Drug Rehab Options Blog

Hi everybody! I've thought about you all often and it's good to know that this awesome forum is still going and offering help/advice/support to those that need it.

When I first came on here in 2004, it was my xabf and a year of turmoil there. But, through Al Anon and all of you, that relationship ended a long time ago.

It's my son who will be 30yrs old this year...that has the drinking addiction. He got two DUI's back-to-back in 2007 and needed a lawyer. The laws have gotten alot stricter here in CO, as they should be.

I retained a lawyer for him and my as (alcoholic son) just did in house arrest for the month of Dec. for the one DUI and now he's in jail today for a bit for the 2nd one.

The whole time he was on house arrest, he was still drinking. I'd go visit him and see him on the holidays and he was still using. So, house arrest didn't do much for him because he was still "running' while on it.

In jail, he'll have to be sober and also his PO will be taking random breathilizers and putting a device on his vehicle to blow into before driving.

He has HUNDREDS of community service, fines and classes. He has no job, he's gotten fired from each one. He's homeless because everywhere he lived, he didn't pay rent.

On house arrest, he stayed with his Dad and during that time stold his Dad's credit cards and booked flights for his gf's and other things...ran up thousands of $ on his dad's cards. It just seems like his addiction is getting worse and worse, he lies constantly. He's very sensitive to talk to...if one thing is said that he doesn't like...he jumps on you verbally.

He's just filled with pain...his uncle/best friend, died of a cocaine accidental overdose on Christmas 2005 and my son knew his uncle did some drugs, but not to the extent that he was. My AS was the last person with his uncle the night before he died and so my AS has been feeling guilty ever since. He constantly runs and needs people's acceptance.

My fear is for when he gets out of jail....where will he go? What will he do? Will he finally see after years and years of drinking that it's JUST NOT WORTH IT?

I'm scared for him because of the fact that he continues to keep the cycle going.

I ask for your prayers for him...this is gonna take alot to get him to FINALLY hit that bottom and want back up.

Thank you and I hope all of your holidays were blessed!:praying

as i have posted, i have strong suspicions of my gf using heroin, coke, and or crack. how do those drugs affect sex drive? i know that coke can really get your libido going. crack too, but htat only lasts a few minutes. i am asking because she was a freak the other night, not that that was bad, but i cnat tell if it was her or drugs. she said she smoked some good weed at 10pm, but that usually doesnt keep her up and going until 5 am. so i start thinking maybe something else was involved. any thoughts woud be appreciated. thanks

I brought up the drugs with my gf and i got the same story i expected to get. She said she hasn't used in a long time (heroin, crack, coke), that people are blowing it way out of proportion, she woudn't hide anything from me, she is not an addict. but she does need to use weed as a crutch now because of her living situation and that she felt it was like i was hoping to find something.

i had to go out for a few hours and picked her up about 10 or so. she said she had just smoked some really good weed and was realy high. that was all believable. by about 12 she was really turned on. i rarely see her get this way and we basically stayed up till 5:30. it was a great night, but on and off i was thinking how coke really gets the libido going. i thought she miht have seemed too high for it to be just weed. then i thought maybe i am looking for things, but something still didnt feel right. i think i need to tell her i need to know what its like to hang out with her not high at at all- including pot. but the thing is i dont know if i can believe her even then. i want to tell her the only way for me to fully believe is to get her hair tested.

Hi all,

I just discovered this forum about 1 hour ago while I was looking for advice on my situation. I must say this forum looks great, many posters with lots of experience, so I figured I'd post my situation here:

My girlfriend and I have been dating for a year and are in our mid-twenties. We both have jobs and have gone through "College life" where drinking is a daily activity... We are both, today, "normal" or casual drinkers, we don't need to drink everyday (and we don't), we have some wine with dinner from time to time, and go out sometimes on weekends. Ever since I met her (a year ago), I noticed that she has a drinking problem, which I will explain shortly. We have had many, many discussions about it and even she admits she has a drinking problem (vs being an alcoholic, which we researched online, that she doesnt NEED a drink daily) but that she could easily control it and it's no big deal (first red flag for me).

So, here's the situation: When she's drinking alone with me i.e. share a bottle of wine with dinner on the weekend, everything is fine. We will finish off the bottle, usually after her 2nd glass she says she's had enough, after the wine we might have a glass of port, we're both a bit tipsy, life is great and the rest of the evening is perfect. On other occasion, she will not drink, or simply have 1 glass. This is what I consider "normal" drinking... no abuse, just for fun.

The problem is whenever she drinks with friends, either at someone's house or in a club, she can't stop drinking. She will drink as long as there is alcohol, and some of her friends are also really not the best of influences on her. Not only does she get completely wasted, when she gets that drunk she becomes extremely abusive towards me (not physically but verbally) and always tries to pick a fight. If I ignore her, she continues, but if I reply then we argue. Also, if she's drunk and I say "Babe you've had too much to drink, let's go to bed and discuss this tomorrow" she gets extremely angry at me and is even more abusive. These evenings usually end with her passing out on my couch or in bed. Lately she's also been having black outs the next day. The rock bottom was when she was so drunk she got kicked out of a bar... Not only does she drink when other people drink, but I've been in situations where we would be 5 or 6 people casually drinking at a friend's house on a Friday night, and by 10 pm everyone had had 2-3 drinks and was fine, except for her, she was already wasted. She can't seem to "pace" her drinking...

In the year we've been together, I honestly can't recall one time where we had a big argument and she was sober. If she's sober, our relationship is incredible. But every time she gets really drunk, it's a disaster. I have tried filming her, once we're back home and she's abusive, and then showing it to her the next day. She's always embarrassed after a night like that (especially the time I filmed her, or if some of her friends tell her how bad she was), apologizes for hurting and insulting me, says things like "you know I don't mean the things I say when I'm drunk" etc. Fortunately, this doesn't happen every day, although there was a period during the summer where it was once a week, sometimes twice. Normally, it happens once or twice a month (which is still WAY too often...).

Now I know this is not a relationship advice forum, and my question is really more on her drinking. Do you think it can really be just a phase? after all, we're still young. Also, how can you explain that her drinking habits change if she's with me vs with her friends (and I would not consider it peer pressure because no one forces her to drink). Finally, how do you explain the extreme change in personality after too many drinks? Can this change with time, or is she doomed?? Also, I have seen her, although very few times, go out with friends, we have several drinks, nothing in excess, we get back home and everything is fine. I have seen her do it, I know she can do it, which for me adds up to the mystery of why sometimes she has no control...

I know I'm seeking a lot of information, but I've been seriously thinking of ending this relationship. It would be a very easy decision if overall, I wasn't happy with her. But as I previously mentioned, when she's sober (which is most of the time), our relationship is really perfect.

Please let me know what you guys (and girls!) think, it is much appreciated!

It's a bit of a long one sorry,

Back in may my GF began drinking to the point of becoming an A. During the next 6 months she began spending every other night in a local bar staying till it closed. I began to hear some things about her antics there and I decided to attend this bar and see for myself just what was going on.

it turns out that she has been getting guys numbers and going for beers with them etc. but with holding this information from me.

I told her at the time that I wasn't going to tolerate this kind of thing and her drinking was gonna have to stop for me to carry on with our relationship.

So she stops, goes to an addictions counselor etc. Pretty soon she's back at it again, again I tell her this has got to end and it does for a time.

On OCT 31 she blows me off to go to that bar yet again and I end things the next day. A week later she calls and asks me if we could be together if she chooses healthy activities instead of this bar, I reluctantly agree and make plans to take her on a trip to see a band that she has wanted to see forever.

The week before the trip she eases back into drinking again and I see bad things on the horizon. We attend the bar the night before the concert and she seems to be going out of her way to interact with one of the guys who she had been drinking with. I called her on it in front of her drinking buddies. I told her it was making me very uncomfortable and I would feel better if she smoked in a different area than this guy was in. She told me to basically suck it up.

That night she told me to take my ticket and shove it up my ass, she wasn't going. I decided to end things with her at that point, she is now XAGF That was a week ago and I haven't heard from her until tonight.

She called and was freaking out that I left without her and that I was an A myself. So many horrible things she said, she told me to watch my back and that things were in motion for her to pay me back. I told her that none of this would have happened if she wasn't drinking and especially if she hadn't insisted on being around that guy.

She honestly thinks that going out to the bar and sneaking around with some guys from there is perfectly acceptable.


My question is this.

Is she projecting, quacking or what? She tried to turn everything around and make me out to be the bad guy. Is this a normal occurrence when the relationship with an A comes to an end?

I kinda felt bad after talking to her but now after typing this I am alot better.

hey guys, im new to the forums. my gf actually told my bout this site. but anywho, heres my story. it sounds like some of you guys too but heres mine.

my dad drank his whole life. im 22 now. he passed away january 29th of this year. he was 49. i feel like alot of it was my fault, becasue i wasnt strong enough to stand up for my mom and my sis who is younger than i. i went up to him so many nights when he was sitting on the couch and asked him to stop and begging him, and after all the fights he and my mom went through she was always by him, hoping he would quit. then about almost 3 years now. he had leg issues and it was hard for him to walk, so he went to the doctor and they said he needed to stop drinking and stuff and put him on stuff i dont remember.

well fast forward after that and he had a huge stomach from which i understood was from his drinking and something with his kidneys or liver. but after the hospital visit and stuff, he lost so much weight. he was so skinny and had a big stomach, but they drained his stomach of fluids and stuff. well fast forward almost 2 years later. i decided to join the army. so i left in august of 2007. i came home december 17th for christmas. and i changed so much. i felt like me and my dad were finally getting along and making a relationship i longed for my whole life. its like i was a man and he knew it. and he was so proud of me. and we were finally getting things the way we wanted for so long.

well some january 4th i left back to ait. and around the 27th, i get a call saying from my sis that hes in the hospital again. and i didnt think much of it since he was in and out of the hospital, but i talked to him later that night and he said his stomach was hurting so they put him on morphine so he could sleep. and i told him i loved him and would call him the next night. so the next day comes by and i didnt call him. i thought about it but never did, and the next day around 11am i get a text saying that my dad is dying from my sis so i fly home at 10pm that night and hes laying in the hospital. i break down and just cant believe it.

soi stay for a little bit and they ask us if we want to try to resistate him if his heart stops but we said no just let him go in peace. so i left becasue it was to much and my sis and mom stayed behind. around 330am i get the call he passed away.

ever since then i feel like a part of me has died. i met my gf on december 28th and we were so fine and good. i was so happy and confident and now ever since. i have been a rollercoaster of emotions. ranging from wanting to kill myself to just being plane out mean and just ups and downs. i feel like the more and more time goes by im getting more numb. i lost my grandma on my moms side in march and my other grandma this past weekend. i just dont know what else to do sometimes.

but i just wanted everyone to know my story if anyone else can relate. i have more to write but dont wanna drag on.

Tony.

for 7 days. I have severe OCD and anxiety which is usually what brings me back to using along with not being able to deal with negative emotions. This time around I went to the state funded mental health clinic for meds and counseling. I started meds the same day I stopped drinking and smoking pot. I'm a bit frustrated because at this point I usually feel sober and clear headed, but due to the meds, I don't really feel straight. I know from past experience that this feeling will eventually subside, but patience has never been one of my strengths.

Another issue I'm having a hard time dealing with is the fact that I am not working. With my OCD and anxiety problems, I have a hard time finding work that I can do, and in the very small town I'm living in, there isn't a lot of work, even when the economy is good. I had a job here for about a month, but couldn't handle it. I quit before I was let go. It's about a 45 minute commute to Spokane, where I could probably find something I could do within my limitations, but I have an old car that needs work, and being so far away from a job causes anxiety all by itself. In the past, I have always had a part-time job or two at any given time to get me by and atleast pay my half of the living expenses. For the last couple of months, my gf of 5 years has been paying almost all of our living expenses, working extra hours to do so. About 2 weeks ago, I applied for state disability benefits, and have an interview with them this comming Wednesday. It's not much, but atleast I will be able to contribute something towards our food and monthly bills. I'm hoping that fairly soon, I will be able to get back on my feet enough to work part-time, to supplement my disability payments, if the state allows me to do that. Being allowed to work while on disablilty seems to be a grey area. As much time as I spend online, I wish I could find some work I could do from home that is legitimate, even if it doesn't pay very well.

Also, this town only has one AA meeting a week that really doesn't get much attendance, so face to faces support also means a commute. And I'm really not an AA person as it is. I am going to try some online SMART meetings using voice chat, and LifeRing as well. In addition, I am going to try to organize a support group in town for those who have addiction and mental health issues, which according to my counselor includes the vast majority of their clients.

As always, thank you all for your support and suggestions. :)

DK

Every time I think I've found the lowest I could possibly go, life surprises me with yet another slide straight into hell, with no one to thank but myself.

This time, I was about 2 weeks into sobriety. Peer pressure overcame my decent judgment though and I decided it might be ok to have a beer. This kicked off a 4-day drinking and drug binge. My companion through this 4-day binge insists he will pay me back, and I believe him. He has always kept his word about paying me back. However, he's never owed me $2000 before and he's even more broke than I am so I'm just going to have to figure out how to pay for this one on my own, until he can pay me back. I'm sure my credit card already loves the interest payments.

Now, what have drinking and drugs done for me?

The thing is, if it were anyone else I could have easily said no. Every time I do something that I know is a bad idea, this guy is involved. I fell for him ages ago-- perhaps a year-and-a-half ago-- but we've always kept it "just friends" because he has a girlfriend (though she lives about 120 miles away). And we didn't start out this way, we were good friends, we did fun stuff together-- movies, concerts, etc- studied together for our classes, and generally stayed out of trouble and worked hard in school. Then we started drinking a bit and everything has spiraled down hill. Neither of us can stop drinking, he's engaged to his gf and they have a baby but whenever he gets drunk he tries to kiss me and hugs me and tells me he's in love with me but he wants to be in his daughter's life and can't call off the engagement at this point-- I don't know if he means it or he's being manipulative or he's just drunk. I'm heartbroken because I really did fall for him-- first guy I've ever been in love with-- and it kills me that we can only be friends so I drink all the time to forget about it.

And I KNOW that he's not good for me, because he's got so much power over me that I drink and do drugs with him even though I know I shouldn't, and don't even want to. I know I'd be better off without him in my life at all. When neither of us are drunk we're awesome friends, we have so much fun just watching movies or hanging out and we're supportive of each other and we are good influences on each other. And then we get around alcohol and we both become idiots; he wants to do this crap, and either puts a lot of pressure on me or sweet-talks me into it, and I give in every time.

Now all I seem to do is drink and cry. I hate my life, I can barely pay my bills, and I'm miserable from the time I get up until the time I either start drinking or crawl into bed. I want to be over him; I want to be the person I used to be before I started drinking, back when I liked myself.

I'm curious - I'm newly out of a relationship (I'm pretty confident in saying even though it hasn't been 24 hours) with an addicted GF. We had only been "dating" for around 4 months or so.

Should I attend an Alanon or Naranon meeting still? My thinking is, it couldn't hurt - but, never having attended any of their meetings - I wonder if it's something I really should or need to do - especially if I don't have any intentions of getting back involved with her (unless she makes herself into a treatment facility).

Suggestions / Thoughts? Thank you!

I have a question for those that reside here in the newcomers area. I myself will be in the friends and family section but I think I may get a better answer here.

My GF of 15 months has been drinking more and more lately along the lines of a stupor every other night, although she recently admitted she could do this every night. We have had many talks about this and I did all the wrong things until recently.

She got wasted last Sat night and we ended up in yet another argument but this one was different, I stopped with the begging and pleading, I just walked away as I knew she had to fix herself for herself.

Sun night she came to me tearfully and told me she wanted to stop drinking and try to become healthy again. We talked very frankly about how hard this is on me now and that it hurts her to hurt me.

Long story short is that last Sat was her last drink, she is on day 5 and I am very proud of her. I am looking for some insight as to when or if she is going to have a time ie: day 7 or day 13 that is going to be harder than the rest. What can I do to help her through this? I told her that if she is going to quit I will not have any alcohol either (I was never much more than a few beers on sat night guy)

I have seen her struggle in the evenings and have left her alone unless she approaches me, this would be the best thing wouldn't it?

Thanks for your words on this in advance.