make phone calls to save things from getting shut off?
He needs his prescriptions which costs fourty dollars and I'm rather pissed I have to take that out and purchase them for him. That's our bill money. I told him I would NOT buy the percocet. I do not think they are nessasary, he seems to me like he's faking much more of the pain just to get them. An addict is an addict is an addict. I'm far from stupid.
I fllipped yesturday because he did NOT go to a meeting. He didn't call anyone for a ride. I should not have to tell him what he should do. Today he did call but he has no ride back. I can not fit him in the small car we have so now it's like a quilt trip of "I guess I'll just walk back"..........WHY don't I feel sorry for him.
If anything I have been avoiding him, telling him everything he says is BS, I even told him last night all he does is quack. I am not going to be his mother. My stress level is sooooooooo high I went to the ER for chest pains and pressure and they think it could be stress related. I can't stop having a nasty attitude towards him.
I told him he had to pack his stuff and leave because he did nothing. So of course he starts making calls and got this ride.
I've turned into one big bitch ball. He needs to stop with the victim card, find a job and use all the effort it took him to get drunk into finding a job. I'm NOT doing things for him. One day down and it's not working for me.
Suggestions from anyone who's recovering alcoholic came back into the home?
If you have only negative things to say then please do not repsond. Just need suppot. Thank you:c004:
He needs his prescriptions which costs fourty dollars and I'm rather pissed I have to take that out and purchase them for him. That's our bill money. I told him I would NOT buy the percocet. I do not think they are nessasary, he seems to me like he's faking much more of the pain just to get them. An addict is an addict is an addict. I'm far from stupid.
I fllipped yesturday because he did NOT go to a meeting. He didn't call anyone for a ride. I should not have to tell him what he should do. Today he did call but he has no ride back. I can not fit him in the small car we have so now it's like a quilt trip of "I guess I'll just walk back"..........WHY don't I feel sorry for him.
If anything I have been avoiding him, telling him everything he says is BS, I even told him last night all he does is quack. I am not going to be his mother. My stress level is sooooooooo high I went to the ER for chest pains and pressure and they think it could be stress related. I can't stop having a nasty attitude towards him.
I told him he had to pack his stuff and leave because he did nothing. So of course he starts making calls and got this ride.
I've turned into one big bitch ball. He needs to stop with the victim card, find a job and use all the effort it took him to get drunk into finding a job. I'm NOT doing things for him. One day down and it's not working for me.
Suggestions from anyone who's recovering alcoholic came back into the home?
If you have only negative things to say then please do not repsond. Just need suppot. Thank you:c004:
Some things I have learned
First of all - I think it's been over a year since I told my AH I wanted a divorce and then short thereafter found out about his porn and opiate addiction.
Wow!
What a year it has been! I have been so fortunate to have such a supportive village - because, at least in my case, it has taken this village to get me sanely thru this process (no snickers from the peanut gallery on the "sane" comment - thank you very much!)
I thought I'd take a moment to reflect on some of the things I have learned so far, which all of you have taken a part in the teaching of to me. After my therapy session today, I had to acknowledge "out loud" that I have come further than I thought I had.
I have learned, that while I accept my responsibility for how long I allowed my AH's behavior to affect me when I knew it was unacceptable, it is OK to blame, scream, point, overthink at times, etc., so long as it got me to acceptance and peace.
I have learned that I no longer simply believe everything someone (anyone) tells me and to try to twist and make what I know to be reality fit into theirs. I also no longer feel the need to try to get them to admit reality. I can now listen, nod and go on my way - knowing what I know.
I have learned that it's OK to be vulnerable.
I have learned that I am a good, kind, pretty (enough) person - inside and out.
I have learned that I have something to give back.
I have learned to express an opinion on something I feel strongly about without the need to attack, belittle or be validated.
These are but a few of the lessons in just over 12 mos. I have learned. I think you all should give yourselves a pat on the back, because you are all wonderful instructors!
I have put most all of the things above into practice (not by trying, but automatically) this past week. Yep, it's been in my bones - WOW, I couldn't believe it!
I'm proud and happy to be part of this group. I am grateful for my husband's addiction (not in a mean way). Without that, I wouldn't be here - and I can't imagine that any longer. The blessings that have come to me along this journey, I have tried to count along the way and express it, but it continues to amaze me. I wouldn't change a thing. Not one hurt, not one lesson. If I did, I wouldn't know you.
Thank you - for those of you ahead of me on this journey, I look to you for continued guidance. For those of you behind me on this journey, hang on tight - you're in a great place and you will get there before you know it, just keep walking the walk - one baby-step at a time!
:ghug :a194:
Wow!
What a year it has been! I have been so fortunate to have such a supportive village - because, at least in my case, it has taken this village to get me sanely thru this process (no snickers from the peanut gallery on the "sane" comment - thank you very much!)
I thought I'd take a moment to reflect on some of the things I have learned so far, which all of you have taken a part in the teaching of to me. After my therapy session today, I had to acknowledge "out loud" that I have come further than I thought I had.
I have learned, that while I accept my responsibility for how long I allowed my AH's behavior to affect me when I knew it was unacceptable, it is OK to blame, scream, point, overthink at times, etc., so long as it got me to acceptance and peace.
I have learned that I no longer simply believe everything someone (anyone) tells me and to try to twist and make what I know to be reality fit into theirs. I also no longer feel the need to try to get them to admit reality. I can now listen, nod and go on my way - knowing what I know.
I have learned that it's OK to be vulnerable.
I have learned that I am a good, kind, pretty (enough) person - inside and out.
I have learned that I have something to give back.
I have learned to express an opinion on something I feel strongly about without the need to attack, belittle or be validated.
These are but a few of the lessons in just over 12 mos. I have learned. I think you all should give yourselves a pat on the back, because you are all wonderful instructors!
I have put most all of the things above into practice (not by trying, but automatically) this past week. Yep, it's been in my bones - WOW, I couldn't believe it!
I'm proud and happy to be part of this group. I am grateful for my husband's addiction (not in a mean way). Without that, I wouldn't be here - and I can't imagine that any longer. The blessings that have come to me along this journey, I have tried to count along the way and express it, but it continues to amaze me. I wouldn't change a thing. Not one hurt, not one lesson. If I did, I wouldn't know you.
Thank you - for those of you ahead of me on this journey, I look to you for continued guidance. For those of you behind me on this journey, hang on tight - you're in a great place and you will get there before you know it, just keep walking the walk - one baby-step at a time!
:ghug :a194:
Planning to quit drinking? Read me!
Hi guys!
I thought it might be helpful for new people to read what someone (me, obviously) newly sober has to say about withdrawing and detoxing. I'm brand new and don't know much, but here's what I do know and it is VERY important.
1. Please do not be afraid to seek medical attention for quitting alcohol. I know it feels shameful, and you'd probably prefer to try to power through your detox on your own, but please seek medical attention if the following applies to you:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ml#post1588576
I should have gone to the doctor right away because I had been drinking enough long enough to warrant it, but I was stubborn. Don't be me. Go to the doctor. It will only make you more comfortable. And the emergency room is a perfectly acceptable option if you don't have a regular doctor.
2. Even if these things don't apply to you, see your doctor anyway. I didn't get medical attention until I was having such a strong panic attack that my heart was racing at 120 beats per minute and I was on the verge of passing out and ended up the emergency room.
Even if you don't need to be medically detoxed, your doctor can
a. Make you more comfortable. Mine prescribed me 4 Ativan, enough to make it through my withdrawal process.
b. Ease your fears about whether you are fit to make it through a non-medically supervised detox. My withdrawal related panic attacks were made infinitely worse by the notion that I really could die. My doctor checked me and told me that I would be fine.
May God be with you and comfort you through your struggles.
:ghug3
I thought it might be helpful for new people to read what someone (me, obviously) newly sober has to say about withdrawing and detoxing. I'm brand new and don't know much, but here's what I do know and it is VERY important.
1. Please do not be afraid to seek medical attention for quitting alcohol. I know it feels shameful, and you'd probably prefer to try to power through your detox on your own, but please seek medical attention if the following applies to you:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ml#post1588576
I should have gone to the doctor right away because I had been drinking enough long enough to warrant it, but I was stubborn. Don't be me. Go to the doctor. It will only make you more comfortable. And the emergency room is a perfectly acceptable option if you don't have a regular doctor.
2. Even if these things don't apply to you, see your doctor anyway. I didn't get medical attention until I was having such a strong panic attack that my heart was racing at 120 beats per minute and I was on the verge of passing out and ended up the emergency room.
Even if you don't need to be medically detoxed, your doctor can
a. Make you more comfortable. Mine prescribed me 4 Ativan, enough to make it through my withdrawal process.
b. Ease your fears about whether you are fit to make it through a non-medically supervised detox. My withdrawal related panic attacks were made infinitely worse by the notion that I really could die. My doctor checked me and told me that I would be fine.
May God be with you and comfort you through your struggles.
:ghug3
The new 6th Edition book
The new 6th Edition of the NA Basic Text is larger sized book.
The print is larger....ok fine.
It wont fit my book cover...and the pages dont match up to the page references in the JFT daily readings.
I'm not going to get one.
I like the 5th editions that match the size of the It Works How and Why ....they go together in my double book cover.
I'm not excited about it, but I'm not going to lose any sleep over it!
Anyone else seen it yet? any comments?
peace,
Missy
The print is larger....ok fine.
It wont fit my book cover...and the pages dont match up to the page references in the JFT daily readings.
I'm not going to get one.
I like the 5th editions that match the size of the It Works How and Why ....they go together in my double book cover.
I'm not excited about it, but I'm not going to lose any sleep over it!
Anyone else seen it yet? any comments?
peace,
Missy
Need advice regarding how to talk to my sponsor about finding a new sponsor
Hello, I hope everyone is having a good Monday!
I've been working with my sponsor for about a month and a half, and it has become very clear that we are not a good fit. I need some advice about how to tell her without hurting her feelings that I need to find a new sponsor.
Thanks in advance!
I've been working with my sponsor for about a month and a half, and it has become very clear that we are not a good fit. I need some advice about how to tell her without hurting her feelings that I need to find a new sponsor.
Thanks in advance!
The promiscuous sex bothers me the most
I thought I was special, but had to kick out the ALGF. Now she already hooked up with what she told me was a toothless hillbilly. She had the nerve to put him on the phone to tell me not to beat her when she came to get her stuff. The accent fit her description. That bothers me, the AL will keep lowering their standards to get the fix and survive. She had no where to go, so why not sleep with this guy and sponge of him for a while. Then I feel, and wonder if she lowered her standards to be with me. She came from a good family, I met them and even went to a wedding and was invited into a family picture. Now it is time to protect myself from her disease. I talked to her mother and cleared the lies about beating her.
NEVER HIT HER, only protected myself from her abuse, just anger from her when she drinks. She would through dishes and stuff. Now she appears to be perpetual drunk. I still have all her furniture and belonging in my house.
NEVER HIT HER, only protected myself from her abuse, just anger from her when she drinks. She would through dishes and stuff. Now she appears to be perpetual drunk. I still have all her furniture and belonging in my house.
Just Checking In - Doing Good Staying Away from A-ExBf
Hi everyone,
I just thought i'd check in and say hi... I've been doing good and staying away from A-exbf. It's still pretty fresh, so of course i've had THOUGHTS of it, but then quickly thought better than to go ahead and do it. I always just say to myself "what good is it going to do? Is is going to change anything? No... Is it going to make me feel better about everything that happened? no... The only thing that will do all that is if I move on. What HAS made me feel better is the fact that I DIDNT think of "checking up on" or worst yet, contacting the guy. It sounds pretty silly, but I was actually pretty proud of myself. You know, I did something this weekend that made me feel quite good. As I mentioned before, my A-ex used to always be on me about how I need to lose weight (i'm 5ft, 135, everyone says I look nice just the way I am), but he had very low self esteem to the point he would get on the scale every single day and if it was off from where he wanted it to be, even if it was less than a pound, he'd throw a fit and not eat for days. Forget about a six pack, he had like an 8 pack on his stomach, but it wasnt a healthy looking one. He looked emaciated, even his roommate said so. He looked sickly, not strong and in shape. So he extended those feelings onto me all the time. Because I wasnt the same way, I wasnt thin enough. He used to tell me that my size 8 was "fat". That he usually only dates girls that are a size 0 or 2. Well, I think toys r us is having a sale on barbie dolls!! haha... Anyway, I got off track there... What I started saying was I decided to take new pics of myself and post them on my websites, etc because a few times people have been telling me I look different from the ones that are up. Anyway, the minute I posted the new ones, I started getting all sorts of comments from guys online saying how beautiful I am and how nice the new pics are. Sounds dumb, but it felt so nice after all that criticism from the ex to have people APPRECIATE my pics! :) Anyway, it was a nice boost after everything i've been dealing with. So that's how my weekend went. I had my own little triumph in not allowing myself to make contact with the A-ex or check on him, and I got a few nice compliments along the way. Oh, also I received my copy of "getting them sober: volume 1" in the mail this weekend and I started reading that. Well, that's about it! Hope everyone had a good weekend and has a good week.
I just thought i'd check in and say hi... I've been doing good and staying away from A-exbf. It's still pretty fresh, so of course i've had THOUGHTS of it, but then quickly thought better than to go ahead and do it. I always just say to myself "what good is it going to do? Is is going to change anything? No... Is it going to make me feel better about everything that happened? no... The only thing that will do all that is if I move on. What HAS made me feel better is the fact that I DIDNT think of "checking up on" or worst yet, contacting the guy. It sounds pretty silly, but I was actually pretty proud of myself. You know, I did something this weekend that made me feel quite good. As I mentioned before, my A-ex used to always be on me about how I need to lose weight (i'm 5ft, 135, everyone says I look nice just the way I am), but he had very low self esteem to the point he would get on the scale every single day and if it was off from where he wanted it to be, even if it was less than a pound, he'd throw a fit and not eat for days. Forget about a six pack, he had like an 8 pack on his stomach, but it wasnt a healthy looking one. He looked emaciated, even his roommate said so. He looked sickly, not strong and in shape. So he extended those feelings onto me all the time. Because I wasnt the same way, I wasnt thin enough. He used to tell me that my size 8 was "fat". That he usually only dates girls that are a size 0 or 2. Well, I think toys r us is having a sale on barbie dolls!! haha... Anyway, I got off track there... What I started saying was I decided to take new pics of myself and post them on my websites, etc because a few times people have been telling me I look different from the ones that are up. Anyway, the minute I posted the new ones, I started getting all sorts of comments from guys online saying how beautiful I am and how nice the new pics are. Sounds dumb, but it felt so nice after all that criticism from the ex to have people APPRECIATE my pics! :) Anyway, it was a nice boost after everything i've been dealing with. So that's how my weekend went. I had my own little triumph in not allowing myself to make contact with the A-ex or check on him, and I got a few nice compliments along the way. Oh, also I received my copy of "getting them sober: volume 1" in the mail this weekend and I started reading that. Well, that's about it! Hope everyone had a good weekend and has a good week.
Just Checking In - Doing Good Staying Away from A-ExBf
Hi everyone,
I just thought i'd check in and say hi... I've been doing good and staying away from A-exbf. It's still pretty fresh, so of course i've had THOUGHTS of it, but then quickly thought better than to go ahead and do it. I always just say to myself "what good is it going to do? Is is going to change anything? No... Is it going to make me feel better about everything that happened? no... The only thing that will do all that is if I move on. What HAS made me feel better is the fact that I DIDNT think of "checking up on" or worst yet, contacting the guy. It sounds pretty silly, but I was actually pretty proud of myself. You know, I did something this weekend that made me feel quite good. As I mentioned before, my A-ex used to always be on me about how I need to lose weight (i'm 5ft, 135, everyone says I look nice just the way I am), but he had very low self esteem to the point he would get on the scale every single day and if it was off from where he wanted it to be, even if it was less than a pound, he'd throw a fit and not eat for days. Forget about a six pack, he had like an 8 pack on his stomach, but it wasnt a healthy looking one. He looked emaciated, even his roommate said so. He looked sickly, not strong and in shape. So he extended those feelings onto me all the time. Because I wasnt the same way, I wasnt thin enough. He used to tell me that my size 8 was "fat". That he usually only dates girls that are a size 0 or 2. Well, I think toys r us is having a sale on barbie dolls!! haha... Anyway, I got off track there... What I started saying was I decided to take new pics of myself and post them on my websites, etc because a few times people have been telling me I look different from the ones that are up. Anyway, the minute I posted the new ones, I started getting all sorts of comments from guys online saying how beautiful I am and how nice the new pics are. Sounds dumb, but it felt so nice after all that criticism from the ex to have people APPRECIATE my pics! :) Anyway, it was a nice boost after everything i've been dealing with. So that's how my weekend went. I had my own little triumph in not allowing myself to make contact with the A-ex or check on him, and I got a few nice compliments along the way. Oh, also I received my copy of "getting them sober: volume 1" in the mail this weekend and I started reading that. Well, that's about it! Hope everyone had a good weekend and has a good week.
I just thought i'd check in and say hi... I've been doing good and staying away from A-exbf. It's still pretty fresh, so of course i've had THOUGHTS of it, but then quickly thought better than to go ahead and do it. I always just say to myself "what good is it going to do? Is is going to change anything? No... Is it going to make me feel better about everything that happened? no... The only thing that will do all that is if I move on. What HAS made me feel better is the fact that I DIDNT think of "checking up on" or worst yet, contacting the guy. It sounds pretty silly, but I was actually pretty proud of myself. You know, I did something this weekend that made me feel quite good. As I mentioned before, my A-ex used to always be on me about how I need to lose weight (i'm 5ft, 135, everyone says I look nice just the way I am), but he had very low self esteem to the point he would get on the scale every single day and if it was off from where he wanted it to be, even if it was less than a pound, he'd throw a fit and not eat for days. Forget about a six pack, he had like an 8 pack on his stomach, but it wasnt a healthy looking one. He looked emaciated, even his roommate said so. He looked sickly, not strong and in shape. So he extended those feelings onto me all the time. Because I wasnt the same way, I wasnt thin enough. He used to tell me that my size 8 was "fat". That he usually only dates girls that are a size 0 or 2. Well, I think toys r us is having a sale on barbie dolls!! haha... Anyway, I got off track there... What I started saying was I decided to take new pics of myself and post them on my websites, etc because a few times people have been telling me I look different from the ones that are up. Anyway, the minute I posted the new ones, I started getting all sorts of comments from guys online saying how beautiful I am and how nice the new pics are. Sounds dumb, but it felt so nice after all that criticism from the ex to have people APPRECIATE my pics! :) Anyway, it was a nice boost after everything i've been dealing with. So that's how my weekend went. I had my own little triumph in not allowing myself to make contact with the A-ex or check on him, and I got a few nice compliments along the way. Oh, also I received my copy of "getting them sober: volume 1" in the mail this weekend and I started reading that. Well, that's about it! Hope everyone had a good weekend and has a good week.
