Archive for the ‘Humility’ tag
As Bill Sees It
*~*~*~*~*^As Bill Sees It^*~*~*~*~*
All or Nothing?
Acceptance and faith are capable of producing 100 per cent sobriety. In fact, they usually do; and they must, else we could have no life at all. But the moment we carry these attitudes into our emotional problems, we find that only relative results are possible. Nobody can, for example, become completely free from fear, anger, and pride.
Hence, in this life we shall attain nothing like perfect humility and love. So we shall have to settle, respecting most of our problems, for a very gradual progress, punctuated sometimes by very heavy setbacks. Our oldtime attitude of "all or nothing" will have to be abandoned.
GRAPEVINE, MARCH 1962
All or Nothing?
Acceptance and faith are capable of producing 100 per cent sobriety. In fact, they usually do; and they must, else we could have no life at all. But the moment we carry these attitudes into our emotional problems, we find that only relative results are possible. Nobody can, for example, become completely free from fear, anger, and pride.
Hence, in this life we shall attain nothing like perfect humility and love. So we shall have to settle, respecting most of our problems, for a very gradual progress, punctuated sometimes by very heavy setbacks. Our oldtime attitude of "all or nothing" will have to be abandoned.
GRAPEVINE, MARCH 1962
Make a Difference; Send Me Presents!
Early this morning, I had a peach of an idea. Since Alcoholics in general need to work on humility and definitely increase the number of selfless acts in their everyday lives and plus, it is the Christmas season, why not start a personal service project and send me a present. I know many of you will want to do this already, but I am attempting to spread some good cheer in time for Christmas so that the rest of you can get on board for such a worthy cause as me and especially before the holiday mail rush.
Now I know you are going to ask yourself, why would I send that pain in the ass Rufus a Christmas present? Well, folks, you are Alcoholics if you are in this forum and I would hate to question the near genius you each have deep down when it comes to justifying anything. I leave the answers to you and you leave the presents with me. Listen, some of you may go hog wild getting me stuff and I encourage responsible gift giving to me. Remember though, that this season is about giving to Rufus and not receiving.
Finally, if you decide to disregard this vital information I will still abuse all of you on the forums, but more importantly I want you to know that Elsa and I wish you and yours the most awesome Christmas and New Year possible.
With much love,
Ron
Now I know you are going to ask yourself, why would I send that pain in the ass Rufus a Christmas present? Well, folks, you are Alcoholics if you are in this forum and I would hate to question the near genius you each have deep down when it comes to justifying anything. I leave the answers to you and you leave the presents with me. Listen, some of you may go hog wild getting me stuff and I encourage responsible gift giving to me. Remember though, that this season is about giving to Rufus and not receiving.
Finally, if you decide to disregard this vital information I will still abuse all of you on the forums, but more importantly I want you to know that Elsa and I wish you and yours the most awesome Christmas and New Year possible.
With much love,
Ron
Sacrifice
I saw this great speaker last night, and his topic was "Each step asks you to give something up, asks you to sacrifice something, what did you sacrifice to get sober.
The answers were amazing, it was one of the most clever topics I have ever heard.
So the "topic" is, "What did you sacrifice to get sober"
My initial thought was "nothing" hell I was "giving this crap away" what I did didn't work anymore and needed help.
My second thought was everything, I sacrificed all my favorite things in the whole world, things like Pride, lies, arrogance, stupidity, and truthfully I didn't "give" any of these away "willingly" they were all beaten from my "lifeless fingers" by me and my actions, all of these character defects are like boomerangs that come back and all but "cut me to ribbons".
The Big Book states "unless we actively seek humility we will be bludgeoned into it, for some of us this was a tedious process."
I'll take "tedious process" for 500 Alex
Today I really don't feel I "sacrifice" anything the program asks of me, I don't want that shyte anymore, it hurts, and it's harmful to me, I want it gone, the removal of "it" whatever "it" is may be a painful process because I have trouble "letting it go" but for me, it aint a sacrifice.
Newcomers and Oldtimers discussed things Like giving up the web of deceit and lies, giving up drinking of course, pride, pride and more pride, becoming sons, becoming daughters, wives, husbands,...it was an amazing meeting.
What did you sacrifice?
Discuss
The answers were amazing, it was one of the most clever topics I have ever heard.
So the "topic" is, "What did you sacrifice to get sober"
My initial thought was "nothing" hell I was "giving this crap away" what I did didn't work anymore and needed help.
My second thought was everything, I sacrificed all my favorite things in the whole world, things like Pride, lies, arrogance, stupidity, and truthfully I didn't "give" any of these away "willingly" they were all beaten from my "lifeless fingers" by me and my actions, all of these character defects are like boomerangs that come back and all but "cut me to ribbons".
The Big Book states "unless we actively seek humility we will be bludgeoned into it, for some of us this was a tedious process."
I'll take "tedious process" for 500 Alex
Today I really don't feel I "sacrifice" anything the program asks of me, I don't want that shyte anymore, it hurts, and it's harmful to me, I want it gone, the removal of "it" whatever "it" is may be a painful process because I have trouble "letting it go" but for me, it aint a sacrifice.
Newcomers and Oldtimers discussed things Like giving up the web of deceit and lies, giving up drinking of course, pride, pride and more pride, becoming sons, becoming daughters, wives, husbands,...it was an amazing meeting.
What did you sacrifice?
Discuss
Heart Check
You are reading the daily devotion from NotReligion.
November 14, 2008
Key Passage: Acts 8:14-25
Topic: Sin/Temptation; Pride/Humility
"Repent, therefore, of this wickedness of yours, and pray to the Lord that, if possible, the intent of your heart may be forgiven you" (Acts 8:22, ESV).
So we're all pretty good people--aren't we? If you took a poll today, it would probably show that most of us think we're fairly good--deep down inside.
But that's not really the condition of our hearts.
Now, if we're talking about someone who knows God personally, we know his or her sins have been forgiven, but that doesn't mean this person never does anything wrong. Our hearts are still desperately wicked (Jeremiah 17:9).
With status to gain and people to impress, we can all too easily fall into the trap of selfishness and pride. And it wasn't any different in the Bible. As a magician, Simon was accustomed to accolade and attention, so it's no wonder he was enthralled with the amazing work of the Holy Spirit and the apostles. And he wanted it for himself.
Peter finally called Simon out on it and challenged him to check the intentions of his heart--a bold but necessary move on Peter's part. And like it or not, we all need people like that to keep us on the right track. It's better to be corrected than to fall deeper into sin and its consequences.
Maybe you need to do a heart check today--pull it out, put it on the table and under the microscope. Watch out for selfish intentions or desires for self-promotion--they're common and very attractive.
We have to be on guard so our hearts don't get us running in the wrong direction--just choose God over self and you'll be headed the right way.
NotReligion - Home
November 14, 2008
Key Passage: Acts 8:14-25
Topic: Sin/Temptation; Pride/Humility
"Repent, therefore, of this wickedness of yours, and pray to the Lord that, if possible, the intent of your heart may be forgiven you" (Acts 8:22, ESV).
So we're all pretty good people--aren't we? If you took a poll today, it would probably show that most of us think we're fairly good--deep down inside.
But that's not really the condition of our hearts.
Now, if we're talking about someone who knows God personally, we know his or her sins have been forgiven, but that doesn't mean this person never does anything wrong. Our hearts are still desperately wicked (Jeremiah 17:9).
With status to gain and people to impress, we can all too easily fall into the trap of selfishness and pride. And it wasn't any different in the Bible. As a magician, Simon was accustomed to accolade and attention, so it's no wonder he was enthralled with the amazing work of the Holy Spirit and the apostles. And he wanted it for himself.
Peter finally called Simon out on it and challenged him to check the intentions of his heart--a bold but necessary move on Peter's part. And like it or not, we all need people like that to keep us on the right track. It's better to be corrected than to fall deeper into sin and its consequences.
Maybe you need to do a heart check today--pull it out, put it on the table and under the microscope. Watch out for selfish intentions or desires for self-promotion--they're common and very attractive.
We have to be on guard so our hearts don't get us running in the wrong direction--just choose God over self and you'll be headed the right way.
NotReligion - Home
Bill W and Depression
Concerning Depression
Bill W's Letter to a Member Concerning Depression
The following excerpts from a letter of Bill Wilson's was quoted in the
memoirs of Tom Pike, and early California AA member. Tom did not use the
name of the person addressed -- perhaps because he was still living.
Tom said:
Here in part is what Bill Wilson wrote in 1958 to a close friend who
shared his problem with depression, describing how Bill himself used St.
Francis's prayer as a steppingstone toward recovery:
Dear ...
I think that many oldsters who have put our AA "booze cure" to severe but
successful tests still find they often lack emotional sobriety. Perhaps
they will be the spearhead for the next major development in AA ... the
development of much more real maturity and balance (which is to say,
humility) in our relations with ourselves, with our fellows, and with God.
How to translate a right mental conviction into a right emotional result
and so into easy, happy, and good living ... well, that's not only the
neurotic's problem, it's the problem of life itself for all of us who
have got to the point of real willingness to hew to right principles in
all our affairs.
Even then, as we hew away, peace and joy may still elude us. That's the
place so many of us AA oldsters have come to. And it's a hell of a spot,
literally.
Last autumn, depression, having no really rational cause at all, almost
took me to the cleaners. I began to be scared that I was in for another
long chronic spell. Considering the grief I've had with depressions, it
wasn't a bright prospect.
I kept asking myself, "Why can't the Twelve Steps work to release
depression?" By the hour, I stared at the St. Francis prayer ... "It is
better to comfort than to be comforted." Here was the formula, all right,
but why didn't it work?
Suddenly I realized what the matter was ... My basic flaw had always been
dependence, almost absolute dependence on people or circumstances to
supply me with prestige, security, and the like. Failing to get these
things according to my perfectionist dreams and specifications, I had
fought for them. And when defeat came so did my depression.
There wasn't a chance of making the outgoing love of St. Francis a
workable and joyous way of life until these fatal and almost absolute
dependencies were cut away.
Reinforced by what grace I could secure in prayer, I found I had to exert
every ounce of will and action to cut off these faulty emotional
dependencies upon people, upon AA, indeed upon any set of circumstances
whatsoever.
Then only could I be free to love as Francis had. Emotional and
institutional satisfactions, I saw, were really the extra dividends of
having love, offering love, and expressing a love appropriate to each
relation of life.
Plainly, I could not avail myself of God's love until I was able to offer
it back to Him by loving others as He would have me. And I couldn't
possibly do that as long as I was victimized by false dependencies.
For my dependency meant demand ... a demand for the possession and
control of the people and the conditions surrounding me.
This seems to be the primary healing circuit, an outgoing love of God's
creation and His people, by means of which we avail ourselves of His love
for us. It is most clear that the real current can't flow until our
paralyzing dependencies are broken, and broken at depth. Only then can we
possibly have a glimmer of what adult love really is.
If we examine every disturbance we have, great or small, we will find at
the root of it some unhealthy dependency and its consequent demand. Let
us, with God's help, continually surrender these hobbling demands. Then
we can be set free to live and love; we may then be able to gain
emotional sobriety.
Of course, I haven't offered you a really new idea ... only a gimmick
that has started to unhook several of my own "hexes" at depth. Nowadays
my brain no longer races compulsively in either elation, grandiosity or
depression. I have been given a quiet place in bright sunshine.
Tom said "Bill's word's of wisdom helped and inspired me and many others.
To those who have never been there, it is hard to describe the gratitude
that overflows in men and women who are delivered from the black depths
of depression into the light. As with delivery from the bondage to
alcohol, it is a hosanna of the heart that never ends."
1944 BILL GETS DEPRESSED
In Bill's struggle with depression, he looks for help outside of the
Twelve Steps. What he finds in psychotherapy and his relationship with
Father Ed Dowling will change his perspective on the Steps.
After returning from a three month tour of the States, during which he
and Lois visited most existing AA groups, Bill collapses into depression
and remains depressed for two years. He suffers from such episodes until
1953. Bill's depression is troubling to many AA's, some of whom accuse
Bill of not working the program. Bill himself also wonders if he hasn't
failed to practice the Steps. According to the official AA biography of
Bill:
Bill believed that his depressions were perpetuated by his own failure to
work the AA steps..."I used to be rather guilt ridden about this...I
blamed myself for inability to practice the program in certain areas of
my life.
From: Pass It On
Bill may see his depression as a result of his failure to work the Twelve
Steps, but he does not turn to Stepwork to get him back on his feet. This
may be due in part to the influence of Father Ed Dowling.
Bill meets Dowling when the man came knocking at his door in 1940. At the
time Bill is down and out, but still four years from serious depression.
Dowling announces that he has sought Bill out to discuss the similarities
between the Exercises of St. Ignatius and the Twelve Steps. During their
conversation, Bill confesses his personal struggles. Dowling, author of
the article, "How to Enjoy Being Miserable," gives Bill a new perspective
on depression.
Father Ed quoted to him, "Blessed are they who hunger and thirst."
When Bill asked whether there was ever to be any satisfaction, the older
man snapped back, "Never. Never any." Bill was to be a person who would
keep on reaching. In his reaching he would find Gods goals, hidden in his
own heart.
The Soul of Sponsorship
by Robert Fitzgerald, S.J
Therefore Bill's growing despondency is not a result of his failure to
apply spiritual principles, but a sign of his spiritual depth and
giftedness. According to Dowling, God has blessed Bill with an ambition
and a desperation that cause his suffering, but will also lead Bill to
great things. The solution for Bill, then, is not to search deeper for
moral lapses and confess them, but to press on and accept the suffering
as an inevitable fact. Bill does exactly that for four years until his
depression becomes intolerable and he seeks help in psychotherapy.
In 1943, Bill enters therapy with Henry Tiebout, who specialized in the
treatment of alcoholics and introduced Marty M. to AA. Tiebout's
diagnosis of Bill was that:
both in his active alcoholism and his current sobriety he had been trying
to live out the infantilely grandiose demands of "His Majesty the Baby."
Not-God
by Ernest Kurtz
The next year, Bill switches therapists, and begins seeing Frances Weeks,
a Jungian. Week's opinion of Bill is that his position in AA is causing
him to neglect his personal needs. Says Bill in a letter to a friend
regarding this insight:
Highly satisfactory to live one's life for others, it cannot be anything
but disastrous to live one's life for others as those others think it
should be lived...The extent to which the AA movement and the individual
in it determine my choices is really astonishing. Things which are
primary to me (even for the good of AA) are unfulfilled...So we have the
person of Mr. Anonymous in conflict with Bill Wilson.
The Soul of Sponsorship
by Robert Fitzgerald, S.J
Bill continues treatment with Weeks until at least 1949.
Bill's experience in psychotherapy has an impact on his understanding of
recovery and Stepwork. In two letters written in 1956, Bill suggests a
means for the application of psychotherapy to AA principles.
It may be that someday we shall devise some common denominator of
psychiatry...which neurotics could use on each other. The idea would be
to extend the moral inventory of AA to a deeper level, making it an
inventory of psychic damages...I suppose someday a Neurotics Anonymous
will be formed and will actually do all this.
In the second letter Bill suggests:
an inventory of psychic damages, actual episodes: inferiority, shame,
guilt, anger and relive (them) in our minds to reduce them.
both letters from
The Soul of Sponsorship
by Robert Fitzgerald, S.J
The end result of Bill's relationship with Father Ed Dowling and
psychoanalytic treatment is that Bill moves away from a Religious
Conversion View of recovery and adopts a Psychological View of recovery
instead. Bill's Psychological View will greatly influence his thinking as
he writes Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions , and so it will also affect
the future practice of the Twelve Steps.
Bill W's Letter to a Member Concerning Depression
The following excerpts from a letter of Bill Wilson's was quoted in the
memoirs of Tom Pike, and early California AA member. Tom did not use the
name of the person addressed -- perhaps because he was still living.
Tom said:
Here in part is what Bill Wilson wrote in 1958 to a close friend who
shared his problem with depression, describing how Bill himself used St.
Francis's prayer as a steppingstone toward recovery:
Dear ...
I think that many oldsters who have put our AA "booze cure" to severe but
successful tests still find they often lack emotional sobriety. Perhaps
they will be the spearhead for the next major development in AA ... the
development of much more real maturity and balance (which is to say,
humility) in our relations with ourselves, with our fellows, and with God.
How to translate a right mental conviction into a right emotional result
and so into easy, happy, and good living ... well, that's not only the
neurotic's problem, it's the problem of life itself for all of us who
have got to the point of real willingness to hew to right principles in
all our affairs.
Even then, as we hew away, peace and joy may still elude us. That's the
place so many of us AA oldsters have come to. And it's a hell of a spot,
literally.
Last autumn, depression, having no really rational cause at all, almost
took me to the cleaners. I began to be scared that I was in for another
long chronic spell. Considering the grief I've had with depressions, it
wasn't a bright prospect.
I kept asking myself, "Why can't the Twelve Steps work to release
depression?" By the hour, I stared at the St. Francis prayer ... "It is
better to comfort than to be comforted." Here was the formula, all right,
but why didn't it work?
Suddenly I realized what the matter was ... My basic flaw had always been
dependence, almost absolute dependence on people or circumstances to
supply me with prestige, security, and the like. Failing to get these
things according to my perfectionist dreams and specifications, I had
fought for them. And when defeat came so did my depression.
There wasn't a chance of making the outgoing love of St. Francis a
workable and joyous way of life until these fatal and almost absolute
dependencies were cut away.
Reinforced by what grace I could secure in prayer, I found I had to exert
every ounce of will and action to cut off these faulty emotional
dependencies upon people, upon AA, indeed upon any set of circumstances
whatsoever.
Then only could I be free to love as Francis had. Emotional and
institutional satisfactions, I saw, were really the extra dividends of
having love, offering love, and expressing a love appropriate to each
relation of life.
Plainly, I could not avail myself of God's love until I was able to offer
it back to Him by loving others as He would have me. And I couldn't
possibly do that as long as I was victimized by false dependencies.
For my dependency meant demand ... a demand for the possession and
control of the people and the conditions surrounding me.
This seems to be the primary healing circuit, an outgoing love of God's
creation and His people, by means of which we avail ourselves of His love
for us. It is most clear that the real current can't flow until our
paralyzing dependencies are broken, and broken at depth. Only then can we
possibly have a glimmer of what adult love really is.
If we examine every disturbance we have, great or small, we will find at
the root of it some unhealthy dependency and its consequent demand. Let
us, with God's help, continually surrender these hobbling demands. Then
we can be set free to live and love; we may then be able to gain
emotional sobriety.
Of course, I haven't offered you a really new idea ... only a gimmick
that has started to unhook several of my own "hexes" at depth. Nowadays
my brain no longer races compulsively in either elation, grandiosity or
depression. I have been given a quiet place in bright sunshine.
Tom said "Bill's word's of wisdom helped and inspired me and many others.
To those who have never been there, it is hard to describe the gratitude
that overflows in men and women who are delivered from the black depths
of depression into the light. As with delivery from the bondage to
alcohol, it is a hosanna of the heart that never ends."
1944 BILL GETS DEPRESSED
In Bill's struggle with depression, he looks for help outside of the
Twelve Steps. What he finds in psychotherapy and his relationship with
Father Ed Dowling will change his perspective on the Steps.
After returning from a three month tour of the States, during which he
and Lois visited most existing AA groups, Bill collapses into depression
and remains depressed for two years. He suffers from such episodes until
1953. Bill's depression is troubling to many AA's, some of whom accuse
Bill of not working the program. Bill himself also wonders if he hasn't
failed to practice the Steps. According to the official AA biography of
Bill:
Bill believed that his depressions were perpetuated by his own failure to
work the AA steps..."I used to be rather guilt ridden about this...I
blamed myself for inability to practice the program in certain areas of
my life.
From: Pass It On
Bill may see his depression as a result of his failure to work the Twelve
Steps, but he does not turn to Stepwork to get him back on his feet. This
may be due in part to the influence of Father Ed Dowling.
Bill meets Dowling when the man came knocking at his door in 1940. At the
time Bill is down and out, but still four years from serious depression.
Dowling announces that he has sought Bill out to discuss the similarities
between the Exercises of St. Ignatius and the Twelve Steps. During their
conversation, Bill confesses his personal struggles. Dowling, author of
the article, "How to Enjoy Being Miserable," gives Bill a new perspective
on depression.
Father Ed quoted to him, "Blessed are they who hunger and thirst."
When Bill asked whether there was ever to be any satisfaction, the older
man snapped back, "Never. Never any." Bill was to be a person who would
keep on reaching. In his reaching he would find Gods goals, hidden in his
own heart.
The Soul of Sponsorship
by Robert Fitzgerald, S.J
Therefore Bill's growing despondency is not a result of his failure to
apply spiritual principles, but a sign of his spiritual depth and
giftedness. According to Dowling, God has blessed Bill with an ambition
and a desperation that cause his suffering, but will also lead Bill to
great things. The solution for Bill, then, is not to search deeper for
moral lapses and confess them, but to press on and accept the suffering
as an inevitable fact. Bill does exactly that for four years until his
depression becomes intolerable and he seeks help in psychotherapy.
In 1943, Bill enters therapy with Henry Tiebout, who specialized in the
treatment of alcoholics and introduced Marty M. to AA. Tiebout's
diagnosis of Bill was that:
both in his active alcoholism and his current sobriety he had been trying
to live out the infantilely grandiose demands of "His Majesty the Baby."
Not-God
by Ernest Kurtz
The next year, Bill switches therapists, and begins seeing Frances Weeks,
a Jungian. Week's opinion of Bill is that his position in AA is causing
him to neglect his personal needs. Says Bill in a letter to a friend
regarding this insight:
Highly satisfactory to live one's life for others, it cannot be anything
but disastrous to live one's life for others as those others think it
should be lived...The extent to which the AA movement and the individual
in it determine my choices is really astonishing. Things which are
primary to me (even for the good of AA) are unfulfilled...So we have the
person of Mr. Anonymous in conflict with Bill Wilson.
The Soul of Sponsorship
by Robert Fitzgerald, S.J
Bill continues treatment with Weeks until at least 1949.
Bill's experience in psychotherapy has an impact on his understanding of
recovery and Stepwork. In two letters written in 1956, Bill suggests a
means for the application of psychotherapy to AA principles.
It may be that someday we shall devise some common denominator of
psychiatry...which neurotics could use on each other. The idea would be
to extend the moral inventory of AA to a deeper level, making it an
inventory of psychic damages...I suppose someday a Neurotics Anonymous
will be formed and will actually do all this.
In the second letter Bill suggests:
an inventory of psychic damages, actual episodes: inferiority, shame,
guilt, anger and relive (them) in our minds to reduce them.
both letters from
The Soul of Sponsorship
by Robert Fitzgerald, S.J
The end result of Bill's relationship with Father Ed Dowling and
psychoanalytic treatment is that Bill moves away from a Religious
Conversion View of recovery and adopts a Psychological View of recovery
instead. Bill's Psychological View will greatly influence his thinking as
he writes Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions , and so it will also affect
the future practice of the Twelve Steps.
I know the answer, but I’d like to hear from you…
I visited my Meth addicted niece in the workhouse this past weekend.
For those of you who don't know the story - here's the short version - She was convicted of first and second degree felony possession (she was selling and using), she got probation instead of prison, messed up and is back in the workhouse. If she does well, she will go back on probation after another round of treatment, if not, she could end up doing her time (as much as 10 years)
So - my dilemma...
She's not in her right mind. She makes connections to things that aren't real. The in-house shrink tells her they can't even give her a mental health diagnosis until she's clean for a year - so I'm guessing her mental state is a combination of the drugs and the usual denial that goes with it.
She has gotten religion again (this always happens when she's in jail), but I dont' really see any remorse or humility. Instead she insists she didn't get "justice" and tells me her nitwit boyfriend is going to get her out of jail.
In the meantime, the boyfriend drew a disgusting picture and mailed it to her and got his visitation revoked (they read all the letters that come in). She can't see how bizarre and dysfunctional that is. She still thinks he's her prince charming (could it be because he puts money in her account to buy stuff from the workhouse commisssary and tells her what she wants to hear?)
Anyway, when I go to visit (which isn't often), she talks a zillion miles a minutes and most of it doesn't make sense.
I'm tempted to mail her a before and after picture of herself but I realize she wouldn't really see what I was getting at anyway.
So I keep asking myself - is there any way to get through to her. She thinks she's going to get out and go live happily ever after with the nitwit. I know from her p.o. that after the workhouse, she will be required to do rehab again and then go to a halfway house.
I know its useless to tell her what the real story is, she just keeps believing the nitwit. I know I need to just be patient and God will take care of it all - and I wouldn't even mind if she did end up back in prison - at least I know she's safe and gets 3 meals a day and no drugs.
And, I suppose the huge let down that will come when she realize the nitwit has been lying to her all this time will be a good thing if she can see it.
I just can't fathom how deep and wide the denial is.
Well, any insight anyone can offer would help... I don't plan to do anything - although I have thought about writing a letter to her judge because he's new to her case... She always puts on a pretty face when she's in court and then I hear all the real stuff she's thinking... But I'm not sure that would do any good either.
Thanks
For those of you who don't know the story - here's the short version - She was convicted of first and second degree felony possession (she was selling and using), she got probation instead of prison, messed up and is back in the workhouse. If she does well, she will go back on probation after another round of treatment, if not, she could end up doing her time (as much as 10 years)
So - my dilemma...
She's not in her right mind. She makes connections to things that aren't real. The in-house shrink tells her they can't even give her a mental health diagnosis until she's clean for a year - so I'm guessing her mental state is a combination of the drugs and the usual denial that goes with it.
She has gotten religion again (this always happens when she's in jail), but I dont' really see any remorse or humility. Instead she insists she didn't get "justice" and tells me her nitwit boyfriend is going to get her out of jail.
In the meantime, the boyfriend drew a disgusting picture and mailed it to her and got his visitation revoked (they read all the letters that come in). She can't see how bizarre and dysfunctional that is. She still thinks he's her prince charming (could it be because he puts money in her account to buy stuff from the workhouse commisssary and tells her what she wants to hear?)
Anyway, when I go to visit (which isn't often), she talks a zillion miles a minutes and most of it doesn't make sense.
I'm tempted to mail her a before and after picture of herself but I realize she wouldn't really see what I was getting at anyway.
So I keep asking myself - is there any way to get through to her. She thinks she's going to get out and go live happily ever after with the nitwit. I know from her p.o. that after the workhouse, she will be required to do rehab again and then go to a halfway house.
I know its useless to tell her what the real story is, she just keeps believing the nitwit. I know I need to just be patient and God will take care of it all - and I wouldn't even mind if she did end up back in prison - at least I know she's safe and gets 3 meals a day and no drugs.
And, I suppose the huge let down that will come when she realize the nitwit has been lying to her all this time will be a good thing if she can see it.
I just can't fathom how deep and wide the denial is.
Well, any insight anyone can offer would help... I don't plan to do anything - although I have thought about writing a letter to her judge because he's new to her case... She always puts on a pretty face when she's in court and then I hear all the real stuff she's thinking... But I'm not sure that would do any good either.
Thanks
Some lessons learned
I wrote this a few days ago:
No one brought it up directly, lol, so I'll just rub it in my own face :wink: I still feel the same way, though I'll go about recovery in a different way. It's always good to tone it down a notch or two. And to work on humility. I think that's ONE of the many lessons I've learned this weekend. Starting this thread is a way to emphazise that.
Lesson #2: I didn't heed my own advice on Friday. I had almost started a new thread, asking for help, but I closed my browser window instead and headed out. Look how well THAT worked out! I just PMed a good SR friend, letting them know my point of view: SR isn't only about cheerleading milestones and encouraging newcomers, us regulars need just as much support. I just hope that idea will sink into my stubborn head once and for all.
Lesson #3: Though I didn't exactly drunk-post and run, the content of my relapse thread surprised me a bit when I re-read it today. It shows that the issues that underly my drinking are much more extended than I initially thought.
Lesson #4: In their individual way, SR folk are unconditional in their support. But that's no excuse to indulge and take it for granted :hug:
I'd be really interested to read about the lessons other people have learned through similar experience (and I DO realize that's the whole point of this website :) ).
Quote:
|
Originally Posted by mattcake79
(Post 1958447)
(blahblahRANTblah)
Alcohol, you can kiss my ***. If I read this thread and hadn't written it, I'd be thinking "fools rush in where angels fear to tread". I'm no angel though, so you are all most welcome to call me a fool. And, by all means, if I were to relapse at some point, just rub this reckless post in my face. Right now, though, I've had enough. |
Lesson #2: I didn't heed my own advice on Friday. I had almost started a new thread, asking for help, but I closed my browser window instead and headed out. Look how well THAT worked out! I just PMed a good SR friend, letting them know my point of view: SR isn't only about cheerleading milestones and encouraging newcomers, us regulars need just as much support. I just hope that idea will sink into my stubborn head once and for all.
Lesson #3: Though I didn't exactly drunk-post and run, the content of my relapse thread surprised me a bit when I re-read it today. It shows that the issues that underly my drinking are much more extended than I initially thought.
Lesson #4: In their individual way, SR folk are unconditional in their support. But that's no excuse to indulge and take it for granted :hug:
I'd be really interested to read about the lessons other people have learned through similar experience (and I DO realize that's the whole point of this website :) ).
Loss of income………..
I have been clean & sober for 19 years and am having the worst week of my life! I live with my elderly mom - who receives a set income from SS - and have been in the substance abuse field for 13+ years. I lost my job this week and took a fast food job because I have become totally disillusioned about my field.
In 2 days, I have gone from making $30000/yr to under $7 an hour and I cannot remember a time when I was more desperate and afraid that I would not be able to make a living......
I am 54 years old and been doing basic desk work for over 13 years. Now I am on my feet doing physical stuff for the entire shift (with little or no breaks) and my entire body is screaming at my to stop!! But I cannot as I must bring in money so mom is ok - and we can eat.
Who, pray tell, will hire someone who has been in substance abuse for 13 years and has NO current experience in anything else? I am having a hard time explaining to myself what has happen here.
Have I thought about drinking? Damn right I have!! But my mom's well being is more on my mind, thank God! There is only one thing I can come up with as to why all this has happened.........
That God is doing for me what I could not do for myself!! You see, I have been very unhappy doing what I was doing and have been for the last couple of years. The clients I never had a problem working with - but the other 'professionals' and management have been a great source of unnecessary stress in my life. But the money kept me there.
So I screwed up on some of the billing (bad deal) and they let me go without even considering anything else. So much for loyalty on your employer's part even after all the loyalty the employee may show, huh? No warning, probation, nothing! Just good-bye!
I figure God knew I needed to quit spending ALL my time taking care of others and start spending some taking care of me - which is something I have not done in many years. Talk about humility!!!! I am not even making $7 an hour, for crying out loud!!!
One thing I know for sure is that I believe and have Faith in God and where he has led me over the years. I just kinda of wonder what he is doing at the moment concerning me and my future.
Anyway, thanks for listening (reading) and feedback is definitely welcomed and needed.
:a108:
In 2 days, I have gone from making $30000/yr to under $7 an hour and I cannot remember a time when I was more desperate and afraid that I would not be able to make a living......
I am 54 years old and been doing basic desk work for over 13 years. Now I am on my feet doing physical stuff for the entire shift (with little or no breaks) and my entire body is screaming at my to stop!! But I cannot as I must bring in money so mom is ok - and we can eat.
Who, pray tell, will hire someone who has been in substance abuse for 13 years and has NO current experience in anything else? I am having a hard time explaining to myself what has happen here.
Have I thought about drinking? Damn right I have!! But my mom's well being is more on my mind, thank God! There is only one thing I can come up with as to why all this has happened.........
That God is doing for me what I could not do for myself!! You see, I have been very unhappy doing what I was doing and have been for the last couple of years. The clients I never had a problem working with - but the other 'professionals' and management have been a great source of unnecessary stress in my life. But the money kept me there.
So I screwed up on some of the billing (bad deal) and they let me go without even considering anything else. So much for loyalty on your employer's part even after all the loyalty the employee may show, huh? No warning, probation, nothing! Just good-bye!
I figure God knew I needed to quit spending ALL my time taking care of others and start spending some taking care of me - which is something I have not done in many years. Talk about humility!!!! I am not even making $7 an hour, for crying out loud!!!
One thing I know for sure is that I believe and have Faith in God and where he has led me over the years. I just kinda of wonder what he is doing at the moment concerning me and my future.
Anyway, thanks for listening (reading) and feedback is definitely welcomed and needed.
:a108:
60 Days Today
What a wonderful period of growth and regeneration.
All of those areas of my life that were wilting are now in bloom once more.
My work, my relationships, my career, my spirituality, my health, and my financial position is beyond any expectation I could've had not so long ago.
The joy that I find in recovery is greater than any binge that I ever had. The joy is enduring and of a better quality than any I have experienced before.
That nebulous "joy" that I once chased from bar to bar and could never catch hold of is something of the past...it has been replaced by gratitude, purpose, some humility I hope. I just thank God for my recovery and AA.
Tea4me
:bday7
All of those areas of my life that were wilting are now in bloom once more.
My work, my relationships, my career, my spirituality, my health, and my financial position is beyond any expectation I could've had not so long ago.
The joy that I find in recovery is greater than any binge that I ever had. The joy is enduring and of a better quality than any I have experienced before.
That nebulous "joy" that I once chased from bar to bar and could never catch hold of is something of the past...it has been replaced by gratitude, purpose, some humility I hope. I just thank God for my recovery and AA.
Tea4me
:bday7
Tea4me has 60 days!
What a wonderful period of growth and regeneration. :a122:
All of those areas of my life that were wilting are now in bloom once more.
My work, my relationships, my career, my spirituality, my health, and my financial position is beyond any expectation I could've had not so long ago.
The joy that I find in recovery is greater than any binge that I ever had. The joy is enduring and of a better quality than any I have experienced before.
That nebulous "joy" that I once chased from bar to bar and could never catch hold of is something of the past...it has been replaced by gratitude, purpose, some humility I hope. I just thank God for my recovery and AA.
Tea4me
:bday2
All of those areas of my life that were wilting are now in bloom once more.
My work, my relationships, my career, my spirituality, my health, and my financial position is beyond any expectation I could've had not so long ago.
The joy that I find in recovery is greater than any binge that I ever had. The joy is enduring and of a better quality than any I have experienced before.
That nebulous "joy" that I once chased from bar to bar and could never catch hold of is something of the past...it has been replaced by gratitude, purpose, some humility I hope. I just thank God for my recovery and AA.
Tea4me
:bday2
