Drug Rehab Options Blog

Oh boy guys, my computer battery is on it's last leg, and I finally did it.

Just when I'm going to hear / need support from my SR friends....

I told the abf to not come home tonight. Guess I act quickly-

He gave me an easy out. He stopped 'out' again tonight. I called and called his cell. Finally when he answered, he started with the "hi baby" thing.....

I called him back and asked that he go outside to hear me. (not optimal to do over the phone, but it was an opportune time)

I told him NOT to come home tonight..... he started quacking again, along with the come on baby thing. I told him that I know he is useing more than ever, drinking, and disrespecting me.

I told him that the doors would be locked, so as to find a bar room buddy to stay with tonight, and that I would leave his suitcases packed on the porch after I leave for work in the a.m.

I of course got alot of rebuttal, but stuck to my ground, saying that I am through with this life. I told him that he could kill himself with this lifestyle all by himself, and that I was not willing to sit by and watch him do it.

I also told him that he was showing me the ultimate in disrespect, and that I don't blame him for it at this point because up till now, IVE ALLOWED IT.

I said NO MORE. Not one minute more.

He finallhy said o.k. and hung up on me.

I cried like a baby, after we hung up. The pictures hanging on the wall... our beautiful night on new years, everything came rushing in.... I felt the fear - of looseing a man I love dearly, with every ounce of my being.

I have to keep telling myself, It's never going to change if I don't do SOMETHING.

I have to keep telling myself, I can't save him..... I have to save me.

I'm so very very devestated.

I hope and pray I have the strength to NOT give in to him like I have in the past.

I am praying that I stick to this.

Thank you all for listening.
Love,
Cessy

I don't know. I'll see if I can make this short and understandable. lol.
I've been seeing this guy off and on and I don't know what to think.
They say if it's to good to be true.... Well.... He's rich, amazingly cute,
a doctor, and nice. At first everything we did was easy and fun.
I'm sure you know where this is going, it wasn't long, before I started
seeing his 'other side'. But after each time something happened he
had some reason, usually work, etc. I didn't get it because it came out
of the blue, and then he would be fine again. And sorry..

So fast forward to yesterday. We get into a wreck, the guy who hits us gets out, and he goes crazy. I try and get him to stop and he shoves me again, it turns into a huge ordeal, and finally the cops come.

So we end up at the ER. I had a concussion and a cut my head, nothing major.
Yesterday was a little strange, I don't know how to explain it.
Just a weird experience. Then when we leave they give me some Vicodin,
I tell them no it's okay, and he says, No, you need it, and he takes it.

After we got to his house, he was being his normal self, I felt fine besides my headache, then we decide to watch a movie, and he gives me a Vicodin and it wasn't long before I start feeling sick. So I decide to leave and he freaks
By the time I get home, I was a complete mess.

I haven't told any of my friends about what is going on or him, I'm not even sure why, or I guess because things got weird so fast, and I guess I called one of my friends and was crying, I don't remember that. I just remember throwing up all night and a few random things.
So I don't think it was a Vicodin he gave me.

I met him for lunch today and the first thing I ask him is, sooo.
What the hell did you give me last night, and he starts to :c004:

I just looked at him and said, Really..... Your going to yell at me........
Are you going to shove me again too, or hit me.....

He apologizes like he always does.. He just can't believe I would accuse
him of such a thing, after I tell him what happened, he goes into this
long reason, why...... He's a doctor, he always has good reasons.

Then he tells me......... That he booked us tickets to go to Hawaii in February.......


I don't even know what to think right now. I don't know if I am just over reacting. When things are good, they are great and he is Amazing.
The few times there have been those incidents, at first I think like I would tell anyone else, OMG, No that's not okay... But then I start thinking,
No he didn't really "Hit You" there were no closed fists, or I lost my balance.
I bruise easy, etc...
And I know I do make people mad.... :MissDone
Usually when we talk, it's so easy, and we can talk for hours about anything.
But when he gets weird, he can take something I've said and use it against me. It's so weird... I liked him so much at first because he didn't judge me, and like I could just be me. I don't feel like that hardly ever anymore.


I started to figure out yesterday that maybe he's addicted to Vicoden.
He always has a bottle of pills with him, but he says it's tylenol 3 for his hand, I don't know, stupid stuff.... His mood thing would kind of make sense.


I guess I probably sound stupid, even hearing myself, but it happened so fast, I feel like this has been a year and it's barely been a couple of weeks.


I don't know what to do, I can't talk to any of my friends, because they would freak out, as would my parents... I guess I just need another opinion, because I don't get how something can be so perfect and so bad at the same time....... Well besides crystal meth.......
Funny I was this confused when I was on meth also, lol.
Talking about this makes me so sick to my stomach. I don't know why.
I don't know what is wrong with me....... I just feel so lost.
But maybe I am overreacting...

I guess there's another part of me that keeps thinking if this keeps up, at least I'll keep losing weight, so I don't know if maybe that's part of what
has me all confused also.

Ha Ha, so much for being short. My Mind is spinning so fast, I don't think short is in my vocabulary.......

A few days ago me and some of my friends did adderall this was not my first time using it it was his though but this was the most i had every done by a long shot. We took 160 mg is alittle over 1 hours The affect didnt go away for about two day could we have overdose or was this just way to much. Both of us are 15 about 5 8 and 120 all websites iv look at showing side we both had alot of them

Tonight, I'm sitting here alone in a self contemplative mood because it looks like I will be ringing in the New Year by myself as AH is working and I'm totally ok with that..

Today I have come full circle in my journey of my AH's addiction. It was a year ago today that I found the stash of pills hidden underneath the passenger side seat of my husbands truck.. the months of speculating of his drug use had finally been revealed.. Today also marks the day that the chaos and insanity that I allowed to control my life for so many months afterward entered into my life..

My first thoughts were to fix my AH.. in my crazy way of thinking I just knew that I could save my AH from this addiction and that in a few months everything would be back to normal... um, was I ever in for a very rude awakening.

Oh, I went to Al anon, but not for myself.. I went because i was hoping that there I would find out some tips and ideas on how to help my husband. Imagine my disappointment when I discovered that Al-anon was going to offer me no such thing.. So I decided not to go back but instead "help" my AH work his program.. yep, you can see where this is leading.. I was on him like white on rice.. Did you go to a meeting today? Have you found a sponsor? You should really be going to more then just one meeting a week? Look honey, I bought all these books on addiction just for you.. when I wasn't "working" on his program, I was playing Nancy Drew, searching for any and every sign of drug use that I could find and of course I found things and of course I continued on that Merry-go-Round of insanity, knowing things were not working but still not willing to let go and let God..

Every time, I thought things could not possibly get worse, they did.. Every time, I thought that the pain could not possibly cut any deeper it did. The lying, the cheating, the secrets, the stealing.. it just all consumed me to the point where I just did not care anymore..

All the while, I kept posting here on SR... reading situations that mirrored mine, Some were worse then mine and some were one's of hope, the ones that had lived through the nightmare and came out on the other side intact.. I knew what I needed to do, I even had advice for other people on what they should do but I was still living life on my terms instead of life's terms..

One morning in early September, I woke up just wanting to take my own life.. I don't think I would actually have done such a thing but the thought that it even crossed my mind scared the crap out of me.. I knew that I needed to do something RIGHT THEN.. So I sheepishly crawled my way back to Al anon bracing myself for attacks on my character and questions to as why I was still with my AH and where I had been for all these months.. Of course I found none of that there.. all i found were many hugs, lots of support and finally a feeling of serenity, the feeling that I had been looking for all this time..

Slowly I crawled my way out of my hole.. I surrendered everything to my HP and the day I did that I got my life back. As I started attending meetings and working the program for me and not my AH, my AH started attending meetings again too.. This time, it's hands off his program and my hands are all over mine..

I want to thank each and everyone of you beautiful people here on SR.. From the newcomers on here whose pain and angst I can so relate to, to the old timers who always had a cyber hug and words of support and to people like Anvil, who never sugar coats anything.. her words helped me to wake up from the foggy world that I was living in and to face the reality of what was truly going on in my life..

I look back on my journey this past year and today I thanked my HP for allowing me to experience it. It was a painful journey full of hard lessons, but lessons that I needed to be taught in order to become the best me that I can be..

I'm still not where I want to be.. but I have learned through Al-anon that "one day at a time" will get me there..

I have been praying and praying that God would remove some friends from my AH's life that are not friends of his sobriety.. today my AH called me while he was at one of those friends homes.. I found myself resorting back to my crazy days of trying to tell him what to do and where he needed to be and then I felt myself getting angry at God for not answering my prayers.. then a small voice inside my head said that sometimes, God works on a different schedule then I do.. sometimes what I want is not what God necessarily has in mind.. so I quickly turned my problems back over to my HP and my fears went away.. A year ago, I would not have done that... I owe my program for that bit of progress..

Thank you SR friends for being there for me through my worst... and hopefully this year seeing me at my best...

Happy New Year
:nyag:nyd

My friends and I ride quads. Big race tommorow. I had ordered a set of hand guards to keep my hands warm and dry, and also for protection against flying rocks, etc. My buddy waited to long to order his so he called me this morning asking me to cut up a couple Clorox bottles and fabricate him a temp set just for the race. Sure, in recovery we do things like this. Plus I like help out my buddies anyway. He wanted me to pick up a rattle can of Flat Black and paint them too. No problem.

DESIGNATE A DRIVER TONIGHT FOR YOURSELF AND YOUR FRIENDS

YouTube - Help this woman. Dont drink & drive

I've been fortunate and haven't lost a family member, lost a job etc. Since getting sober.

How many of you have had your feet put to the fire since getting sober?

Real testament to how this program works when, the going gets tough, the tough get going.


I watched several friends in the program lose spouses and not drink. I need to see people go thru this for myself. That offers me hope that, I'll be able to handle the real life challenges some day

I have had extensive problems with drugs and alcohol. My alcoholic drinking began as a substitute for drugs. I then went back to drugs and combined daily drug use and drinking for years. Then for the last year or so, I only drank alcohol, but I had constant blackouts, and my life was pure hell. This is why I eventually came to 12 step meetings. I have gone just about solely to AA for the last 3.5 years, but have gone to NA on the rare occasion. I went tonight, and I noticed while listening to one guy share that I really identified with his story. I sometimes find that some of my AA friends don't identify with my experiences in the past, that have shaped the sober reality I am in now. Most AA people I know came into meetings at age 40+, but many NA people I have met came in much earlier because the devastation to their lives happened faster (I am 25). The thing is I have never really felt like using drugs in the entire time I have been sober, it's been the obsession to drink that I've struggled with for years in sobriety. Anyone else face these questions themselves?

I know a lot of people mean well, "call if you need to, don't pick up, if you need to vent, I'm here.............." and I managed to maneuver and keep away from all of the drinking situations and as well the people who seem to just want to be up in my inventory.

Why do people feel the need to go out of their way to just be miserable towards me? It's the holidays, give me a present and just be nice. If you want me to fail at this don't be so obvious about it. If you don't trust me with my kids which has never been an issue, go get a court order against me but leave me alone!!!!!!

And then there's the one person who just seems to want to "pop" in, never does but I believe it's because they want to find me on my couch inebriated, down and out so they can have something to talk about.

If anything, for New Years, my resolution will be to keep standing up for myself, keep going, persevering, keep my eye on the prize and know that this time next year it's going to be much better.

Heh, you know what one of my friends told me about the men I pick? We both laughed because it's true but just funny, "men are like noses, they're all good but I keep picking boogers." LOL!!!! Oh what a knee slapper!!!!


Is it over yet? :Xmasbah