Archive for the ‘Hp’ tag
tick tock
Hi Ladies,
This Christmas I'm home with my family. I'm single and 30 and my parents made a couple comments about it, although I asked them not to. It wouldn't bother me if this is what I wanted, but, truthfully, I'd give anything to have a family of my own.
Believe me, I've taken advantage of being single and childless, graduate coursework, living abroad and in New York, running marathongs, etc. But the past six years I've wished I could meet someone to settle down and have kids with. Basically I'm tired of waiting and not doing great in the "trusting that my HP knows what's best for me" department.
Part of me just wants to give up. I know 30 is relatively young, but I feel like I've been waiting for so long and working so hard for something that happens as if by accident to women around me. I make it a point to be grateful for the blessings my HP has bestowed on me and most days I am. Just today, after my parents pointing out I don't have kids and being around my adorable nieces, I'm not happy for what I have. Usually I am, but not today.
I just want to have a family of my own. I've tried other ways to give my maternal nature an outlet by volunteering, being of service in AA, and babysitting, but just today I feel like I'm tired of waiting, I'm jealous of women I see with babies and husbands, and am tired of staying positive and trusting that God has a reason for this.
Anyway, thanks for letting me vent. I am usually more grateful and typically love the holidays, but today my ovaries are crying.
Virginia
This Christmas I'm home with my family. I'm single and 30 and my parents made a couple comments about it, although I asked them not to. It wouldn't bother me if this is what I wanted, but, truthfully, I'd give anything to have a family of my own.
Believe me, I've taken advantage of being single and childless, graduate coursework, living abroad and in New York, running marathongs, etc. But the past six years I've wished I could meet someone to settle down and have kids with. Basically I'm tired of waiting and not doing great in the "trusting that my HP knows what's best for me" department.
Part of me just wants to give up. I know 30 is relatively young, but I feel like I've been waiting for so long and working so hard for something that happens as if by accident to women around me. I make it a point to be grateful for the blessings my HP has bestowed on me and most days I am. Just today, after my parents pointing out I don't have kids and being around my adorable nieces, I'm not happy for what I have. Usually I am, but not today.
I just want to have a family of my own. I've tried other ways to give my maternal nature an outlet by volunteering, being of service in AA, and babysitting, but just today I feel like I'm tired of waiting, I'm jealous of women I see with babies and husbands, and am tired of staying positive and trusting that God has a reason for this.
Anyway, thanks for letting me vent. I am usually more grateful and typically love the holidays, but today my ovaries are crying.
Virginia
Divorce Hearing …
The continuing saga of my divorce came to an end today. It was a very un-dramatic end to an almost year of anger, frustration . . . and recovery. The OLD me would have been worried and nervous. There was a fair amount of anger and frustration; as even 5 minutes before we went into the courtroom we had to haggle over a $500 item. I admit that the Ex and his attorney pushed my buttons . . . . BUT, it is the LAST time I will get drawin into argue with him (about money anyway). It is done!
What I notice more is this new feeling inside me. It didn't start today, but a few days ago. I'm not sure what it is, but I know what it is not. It is not worry, it is not desperation, it is not self-pity, it is not sadness, it is not even anger. Is it serenity? When I was married and even in the year we have been separated I have felt very lonely. Advice that is given on this board (and elsewhere) is often to "call a friend". And I would think -- easy for you to say, but WHO. I couldn't think of a single person I would be comfortable calling, I would just be a bother. All I have to talk about is problems; and who wants to hear me talk about my problems.
Today, I had calls from several friends wondering how the hearing went. I called a couple other people after, just because I felt like picking up the phone and talking to them. They seemed glad to hear from me -- and I didn't just talk about my problems. Wow, I don't remember feeling like this for years. Comfortable in my own skin; confident in relating to other people, able to BE a friend to others.
That's what living with an alcoholic took away from me. I no longer dread the weekend and feel a need to force plans just so I have something to do. Finally a feeling of peace the I CAN trust my HP. I have been lucky that I have not had to worry about my health, or money, or having a job or a place to live or food to eat. But I never really thought that my HP would truly provide me with friends. I know now that I could pick up the phone and connect with any number of people, and knowing that makes me finally feel comfortable being alone.
What I notice more is this new feeling inside me. It didn't start today, but a few days ago. I'm not sure what it is, but I know what it is not. It is not worry, it is not desperation, it is not self-pity, it is not sadness, it is not even anger. Is it serenity? When I was married and even in the year we have been separated I have felt very lonely. Advice that is given on this board (and elsewhere) is often to "call a friend". And I would think -- easy for you to say, but WHO. I couldn't think of a single person I would be comfortable calling, I would just be a bother. All I have to talk about is problems; and who wants to hear me talk about my problems.
Today, I had calls from several friends wondering how the hearing went. I called a couple other people after, just because I felt like picking up the phone and talking to them. They seemed glad to hear from me -- and I didn't just talk about my problems. Wow, I don't remember feeling like this for years. Comfortable in my own skin; confident in relating to other people, able to BE a friend to others.
That's what living with an alcoholic took away from me. I no longer dread the weekend and feel a need to force plans just so I have something to do. Finally a feeling of peace the I CAN trust my HP. I have been lucky that I have not had to worry about my health, or money, or having a job or a place to live or food to eat. But I never really thought that my HP would truly provide me with friends. I know now that I could pick up the phone and connect with any number of people, and knowing that makes me finally feel comfortable being alone.
I turn my will and my life…..
At some point and time I set a boundary that I felt confident was the right thing to do.
On a Tuesday I had suspicion that the boundary was broken.
By Wednesday I was sure that it was. On the way to work I prayed and I gave up....I felt a need to turn my life over to my HP....I knew I could no longer handle things the way I had been. I needed help -- a hard thing to admit for someone as stubborn as I am.
By Thursday I was angry at myself for failing to follow through with my promise to myself.
On Friday I had the phone thrown at me because I wouldn't drive him to get more pills. He missed. Having already experienced the insanity of an abusive relationship, I knew right then and there that something had to change. As I drove towards the freeway I had the choice to turn left or right --left meant waiting until he passed out and I could go home and right meaning I had to ask for help and spend the night on a couch -- I turned right.
My mom hugged me let me cry on her shoulder and sleep on her couch. Later, my dad did not lecture like I was afraid he would. Instead, he offered understanding and a place to stay as long as I need it. I even admitted some things to coworkers. They took me out dancing.
This all happened in November. AH is back in the house and I know I need to remain strong. Rehab and meetings are good for him, but for me, I need more.
Things are harder this year than ever before; the future is uncertain. I am pretty much broke, behind on everything, and without xmas tree and presents.
Yet.........I feel good. I feel that I am on my way towards a better future -- whatever that may mean. I don't know where I am going....but I know that I am on my way.
What can I say, I've always been a slow learner.
So, tonight, I am thankful for friends on SR (and alanon) who have helped by listening, sharing ES&H, and providing support.
Merry Christmas............Love, Rica
:Xmasmca
On a Tuesday I had suspicion that the boundary was broken.
By Wednesday I was sure that it was. On the way to work I prayed and I gave up....I felt a need to turn my life over to my HP....I knew I could no longer handle things the way I had been. I needed help -- a hard thing to admit for someone as stubborn as I am.
By Thursday I was angry at myself for failing to follow through with my promise to myself.
On Friday I had the phone thrown at me because I wouldn't drive him to get more pills. He missed. Having already experienced the insanity of an abusive relationship, I knew right then and there that something had to change. As I drove towards the freeway I had the choice to turn left or right --left meant waiting until he passed out and I could go home and right meaning I had to ask for help and spend the night on a couch -- I turned right.
My mom hugged me let me cry on her shoulder and sleep on her couch. Later, my dad did not lecture like I was afraid he would. Instead, he offered understanding and a place to stay as long as I need it. I even admitted some things to coworkers. They took me out dancing.
This all happened in November. AH is back in the house and I know I need to remain strong. Rehab and meetings are good for him, but for me, I need more.
Things are harder this year than ever before; the future is uncertain. I am pretty much broke, behind on everything, and without xmas tree and presents.
Yet.........I feel good. I feel that I am on my way towards a better future -- whatever that may mean. I don't know where I am going....but I know that I am on my way.
What can I say, I've always been a slow learner.
So, tonight, I am thankful for friends on SR (and alanon) who have helped by listening, sharing ES&H, and providing support.
Merry Christmas............Love, Rica
:Xmasmca
TOPIC: Biker Engagement. Wedding. Grand Canyon???
Hello Bikers in Recovery.
By the grace of my HP and people
like you here in SR I havent found
it necessary to take a drink of
alcoholic since 8-11-90.
For that and you I am truely
grateful.
Good news bikers.....Im Engaged as
of December 12th to a wonderful
man whom my HP placed in my life.
We have been dating since Sept. 22
of last year and enjoying life one
day at a time with help and guidance
from the Man upstairs.
Both of us also practice the principles
of our 12 step program of AA and
living happy joyous and free riding
our Harleys. :)
This afternoon my fiance' took me to
his family for a Christmas get together
and introduce me to them. He also
shared with them of our engagement.
As of today we discussed of possibly
getting married in the Grand Canyon.
When we first met, we both talked
about seeing the Grand Canyon
together sometime down the road.
And now it looks like that would be
an awesome place to get married.
Whatcha think?
Since we both have past marriages,
we both want to keep this one simple
yet very meaningful since we both
r in recovery and have a new out-
look on life.
Grand Canyon....Ive been there yrs
ago with my little family and remember
how Awesome it looked yet i couldnt
enjoy it because of my chemical
imbalance unaddressed.
Today with my imbalance under
control Im now ready to experience
that spectacular sight once again
with the man my HP blessed me with.
Now....since both of us got married
the traditional way the first time in
a church.....we'd like to do this
marriage different.....by the Justice
of the Peace.
This is about as far as we've gotten.
If you have any suggestions of
what to do next, or how you'd
experience this situation if u were
in our shoes, id so much appreciate
your thoughts.
Thanks for letting me share.
By the grace of my HP and people
like you here in SR I havent found
it necessary to take a drink of
alcoholic since 8-11-90.
For that and you I am truely
grateful.
Good news bikers.....Im Engaged as
of December 12th to a wonderful
man whom my HP placed in my life.
We have been dating since Sept. 22
of last year and enjoying life one
day at a time with help and guidance
from the Man upstairs.
Both of us also practice the principles
of our 12 step program of AA and
living happy joyous and free riding
our Harleys. :)
This afternoon my fiance' took me to
his family for a Christmas get together
and introduce me to them. He also
shared with them of our engagement.
As of today we discussed of possibly
getting married in the Grand Canyon.
When we first met, we both talked
about seeing the Grand Canyon
together sometime down the road.
And now it looks like that would be
an awesome place to get married.
Whatcha think?
Since we both have past marriages,
we both want to keep this one simple
yet very meaningful since we both
r in recovery and have a new out-
look on life.
Grand Canyon....Ive been there yrs
ago with my little family and remember
how Awesome it looked yet i couldnt
enjoy it because of my chemical
imbalance unaddressed.
Today with my imbalance under
control Im now ready to experience
that spectacular sight once again
with the man my HP blessed me with.
Now....since both of us got married
the traditional way the first time in
a church.....we'd like to do this
marriage different.....by the Justice
of the Peace.
This is about as far as we've gotten.
If you have any suggestions of
what to do next, or how you'd
experience this situation if u were
in our shoes, id so much appreciate
your thoughts.
Thanks for letting me share.
A Higher Power
I don't know who/what my Higher Power is. I don't know if it's other people in recovery, a Christian God, Buddha ... I seem to be unable or unwilling to accept a Higher Power into my life. This is causing me considerable distress.
I am going through a tremendous difficulty in my personal life. Very briefly, I thought about taking some pills or drinking. Finally, though, I have reached that place in sobriety where I can see, quite clearly, how catastrophic things would be if I picked up. And yet, I am in such emotional pain right now that I am quite numb.
Tonight, I took a break from shovelling my driveway and propped myself up against a snowbank. It's very cold out, but I was quite warm from having exerted myself. I turned my face to the night sky, and thought about God, and wondered if he was out there somewhere.
I believe that it's unimportant WHAT one's Higher Power is, only that one has something greater than oneself to turn to. And this is where I seem to be stuck. Never mind not having an idea of what it is, but unable to accept myself for being at this junction.
I found myself very alone and depressed this weekend. I called my sponsor and she revealed that she had been in a similar place, but that she took time out to rest, and to have faith in her HP; to allow herself to be comforted. Where I had been isolating, numbing out, and hating myself, she was asking a HP to comfort her.
And so, at those times when I am unwilling to pick up the phone and ask for help, I wish that I had comfort from something that I believed in. But I don't believe in anything; at least, this seems to be the case. I need a Higher Power. Can I borrow yours?
I am going through a tremendous difficulty in my personal life. Very briefly, I thought about taking some pills or drinking. Finally, though, I have reached that place in sobriety where I can see, quite clearly, how catastrophic things would be if I picked up. And yet, I am in such emotional pain right now that I am quite numb.
Tonight, I took a break from shovelling my driveway and propped myself up against a snowbank. It's very cold out, but I was quite warm from having exerted myself. I turned my face to the night sky, and thought about God, and wondered if he was out there somewhere.
I believe that it's unimportant WHAT one's Higher Power is, only that one has something greater than oneself to turn to. And this is where I seem to be stuck. Never mind not having an idea of what it is, but unable to accept myself for being at this junction.
I found myself very alone and depressed this weekend. I called my sponsor and she revealed that she had been in a similar place, but that she took time out to rest, and to have faith in her HP; to allow herself to be comforted. Where I had been isolating, numbing out, and hating myself, she was asking a HP to comfort her.
And so, at those times when I am unwilling to pick up the phone and ask for help, I wish that I had comfort from something that I believed in. But I don't believe in anything; at least, this seems to be the case. I need a Higher Power. Can I borrow yours?
Recovering…One Moment at a Time
I've attending a couple of meetings in the last week that have provided me with an understanding of keep coming back, it works if you work it, and you are worth it. That statement hit me all of a sudden this morning and gave me a sudden lightning bolt of enlightenment. I walked out of a meeting this morning and for the first time, truly felt like I am on the path to recovery that my HP wants me to take.....and it felt good. My path to recovery is trying, gut wrenching, scary, emotionally draining, and overwhelming at times, but I am so grateful for it! For the first time last night in an Al-Anon meeting I was able to say.....I'm grateful for my relationship with the alcoholic that was in my life, because it was that relationship that got me to realize that my life was unmanageable, insane, and I wanted a better life for myself. I haven't been able to say that in the past and truly mean it, but I can now. Thanks for letting me share yet another one of my "aha moments" with all of you!
BIRTHDAY pity PARTY
Not too big of a pity party but tomorrow is my 40th birthday and I am feeling pretty freaked out about it. I'm letting a number freak me out.
It feels silly but it is bothering me for some reason. I never cared before about how old I am.
Now I keep thinking that I SHOULD be somewhere else. I SHOULD have more, things SHOULD be different. But they are what they are and I wish I could believe that there is HP watching out for me and leading me somewhere but I have a really hard time with that concept too.
...Anyway.. I SHOULD be glad I'm not going to have to work on my birthday right?
It feels silly but it is bothering me for some reason. I never cared before about how old I am.
Now I keep thinking that I SHOULD be somewhere else. I SHOULD have more, things SHOULD be different. But they are what they are and I wish I could believe that there is HP watching out for me and leading me somewhere but I have a really hard time with that concept too.
...Anyway.. I SHOULD be glad I'm not going to have to work on my birthday right?
A little more hopeful
My niece has been in the workhouse for about 3 months. I posted that when she first got there she was delusional (really!)
She seems to be doing a little better. So for any that are curious, it seems to have taken about 4 months total for the meth psychosis to abate.
I now understand why the psychiatist at the workhouse did not want to prescribe meds for a while.
So, she's got another 4-1/2 months. I'm hoping she'll be ready for rehab when her time is done. She is reading, going to bible study and has a mentor. She is more respectful and has stopped insisting that she didn't get justice.
The only downer from my perspective is that the nitwit druggy boyfriend is still in the picture, but I'm turning him over to my HP. He has no job, no money, no car, suspended licence, is being sued by his ex for child support and is about to be evicted, so I'm not too worried. He can't visit her often because he getting around on a bike (in MN winter!).
Thanks for all your support along the way. Happy Holidays to all!
She seems to be doing a little better. So for any that are curious, it seems to have taken about 4 months total for the meth psychosis to abate.
I now understand why the psychiatist at the workhouse did not want to prescribe meds for a while.
So, she's got another 4-1/2 months. I'm hoping she'll be ready for rehab when her time is done. She is reading, going to bible study and has a mentor. She is more respectful and has stopped insisting that she didn't get justice.
The only downer from my perspective is that the nitwit druggy boyfriend is still in the picture, but I'm turning him over to my HP. He has no job, no money, no car, suspended licence, is being sued by his ex for child support and is about to be evicted, so I'm not too worried. He can't visit her often because he getting around on a bike (in MN winter!).
Thanks for all your support along the way. Happy Holidays to all!
Just here
Hi all
Haven't felt like talking much about how i've been feeling, hence the reason why i haven't been around latley. Having great difficulty in not allowing others control over me at the moment and really struggling with the best way to deal with it. As its family it's really hard to walk away which is what i do normally when things are not working for me. I'm getting to meetings but not really interacting as i'm sick and fed up of being sick and fed up. Hell listen to me, i sound so full of self pity but i know this to shall pass and just signing in here has been a positive thing. Work is horrendous at the moment, theres so much food around the department i'm working in (All my triggers food of course) and i get a little fed up with being the only person not joining in but thats what i need to do to stay sane, or at least not add to the insane thinking i have around my family by picking up excess food. I no i need to put pen to paper and i'm hoping to do that when i finish work for the holidays, but this time of year everythings a little manic and i'm not managing to have much me time. Anyhow on a positive note my food is great, i may be having a rough time emotionally but HP is still guiding me when it comes to my food choices and i have remained abstinent around the chaos. I trust HP totally and know that i am exactly where i am meant to be for today and the answers to my problems will come in his time and not mine.
:Xmaspstar
Haven't felt like talking much about how i've been feeling, hence the reason why i haven't been around latley. Having great difficulty in not allowing others control over me at the moment and really struggling with the best way to deal with it. As its family it's really hard to walk away which is what i do normally when things are not working for me. I'm getting to meetings but not really interacting as i'm sick and fed up of being sick and fed up. Hell listen to me, i sound so full of self pity but i know this to shall pass and just signing in here has been a positive thing. Work is horrendous at the moment, theres so much food around the department i'm working in (All my triggers food of course) and i get a little fed up with being the only person not joining in but thats what i need to do to stay sane, or at least not add to the insane thinking i have around my family by picking up excess food. I no i need to put pen to paper and i'm hoping to do that when i finish work for the holidays, but this time of year everythings a little manic and i'm not managing to have much me time. Anyhow on a positive note my food is great, i may be having a rough time emotionally but HP is still guiding me when it comes to my food choices and i have remained abstinent around the chaos. I trust HP totally and know that i am exactly where i am meant to be for today and the answers to my problems will come in his time and not mine.
:Xmaspstar
TOPIC: No Work. Chillin. Empty Void. Guilt.
Hi Bikers in Recovery.
Im Sharon and Im an Alcoholic.
By the grace of my HP and people
like you here in SR I havent found
it necessary to pick up a drink of
alcohol since 8-11-90.
For that and you I am truely grateful.
Im not really sure what to write
about today. Im kinda at a lost.
Feelings of guilt because im not
working.
I do know that when I come here to
share my experiences, strengths
hopes with u guys I feel better.
So here I am. :)
This past Tues. my bosses at the
bakery where I worked decided to
let me go. Why u ask. Well, they
gave this young girl the authority
or position as manager in charge
of the front end customer service.
As much as I didnt mind working
with her for the most part, she let
this position go to her head.
She chose her position over a friend.
and thus caused conflict between
us.
A little peep squeak who ran to the
office numerous times because
she couldnt control me eventually
esculated and eventually lead me
out the door.
The owners of this so called well
known bakery ambrosiabakery.com
have had lots of turnovers with
employees because of poor manage-
ment. Its so sad but so true.
This a a beautiful bakery and yet
so ugly in management.
They chose to hire low income
employees with various problems
and then complain why no one
cares. Problems all over the place.
I have to think in a humble way
because i could get cocky and
think im so much better than them.
However look at me...im an alcoholic.
Im not gonna lie, but i did bring some
class to this lovely bakery. I learned
how to dress and look nice from
my mom who retired as a cosmetician
working in several nice dept. stores.
I like to look nice esp. when u r the
first person customers see when they
walk in. However this is not important
to most.
Because of how i carried myself and
dressed, i think it intimidated many
even tho they complimented me often.
Maybe they felt threatened by me...
for what, ill never know. I surely
didnt want to be in charge. Just
a team player....an indian and
not a chief as so many wanted
to be.
I guess ud think working in a bakery
u wouldnt have to look nice....and
really u dont because its not the
cleanliest job. Esp. the people behind
the scene. The front end however
is extremely elegant. and if it were
my place id have lovely people to
compliment the business.
Anyway.....here i am 2 days not working
and i feel guilty just sitting here and not
working.
Ok, let me back up just a tad....good
news....I am engaged as of last Friday.
Yes.....
My HP blessed me with a very nice man
whom is also in recovery. We both have a
love and passion of Harley Bikes in which
i ride with him.
Ones a Custom Sportster 1200 and another
Classic Road King where we just added a trike
kit to it. Both a work in progress to accomidate
us on long fun safety riding.
With this wonderful blessing upon us we
place our faith and program before us to
guide us each step of the way.
Dec. 15 I turned the big 50 and at this
juncture in my life I feel great. And just
last week a former high school class mate
gave me a nice compliment saying i looked
timeless. Which indicated i still look as young
as i did back in 1976. Now thats pretty cool. :)
Ok...back to my job....
As we learned in our program....when
we were wrong promptly admit it. I do
admit that i have a problem with authority.
Meaning when someone TELLS me what to
do in a stern mannern instead of asking
in a cooperative manner i clam up. I refuse
to be TOLD what to do.
All this stems down to my abusive
childhood where my mom TOLD me
to do this and that in a very controlling
manner and when i finally left that
inviroment at 18 i swored i would never
have her ever TELL me what to do ever
again.....
So when someone in authority TELLS
me what to do it triggers something
inside of me and my defenses go up.
Not all the time tho.....i do take orders
with most when there is kindness
involved....
Anyway....this little peep squeak would
harrass me in front of customers because
i would no acknowledge her.....ok thats
my fault.....
So when she couldnt controll me....her
little red wagon went to the office to
report me.
I soon got the message to listen to her
or else.....so i sent her a text saying
in a round about way.....i work with u
but dont have to like u and i dont. Saying
a prayer may relieve pain....which meant....
illl keep u in my prayers or prayers will
relieve ur growing pains and problems...
and stay away from me....meaning stay
out of my business.
This peep squeak has her mom, aunt, cousin
all working in the bakery....a family affair....
they must have congrigated and came to
the conclusion that the text was threating
and to copy it and take it to the office.....
They took her side to protect her and out
the door i went.....them losing a valuable
employee that was always on time and
did my job to the best of my ability.
Anyway....
I know that things happen for a reason....
I will continue to keep an open mind
and have the willingness to do the next
best thing today......
Thanks for letting me share.
Im Sharon and Im an Alcoholic.
By the grace of my HP and people
like you here in SR I havent found
it necessary to pick up a drink of
alcohol since 8-11-90.
For that and you I am truely grateful.
Im not really sure what to write
about today. Im kinda at a lost.
Feelings of guilt because im not
working.
I do know that when I come here to
share my experiences, strengths
hopes with u guys I feel better.
So here I am. :)
This past Tues. my bosses at the
bakery where I worked decided to
let me go. Why u ask. Well, they
gave this young girl the authority
or position as manager in charge
of the front end customer service.
As much as I didnt mind working
with her for the most part, she let
this position go to her head.
She chose her position over a friend.
and thus caused conflict between
us.
A little peep squeak who ran to the
office numerous times because
she couldnt control me eventually
esculated and eventually lead me
out the door.
The owners of this so called well
known bakery ambrosiabakery.com
have had lots of turnovers with
employees because of poor manage-
ment. Its so sad but so true.
This a a beautiful bakery and yet
so ugly in management.
They chose to hire low income
employees with various problems
and then complain why no one
cares. Problems all over the place.
I have to think in a humble way
because i could get cocky and
think im so much better than them.
However look at me...im an alcoholic.
Im not gonna lie, but i did bring some
class to this lovely bakery. I learned
how to dress and look nice from
my mom who retired as a cosmetician
working in several nice dept. stores.
I like to look nice esp. when u r the
first person customers see when they
walk in. However this is not important
to most.
Because of how i carried myself and
dressed, i think it intimidated many
even tho they complimented me often.
Maybe they felt threatened by me...
for what, ill never know. I surely
didnt want to be in charge. Just
a team player....an indian and
not a chief as so many wanted
to be.
I guess ud think working in a bakery
u wouldnt have to look nice....and
really u dont because its not the
cleanliest job. Esp. the people behind
the scene. The front end however
is extremely elegant. and if it were
my place id have lovely people to
compliment the business.
Anyway.....here i am 2 days not working
and i feel guilty just sitting here and not
working.
Ok, let me back up just a tad....good
news....I am engaged as of last Friday.
Yes.....
My HP blessed me with a very nice man
whom is also in recovery. We both have a
love and passion of Harley Bikes in which
i ride with him.
Ones a Custom Sportster 1200 and another
Classic Road King where we just added a trike
kit to it. Both a work in progress to accomidate
us on long fun safety riding.
With this wonderful blessing upon us we
place our faith and program before us to
guide us each step of the way.
Dec. 15 I turned the big 50 and at this
juncture in my life I feel great. And just
last week a former high school class mate
gave me a nice compliment saying i looked
timeless. Which indicated i still look as young
as i did back in 1976. Now thats pretty cool. :)
Ok...back to my job....
As we learned in our program....when
we were wrong promptly admit it. I do
admit that i have a problem with authority.
Meaning when someone TELLS me what to
do in a stern mannern instead of asking
in a cooperative manner i clam up. I refuse
to be TOLD what to do.
All this stems down to my abusive
childhood where my mom TOLD me
to do this and that in a very controlling
manner and when i finally left that
inviroment at 18 i swored i would never
have her ever TELL me what to do ever
again.....
So when someone in authority TELLS
me what to do it triggers something
inside of me and my defenses go up.
Not all the time tho.....i do take orders
with most when there is kindness
involved....
Anyway....this little peep squeak would
harrass me in front of customers because
i would no acknowledge her.....ok thats
my fault.....
So when she couldnt controll me....her
little red wagon went to the office to
report me.
I soon got the message to listen to her
or else.....so i sent her a text saying
in a round about way.....i work with u
but dont have to like u and i dont. Saying
a prayer may relieve pain....which meant....
illl keep u in my prayers or prayers will
relieve ur growing pains and problems...
and stay away from me....meaning stay
out of my business.
This peep squeak has her mom, aunt, cousin
all working in the bakery....a family affair....
they must have congrigated and came to
the conclusion that the text was threating
and to copy it and take it to the office.....
They took her side to protect her and out
the door i went.....them losing a valuable
employee that was always on time and
did my job to the best of my ability.
Anyway....
I know that things happen for a reason....
I will continue to keep an open mind
and have the willingness to do the next
best thing today......
Thanks for letting me share.
