Archive for the ‘Forgiveness’ tag
How to Deal With Unforgiveness
You are reading the daily devotion from Dr. Charles Stanley.
READ | Matthew 6:9-15
Scripture clearly teaches that we are to forgive those who hurt us. So let’s identify practical ways to confront the matter of unforgiveness head-on. You may want to keep this list in your Bible or close by for easy review.
1. Take it seriously. Unforgiveness is a major issue that shouldn’t be casually dismissed.
2. Assume full responsibility. Don’t blame anyone else for your feelings or actions.
3. Confess it honestly. Be specific and direct with God about what you feel, and acknowledge that unforgiveness is sin. Don’t “soften” the matter or let yourself off the hook.
4. Lay down your anger. Unless you deal with your resentment, bitterness can re-enter your life later on.
5. Pray for the other person. This may feel impossible or unnatural, but do it anyway. Praying is a choice to act lovingly, regardless of how you are treated. This will impact your entire relationship.
6. Ask that individual to forgive you. If the other person knows that you’ve been harboring bitterness, you need to ask for his or her forgiveness.
7. Do something nice for that person. Let a loving gesture demonstrate your desire to restore the relationship.
8. Don’t allow Satan to throw you back into unforgiveness. Once the matter is resolved, watch out for stray thoughts that could stir up memories of how the other person hurt you.
This process isn’t easy, but it works. If you go through these steps every time you are hurt, God will truly work miracles in your relationships.
:Xmase
READ | Matthew 6:9-15
Scripture clearly teaches that we are to forgive those who hurt us. So let’s identify practical ways to confront the matter of unforgiveness head-on. You may want to keep this list in your Bible or close by for easy review.
1. Take it seriously. Unforgiveness is a major issue that shouldn’t be casually dismissed.
2. Assume full responsibility. Don’t blame anyone else for your feelings or actions.
3. Confess it honestly. Be specific and direct with God about what you feel, and acknowledge that unforgiveness is sin. Don’t “soften” the matter or let yourself off the hook.
4. Lay down your anger. Unless you deal with your resentment, bitterness can re-enter your life later on.
5. Pray for the other person. This may feel impossible or unnatural, but do it anyway. Praying is a choice to act lovingly, regardless of how you are treated. This will impact your entire relationship.
6. Ask that individual to forgive you. If the other person knows that you’ve been harboring bitterness, you need to ask for his or her forgiveness.
7. Do something nice for that person. Let a loving gesture demonstrate your desire to restore the relationship.
8. Don’t allow Satan to throw you back into unforgiveness. Once the matter is resolved, watch out for stray thoughts that could stir up memories of how the other person hurt you.
This process isn’t easy, but it works. If you go through these steps every time you are hurt, God will truly work miracles in your relationships.
:Xmase
Missy just be grateful
I am grateful when I am sober. But I forget everything when I've had a drink.
So here I am....
I am grateful
- for the intelligent mind that I know is still there. It is confused, it is bruised and parts of it are altered, but it's still there.
- for the person I married. I don't deserve him when I am drunk, but when I am sober I know I can give him the world.
- for the place that I call home, all it's beauty and the people that surround me.
- for the reflection in the mirror. I want to keep it, believe in it and be happy with it all the time.
- for friends, the ones I have left.
- I'm grateful for forgiveness. I need it.
So here I am....
I am grateful
- for the intelligent mind that I know is still there. It is confused, it is bruised and parts of it are altered, but it's still there.
- for the person I married. I don't deserve him when I am drunk, but when I am sober I know I can give him the world.
- for the place that I call home, all it's beauty and the people that surround me.
- for the reflection in the mirror. I want to keep it, believe in it and be happy with it all the time.
- for friends, the ones I have left.
- I'm grateful for forgiveness. I need it.
forgiveness
RAH and I have been seeing a counselor. The counslor seems focused on my lack of forgiveness for what occurred in out marriage because of his drinking. My question is this: Exactly HOW do I forgive him? Are there steps you have taken to forgive your A?
He has been dry for the last 19 months. He was doing the same things, anger issues, tantrums, threats, etc, until a month ago. The counselor finally called him on it. He MAY be seeing the light now, but I am not getting my hopes up yet. He seems a little easier to live with for now.
I thought that I was beginning to forgive him, letting go of the anger, in relation to the things he didnt repeat while sober.
I dont even know that I wnt to continue the marriage, but i do know, that no matter what, I need to find forgiveness.
Any suggestions??
He has been dry for the last 19 months. He was doing the same things, anger issues, tantrums, threats, etc, until a month ago. The counselor finally called him on it. He MAY be seeing the light now, but I am not getting my hopes up yet. He seems a little easier to live with for now.
I thought that I was beginning to forgive him, letting go of the anger, in relation to the things he didnt repeat while sober.
I dont even know that I wnt to continue the marriage, but i do know, that no matter what, I need to find forgiveness.
Any suggestions??
Sand and Stone
Two Friends Were Walking
Through The Desert.
During Some Point Of The
Journey, They Had An
Argument And One Friend
Slapped The Other One
In The Face.
The One Who Got Slapped
Was Hurt, But Without
Saying Anything,
Wrote In The Sand,
'today My Best Friend
Slapped Me In The Face'
They Kept On Walking
Until They Found An Oasis,
Where They Decided
To Take A Bath .
The One Who Had Been
Slapped Got Stuck In The
Mire And Started Drowning,
But The Friend Saved Him.
< /span>
After He Recovered From
The Near Drowning,
He Wrote On A Stone,
'today My Best Friend
Saved My Life'
The Friend Who Had Slapped
And Saved His Best Friend
Asked Him, 'after I Hurt You,
You Wrote In The Sand And Now,
You Write On A Stone, Why?'
The Friend Replied,
'when Someone Hurts Us
We Should Write It Down
In Sand, Where Winds Of
Forgiveness Can Erase It Away.
But, When Someone Does
Something Good For Us,
We Must Engrave It In Stone
Where No Wind
Can Ever Erase It'.
Learn To Write
Your Hurts In
The Sand And To
Carve Your
Benefits In Stone.
They Say It Takes A
< /span> Minute To Find A Special Person,
An Hour To Appreciate Them,
A Day To Love Them,
But Then
An Entire Life
To Forget Them.
Se Nd Thi S To
The People You' Ll Never
Forget.
I Just Did.
If You Don't
Send It To Anyone,
It Means You're In A
Hurry And That You've
Forgotten Your Friends.
Take The Time To Live!
Do Not Value The Things
You Have In Your Life, But Value
Who You Have In Your Life !
And If I Happen To Get It Back,
Then I Know My Place In Your Life
Through The Desert.
During Some Point Of The
Journey, They Had An
Argument And One Friend
Slapped The Other One
In The Face.
The One Who Got Slapped
Was Hurt, But Without
Saying Anything,
Wrote In The Sand,
'today My Best Friend
Slapped Me In The Face'
They Kept On Walking
Until They Found An Oasis,
Where They Decided
To Take A Bath .
The One Who Had Been
Slapped Got Stuck In The
Mire And Started Drowning,
But The Friend Saved Him.
< /span>
After He Recovered From
The Near Drowning,
He Wrote On A Stone,
'today My Best Friend
Saved My Life'
The Friend Who Had Slapped
And Saved His Best Friend
Asked Him, 'after I Hurt You,
You Wrote In The Sand And Now,
You Write On A Stone, Why?'
The Friend Replied,
'when Someone Hurts Us
We Should Write It Down
In Sand, Where Winds Of
Forgiveness Can Erase It Away.
But, When Someone Does
Something Good For Us,
We Must Engrave It In Stone
Where No Wind
Can Ever Erase It'.
Learn To Write
Your Hurts In
The Sand And To
Carve Your
Benefits In Stone.
They Say It Takes A
< /span> Minute To Find A Special Person,
An Hour To Appreciate Them,
A Day To Love Them,
But Then
An Entire Life
To Forget Them.
Se Nd Thi S To
The People You' Ll Never
Forget.
I Just Did.
If You Don't
Send It To Anyone,
It Means You're In A
Hurry And That You've
Forgotten Your Friends.
Take The Time To Live!
Do Not Value The Things
You Have In Your Life, But Value
Who You Have In Your Life !
And If I Happen To Get It Back,
Then I Know My Place In Your Life
Talking to a Greater Power
If I place my shoes under my bed at night before bedtime, I have to get on my knees. Why not kill two birds with one stone while I am already there?
"When we retire at night, we constructively review our day. Were we resentful, selfish, dishonest or afraid? Do we owe an apology? Have we kept something to ourselves which should be discussed with another person at once? Were we kind and loving toward all? What could we have done better? Were we thinking of ourselves most of the time? Or were we thinking of what we could do for others, of what we could pack into the stream of life? But we must be careful not to drift into worry, remorse or morbid reflection, for that would diminish our usefulness to others. After making our review we ask God's forgiveness and inquire what corrective measures should be taken."
When I get up in the morning, I need to retrieve my shoes before going to work. Since I am once again on my knees why not repeat the process from the night before?
"On awakening let us think about the twenty-four hours ahead. We consider our plans for the day. Before we begin, we ask God to direct our thinking, especially asking that it be divorced from self-pity, dishonest or self-seeking motives. Under these conditions we can employ our mental faculties with assurance, for after all God gave us brains to use. Our thought-life will be placed on a much higher plane when our thinking is cleared of wrong motives.
In thinking about our day we may face indecision. We may not be able to determine which course to take. Here we ask God for inspiration, an intuitive thought or a decision. We relax and take it easy. We don't struggle. We are often surprised how the right answers come after we have tried this for a while.
What used to be the hunch or the occasional inspiration gradually becomes a working part of the mind. Being still inexperienced and having just made conscious contact with God, it is not probable that we are going to be inspired at all times. We might pay for this presumption in all sorts of absurd actions and ideas. Nevertheless, we find that our thinking will, as time passes, be more and more on the plane of inspiration. We come to rely upon it.
We usually conclude the period of meditation with a prayer that we be shown all through the day what our next step is to be, that we be given whatever we need to take care of such problems. We ask especially for freedom from self-will, and are careful to make no request for ourselves only. We may ask for ourselves, however, if others will be helped. We are careful never to pray for our own selfish ends. Many of us have wasted a lot of time doing that and it doesn't work. You can easily see why."
"When we retire at night, we constructively review our day. Were we resentful, selfish, dishonest or afraid? Do we owe an apology? Have we kept something to ourselves which should be discussed with another person at once? Were we kind and loving toward all? What could we have done better? Were we thinking of ourselves most of the time? Or were we thinking of what we could do for others, of what we could pack into the stream of life? But we must be careful not to drift into worry, remorse or morbid reflection, for that would diminish our usefulness to others. After making our review we ask God's forgiveness and inquire what corrective measures should be taken."
When I get up in the morning, I need to retrieve my shoes before going to work. Since I am once again on my knees why not repeat the process from the night before?
"On awakening let us think about the twenty-four hours ahead. We consider our plans for the day. Before we begin, we ask God to direct our thinking, especially asking that it be divorced from self-pity, dishonest or self-seeking motives. Under these conditions we can employ our mental faculties with assurance, for after all God gave us brains to use. Our thought-life will be placed on a much higher plane when our thinking is cleared of wrong motives.
In thinking about our day we may face indecision. We may not be able to determine which course to take. Here we ask God for inspiration, an intuitive thought or a decision. We relax and take it easy. We don't struggle. We are often surprised how the right answers come after we have tried this for a while.
What used to be the hunch or the occasional inspiration gradually becomes a working part of the mind. Being still inexperienced and having just made conscious contact with God, it is not probable that we are going to be inspired at all times. We might pay for this presumption in all sorts of absurd actions and ideas. Nevertheless, we find that our thinking will, as time passes, be more and more on the plane of inspiration. We come to rely upon it.
We usually conclude the period of meditation with a prayer that we be shown all through the day what our next step is to be, that we be given whatever we need to take care of such problems. We ask especially for freedom from self-will, and are careful to make no request for ourselves only. We may ask for ourselves, however, if others will be helped. We are careful never to pray for our own selfish ends. Many of us have wasted a lot of time doing that and it doesn't work. You can easily see why."
what happens when you sin after you accepted Jesus
I have accepted Jesus Christ and that thru the power of God, Jesus died for me and overcame death to be resurrected.
My journey was blessed by God's grave early on with not only the immedate removal of my desire for using but also for a direct connection to God with a strong presence of the Holy Spirit.
Recently, I have succembed to my desires. Although not using I fear losing my connection with my Holy Father.
From what I understand, I must be truly sorry, not reapeat it and make it my lifestye. confess to others and ask Jesus for forgiveness.
As special people to God and someone in recovery, what is your experience?
Thanks
My journey was blessed by God's grave early on with not only the immedate removal of my desire for using but also for a direct connection to God with a strong presence of the Holy Spirit.
Recently, I have succembed to my desires. Although not using I fear losing my connection with my Holy Father.
From what I understand, I must be truly sorry, not reapeat it and make it my lifestye. confess to others and ask Jesus for forgiveness.
As special people to God and someone in recovery, what is your experience?
Thanks
major dysfunction, need help keeping my bearings
Anyone who has a share on this...please help!
I have been in recovery since 2000. Had as much as 3 years, which got blown up in the wake of a major family trial my wife started but will not admit to. I have been struggling ever since with our family dynamic and my continued sobriety; I am reaching the point of complete exasperation with her and her bizarre passive-aggressive co-dependent cycle.
She is a great mom to our son. I am ADHD and a smart, likeable guy, I do well at work and almost anything except dealing with a toddler 24-7. Since she is a *normie* and an untreated al-anon she has an attitude of superiority which grates on me and causes endless small issues. Forgiveness is low on her list as I have f-ed up so many times over the years; and I know I can't really expect anything major, but just trying to be around her and my son for any length of time leads invariably to struggles.
All I want is to live in peace, but I swear she can't do it. We are living apart, but whenever she needs help with OUR house, finances, time off, family trips, etc, she becomes EXTREMELY demanding in a polite sort of way, acting like I am a jerk if I don't jump a mile for the "damsel in distress". She does things like monopolize time with our son in very subtle and wily ways, like going shopping out of town and *forgetting* her phone - OOOH, that one burns me!!). Then, on the other hand, when she is fed up with me or has a bad day, her attitude becomes combative and argumentative so she can bait me into a totally illogical argument and label me as the bad guy because I react, which results in TOTAL frustration for me, to the point where I break out in a sweat just talking to her or thinking about her issues.
PRETTY HEALTHY, EH?
Please offer any advice except seek counseling (that's already in place and going nowhere).
I have been in recovery since 2000. Had as much as 3 years, which got blown up in the wake of a major family trial my wife started but will not admit to. I have been struggling ever since with our family dynamic and my continued sobriety; I am reaching the point of complete exasperation with her and her bizarre passive-aggressive co-dependent cycle.
She is a great mom to our son. I am ADHD and a smart, likeable guy, I do well at work and almost anything except dealing with a toddler 24-7. Since she is a *normie* and an untreated al-anon she has an attitude of superiority which grates on me and causes endless small issues. Forgiveness is low on her list as I have f-ed up so many times over the years; and I know I can't really expect anything major, but just trying to be around her and my son for any length of time leads invariably to struggles.
All I want is to live in peace, but I swear she can't do it. We are living apart, but whenever she needs help with OUR house, finances, time off, family trips, etc, she becomes EXTREMELY demanding in a polite sort of way, acting like I am a jerk if I don't jump a mile for the "damsel in distress". She does things like monopolize time with our son in very subtle and wily ways, like going shopping out of town and *forgetting* her phone - OOOH, that one burns me!!). Then, on the other hand, when she is fed up with me or has a bad day, her attitude becomes combative and argumentative so she can bait me into a totally illogical argument and label me as the bad guy because I react, which results in TOTAL frustration for me, to the point where I break out in a sweat just talking to her or thinking about her issues.
PRETTY HEALTHY, EH?
Please offer any advice except seek counseling (that's already in place and going nowhere).
When will the suffering end?
Hello All,
I posted this in Mental Health as well. In this forum I added lines in Italic.
I don't know where to start really. I felt the need to vent some frustration. I haven't slept well in two months and have lost about 15 lbs because of worry and anxiety.
I've never known how to live this life I have been given. I felt "apart from" all my life. As a male, it is tough to be shy in American society where assertiveness and aggressiveness is rewarded. I've tried to overcome my shyness and have made some progress but still feel self-conscience and anxiety around people.
I have a touch of OCD. I remember washing my hands up to my elbows in first grade because of the "germs" marching up my arms. The sink was outside the bathroom in the classroom. Another kid noticed me doing that and teased me about it. I stopped doing it.
My mother was a Catholic and we went to church when I was really young. My father didn't attend. I had the thought that I had sinned enough to go to hell by the time I was ten so I stopped going. It was difficult to listen about love and forgiveness when things at home were so volatile.
We moved around a lot. I was always the new kid which made it even more difficult socially. At 16 I put a gun in my mouth but couldn't quite pull the trigger. I couldn't slit my wrists years later when I checked into a hotel room to end it all after getting a DUI. I know that suicide isn't the answer and seriously doubt that I could ever go through with it but I am tired of living a life that I don't know how to live.
I got married young which was a huge mistake. Sick people attract sick people. After divorcing 6 years later she was diagnosed with schizophrenia which explained a lot of things related to her behavior.
I've struggled with alcohol abuse but it has been 14 years since my last drink. I went to AA in 1989 and managed to get a little time but didn't get a sponsor, didn't work the steps and when I quit going to meetings, started to drink again. I came back into the rooms in 1994. I got a sponsor and worked the steps and life got better.
I had started dating a woman when I was drinking. We rented a house together with her 2 year old (at the time) son. I got busted for a DUI and we moved into an apartment. Somehow (gift from God) I managed not to lose my job. After going to AA I got an even better job and bought a house in '96.
I ended up living next to the neighbors from hell. They played loud music at all hours and had 3 dogs that would rush the fence every time I went outside. I tried to look at my part of the problem and tried to find a resolution. The situation got so bad we ended up in court. I knew I had to move, whether it was to a prison cell for taking matters into my own hand or to another house.
I was able to sell the house in 2004 but by then I had slowly and without being aware of it, drifted away from working a solid program of recovery.
I bought another house without really thinking it over because "they only appreciate in value". Yeah, right. Instead of banking the money and scaling down to being a renter I moved into a newer house. My gf and I broke up. Another dysfunctional relationship. I let her son live with me because at the time I thought I was more stable than she was. I live in a better neighborhood too. I haven't been much of a father figure to him although I thought I was.
The new house payment was pretty steep compared to the old payment. I stupidly thought that I would "grow into it", meaning my income would increase as time went by.
Since I was not diligent about my recovery my disease manifested itself in other ways. I became obsessive with "things" like cars and televisions. I bought too many of each. I've racked up credit card debt, a new car payment. I was into online pornography but stopped in Sept when I hit my spiritual bottom. Now I live in fear of losing my job, car and house.
Which brings me to where I am today, extremely depressed. I know I have no one to blame but myself but that doesn't make the pain any less.
I'm on anti-depressants. They help. I know I'd be more depressed without them.
I've picked up my meetings in NA which I started to attend 2 years ago. I've struggled with the concept of God, whether He is the God of the Bible or a "caring loving God as I understand Him".
I've been praying a lot, trying to turn my life over to Jesus. I've asked for Salvation and Mercy but have felt no relief.
I have also told God that I am ready to go. I can't commit suicide but would love for the pain and suffering of this life to end before I make the next mistake.
So you see, I just don't know how to do this thing called life. I thought things were going well. Life was good... but I was in my disease and was blind to what I was doing. The AA/NA programs help but I feel it is too late.
I have such an overwhelming feeling of doom. I remember reading that there were checks and balances in place to prevent another "Great Depression". Well, those checks and balances weren't really there and I believe we are in for the "Mother of All Depressions" and in fact may be at the "End Times" as the Bible states.
"Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the devil, as a roaring lion, walketh about, seeking whom he may devour." - whether or not it's the disease of addiction or the devil, I feel like I fell into a trap and have been snared. Please pray for my deliverance.
Well, I have to get ready to go to work while I still have a job. Thanks for letting me vent. I don't like being so negative but it is who I am and despite fighting it for years it is always with me.... sometimes at a distance other times close by.
Peace.
I posted this in Mental Health as well. In this forum I added lines in Italic.
I don't know where to start really. I felt the need to vent some frustration. I haven't slept well in two months and have lost about 15 lbs because of worry and anxiety.
I've never known how to live this life I have been given. I felt "apart from" all my life. As a male, it is tough to be shy in American society where assertiveness and aggressiveness is rewarded. I've tried to overcome my shyness and have made some progress but still feel self-conscience and anxiety around people.
I have a touch of OCD. I remember washing my hands up to my elbows in first grade because of the "germs" marching up my arms. The sink was outside the bathroom in the classroom. Another kid noticed me doing that and teased me about it. I stopped doing it.
My mother was a Catholic and we went to church when I was really young. My father didn't attend. I had the thought that I had sinned enough to go to hell by the time I was ten so I stopped going. It was difficult to listen about love and forgiveness when things at home were so volatile.
We moved around a lot. I was always the new kid which made it even more difficult socially. At 16 I put a gun in my mouth but couldn't quite pull the trigger. I couldn't slit my wrists years later when I checked into a hotel room to end it all after getting a DUI. I know that suicide isn't the answer and seriously doubt that I could ever go through with it but I am tired of living a life that I don't know how to live.
I got married young which was a huge mistake. Sick people attract sick people. After divorcing 6 years later she was diagnosed with schizophrenia which explained a lot of things related to her behavior.
I've struggled with alcohol abuse but it has been 14 years since my last drink. I went to AA in 1989 and managed to get a little time but didn't get a sponsor, didn't work the steps and when I quit going to meetings, started to drink again. I came back into the rooms in 1994. I got a sponsor and worked the steps and life got better.
I had started dating a woman when I was drinking. We rented a house together with her 2 year old (at the time) son. I got busted for a DUI and we moved into an apartment. Somehow (gift from God) I managed not to lose my job. After going to AA I got an even better job and bought a house in '96.
I ended up living next to the neighbors from hell. They played loud music at all hours and had 3 dogs that would rush the fence every time I went outside. I tried to look at my part of the problem and tried to find a resolution. The situation got so bad we ended up in court. I knew I had to move, whether it was to a prison cell for taking matters into my own hand or to another house.
I was able to sell the house in 2004 but by then I had slowly and without being aware of it, drifted away from working a solid program of recovery.
I bought another house without really thinking it over because "they only appreciate in value". Yeah, right. Instead of banking the money and scaling down to being a renter I moved into a newer house. My gf and I broke up. Another dysfunctional relationship. I let her son live with me because at the time I thought I was more stable than she was. I live in a better neighborhood too. I haven't been much of a father figure to him although I thought I was.
The new house payment was pretty steep compared to the old payment. I stupidly thought that I would "grow into it", meaning my income would increase as time went by.
Since I was not diligent about my recovery my disease manifested itself in other ways. I became obsessive with "things" like cars and televisions. I bought too many of each. I've racked up credit card debt, a new car payment. I was into online pornography but stopped in Sept when I hit my spiritual bottom. Now I live in fear of losing my job, car and house.
Which brings me to where I am today, extremely depressed. I know I have no one to blame but myself but that doesn't make the pain any less.
I'm on anti-depressants. They help. I know I'd be more depressed without them.
I've picked up my meetings in NA which I started to attend 2 years ago. I've struggled with the concept of God, whether He is the God of the Bible or a "caring loving God as I understand Him".
I've been praying a lot, trying to turn my life over to Jesus. I've asked for Salvation and Mercy but have felt no relief.
I have also told God that I am ready to go. I can't commit suicide but would love for the pain and suffering of this life to end before I make the next mistake.
So you see, I just don't know how to do this thing called life. I thought things were going well. Life was good... but I was in my disease and was blind to what I was doing. The AA/NA programs help but I feel it is too late.
I have such an overwhelming feeling of doom. I remember reading that there were checks and balances in place to prevent another "Great Depression". Well, those checks and balances weren't really there and I believe we are in for the "Mother of All Depressions" and in fact may be at the "End Times" as the Bible states.
"Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the devil, as a roaring lion, walketh about, seeking whom he may devour." - whether or not it's the disease of addiction or the devil, I feel like I fell into a trap and have been snared. Please pray for my deliverance.
Well, I have to get ready to go to work while I still have a job. Thanks for letting me vent. I don't like being so negative but it is who I am and despite fighting it for years it is always with me.... sometimes at a distance other times close by.
Peace.
When will the suffering end?
I don't know where to start really. I felt the need to vent some frustration. I haven't slept well in two months and have lost about 15 lbs because of worry and anxiety.
I've never known how to live this life I have been given. I felt "apart from" all my life. As a male, it is tough to be shy in American society where assertiveness and aggressiveness is rewarded. I've tried to overcome my shyness and have made some progress but still feel self-conscience and anxiety around people.
I have a touch of OCD. I remember washing my hands up to my elbows in first grade because of the "germs" marching up my arms. The sink was outside the bathroom in the classroom. Another kid noticed me doing that and teased me about it. I stopped doing it.
My mother was a Catholic and we went to church when I was really young. My father didn't attend. I had the thought that I had sinned enough to go to hell by the time I was ten so I stopped going. It was difficult to listen about love and forgiveness when things at home were so volatile.
We moved around a lot. I was always the new kid which made it even more difficult socially. At 16 I put a gun in my mouth but couldn't quite pull the trigger. I couldn't slit my wrists years later when I checked into a hotel room to end it all after getting a DUI. I know that suicide isn't the answer and seriously doubt that I could ever go through with it but I am tired of living a life that I don't know how to live.
I got married young which was a huge mistake. Sick people attract sick people. After divorcing 6 years later she was diagnosed with schizophrenia which explained a lot of things related to her behavior.
I've struggled with alcohol abuse but it has been 14 years since my last drink. I went to AA in 1989 and managed to get a little time but didn't get a sponsor, didn't work the steps and when I quit going to meetings, started to drink again. I came back into the rooms in 1994. I got a sponsor and worked the steps and life got better.
I had started dating a woman when I was drinking. We rented a house together with her 2 year old (at the time) son. I got busted for a DUI and we moved into an apartment. Somehow (gift from God) I managed not to lose my job. After going to AA I got an even better job and bought a house in '96.
I ended up living next to the neighbors from hell. They played loud music at all hours and had 3 dogs that would rush the fence every time I went outside. I tried to look at my part of the problem and tried to find a resolution. The situation got so bad we ended up in court. I knew I had to move, whether it was to a prison cell for taking matters into my own hand or to another house.
I was able to sell the house in 2004 but by then I had slowly and without being aware of it, drifted away from working a solid program of recovery.
I bought another house without really thinking it over because "they only appreciate in value". Yeah, right. Instead of banking the money and scaling down to being a renter I moved into a newer house. My gf and I broke up. Another dysfunctional relationship. I let her son live with me because at the time I thought I was more stable than she was. I live in a better neighborhood too. I haven't been much of a father figure to him although I thought I was.
The new house payment was pretty steep compared to the old payment. I stupidly thought that I would "grow into it", meaning my income would increase as time went by.
Since I was not diligent about my recovery my disease manifested itself in other ways. I became obsessive with "things" like cars and televisions. I bought too many of each. I've racked up credit card debt, a new car payment. I was into online pornography but stopped in Sept when I hit my spiritual bottom. Now I live in fear of losing my job, car and house.
Which brings me to where I am today, extremely depressed. I know I have no one to blame but myself but that doesn't make the pain any less.
I'm on anti-depressants. They help. I know I'd be more depressed without them.
I've picked up my meetings in NA which I started to attend 2 years ago. I've struggled with the concept of God, whether He is the God of the Bible or a "caring loving God as I understand Him".
I've been praying a lot, trying to turn my life over to Jesus. I've asked for Salvation and Mercy but have felt no relief.
I have also told God that I am ready to go. I can't commit suicide but would love for the pain and suffering of this life to end before I make the next mistake.
So you see, I just don't know how to do this thing called life. I thought things were going well. Life was good... but I was in my disease and was blind to what I was doing. The AA/NA programs help but I feel it is too late.
I have such an overwhelming feeling of doom. I remember reading that there were checks and balances in place to prevent another "Great Depression". Well, those checks and balances weren't really there and I believe we are in for the "Mother of All Depressions" and in fact may be at the "End Times" as the Bible states.
Well, I have to get ready to go to work while I still have a job. Thanks for letting me vent. I don't like being so negative but it is who I am and despite fighting it for years it is always with me.... sometimes at a distance other times close by.
Peace.
I've never known how to live this life I have been given. I felt "apart from" all my life. As a male, it is tough to be shy in American society where assertiveness and aggressiveness is rewarded. I've tried to overcome my shyness and have made some progress but still feel self-conscience and anxiety around people.
I have a touch of OCD. I remember washing my hands up to my elbows in first grade because of the "germs" marching up my arms. The sink was outside the bathroom in the classroom. Another kid noticed me doing that and teased me about it. I stopped doing it.
My mother was a Catholic and we went to church when I was really young. My father didn't attend. I had the thought that I had sinned enough to go to hell by the time I was ten so I stopped going. It was difficult to listen about love and forgiveness when things at home were so volatile.
We moved around a lot. I was always the new kid which made it even more difficult socially. At 16 I put a gun in my mouth but couldn't quite pull the trigger. I couldn't slit my wrists years later when I checked into a hotel room to end it all after getting a DUI. I know that suicide isn't the answer and seriously doubt that I could ever go through with it but I am tired of living a life that I don't know how to live.
I got married young which was a huge mistake. Sick people attract sick people. After divorcing 6 years later she was diagnosed with schizophrenia which explained a lot of things related to her behavior.
I've struggled with alcohol abuse but it has been 14 years since my last drink. I went to AA in 1989 and managed to get a little time but didn't get a sponsor, didn't work the steps and when I quit going to meetings, started to drink again. I came back into the rooms in 1994. I got a sponsor and worked the steps and life got better.
I had started dating a woman when I was drinking. We rented a house together with her 2 year old (at the time) son. I got busted for a DUI and we moved into an apartment. Somehow (gift from God) I managed not to lose my job. After going to AA I got an even better job and bought a house in '96.
I ended up living next to the neighbors from hell. They played loud music at all hours and had 3 dogs that would rush the fence every time I went outside. I tried to look at my part of the problem and tried to find a resolution. The situation got so bad we ended up in court. I knew I had to move, whether it was to a prison cell for taking matters into my own hand or to another house.
I was able to sell the house in 2004 but by then I had slowly and without being aware of it, drifted away from working a solid program of recovery.
I bought another house without really thinking it over because "they only appreciate in value". Yeah, right. Instead of banking the money and scaling down to being a renter I moved into a newer house. My gf and I broke up. Another dysfunctional relationship. I let her son live with me because at the time I thought I was more stable than she was. I live in a better neighborhood too. I haven't been much of a father figure to him although I thought I was.
The new house payment was pretty steep compared to the old payment. I stupidly thought that I would "grow into it", meaning my income would increase as time went by.
Since I was not diligent about my recovery my disease manifested itself in other ways. I became obsessive with "things" like cars and televisions. I bought too many of each. I've racked up credit card debt, a new car payment. I was into online pornography but stopped in Sept when I hit my spiritual bottom. Now I live in fear of losing my job, car and house.
Which brings me to where I am today, extremely depressed. I know I have no one to blame but myself but that doesn't make the pain any less.
I'm on anti-depressants. They help. I know I'd be more depressed without them.
I've picked up my meetings in NA which I started to attend 2 years ago. I've struggled with the concept of God, whether He is the God of the Bible or a "caring loving God as I understand Him".
I've been praying a lot, trying to turn my life over to Jesus. I've asked for Salvation and Mercy but have felt no relief.
I have also told God that I am ready to go. I can't commit suicide but would love for the pain and suffering of this life to end before I make the next mistake.
So you see, I just don't know how to do this thing called life. I thought things were going well. Life was good... but I was in my disease and was blind to what I was doing. The AA/NA programs help but I feel it is too late.
I have such an overwhelming feeling of doom. I remember reading that there were checks and balances in place to prevent another "Great Depression". Well, those checks and balances weren't really there and I believe we are in for the "Mother of All Depressions" and in fact may be at the "End Times" as the Bible states.
Well, I have to get ready to go to work while I still have a job. Thanks for letting me vent. I don't like being so negative but it is who I am and despite fighting it for years it is always with me.... sometimes at a distance other times close by.
Peace.
NA Drama (Continuing Part 4739) *Warning, super long post*
Okay Folks,
Here goes. I am trying really hard to NOT DWELL. Okay, so you all know that I moved to an itty bitty town out in the middle of nowheresland Central WI 6 yrs ago where NA is SMALL. DID I say SMALL????
The women there just cannot get along. There is one woman there (Z) who has some sort of a personality disorder. I mean she just sort of bursts things out, like a little kid and if she is mad at you she will just scream I hate you, or, I am never talking to you again, and run out of the rooms.
I have befriended her cuz she is obviously alienated herself from a lot of ppl and I hate it when ppl make fun of her.
Well, last night it happened again. There is another lady (Q) who was there last night and Z has tried and tried to talk to her for something that happened a month ago. I know in my heart that Z just wants Q to get over it so they can be friends again. Well, Q wants NO part of Z ever ever again and has been making this quite clear.
I know this is rambling now, but last night when I read the JFT it was on Principles before Personalities and so she was kind of sharing to the other woman how she needs forgiveness, blah blah blah....well, Q didn't bite, Z was crying and screamed out at the end how Z was a &$%& B-iatch and ran from the room once again. I was trying to calm her down cuz we had just gotten in the circle to say the Serenity prayer and then she ran out.
Now I know I have NO control over ppl, places or things, but I swear, week after week this has been going on. This is the 4th time, Sept. 21st it was a showdown in the parking lot, screaming match, nose to nose confrontation that almost ended in swings...Then there was even road rage involved. (On Z's part following Q way too close and honking and tailgating for miles)
I am at the point now where I just want to say FORGET IT! I hate drama, I don't really want to be around either of these women cuz I honestly think they both have anger issues and I want to just leave and go to AA. No matter what meeting in town I want to attend one or both are gonna be there. It is starting to affect my recovery now, or at least I am allowing it to. Q said to me last night she thought Z was trying to come between us. Q is the one who if any of you remember told me a month ago she couldn't talk to me anymore because I didn't want to gossip about Z with her. I don't really think she is the healthiest person to talk to or hang around either. She is on her 4th marriage and ready to leave him too. She just seems so angry all the time.
Now the reason I am posting all of this on here and not going to my sponser is cuz since there are so few women and my sponsor is the other woman, and she was away at a convention, I just don't want to tell her about it and spread it any further. She really doesn't need to know, unless someone else chooses to share it with her. It just wouldn't be right.
Today Z called me and I was glad I wasn't home, cuz I am frankly ticked off at her and her mouth.
What would you guys do? Stick it out, or run back to AA where there are so many ppl that I am sure I could find some less dramatic women to hang around with.
That is the one hard thing about small towns, everyone is in everyone's business and meddling and nosey and sometimes just plain old MEAN!
UGH!
Yesterday was a really crappy day for me and I was really looking forward to a meeting and picking up my 9 month keytag. Since there was only 5 of us one guy said, oh, we don't really even need to have a meeting, lets just visit..... well, THAT ticked me off too. Here I left the comfort of my home and drove 15 miles on dark deer riddled roads and unlocked the church, set up, made coffee and I wanted a meeting! So, I handed out the readings and the keytag box, then Q (who didn't know it was my 9 mnth said, well, we don't need to do these anyway, right??) I said, YES, maybe someone has an anni......I wasn't leaving there w/out my yellow keytag!!!!!
I left last night feeling even crappier.
Well that is my sob story...
Thanks for reading if you got this far...
Sheila
Here goes. I am trying really hard to NOT DWELL. Okay, so you all know that I moved to an itty bitty town out in the middle of nowheresland Central WI 6 yrs ago where NA is SMALL. DID I say SMALL????
The women there just cannot get along. There is one woman there (Z) who has some sort of a personality disorder. I mean she just sort of bursts things out, like a little kid and if she is mad at you she will just scream I hate you, or, I am never talking to you again, and run out of the rooms.
I have befriended her cuz she is obviously alienated herself from a lot of ppl and I hate it when ppl make fun of her.
Well, last night it happened again. There is another lady (Q) who was there last night and Z has tried and tried to talk to her for something that happened a month ago. I know in my heart that Z just wants Q to get over it so they can be friends again. Well, Q wants NO part of Z ever ever again and has been making this quite clear.
I know this is rambling now, but last night when I read the JFT it was on Principles before Personalities and so she was kind of sharing to the other woman how she needs forgiveness, blah blah blah....well, Q didn't bite, Z was crying and screamed out at the end how Z was a &$%& B-iatch and ran from the room once again. I was trying to calm her down cuz we had just gotten in the circle to say the Serenity prayer and then she ran out.
Now I know I have NO control over ppl, places or things, but I swear, week after week this has been going on. This is the 4th time, Sept. 21st it was a showdown in the parking lot, screaming match, nose to nose confrontation that almost ended in swings...Then there was even road rage involved. (On Z's part following Q way too close and honking and tailgating for miles)
I am at the point now where I just want to say FORGET IT! I hate drama, I don't really want to be around either of these women cuz I honestly think they both have anger issues and I want to just leave and go to AA. No matter what meeting in town I want to attend one or both are gonna be there. It is starting to affect my recovery now, or at least I am allowing it to. Q said to me last night she thought Z was trying to come between us. Q is the one who if any of you remember told me a month ago she couldn't talk to me anymore because I didn't want to gossip about Z with her. I don't really think she is the healthiest person to talk to or hang around either. She is on her 4th marriage and ready to leave him too. She just seems so angry all the time.
Now the reason I am posting all of this on here and not going to my sponser is cuz since there are so few women and my sponsor is the other woman, and she was away at a convention, I just don't want to tell her about it and spread it any further. She really doesn't need to know, unless someone else chooses to share it with her. It just wouldn't be right.
Today Z called me and I was glad I wasn't home, cuz I am frankly ticked off at her and her mouth.
What would you guys do? Stick it out, or run back to AA where there are so many ppl that I am sure I could find some less dramatic women to hang around with.
That is the one hard thing about small towns, everyone is in everyone's business and meddling and nosey and sometimes just plain old MEAN!
UGH!
Yesterday was a really crappy day for me and I was really looking forward to a meeting and picking up my 9 month keytag. Since there was only 5 of us one guy said, oh, we don't really even need to have a meeting, lets just visit..... well, THAT ticked me off too. Here I left the comfort of my home and drove 15 miles on dark deer riddled roads and unlocked the church, set up, made coffee and I wanted a meeting! So, I handed out the readings and the keytag box, then Q (who didn't know it was my 9 mnth said, well, we don't need to do these anyway, right??) I said, YES, maybe someone has an anni......I wasn't leaving there w/out my yellow keytag!!!!!
I left last night feeling even crappier.
Well that is my sob story...
Thanks for reading if you got this far...
Sheila
