Drug Rehab Options Blog

I started this topic because I don't want to hijack another in a different forum.

I read and hear that all the time and bite my tongue, but I won't any longer.

Over time it seems people have taken a verse from the Bible about not giving us more temptation than we can overcome, and turned into one about stress. Having gone to Catholic schools from first grade through high school, studying the Bible every day of the week, I knew better. But I accepted this new translation because of stress.

If I believe this new translation, then I also have to believe my Creator deliberately causes horrific atrocities. That is not good and holy, that is evil. I cannot and will not accept that my Creator causes evil, especially because it contradicts the concept of free will.

I refuse to believe my Creator wanted that woman in CA to be gang raped the other day. I refuse to believe my Creator wanted a child in Somalia last night to die from hunger. I refuse to believe my Creator wanted my daughter to stick needles in her arm.

I believe 100% that with my Creator I am able to find serenity, despite the horrors we humans suffer/witness/perpetuate.

I am so blessed in so many ways with everything a wife, mother, daughter, sister would ever need, but addiction always finds a way to creep into my life. I have a relationship with God that needs mending, and I feel so disappointed in myself for all my fall-backs. I lie about everything. I assume the nature of addiction depends on lies to get the fix. After I lie to a friend or doctor, I feel horrible. I don't want to be this way, but why...Why are some people stronger than others. I have been addicted to opiates, pot, and adderrall on and off for 4-5 years. Once, my secrets were out and I began a new chapter in my life. I was doing well, but the little voice in the back of my mind still lingered. I didn't need a pill out of withdrawel, but if one was offered or if I knew a friend had them for pain, my whole body would react and still does. The hunger is there and I hate it. Addiction is a disease. I don't care what anyone says. I am sorry...I just needed to vent.

Just today, almost 7 months clean, I was driving to work and got this almost obsessive thought that "I just want to get high again!" It came from nowhere. I wasn't thinking anything about drugs or in a drug area and I hadn't had anything happen that would trigger me. It felt like a "blast from the past" or some type of seizure in my brain. Totally chemical craving. I could even taste the oxy in my mouth it was so strong. Like overwhelming hunger. I seriously almost drooled. Where did it come from, and why did it happen? Deja Vu?

I was glad that I had work all day to keep me out of trouble. You know what they say about the devil and idle hands.
KJ