Archive for the ‘Gig’ tag
One day at a time, please!
Hi Family,
I was all stressed out today about my bills. About a third of my income is generated by contract overtime work, which I now have to line up, a gig at a time. My regular gig, which met most of my overtime needs recently dried up. The federal funds to staff it are discontinued.
So I had to find some new gigs. This really freaked me out, because I like to know where my money is coming from well ahead of time, and now I can't know. I have to work it out by making calls, monitoring the e-mails, and talking to people about available gigs (I have a hard time with talking with folks).
This was stressing me out today, but I did say my morning Serenity prayer anyway. And midway through the day some work friends called and offered me more than enough overtime hours for the next week. That was a blessing, but I didn't let it make me feel all the way better, because I was thinking "What about the week after that? What if there isn't any overtime for that next week, or the one after?"
In the midst of that mental stress and confusion, I went to a meeting, Serenity at Seven, a good title for my state of mind, I thought. The speaker was a real peaceful dude who used to be a hippy and has been clean for about 22 years. He spoke at length about God meeting our needs, turning problems that we have no control over to God, praying, and letting go. It was just what I needed to hear.
I exhaled after the last prayer of the meeting when I was standing in the circle, and all the stress just left my body. Amazing. The dude came up and asked if I had a good Thanksgiving. I began to whine "I wasn't off. I had to work.." He said quietly "Did you get high? No? Did you get enough to eat? You did? Well you had a good day then, didn't you?" Kind of brought it all back into perspective for me.
I'll keep coming back.:candle6D:
Just for today, working on gratitude,
KJ
I was all stressed out today about my bills. About a third of my income is generated by contract overtime work, which I now have to line up, a gig at a time. My regular gig, which met most of my overtime needs recently dried up. The federal funds to staff it are discontinued.
So I had to find some new gigs. This really freaked me out, because I like to know where my money is coming from well ahead of time, and now I can't know. I have to work it out by making calls, monitoring the e-mails, and talking to people about available gigs (I have a hard time with talking with folks).
This was stressing me out today, but I did say my morning Serenity prayer anyway. And midway through the day some work friends called and offered me more than enough overtime hours for the next week. That was a blessing, but I didn't let it make me feel all the way better, because I was thinking "What about the week after that? What if there isn't any overtime for that next week, or the one after?"
In the midst of that mental stress and confusion, I went to a meeting, Serenity at Seven, a good title for my state of mind, I thought. The speaker was a real peaceful dude who used to be a hippy and has been clean for about 22 years. He spoke at length about God meeting our needs, turning problems that we have no control over to God, praying, and letting go. It was just what I needed to hear.
I exhaled after the last prayer of the meeting when I was standing in the circle, and all the stress just left my body. Amazing. The dude came up and asked if I had a good Thanksgiving. I began to whine "I wasn't off. I had to work.." He said quietly "Did you get high? No? Did you get enough to eat? You did? Well you had a good day then, didn't you?" Kind of brought it all back into perspective for me.
I'll keep coming back.:candle6D:
Just for today, working on gratitude,
KJ
Judgment, craziness, and sick people
I have another stupid story to tell from the rooms. I am truly getting tired of all the BS, let me tell you. I have to say "take what I need and leave the rest" over and over in my head lately.
Anyway, so today I finally get a call back from my sponsor who has been MIA this week on vacation to visit her sponsor in another country.
She tells me that after talking it over with her sponsor (I knew that was going to cause trouble, because her sponsor doesn't know me or my life), she feels that I really have to start going to more meetings (I'm very busy at work now and am making 3 a week), that I won't get any better with my current schedule and that I must find a way to scale back my life to make "90 in 90." But I don't feel the need or desire to do that.
I explained to her that isn't doable due to my bills. I have a kid in college, a mortgage, two cars for us, a younger child, and all the regular bills that go along with all that. I asked her what she would have me cut back on. I mean, I told her, it's not like I'm buying new shoes, or taking any vacations even. I'm only 5 years from retirement at my current job, so a change in career isn't feasible now. And we're in a recession. Many of us, including me, are just scraping by, with the costs going up, but salaries staying the same.
She told me that she did it, so so could I. She says she went to 3 meetings a day when new. I pointed out the differences in our lifestyles. She is still living w/mom and dad, has no car, a part-time gig that she isn't committed to, and comes from money. I explained to her, that even if I wanted to, I wouldn't be able to live the way she does.
She told me that I will end up picking up if I don't do it her way. But I'm doing pretty well. I have 6 months, and I just spoke at a meeting for the first time. I really was feeling stronger lately.
I pointed that out and then she really got on my case about my service commitment to my home group; a reading. I selected that service because I'm a shift worker who can only make 1/2 the meetings (I'm on night shift 1/2 the time). My home group knew that when I signed up. So that didn't seem to be a problem then, someone could read the reading on the days I couldn't be there. It wasn't that big of a deal. But she said she wanted me to "resign the commitment" although there isn't anyone else who wants it. And I'm a good reader. Really good at that. Seriously, people say they love to hear me read. Sounds stupid, but they do say that at my home group. So I liked that job. It made me feel like I finally belonged somewhere.
At first, she made me feel really bad. And finally I just snapped. I went off. I told her "You can take that service commitment, and your home group, and you can get f'd." Then I hung up. I'm so mad. I'm so frustrated. It's my home group too. I don't know anymore. I just don't know if I want to belong to any of it right now. I'm so tired of non-constructive criticism from people who don't seem to know anything about how to live a balanced life in recovery. Or even how to help me work the steps. Or even how to be happy.
So once again, no sponsor, no prospects. Alone again. So sick of it.
KJ
Anyway, so today I finally get a call back from my sponsor who has been MIA this week on vacation to visit her sponsor in another country.
She tells me that after talking it over with her sponsor (I knew that was going to cause trouble, because her sponsor doesn't know me or my life), she feels that I really have to start going to more meetings (I'm very busy at work now and am making 3 a week), that I won't get any better with my current schedule and that I must find a way to scale back my life to make "90 in 90." But I don't feel the need or desire to do that.
I explained to her that isn't doable due to my bills. I have a kid in college, a mortgage, two cars for us, a younger child, and all the regular bills that go along with all that. I asked her what she would have me cut back on. I mean, I told her, it's not like I'm buying new shoes, or taking any vacations even. I'm only 5 years from retirement at my current job, so a change in career isn't feasible now. And we're in a recession. Many of us, including me, are just scraping by, with the costs going up, but salaries staying the same.
She told me that she did it, so so could I. She says she went to 3 meetings a day when new. I pointed out the differences in our lifestyles. She is still living w/mom and dad, has no car, a part-time gig that she isn't committed to, and comes from money. I explained to her, that even if I wanted to, I wouldn't be able to live the way she does.
She told me that I will end up picking up if I don't do it her way. But I'm doing pretty well. I have 6 months, and I just spoke at a meeting for the first time. I really was feeling stronger lately.
I pointed that out and then she really got on my case about my service commitment to my home group; a reading. I selected that service because I'm a shift worker who can only make 1/2 the meetings (I'm on night shift 1/2 the time). My home group knew that when I signed up. So that didn't seem to be a problem then, someone could read the reading on the days I couldn't be there. It wasn't that big of a deal. But she said she wanted me to "resign the commitment" although there isn't anyone else who wants it. And I'm a good reader. Really good at that. Seriously, people say they love to hear me read. Sounds stupid, but they do say that at my home group. So I liked that job. It made me feel like I finally belonged somewhere.
At first, she made me feel really bad. And finally I just snapped. I went off. I told her "You can take that service commitment, and your home group, and you can get f'd." Then I hung up. I'm so mad. I'm so frustrated. It's my home group too. I don't know anymore. I just don't know if I want to belong to any of it right now. I'm so tired of non-constructive criticism from people who don't seem to know anything about how to live a balanced life in recovery. Or even how to help me work the steps. Or even how to be happy.
So once again, no sponsor, no prospects. Alone again. So sick of it.
KJ
