Archive for the ‘Free Food’ tag
Hi I’m New. Here’s my story.
Hi.
I am a person who has battled with alcoholism since I was about 17 years of age. The first time I ever drank I got really high from alcohol. I remember wanting more and more. My friend who had drunk less woke up sick, I woke up feeling fine.
I have been in lots of trouble because of alcohol. I was homeless for a couple of years. I have been arrested probably around 30 times because of alcohol. I have (serious) scars all over my arms and legs cause I used to smash up bottles and cut myself.
I can remember throwing a stake at an incoming train, which was probably only 25 metres of so away from me. I can remember nearly drowning a river that surrounds a brewery (at the time I was trying to get to it, though I could get more alcohol).
I have been taken into hospital many dozens of times, detained on several occasions.
I have done some bad things when drunk, things i would NEVER do when sober. I'm considered to be polite and mild mannered when sober. When drunk I have smashed shop windows, smashed up cars, attacked police with knives, jumped on top of moving police cars etc. Of course I have woken up plenty of times covered in vomit and worst. In my worst period i had horrific hallucinations, the worst you could possibly imagine, they still scare me to this day. I always want more and more alcohol and i am a rapid drinker. It makes me really, really high at first. At its best i cant imagine ANY drug could make me possibly better. I feel clever, and able to handle everything- motivated, happy, excited, interested, relaxed, this "buzz" feeling. Sometimes when drunk I have stolen from bottleshops (something i would never normally do- i do not steal) to get more alcohol. WHen i was homeless in the city I you would find me passed out around various spots in the city. I used to get free food at homeless shelter, they were actually pretty good there. The doctor used to say i would end up dead if I didnt stop drinking, they would give me you know those vitamin injections.
I usually drink about 4-5 times a week. Usually I drink between 1 to 1.5 bottles of scotch. Sometimes I drink beer or cask wine.
I just got back on the internet recently cause I have managed to hold a unit over the last year or so (only reason i haven't been evicted is cause my brother who is well of financially has spent thousands repairing various damage i have done to it drunk etc) but i kept selling off my possessions to get alcohol. I sold my computer for $50 to another tenant so I could pissed. Just bought a cheap one again on payday (i am on a disability pension).
But I think I have found a happy ending.
I have never been into stuff like AA. Its not my cup of tea because I am an atheist and totally against the seemingly religious type components. Although the group interaction does appeal to me.
I've been diagnosed before by various doctors with borderline personality disorder, also as a child I was diagnosed with ADHD. Most people consider me fairly hyperactive. I get a lot of anxiety and used to have bad panic attacks, but dont get them anymore (I really have no idea why they went away). Yeah I've been on the antidepressant bandwagon. I frequently struggle with feeling depressed and unmotivated, sad, like nothing interests me. Nothing. But the antidepressants have never done anything. They just dont "hit" the spot. Of course alcohol does, for a little while anyway before it turns into anarchy.
Anyway 6 weeks ago a doctor suggested I try naltrexone. I was quite skeptical because I though it probably doesn't do anything, its for blocking the opiod receptors. Probably does nothing in alcoholics, probably corrupt clinical trials sponsored by greedy pharmaceutical companies are the only reason it got on the market...
Well I have not had a single drink for 6 weeks. I have not even been trying. I have not "felt" like drinking at all. I have not craved alcohol in the slightest. Its only been 6 weeks but I feel like I have been "cured" of alcoholism. I hope it continues. I could almost never make a week before without drinking. The best I have done in the last year was 12 days. Now I have gone 6 weeks. I haven't had any counseling etc. In fact I know if the craving came, I would soon loose out against it and end up drinking. I'd probably not be able to get on here cause I'd pawn off my computer or smash my unit to pieces (as I have done various times when very intoxicated).
Well its looking good for me. I am really, really grateful. If people are interested I will keep an update here, and tell you people if I still haven't slipped up. I'll be honest.
I think ANYBODY who is an alcoholic who has NOT tried naltrexone MUST TRY IT. It works in about 20-30% of people to some degree according to the research.
Edit: Some interesting research (it wont let me link it), just came out in the last few days. A clinical trial of 80 methamphetamine addicted individuals showed that it also seems effect in amphetamine addicts. Some of my friends have struggled as chronic iv meth users.
I am a person who has battled with alcoholism since I was about 17 years of age. The first time I ever drank I got really high from alcohol. I remember wanting more and more. My friend who had drunk less woke up sick, I woke up feeling fine.
I have been in lots of trouble because of alcohol. I was homeless for a couple of years. I have been arrested probably around 30 times because of alcohol. I have (serious) scars all over my arms and legs cause I used to smash up bottles and cut myself.
I can remember throwing a stake at an incoming train, which was probably only 25 metres of so away from me. I can remember nearly drowning a river that surrounds a brewery (at the time I was trying to get to it, though I could get more alcohol).
I have been taken into hospital many dozens of times, detained on several occasions.
I have done some bad things when drunk, things i would NEVER do when sober. I'm considered to be polite and mild mannered when sober. When drunk I have smashed shop windows, smashed up cars, attacked police with knives, jumped on top of moving police cars etc. Of course I have woken up plenty of times covered in vomit and worst. In my worst period i had horrific hallucinations, the worst you could possibly imagine, they still scare me to this day. I always want more and more alcohol and i am a rapid drinker. It makes me really, really high at first. At its best i cant imagine ANY drug could make me possibly better. I feel clever, and able to handle everything- motivated, happy, excited, interested, relaxed, this "buzz" feeling. Sometimes when drunk I have stolen from bottleshops (something i would never normally do- i do not steal) to get more alcohol. WHen i was homeless in the city I you would find me passed out around various spots in the city. I used to get free food at homeless shelter, they were actually pretty good there. The doctor used to say i would end up dead if I didnt stop drinking, they would give me you know those vitamin injections.
I usually drink about 4-5 times a week. Usually I drink between 1 to 1.5 bottles of scotch. Sometimes I drink beer or cask wine.
I just got back on the internet recently cause I have managed to hold a unit over the last year or so (only reason i haven't been evicted is cause my brother who is well of financially has spent thousands repairing various damage i have done to it drunk etc) but i kept selling off my possessions to get alcohol. I sold my computer for $50 to another tenant so I could pissed. Just bought a cheap one again on payday (i am on a disability pension).
But I think I have found a happy ending.
I have never been into stuff like AA. Its not my cup of tea because I am an atheist and totally against the seemingly religious type components. Although the group interaction does appeal to me.
I've been diagnosed before by various doctors with borderline personality disorder, also as a child I was diagnosed with ADHD. Most people consider me fairly hyperactive. I get a lot of anxiety and used to have bad panic attacks, but dont get them anymore (I really have no idea why they went away). Yeah I've been on the antidepressant bandwagon. I frequently struggle with feeling depressed and unmotivated, sad, like nothing interests me. Nothing. But the antidepressants have never done anything. They just dont "hit" the spot. Of course alcohol does, for a little while anyway before it turns into anarchy.
Anyway 6 weeks ago a doctor suggested I try naltrexone. I was quite skeptical because I though it probably doesn't do anything, its for blocking the opiod receptors. Probably does nothing in alcoholics, probably corrupt clinical trials sponsored by greedy pharmaceutical companies are the only reason it got on the market...
Well I have not had a single drink for 6 weeks. I have not even been trying. I have not "felt" like drinking at all. I have not craved alcohol in the slightest. Its only been 6 weeks but I feel like I have been "cured" of alcoholism. I hope it continues. I could almost never make a week before without drinking. The best I have done in the last year was 12 days. Now I have gone 6 weeks. I haven't had any counseling etc. In fact I know if the craving came, I would soon loose out against it and end up drinking. I'd probably not be able to get on here cause I'd pawn off my computer or smash my unit to pieces (as I have done various times when very intoxicated).
Well its looking good for me. I am really, really grateful. If people are interested I will keep an update here, and tell you people if I still haven't slipped up. I'll be honest.
I think ANYBODY who is an alcoholic who has NOT tried naltrexone MUST TRY IT. It works in about 20-30% of people to some degree according to the research.
Edit: Some interesting research (it wont let me link it), just came out in the last few days. A clinical trial of 80 methamphetamine addicted individuals showed that it also seems effect in amphetamine addicts. Some of my friends have struggled as chronic iv meth users.
Good stuff
I can say today that I finally have some good stuff to post about. For starters a lot of positive things have happened since Friday. As you know, things got pretty rough. AH got his last disability check on Friday (he is back to work now and will get regular checks soon). I was so depressed as once again there wasn't enough money to cover the bills I wanted to pay, my son is starting kindergarten on Monday and I need to put money on his food debit card for the cafeteria (he can pack his lunch, but it is actually cheaper to buy a hot lunch, but still he needs juice money, ice cream, etc.) Plus I needed to buy groceries. I was sinking. Well, my neighbors have a food service delivery that I have seen the trucks before (didn't know what it was but it looked "gourmet"). I had gotten a telemarketer call a few days before (yes, I usually blow them off the phone, but was feeling nice that day) and I listened to his offer. What appealed to me was that it was grocery delivery (I have another pending surgery and I don't want AH having free reign with the money again while I am in a hospital bed). So, like I said, my ears were perked up. I made an appt. for a sales rep to come buy Friday evening at 7. Well, God was on my side. They bring a big box of "sample food" for you to try, whether you join or not. I mean, we are talking massive T-bone steaks, boneless chix breast, center cut pork chops, a few lbs. of ground beef, burgers, chix thighs. I nearly cried. So, I sat down and talked with the guy with AH and the service is phenomenal. Incredible cuts and grades of meats, veggies, ribs, sausages, seafood, pastas, deserts, etc. The bring a massive sub zero freezer, everything is individually sealed, they stock the freezer based on your selections (he assists you as it is overwhelming) and you basically do a shop for 8 mos. worth of food. Then they bill you $240 a month for 6 mos. (2 mos. worth of free food) and then you only pay $110 for the freezer. After that, you can re-order whatever you want (lesser quanties, or say, fill me up again! I mean, I don't know about you guys, but I can spend $200 in a week and half at the store. I cook a lot.
Best part (being that I am so broke), my first payment isn't until the first of November! I just feel that god just blessed me! I mean, you know the story in the bible where Jesus only had a few loafs of bread and a few fishes, but he feed the entire group of followers on the hill? I was reminded of that. I had went to church this Sunday for the first time in years, I put 5 dollars in the basket (even though I am as broke as I am) and I feel that God has given it back to me a 100 fold. Isn't that miraculous?
So, I know this is long (sorry). But I also went to my first therapy session of Friday too. I got so discouraged as the therapist wrote down the wrong time and she wasn't there. I sat there for 20 mins and finally called her number. She got right over to her office, and apologized like crazy. Then we had a fabulous session (I really, really like her). So then, I went to give her my co-pay and she was like, NO WAY! I couldn't take that from you being as I left you sitting there waiting for me! There we were! I now had the money to put on my son's school card now!
Another wonderful blessing. I went to my first Al-anon meeting today. I loved it. I connected to the group immediately. I can't wait to go back on Monday night after therapy.
Lastly, and most importantly, AH and I have gotten along wonderfully this weekend. He was making calls today to meet up with some people from rehab for a meeting tomorrow.
So, I am feeling very, very blessed. I went from completely dispondant and despair on Friday, to calm, peaceful and feeling loved today.
It feels good.
(sorry the post was so long):ghug
Best part (being that I am so broke), my first payment isn't until the first of November! I just feel that god just blessed me! I mean, you know the story in the bible where Jesus only had a few loafs of bread and a few fishes, but he feed the entire group of followers on the hill? I was reminded of that. I had went to church this Sunday for the first time in years, I put 5 dollars in the basket (even though I am as broke as I am) and I feel that God has given it back to me a 100 fold. Isn't that miraculous?
So, I know this is long (sorry). But I also went to my first therapy session of Friday too. I got so discouraged as the therapist wrote down the wrong time and she wasn't there. I sat there for 20 mins and finally called her number. She got right over to her office, and apologized like crazy. Then we had a fabulous session (I really, really like her). So then, I went to give her my co-pay and she was like, NO WAY! I couldn't take that from you being as I left you sitting there waiting for me! There we were! I now had the money to put on my son's school card now!
Another wonderful blessing. I went to my first Al-anon meeting today. I loved it. I connected to the group immediately. I can't wait to go back on Monday night after therapy.
Lastly, and most importantly, AH and I have gotten along wonderfully this weekend. He was making calls today to meet up with some people from rehab for a meeting tomorrow.
So, I am feeling very, very blessed. I went from completely dispondant and despair on Friday, to calm, peaceful and feeling loved today.
It feels good.
(sorry the post was so long):ghug
