Archive for the ‘Fun People’ tag
Disappointed again
I was invited to a day-long Thanksgiving get-together by a friend for the third time now and had a lovely time with fun people. ABF didn't want to be there the entire day, but said he would like to come for dinner. I was happy that we would spend Thanksgiving dinner together, especially since the host is the reason we met two years ago.
I went to pick him up and he was stoned. I let that go. He went to get changed and ready and before we left, he was looking for a lighter to smoke some more pot. He KNOWS I hate it and it was getting later and later. He became angry because he couldn't find a lighter that worked. When he did, I asked him why he is doing this if he knows how I feel about it. He slammed down the pipe and asked me to leave and I did.
I drove back to my friend's place, collected myself, and promised myself to NOT let this ruin my day. When I got back I told them some story (not everyone there needed to know the truth) and had the best Thanksgiving dinner ever - so delicious (and I have left-overs in the fridge, yay!).
I am glad that I was able to enjoy the rest of the evening and these great people's company. I am mad at myself for not leaving my ABF although I can see how is getting worse. This utter disregard for me is shocking. He is not abusive, but most definitely chooses his DOCs over me and I deserve better and he knows I do.
I know I should just end it, but I can't right now. It's just not an option. I am drowning in work and I am visiting my family in two weeks and don't want drama. I just want to withdraw a bit and regroup. I know it will continue if I let it and I feel weak for not putting an end to this right now, but sometimes I am so sick of making decisions and right now I just want to do what I have to do professionally and not deal with it. Kinda of like being in denial until January and not think about what will be. I just want this year to end on a high note because I get my work done.
I am so sick of being disappointed and crying and having to lie. I know what I SHOULD do, but right this moment, all I want to do is whine...:worried:
Still: Happy Thanksgiving! :thank1
I went to pick him up and he was stoned. I let that go. He went to get changed and ready and before we left, he was looking for a lighter to smoke some more pot. He KNOWS I hate it and it was getting later and later. He became angry because he couldn't find a lighter that worked. When he did, I asked him why he is doing this if he knows how I feel about it. He slammed down the pipe and asked me to leave and I did.
I drove back to my friend's place, collected myself, and promised myself to NOT let this ruin my day. When I got back I told them some story (not everyone there needed to know the truth) and had the best Thanksgiving dinner ever - so delicious (and I have left-overs in the fridge, yay!).
I am glad that I was able to enjoy the rest of the evening and these great people's company. I am mad at myself for not leaving my ABF although I can see how is getting worse. This utter disregard for me is shocking. He is not abusive, but most definitely chooses his DOCs over me and I deserve better and he knows I do.
I know I should just end it, but I can't right now. It's just not an option. I am drowning in work and I am visiting my family in two weeks and don't want drama. I just want to withdraw a bit and regroup. I know it will continue if I let it and I feel weak for not putting an end to this right now, but sometimes I am so sick of making decisions and right now I just want to do what I have to do professionally and not deal with it. Kinda of like being in denial until January and not think about what will be. I just want this year to end on a high note because I get my work done.
I am so sick of being disappointed and crying and having to lie. I know what I SHOULD do, but right this moment, all I want to do is whine...:worried:
Still: Happy Thanksgiving! :thank1
