Drug Rehab Options Blog

Yup, the AXSO had the nerve to show up on my front porch very early this evening. I told him to leave and that I had nothing to say to him. It was pretty obvious that he was drinking. He left the porch and went to the back patio and into the garage. I again told him to leave. This went on a few times and then I thought he actually left. I saw him walking down the street. And about 3 minutes later, he was coming back up my driveway and I was on the phone to the police. They found him hiding in my garage. HE became belligerant and arrogant. He had hit his head somewhere in the garage and it was bleeding pretty bad. So now I have 5 cop cars, 2 EMTs and an ambulance. They didn't arrest him for trespassing but for 3 outstanding warrants. I also now have the papers I need to document getting an order of protection for me and my kids. Absolutely lovely........but he still loves me y'know.

Doreen

Hi,

My attempts to detach have failed again...I fell off the horse and can't understand the physiologic mechanism in my brain to continue the same behavior....guess it just called plain insane stupidity...I dont know.

At any rate after I did all the things to detach (except re-opening his access to send me a personal message after he left a phone message that his mom was sick). He sent a personal message before I left with my kids to drive them to Florida for Thanksgiving to see their grandparents. He said his neice was coming to visit for college break with her boyfriend and his mom did not have enough space for them to sleep and could he come sleep in my driveway??? duh...(I knew he was trying to make me feel for him sorry for him...of course I did not respond).

When I returned from the holidays, he left a message to let him know when I get in and that he rolled my garbage bin to the curb. I got weak and asked him to come get some fresh picked oranges for his mom...(I think it was because I missed him). He came and got the oranges and said he would be back later that night .I said "no you wont"...so that worked.

So, yesterday morning my car ran hot and began to tricke antifreeze. I dropped it by the repair place and later did not have a way to pick my kids up....sooo since I was also mad with my mom, I succumbed to temptation to call ABF to pick them up from school. He said yes...then he later told me he took off work all day, slept a lot and felt achy. It bothered me because he never calls me if he does. He used to just show up or calls after the normal hours he gets off work...said he was feeling bad and wanted to come over a minute. He looked malnourished ...asked for food..(I gave him a can of no-name soup)...he ate that and drank a beer.

At any rate, I saw an old receipt from Family Dollar stuck in my front porch hedges. I read it ..listed cheetoes .33, nacho cheese.33 doritoes, lip gloss 3.00, 2 Airwicks 1.00 each, 2 paper towels, toilet paper, Mondo juice and ...get this...handcuffs 2.00? and Fabuloso cleaner??? and something with the word "Truckin"....yeah when I saw the handcuffs (probably toy ones)...I was paranoid...because I recall him being in a drunken sleep one night and babbled out "did u take the handcuffs off me"????....So now I dont even want him to try to touch me ever again...yuck.

He blatently denied it was his...it was raggedy and with holes....at first I thought maybe it blew off the main highway where truckers pass a lot...but then again...I dunno...how did it blow all the way off the highway into my yard in the middle of a culdesac?...extremely paranoid about this because the receipt was dated on a Saturday evening when I work. He usually watches college football and there was no major games that evening when I worked.


I told him thanks for picking up the kids. I refused a hug and kiss from him...he says "you make it so hard for me to get along with you"....I was like hmmmm wonder who does not?? He left the next morning...acting resentful because I did not sleep with him...under his breath he said "have a nice day man"...I was like.."you too man".

Well thanks for being a sounding board...this post might not make any sense..its really a place to vent my feelings right now. I still feel angry and confused and paranoid about what he MIGHT be doing while we are detaching....but I know I will be alright as time passes and I continue to avoid contact as much as possible.

Peace, GG

I live in like a townhouse type thing. It is government housing.
Two places joined together and side by side.
Next door is an older lady in her late 60's.
She has lived there for 25 years and I've been here since April.

Over the last few weeks she has taken to having domestics with people on her front porch. From what I understand (have heard) it appears she 'does things for people and they are ungrateful b*****ds who don't appreciate her.' If I had to use one word to describe the situation, I'd say martyr!

This is all fine and good except that she came over here (to my house) at 7.30am this morning and told me she had been cleaning up all the rubbish outside our places and had found a few things she thought where mine. I.e. a scarf etc.. She also told me to come over 'anytime' for a coffee etc..

So none of the stuff is mine, I have no plans to go over for coffee at anytime, but now I am worried she's going to be calling me on to her front porch to tell me what an ungrateful so and so I am for not being thankful she picked up the rubbish. I also wonder if she is a tad crazy, as in manic. You'd think people had better things to do at 7am instead of being out there picking up rubbish! Plus we have a street cleaner who comes most weeks!

Does anyone else have crazy neighbors?
:c029:

The only thing I will tell you about being a neighbor, when I was drinking, was that the police visited me a lot.

Hello All,

Well....how lovely to visit here this afternoon and see that a few of you are wondering if I'm still here!

Guess what? Pull up a chair, grab a cup of tea....I'm about to share the details of my major breakthrough, spiritual awakening, life changing event that I experienced last weekend!

Here we go.......

I'll start with a bit of background:

I was born in Las Vegas. My parents moved the family (mom, dad, and 3 little girls) to Lake Tahoe when I was 2 yrs. old.

I have very fond memories of experiencing the beautiful Tahoe Thunderstorms when I was a child...my Dad always made sure to sit my sisters and I on the front porch and watch, smell and feel the rain.

This is a gift my Dad gave me, the appreciation of rain........

My Dad was an alcoholic. My parents divorced when I was 10. My parents did not discuss what was about to happen, my Dad was just GONE. My mom raised 3 beautiful girls completely on her own.

I hated my Dad. Forever and Always. Even as he lay dying from cancer (in a hospice in Las Vegas), I hated him.

I have suffered a lifetime of headaches and depression, and have never allowed myself to experience true love from a man, or to experience pleasure of any kind.........but this has now changed!


So...fast forward 30+ years, I'm driving to Las Vegas for my business, and have 2 dear friends in the car with me.

I am talking to them about my Dad (they both have heard it all before about my issues with my Dad). One of my friends says "I think it's time to forgive". My instinct is to fight it...but...then...comes....the.....rain!!!!!

Not a drizzle, mind you, but pouring down rain!!!!! So I say "okay, I get it, it is time for me to forgive, to Let Go and Let God". "I Get It". Then the rain stops.

Awww....but not so fast.....I still have work to do. My friend asks me a question, and I'm still fighting to not forgive. Then comes the pouring rain again!!!

Okay, okay. It could not have been made any clearer for me!!!! I have let my anger for my Dad spill over into every relationship with a man I've ever had! I have been in "survival mode" for my entire adult life, and have not been allowing myself to breathe.....I only gave myself shallow breaths, just enough to get by, but not enough to actually live my life to the fullest.

So...for the first time in 30+ years, I am breathing....I am living! I feel lighter, brighter and focused.

I am a changed person, forever!

This helps me tremendously in my recovery!

My AH and I are still headed for divorce, and I did apologize to him for never letting him into my heart (almost unbelievable but very true). I don't believe he really understands the depth of this statement, but I felt I needed to apologize to him.

What matters is that I get it...finally! And I've got it...finally! And there really is no stopping me now!!!!

Thank you all for letting me share this experience, I am so grateful to SR and the amazing people who share their life experiences on here!

Breathe....always.....and forever....

Shivaya

:fireworks2

hi -

Got up this morning, headed out to the front porch...
USUALLY-
I sit in the sun, and let the pain medication start it's work for the day,
Have a cup of coffee, read the 'Daily Meditations For Women' while I wait...
... while looking across Butte and the Continental Divide.

but THIS morning ...
I step out, coffee and Hazledon book in hand...
and the neighbor's abf is yarking off her front porch.
(our porches are barely fifteen feet away from each other)
:yikes: EEEEEEK-a-lah!

*and a good morning to YOU, too, I say!*

So I spun on my heel, and went back inside.
And went to my BACK porch to have my coffee and 'greet the day'.

I picked up the phone and called my neighbor
(mty back porch faces her house across the alley)
and asked her if she was going to a meeting today.
And could I hitch a ride.

I haven't been to a meeting in a month or so ...
and really, I wasn't even aware I was doing it
but I've been 'around' long enough to know there must be a reason.

okfine.

So I go back out to the front porch later in the morning -
figuring the coast was clear, right?

And I step out into the morning sunshine
and witness a very verbal quite abusive eviction
of the woman across the street.
Who is also active in her addiction.

I'm teetering on the reality myself
(possible eviction and all that)
and to witness the thing like that ...
didn't take much to feel the makings of a cave-in, you know?

oh yeah. Need a meeting.

what a coincidence - I've already arranged a ride.
I'm already GOING...

So I go -
it's a good meeting...
a woman there had her week-old baby...
and I'd calmed down and centered before they even read the Promises.
Funny how that is, isn't it?

So anyway, yadda yadda meeting...
get home ...
and people proceed to come visit.
One after the other.

It was so amazing, really.
I was in continual company until about five o'clock
when a friend said I looked tired and they should go.
and it was like the meeting never really broke up.

I told 'em about what had happened in the morning...
I mean, right at my front step were CONSEQUENCES of alcoholism.
man ya-hooing off the front porch
and a woman getting evicted.
WIth much drama volume obscenity and ... drama.

Nothing like a divine reminder that THAT life can be had again ...

It's always only one drink away.

I spent the entire day so very unspeakably grateful
that that is not my life any more.

*pause*
I'm grateful to be sober.
And I'm grateful to be here.


:ghug

Last night I left abf at the bar, then I drove to his house and got the few things I had at his house. I guess I reached my breaking point because all I feel today is anger at him. I told him a long time ago that once I stop crying there's a major problem. Well today there are no tears..just anger. My cell phone is turned off, and when he calls I do not plan on answering the phone. Once the caller ID shows him calling I will go sit on the front porch to help me be strong enough to not answer the phone.

I will put his house key and credit card in the mail and sometime when I know he is not home, I will drop his wheel barrel off at his house. I want no reasons for him to try to come to my house to get anything.

Now it's time for me to take a step back and try to figure out why I allowed myself to accept things I never should have. While I love him with my whole heart, I know for my own peace of mind and sanity I have to :codiepolice.

I don't feel like going anywhere today so I'll probably spend a good part of my day lurking here.

I know in the long run, I'm making the best decision for me, but it's going to take me some time to get over this, yet I know I will.

I`m Tommy and I am a alcoholic.

I read this article and I knew it spoke directly to my heart.The one place we all can surely connect at/with.However,this is not necessarily for newcomers..


Welcome home-it`s good to see you!
the author writes:
I myself will always remember the first time I visited Dr. Bob's house in Akron, Ohio. I walked up the long steps to the front porch and stood at the front door; a young man I had never seen before came to the door and opened it, and simply said quietly, "Welcome home."

I have been at twelve-step meetings where a newcomer stumbled in, weeping and crying, as he choked out his story past his sobs. And finally someone in the group said quietly, "Welcome home." What does that little phrase mean? It means you're O.K. now, you're not lost anymore, you're not going to have to cry that way anymore -- though it's perfectly O.K. to cry -- but you're safe now, and we're going to get you all well again.

Wouldn't it be great to-be-at-home-with-God, where all your tears will be wiped away? To-be-at-home-with-yourself? Simply to-be-at-home-in-the-world, wherever you go?

Because then you can enjoy anything and everything else that's really worth enjoying and appreciating. The theologians stood around outside and talked about God; the desert monks sat inside and dined with God. The twelve-step program is not talk-about God, but a way of living that leads us to being-with God.

One of the most powerful passages in the Big Book is the section called the Twelve Promises:

If we are painstaking about this phase of our development, we will be amazed before we are half way through. We are going to know a new freedom and a new happiness. We will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it. We will comprehend the word serenity and we will know peace. No matter how far down the scale we have gone, we will see how our experience can benefit others. That feeling of uselessness and self-pity will disappear. We will lose interest in selfish things and gain interest in our fellows. Self-seeking will slip away. Our whole attitude and outlook upon life will change. Fear of people and of economic insecurity will leave us. We will intuitively know how to handle situations which used to baffle us. We will suddenly realize that God is doing for us what we could not do for ourselves.

Are these extravagant promises? We think not. [I really think so,but thats just me!]They are being fulfilled among us -- sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly. They will always materialize if we work for them.

As Brooklyn Bob F. says to newcomers who walk into their first A.A. meeting, if this is the way you would really like your life to be, "this is not the best place for you to be, it is the only place for you to be." Why must it necessarily be a completely spiritual program?
Because of the realization that comes in the twelfth promise above: everything else was secondary, for it was only God working secretly within our souls, who -- often without us even being aware of it -- did for us what we could never in a million years have done for ourselves.

Listen to the gentle laughter and look at the smiles on the faces of the good old-timers and hear the simple words with which they greet you when you arrive at their door:

"Welcome home." They are but earthly channels, for it is God himself speaking to you, and telling you that you can lay down your burdens now, for you -- the wandering, lost child -- have come home at last.

Glenn C