Archive for the ‘Freaks’ tag
Am I in over My Head? I am lost a little…
I don't know. I'll see if I can make this short and understandable. lol.
I've been seeing this guy off and on and I don't know what to think.
They say if it's to good to be true.... Well.... He's rich, amazingly cute,
a doctor, and nice. At first everything we did was easy and fun.
I'm sure you know where this is going, it wasn't long, before I started
seeing his 'other side'. But after each time something happened he
had some reason, usually work, etc. I didn't get it because it came out
of the blue, and then he would be fine again. And sorry..
So fast forward to yesterday. We get into a wreck, the guy who hits us gets out, and he goes crazy. I try and get him to stop and he shoves me again, it turns into a huge ordeal, and finally the cops come.
So we end up at the ER. I had a concussion and a cut my head, nothing major.
Yesterday was a little strange, I don't know how to explain it.
Just a weird experience. Then when we leave they give me some Vicodin,
I tell them no it's okay, and he says, No, you need it, and he takes it.
After we got to his house, he was being his normal self, I felt fine besides my headache, then we decide to watch a movie, and he gives me a Vicodin and it wasn't long before I start feeling sick. So I decide to leave and he freaks
By the time I get home, I was a complete mess.
I haven't told any of my friends about what is going on or him, I'm not even sure why, or I guess because things got weird so fast, and I guess I called one of my friends and was crying, I don't remember that. I just remember throwing up all night and a few random things.
So I don't think it was a Vicodin he gave me.
I met him for lunch today and the first thing I ask him is, sooo.
What the hell did you give me last night, and he starts to :c004:
I just looked at him and said, Really..... Your going to yell at me........
Are you going to shove me again too, or hit me.....
He apologizes like he always does.. He just can't believe I would accuse
him of such a thing, after I tell him what happened, he goes into this
long reason, why...... He's a doctor, he always has good reasons.
Then he tells me......... That he booked us tickets to go to Hawaii in February.......
I don't even know what to think right now. I don't know if I am just over reacting. When things are good, they are great and he is Amazing.
The few times there have been those incidents, at first I think like I would tell anyone else, OMG, No that's not okay... But then I start thinking,
No he didn't really "Hit You" there were no closed fists, or I lost my balance.
I bruise easy, etc...
And I know I do make people mad.... :MissDone
Usually when we talk, it's so easy, and we can talk for hours about anything.
But when he gets weird, he can take something I've said and use it against me. It's so weird... I liked him so much at first because he didn't judge me, and like I could just be me. I don't feel like that hardly ever anymore.
I started to figure out yesterday that maybe he's addicted to Vicoden.
He always has a bottle of pills with him, but he says it's tylenol 3 for his hand, I don't know, stupid stuff.... His mood thing would kind of make sense.
I guess I probably sound stupid, even hearing myself, but it happened so fast, I feel like this has been a year and it's barely been a couple of weeks.
I don't know what to do, I can't talk to any of my friends, because they would freak out, as would my parents... I guess I just need another opinion, because I don't get how something can be so perfect and so bad at the same time....... Well besides crystal meth.......
Funny I was this confused when I was on meth also, lol.
Talking about this makes me so sick to my stomach. I don't know why.
I don't know what is wrong with me....... I just feel so lost.
But maybe I am overreacting...
I guess there's another part of me that keeps thinking if this keeps up, at least I'll keep losing weight, so I don't know if maybe that's part of what
has me all confused also.
Ha Ha, so much for being short. My Mind is spinning so fast, I don't think short is in my vocabulary.......
I've been seeing this guy off and on and I don't know what to think.
They say if it's to good to be true.... Well.... He's rich, amazingly cute,
a doctor, and nice. At first everything we did was easy and fun.
I'm sure you know where this is going, it wasn't long, before I started
seeing his 'other side'. But after each time something happened he
had some reason, usually work, etc. I didn't get it because it came out
of the blue, and then he would be fine again. And sorry..
So fast forward to yesterday. We get into a wreck, the guy who hits us gets out, and he goes crazy. I try and get him to stop and he shoves me again, it turns into a huge ordeal, and finally the cops come.
So we end up at the ER. I had a concussion and a cut my head, nothing major.
Yesterday was a little strange, I don't know how to explain it.
Just a weird experience. Then when we leave they give me some Vicodin,
I tell them no it's okay, and he says, No, you need it, and he takes it.
After we got to his house, he was being his normal self, I felt fine besides my headache, then we decide to watch a movie, and he gives me a Vicodin and it wasn't long before I start feeling sick. So I decide to leave and he freaks
By the time I get home, I was a complete mess.
I haven't told any of my friends about what is going on or him, I'm not even sure why, or I guess because things got weird so fast, and I guess I called one of my friends and was crying, I don't remember that. I just remember throwing up all night and a few random things.
So I don't think it was a Vicodin he gave me.
I met him for lunch today and the first thing I ask him is, sooo.
What the hell did you give me last night, and he starts to :c004:
I just looked at him and said, Really..... Your going to yell at me........
Are you going to shove me again too, or hit me.....
He apologizes like he always does.. He just can't believe I would accuse
him of such a thing, after I tell him what happened, he goes into this
long reason, why...... He's a doctor, he always has good reasons.
Then he tells me......... That he booked us tickets to go to Hawaii in February.......
I don't even know what to think right now. I don't know if I am just over reacting. When things are good, they are great and he is Amazing.
The few times there have been those incidents, at first I think like I would tell anyone else, OMG, No that's not okay... But then I start thinking,
No he didn't really "Hit You" there were no closed fists, or I lost my balance.
I bruise easy, etc...
And I know I do make people mad.... :MissDone
Usually when we talk, it's so easy, and we can talk for hours about anything.
But when he gets weird, he can take something I've said and use it against me. It's so weird... I liked him so much at first because he didn't judge me, and like I could just be me. I don't feel like that hardly ever anymore.
I started to figure out yesterday that maybe he's addicted to Vicoden.
He always has a bottle of pills with him, but he says it's tylenol 3 for his hand, I don't know, stupid stuff.... His mood thing would kind of make sense.
I guess I probably sound stupid, even hearing myself, but it happened so fast, I feel like this has been a year and it's barely been a couple of weeks.
I don't know what to do, I can't talk to any of my friends, because they would freak out, as would my parents... I guess I just need another opinion, because I don't get how something can be so perfect and so bad at the same time....... Well besides crystal meth.......
Funny I was this confused when I was on meth also, lol.
Talking about this makes me so sick to my stomach. I don't know why.
I don't know what is wrong with me....... I just feel so lost.
But maybe I am overreacting...
I guess there's another part of me that keeps thinking if this keeps up, at least I'll keep losing weight, so I don't know if maybe that's part of what
has me all confused also.
Ha Ha, so much for being short. My Mind is spinning so fast, I don't think short is in my vocabulary.......
what about our young children?
I still have no idea how to deal with my AH (first time I use that 'AH' thing...I feel like an old pro already!).
I dont' know what he is really doing. I guess he's on the methedone.
I caught him driving by the house. I called him and asked what was he doing.
He said he just wanted to see us. In the early part of the day he's hysterically depressed, by evening (he calls to say Goodnight to the kids), he's cold and formal...like we're a 10 year divorced couple. (it freaks me out because thats the way I remember my divorced parents speeking).
Is it the methedone? Is he lying and using? Does he allready not love me?
Has he just forgotten we were married for almost 8 years?
What do I do about the kids?
Do I let him see them (esp. the legal stuff.)
I'm going to start that soon. Do I get some sort of conditional clause?
Ie if he's clean he can see them? Or on the methedone?
What if he gets bad on the methedone? Do I have the right to force him to take a drug test to see the kids? How often to see the kids?
Can he pick them up and take them to soccer? or only suppervised visits/?
Where? My house? what if he's using and I dont know it and he does something bad? rob, neglect etc...
I CANNOT stand the idea that my kids wont have an involved dad.
My dad and I had NOTHING. I saw him maybe once or twice a year.
He made NO effort to be involved in my life. ANd that hurt and still does.
I dont want that for my kids.
Prior to this he was the best dad ever....He coached my sons t-ball.
(he's So different now....:(
I also want to say that in previous posts I neglected to say that when we first met I found out he would smoke heroin. (before we got married) He said he'll stop and he did. I didn' t understand drugs. I just figured if he stopped he stopped, end of story. So we got married and had around 6 great years.
He said he hates himself for not using for 6 years and to fail.
(I think I neglected to say of his past because I'll look even more stupid for not know he was using....mind you I would have found out this week, he did a bunch of fraud on my bank account...)
Ok that was all I could handle writting, I need to go and cry for a while.
I dont' know what he is really doing. I guess he's on the methedone.
I caught him driving by the house. I called him and asked what was he doing.
He said he just wanted to see us. In the early part of the day he's hysterically depressed, by evening (he calls to say Goodnight to the kids), he's cold and formal...like we're a 10 year divorced couple. (it freaks me out because thats the way I remember my divorced parents speeking).
Is it the methedone? Is he lying and using? Does he allready not love me?
Has he just forgotten we were married for almost 8 years?
What do I do about the kids?
Do I let him see them (esp. the legal stuff.)
I'm going to start that soon. Do I get some sort of conditional clause?
Ie if he's clean he can see them? Or on the methedone?
What if he gets bad on the methedone? Do I have the right to force him to take a drug test to see the kids? How often to see the kids?
Can he pick them up and take them to soccer? or only suppervised visits/?
Where? My house? what if he's using and I dont know it and he does something bad? rob, neglect etc...
I CANNOT stand the idea that my kids wont have an involved dad.
My dad and I had NOTHING. I saw him maybe once or twice a year.
He made NO effort to be involved in my life. ANd that hurt and still does.
I dont want that for my kids.
Prior to this he was the best dad ever....He coached my sons t-ball.
(he's So different now....:(
I also want to say that in previous posts I neglected to say that when we first met I found out he would smoke heroin. (before we got married) He said he'll stop and he did. I didn' t understand drugs. I just figured if he stopped he stopped, end of story. So we got married and had around 6 great years.
He said he hates himself for not using for 6 years and to fail.
(I think I neglected to say of his past because I'll look even more stupid for not know he was using....mind you I would have found out this week, he did a bunch of fraud on my bank account...)
Ok that was all I could handle writting, I need to go and cry for a while.
someone please remind me that…..
alcoholics are sick people and do sick things. please remind me of all the things i've shared with people here about alcoholics and the disease that destroys them and others.
i'm having the hardest time ever about my thinking concerning alcoholics....i'm thinking things like evil, freaks, what good are they, why can't we corrall all of them up, put them on an island and let them torture the hell outta each other. i'm feeling so much hatred for my xah right now that it is immeasurable.
i don't want that hatred to be a driving force again in my life.
right now, i need to be working on healing, and all i can manage is just to barely cope. get up. brush teeth. comb hair. collapse back into bed. wait 10 minutes and force myself to take my meds. make myself go into living room and say good morning to mama. brush teeth again. stare at self in mirror with toothpaste around my mouth and cry.
someone please cyber-shake me into reality again. give me shock treatments, tough talk, anything.
i've prayed so hard for serenity, peace, knowlege that i am in Gods hands, that he would show me thy will be done on earth as it is in heaven.
can't eat, sleep, or barely drink. my ole chicken skin that is supposed to be my arms just stand up like little tents when i pinch them. and they stay there. i can make my arms look like a heavily textured ceiling or the ceiling of a cave. this can take up a lot of time.
i ask myself.....what am i getting out of feeling like this? because i know i have the power to change it.......but all i feel is just super sick, and scared out of my mind.
i'm having the hardest time ever about my thinking concerning alcoholics....i'm thinking things like evil, freaks, what good are they, why can't we corrall all of them up, put them on an island and let them torture the hell outta each other. i'm feeling so much hatred for my xah right now that it is immeasurable.
i don't want that hatred to be a driving force again in my life.
right now, i need to be working on healing, and all i can manage is just to barely cope. get up. brush teeth. comb hair. collapse back into bed. wait 10 minutes and force myself to take my meds. make myself go into living room and say good morning to mama. brush teeth again. stare at self in mirror with toothpaste around my mouth and cry.
someone please cyber-shake me into reality again. give me shock treatments, tough talk, anything.
i've prayed so hard for serenity, peace, knowlege that i am in Gods hands, that he would show me thy will be done on earth as it is in heaven.
can't eat, sleep, or barely drink. my ole chicken skin that is supposed to be my arms just stand up like little tents when i pinch them. and they stay there. i can make my arms look like a heavily textured ceiling or the ceiling of a cave. this can take up a lot of time.
i ask myself.....what am i getting out of feeling like this? because i know i have the power to change it.......but all i feel is just super sick, and scared out of my mind.
Please pray for my little dog
He is getting worse very quickly. He still doesn't act like he's in any pain, but his back legs will just give out and he'll fall down. He can still walk normally but at any second his back legs will give out. It freaks him out cause he doesn't understand why he keeps falling down.
I will call my vet tomorrow and ask him to refer me to a specialist vet with special knowledge and experience in diabetes and/or nerve problems. I CANNOT just put him down as he's just as normal and happy as ever except for this problem with his back legs. He's standing up next to my desk chair right now "asking" for a treat. I just gave them all a treat and he wolfed it down... and then collapsed on the rug.
I will have to win the lottery to pay a special vet - maybe I can ask them for a reduced charge. I'll see what happens and take it one day at a time - which I'm getting good at doing anyway. I just cannot let him get worse without doing something. I'll even be happy to consider one of those little wheeled carts for dogs whose back legs don't work or had to be amputated or something. He's still happy and otherwise healthy.
I'm so upset cause he's had more than his 'fair share' of problems, first developing diabetes, then going blind from it, and now this! He's used to his blindness but don't know how he'd get used to not being able to get around. I don't know if this condition will get worse or just stay like this. If it just stayed like this I could live with it, and so could he, but I'm afraid of it getting even worse.
He just got up from the floor and is standing by my desk, looking up at me. I don't think it's too much to ask God for a favor for my beloved dog. Please keep him in your prayers. He's going to need them.
Thank you!
:praying
I will call my vet tomorrow and ask him to refer me to a specialist vet with special knowledge and experience in diabetes and/or nerve problems. I CANNOT just put him down as he's just as normal and happy as ever except for this problem with his back legs. He's standing up next to my desk chair right now "asking" for a treat. I just gave them all a treat and he wolfed it down... and then collapsed on the rug.
I will have to win the lottery to pay a special vet - maybe I can ask them for a reduced charge. I'll see what happens and take it one day at a time - which I'm getting good at doing anyway. I just cannot let him get worse without doing something. I'll even be happy to consider one of those little wheeled carts for dogs whose back legs don't work or had to be amputated or something. He's still happy and otherwise healthy.
I'm so upset cause he's had more than his 'fair share' of problems, first developing diabetes, then going blind from it, and now this! He's used to his blindness but don't know how he'd get used to not being able to get around. I don't know if this condition will get worse or just stay like this. If it just stayed like this I could live with it, and so could he, but I'm afraid of it getting even worse.
He just got up from the floor and is standing by my desk, looking up at me. I don't think it's too much to ask God for a favor for my beloved dog. Please keep him in your prayers. He's going to need them.
Thank you!
:praying
Drinking. . .It feels like I’m on vacation
Hi all! I have many things that I need to change about myself but drinking is on the top of the list. Nice to meet you all, btw!
Why is it that when I drink, I feel as though I'm ushered out of my routine everyday life and onto a sandy beach with cabana boys, a floral sarong and zero need for SPF? My life is better now than it's ever been. I'm a successful glass artist and jewelry designer. I work from home and enjoy my work very much. If that's not awesome enough, I'm three years married to the love of my life. So, what's wrong with me? Why is it that I can't stop drinking? Each night when the sun goes down, I curl up on the couch with a half a bottle of pinot. Sometimes, I snack too and smoke a bunch of cigarettes. I know it's ridiculous but I do it anyway.
For some reason, the idea of never drinking again freaks me out. I've tried to only drink on weekends but that always finds me making excuses for why it's okay to drink on Tuesday, which eventually leads to it being okay to drink on Monday, Wednesday and Thursday too.
Well, anyway, I'm not much of a forum poster. I'm shocked actually that I've posted the same day that I joined. I didn't expect to post for at least a year or better. I guess this half a bottle of pinot helped my stage fright. Crap. . . I just found another reason to keep drinking. lol (KIDDING!!!)
Why is it that when I drink, I feel as though I'm ushered out of my routine everyday life and onto a sandy beach with cabana boys, a floral sarong and zero need for SPF? My life is better now than it's ever been. I'm a successful glass artist and jewelry designer. I work from home and enjoy my work very much. If that's not awesome enough, I'm three years married to the love of my life. So, what's wrong with me? Why is it that I can't stop drinking? Each night when the sun goes down, I curl up on the couch with a half a bottle of pinot. Sometimes, I snack too and smoke a bunch of cigarettes. I know it's ridiculous but I do it anyway.
For some reason, the idea of never drinking again freaks me out. I've tried to only drink on weekends but that always finds me making excuses for why it's okay to drink on Tuesday, which eventually leads to it being okay to drink on Monday, Wednesday and Thursday too.
Well, anyway, I'm not much of a forum poster. I'm shocked actually that I've posted the same day that I joined. I didn't expect to post for at least a year or better. I guess this half a bottle of pinot helped my stage fright. Crap. . . I just found another reason to keep drinking. lol (KIDDING!!!)
