Archive for the ‘Friends Family’ tag
Checking In - Newly Sober
Reading the post by Kind Bird, I wanted to sort of check in. I'm new to the board and to recovery. I was a solitary, nightly wine drinker from 2005 when my mom died unexpectedly until Nov 22, 2008. I started after work while I got dinner ready. Continued until I passed out.
Last month I made a special recipe and the next am had NO idea how it came out. No memory of eating any of it. It literally scared the alcohol out of me.
There were other hints that it was time to quit - I was up to almost a bottle and a half at night, and urges to drink were coming earlier and earlier. I found myself watching the clock waiting for 5:00.
I only did cocaine once - it was in the 1980s. All of my thoughts were on getting my next fix, that next line, which was so un-enjoyable I never did it or any drug again. Wine was starting to be like that for me.
Whether or not I would drink started taking up tons of energy. All morning making mental lists of why I should not drink, and thinking about what I would say if I did go to an AA meeting.
In the afternoon everything changed, and I spent my time thinking about how to get the $ for my wine, making sure I have enough ect. Never mind discouraging friends/family from coming over so I could get drunk by myself, or making sure to sneak a glass of wine before going out to friends homes/restaurants; as well as making sure there was enough at home to sneak another glass when we got home. UGH.
Nothing about this struck me as wrong or odd - which I am horrified at now. I was pretty deep in that bottle.
Most nights I go out. I am at the gym, at the mall, out for decaf tea with friends or even dh - a very sweet gesture from a man exhausted from a full days work.
I got a bottle of wine from someone at Christmas - an innocent gesture from someone who didn't know. I poured it down the sink. Part of doing that was hard. Part of me was so angry at that wine (which yes, means I am angry at myself - that alcholic part of myself) and just wanted to chuck the bottle into the deep thicket in my back yard.
I ran cold water and soap down the drain. I threw that empty green bottle as far as I could out back (don't worry, it's a large, overgrown area - no ppl - out there!).
I physically and emotionally feel GREAT, though every day is EASIER, nights can be still be white knuckled.
Anyway - I am glad to be here.
one day at a time,
Kels
Last month I made a special recipe and the next am had NO idea how it came out. No memory of eating any of it. It literally scared the alcohol out of me.
There were other hints that it was time to quit - I was up to almost a bottle and a half at night, and urges to drink were coming earlier and earlier. I found myself watching the clock waiting for 5:00.
I only did cocaine once - it was in the 1980s. All of my thoughts were on getting my next fix, that next line, which was so un-enjoyable I never did it or any drug again. Wine was starting to be like that for me.
Whether or not I would drink started taking up tons of energy. All morning making mental lists of why I should not drink, and thinking about what I would say if I did go to an AA meeting.
In the afternoon everything changed, and I spent my time thinking about how to get the $ for my wine, making sure I have enough ect. Never mind discouraging friends/family from coming over so I could get drunk by myself, or making sure to sneak a glass of wine before going out to friends homes/restaurants; as well as making sure there was enough at home to sneak another glass when we got home. UGH.
Nothing about this struck me as wrong or odd - which I am horrified at now. I was pretty deep in that bottle.
Most nights I go out. I am at the gym, at the mall, out for decaf tea with friends or even dh - a very sweet gesture from a man exhausted from a full days work.
I got a bottle of wine from someone at Christmas - an innocent gesture from someone who didn't know. I poured it down the sink. Part of doing that was hard. Part of me was so angry at that wine (which yes, means I am angry at myself - that alcholic part of myself) and just wanted to chuck the bottle into the deep thicket in my back yard.
I ran cold water and soap down the drain. I threw that empty green bottle as far as I could out back (don't worry, it's a large, overgrown area - no ppl - out there!).
I physically and emotionally feel GREAT, though every day is EASIER, nights can be still be white knuckled.
Anyway - I am glad to be here.
one day at a time,
Kels
update
As most of you know, I was hit on the head during a robbery earlier this month.
Instead of giving me "plenty of hours" at work on 2nd shift (3rd shift no longer exists), my hours were cut and 3 more people were brought back, or transferred in and giving the hours.
I've been going to workman's comp dr's, because I am still VERY scatterbrained. After finding out that they think this is a mental issue (PTSD) and they don't DEAL with that, I went to my dr. I was put on an anti-d, which hopefully will get my brain back to working okay. I have an appt. with the neurologist on the 19th.
I've been struggling with money, nausea, no appetite, but I turned over the money issue and just keep putting one foot in front of the other.
I've applied for numerous jobs, and will continue to do so. I just got a check, today, for work that I had done for a friend of dad's and can pay my bills. I am applying for reinstatement of my nursing license and am, now, ready to jump through whatever hoops they want me to jump through. I am also applying for gov't jobs and am probably going to take a course online.
On the 9th, I will have 20 months in recovery. I won't deny that when the robbery happened, I thought it was a darn good excuse to get numb. But instead, I came here and clung tight to my friends at SR.
To those of you who have loved ones still struggling, don't give up hope. It's taken me 3-1/2 years to get to this point, and I made some stupid choices along the way. Four years ago, I was homeless, jumping into cars with strange men, and could think of nothing but crack.
Today, I realize that I am learning valuable lessons from my struggles, and my friends, family, and my faith keep me moving forward.
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
Instead of giving me "plenty of hours" at work on 2nd shift (3rd shift no longer exists), my hours were cut and 3 more people were brought back, or transferred in and giving the hours.
I've been going to workman's comp dr's, because I am still VERY scatterbrained. After finding out that they think this is a mental issue (PTSD) and they don't DEAL with that, I went to my dr. I was put on an anti-d, which hopefully will get my brain back to working okay. I have an appt. with the neurologist on the 19th.
I've been struggling with money, nausea, no appetite, but I turned over the money issue and just keep putting one foot in front of the other.
I've applied for numerous jobs, and will continue to do so. I just got a check, today, for work that I had done for a friend of dad's and can pay my bills. I am applying for reinstatement of my nursing license and am, now, ready to jump through whatever hoops they want me to jump through. I am also applying for gov't jobs and am probably going to take a course online.
On the 9th, I will have 20 months in recovery. I won't deny that when the robbery happened, I thought it was a darn good excuse to get numb. But instead, I came here and clung tight to my friends at SR.
To those of you who have loved ones still struggling, don't give up hope. It's taken me 3-1/2 years to get to this point, and I made some stupid choices along the way. Four years ago, I was homeless, jumping into cars with strange men, and could think of nothing but crack.
Today, I realize that I am learning valuable lessons from my struggles, and my friends, family, and my faith keep me moving forward.
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
All, I could use your thoughts and prayers- was diagnosed with testicular cancer
last week. I am having surgery to remove ol' Lefty. The fellowship,sponsees,sponsorship family, friends, family have all showed up. I am humbled by how many calls a day I get leading up to tomorrow. I have a 19th month old and 5 year old and I will watch them grow up. I have faith and trust this process that I will make it through this. I know prayer works. Any help I could have from sober recovery would only help more. I have been praying for faith in my HP and oppurtunities to practice this faith and boy have I got it!! :lol The biggest bummer is that I can't run the Richmond Marathon next month. I have been training all summer for it. I will run one in may hopefully.
Love you all
Thanks
Jason
Love you all
Thanks
Jason
OT update on the robbery
I just got off the phone with my boss. He has been authorized to cut me a check for the $165 I paid for getting into my car and a new key. He's also told me that Roger (his boss) said they would pay me for last night and tonight if I wanted to stay out. I WAS going to go in (need the money), but I am still getting my butt kicked by a cold, so am staying home.
He assured me that I will get my hours on 2nd shift, which is busier and safer. We will stay open until 3 a.m. on Fri. and Sat., and he said if it slowed down, "lock the damn doors, no matter what time it is".
I asked him about D, my mgr on duty that night because I haven't been able to get hold of him. Apparently he had something on his record and they locked him up!!!!! I am in shock! He's talking to D's daughter, and will find out something today. I told him I had just gotten the papers for my probation being terminated early, so I was glad I didn't have a record anymore.
Work with dad has suddenly decreased. The merchandising I was doing has been cut severly (thanks to economics) and now he is getting worried. I'm thinking this will all work out because I will get back to making money and we never do good when we're both struggling.
For now, I will stay with my job. I talked to my lawyer and he is faxing my probation release papers (freedom papers!!) to the GBI to get my permanent record straightened out and I will look for a better job.
I'm okay. The gift I got from my friend here and the check from work will let me pay my car payment on time. I still have $800 coming in from work I've done with dad, but it will be about a month.
I have a new appreciation for life...nothing like getting whacked in the head with a gun to make you realize what's really important...friends, family, and of course...being clean:)
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
He assured me that I will get my hours on 2nd shift, which is busier and safer. We will stay open until 3 a.m. on Fri. and Sat., and he said if it slowed down, "lock the damn doors, no matter what time it is".
I asked him about D, my mgr on duty that night because I haven't been able to get hold of him. Apparently he had something on his record and they locked him up!!!!! I am in shock! He's talking to D's daughter, and will find out something today. I told him I had just gotten the papers for my probation being terminated early, so I was glad I didn't have a record anymore.
Work with dad has suddenly decreased. The merchandising I was doing has been cut severly (thanks to economics) and now he is getting worried. I'm thinking this will all work out because I will get back to making money and we never do good when we're both struggling.
For now, I will stay with my job. I talked to my lawyer and he is faxing my probation release papers (freedom papers!!) to the GBI to get my permanent record straightened out and I will look for a better job.
I'm okay. The gift I got from my friend here and the check from work will let me pay my car payment on time. I still have $800 coming in from work I've done with dad, but it will be about a month.
I have a new appreciation for life...nothing like getting whacked in the head with a gun to make you realize what's really important...friends, family, and of course...being clean:)
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
Please don’t sign off on mine and I won’t sign off on yours :)
I am still new and one thing I've learned in the MONTHS of being in treatment is "keeping it green". No matter how many days, weeks, months or years I have I should never forget where I came from.
One great thing that I learned about what I do as an addict is my behavior and I learned that a lot of things I was doing was just as bad as picking up a drink or was at least the first step in taking one.
Also, when people make suggestions I should "take the cotton out of my ears and stick it in my mouth" and take a look at what I'm doing because sometimes other people, our peers, friends, family, sober supports see things that we don't because we're in the middle of it or "in our own way" so to speak.
Sobriety isn't a bed of roses, a bowl of cherries, some days it's a living hell and I'm prepared to deal with that with out picking up. Acceptance is key for me.
Anyway, there is a reason why I had to post this and mainly because I was at a group tonight and a gal there had some issues that I addressed and she felt hurt by what I said and when she attacked me I said nothing because that's her stuff, not mine.
I will, however, never sign off on anyone's BS. Why? Because if I make it ok for you to do what ever it is that you're doing, you know what? That means that I just laid down the path to make it ok for me to do in the future. I'm setting myself up for a relapse and that's not ok!!!!
Here goes the final vent of it all......................
If you're going to tell me about your bad behavior I'm going to call you on it and I would expect you to do the same for me.........if you care. ;)
Thanks!! :rant:
One great thing that I learned about what I do as an addict is my behavior and I learned that a lot of things I was doing was just as bad as picking up a drink or was at least the first step in taking one.
Also, when people make suggestions I should "take the cotton out of my ears and stick it in my mouth" and take a look at what I'm doing because sometimes other people, our peers, friends, family, sober supports see things that we don't because we're in the middle of it or "in our own way" so to speak.
Sobriety isn't a bed of roses, a bowl of cherries, some days it's a living hell and I'm prepared to deal with that with out picking up. Acceptance is key for me.
Anyway, there is a reason why I had to post this and mainly because I was at a group tonight and a gal there had some issues that I addressed and she felt hurt by what I said and when she attacked me I said nothing because that's her stuff, not mine.
I will, however, never sign off on anyone's BS. Why? Because if I make it ok for you to do what ever it is that you're doing, you know what? That means that I just laid down the path to make it ok for me to do in the future. I'm setting myself up for a relapse and that's not ok!!!!
Here goes the final vent of it all......................
If you're going to tell me about your bad behavior I'm going to call you on it and I would expect you to do the same for me.........if you care. ;)
Thanks!! :rant:
