Archive for the ‘Fool God’ tag
When and How????
So, I am moving forward but I don't really quite know how I am surviving, frankly. Thank god for my therapist, but I am still not doing well. I finally escaped the insanity of addiction and all of the chaos and lack of trust, love, confidence that goes along with it and I am alone. Totally, alone. When do I start to find peace? How do I face being here by myself? Maybe I am just having a pity party, but I don't think I am going to make it through this. What's the point?
I went to a meeting last week. Good to know there are others out there like me, but it doesn't make it hurt any less. I went out today to do some errands, etc. and couldn't stand it. I was alone. Everywhere I looked were couples and families. Mom's and daughters. Dad's and babies. The holidays are coming and I can't barely get through "regular" days.... How do I do this.
I know intellectually that it would have been wrong to stay in a dead marriage and to be in the midst of all the chaos and "drug induced nonsense".... but at least I wouldn't be alone. I would have my kids with me. I am taking some action with a lawyer to try to "force" some time with my kids.... amazing to me that the kids are with him and all that pain that is happening in my world is because of that fool.
God, someone talk to me. I need to stop crying and get it together.
I went to a meeting last week. Good to know there are others out there like me, but it doesn't make it hurt any less. I went out today to do some errands, etc. and couldn't stand it. I was alone. Everywhere I looked were couples and families. Mom's and daughters. Dad's and babies. The holidays are coming and I can't barely get through "regular" days.... How do I do this.
I know intellectually that it would have been wrong to stay in a dead marriage and to be in the midst of all the chaos and "drug induced nonsense".... but at least I wouldn't be alone. I would have my kids with me. I am taking some action with a lawyer to try to "force" some time with my kids.... amazing to me that the kids are with him and all that pain that is happening in my world is because of that fool.
God, someone talk to me. I need to stop crying and get it together.
