Archive for the ‘Illusion’ tag
A mother’s letter, to her children.
I feel so bad for the innocent children that have to reap the damages of parents choices.
I was a raised in a house full of hidden addictions. As an adult I looked to fix a husband that had a hidden addiction. When all my efforts failed I too fell into "addiction's" hands. As I work on staying clean and sober I plead with the strength rebuild our "glass house"... (I don't want them to be "broken" adults...)
I look back at over the years,
I thought that we had it all
people that glanced, envied us.
we where the perfect family
or at least the illusion of one.
then our glass house shattered.
and our world crumbled
The man of the house
had fallen...
into the web of addiction, he was lost
I tried and tried to pick up the shattered pieces
as two, but.....
with blood dripping from my hands,
I had to let go of us, now just one.
oozing with infected blood
single and alone
Scared and struggling to provide.
I fell short
I had to stop feeling everything
I had to become numb,
just to walk through each day
A Robot going through the all motions
that is all I knew how to do
I am so sorry.......
I made you all stop feeling too
I still cant stop the images
small innocent eyes
begging for the answers,
small beating hearts
begging me
to be what they needed me to be
a mother........
I couldn't handle one more drop of sadness
not one more tear, not one more bleeding hand
I became an enclosed monster, with nothing left
no more tears no more emotions
no more happiness
meant no more falls,
No more trust meant
No more broken glass...........
(I am so sorry my children, but.....
look outside now,
the sun is shinning again!)
Jenady Leigh Revill
I was a raised in a house full of hidden addictions. As an adult I looked to fix a husband that had a hidden addiction. When all my efforts failed I too fell into "addiction's" hands. As I work on staying clean and sober I plead with the strength rebuild our "glass house"... (I don't want them to be "broken" adults...)
I look back at over the years,
I thought that we had it all
people that glanced, envied us.
we where the perfect family
or at least the illusion of one.
then our glass house shattered.
and our world crumbled
The man of the house
had fallen...
into the web of addiction, he was lost
I tried and tried to pick up the shattered pieces
as two, but.....
with blood dripping from my hands,
I had to let go of us, now just one.
oozing with infected blood
single and alone
Scared and struggling to provide.
I fell short
I had to stop feeling everything
I had to become numb,
just to walk through each day
A Robot going through the all motions
that is all I knew how to do
I am so sorry.......
I made you all stop feeling too
I still cant stop the images
small innocent eyes
begging for the answers,
small beating hearts
begging me
to be what they needed me to be
a mother........
I couldn't handle one more drop of sadness
not one more tear, not one more bleeding hand
I became an enclosed monster, with nothing left
no more tears no more emotions
no more happiness
meant no more falls,
No more trust meant
No more broken glass...........
(I am so sorry my children, but.....
look outside now,
the sun is shinning again!)
Jenady Leigh Revill
Untitled
Linguistics do little except to confound
Our awareness of that by which all life is bound.
The lower lives enlighten with a language lost to man.
Our congnizance is limited and so pedestrian.
Only bipedal parlance could make us so small
As to think that to label gives insight of all.
We cherish illusion, to ego we cleave,
But we understand nothing until we believe.
by me
Our awareness of that by which all life is bound.
The lower lives enlighten with a language lost to man.
Our congnizance is limited and so pedestrian.
Only bipedal parlance could make us so small
As to think that to label gives insight of all.
We cherish illusion, to ego we cleave,
But we understand nothing until we believe.
by me
Weekend Hindsight
So I had a really down weekend, until a startling to me thought popped into my head. BTW it's been almost two weeks now since hte break-up, and I'm much better the majority of the time. Anyway, I realized that I wanted the relationship more than he ever did. I was the one to try and mend all our fights and I ended up conceding on a lot of issues that I never thought I would. Before he went ot Iraq, I never wanted to raise issues with him because I thought I'd lose him....After a 7 month separation, I found that there were some things I wouldn't tolerate any longer and I think this was the downfall of the illusion for us. So, to be therapeutic for me and hopefully helpful for others who may be going through the same thing, I've listed the aha moments throughout our relationship that it took me two years! to identify and finally do something about.
When he asks to call at the beginning of courteship, then doesn't and says it's because he and his brother fell into the bottle for the evening....clue #1
When he cures his colds with several bottles of Jim Beam...clue #2
When he cancels on coming over for the evening at 7 PM because it's too late....clue #3
When he drops of the planet for 3 days and finds no reason why this should be a problem....clue #4
When he continuosly shows up with vodka on his breath....BIG clue #5
When he takes you to a friend's anniversary dinner plowed out of his mind and still offers to drive home....HUGE clue #6
When he stops staying over after intimate relations because he needs to take care of the cats?....clue #7 (think he meant night cap)
When he agrees to go to counseling and cancels....
When he agrees to go to AA and cancels......
When he makes plans and then says an hour before you're supposed to leave he's feeling "sick" and cancels......
Huge Clues # 8 9 10
When he won't grow up and face the reality of having to make plans in order to maintain and further a relationship....why was I not seeing the clues at this point? Not to mention the cranky moods and always pointing to my own failures as a girlfriend as a source of contention.
It goes back to me wanting the relationship more than he ever did. This gave me some peace of mind to know that part of my tie to him was my own sense of desparation at getting older and having no one in my life. That's not a mistake I plan to make again.
Don't know if any of this will help anyone else, but almost two weeks with no contact has enabled me to focus on what is/was without the "But I love him and he loves me" feelings clouding my judgement. I still do love him, very much, and I miss him like crazy, but I believe there are better options out there for me.
Thank you SR friends......
When he asks to call at the beginning of courteship, then doesn't and says it's because he and his brother fell into the bottle for the evening....clue #1
When he cures his colds with several bottles of Jim Beam...clue #2
When he cancels on coming over for the evening at 7 PM because it's too late....clue #3
When he drops of the planet for 3 days and finds no reason why this should be a problem....clue #4
When he continuosly shows up with vodka on his breath....BIG clue #5
When he takes you to a friend's anniversary dinner plowed out of his mind and still offers to drive home....HUGE clue #6
When he stops staying over after intimate relations because he needs to take care of the cats?....clue #7 (think he meant night cap)
When he agrees to go to counseling and cancels....
When he agrees to go to AA and cancels......
When he makes plans and then says an hour before you're supposed to leave he's feeling "sick" and cancels......
Huge Clues # 8 9 10
When he won't grow up and face the reality of having to make plans in order to maintain and further a relationship....why was I not seeing the clues at this point? Not to mention the cranky moods and always pointing to my own failures as a girlfriend as a source of contention.
It goes back to me wanting the relationship more than he ever did. This gave me some peace of mind to know that part of my tie to him was my own sense of desparation at getting older and having no one in my life. That's not a mistake I plan to make again.
Don't know if any of this will help anyone else, but almost two weeks with no contact has enabled me to focus on what is/was without the "But I love him and he loves me" feelings clouding my judgement. I still do love him, very much, and I miss him like crazy, but I believe there are better options out there for me.
Thank you SR friends......
Women’s 12 steps - Step II
Step Two
Came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.
The key ideas in step 2 are faith and sanity. Faith includes the ideas of belief and trust. Many of us enter recovery thinking that nothing and no one can be trusted. We may be skeptical about belief in a Higher Power. We often feel confused about what we believe. We may have learned from bitter experience that many people cannot be trusted.
Trusting someone can feel risky, yet step 2 asserts that in order to recover, we need to find someone or something we can trust. Step 2 asks us to entertain the possibility that help is available, that we cannot and need not relay only on our EGO selves to break from our addiction. We are not told who or what this power is. Instead, we are invited to explore for ourselves and make up our own minds. Coming to believe means setting aside our illusion of control and opening ourselves to the possibility of support.
This step also asks us to admit that we have done some insane things in our unmanageable lives. We are not necessarily mentally ill?indeed, we very likely are not the ?crazy? women we may have feared we were. Maybe we grew up in ?crazy-making? families and came to doubt our perceptions of reality. Maybe we did insane things?harmful to ourselves or others..because of our addiction. The traditional AA definition of insanity is ?doing the same thing over and over, expecting different results.? Step 2 invites us to step onto a different path; for by living differently, we can expect different results.
In this chapter, you will explore the idea of belief?what does it mean to believe something? You will also have a chance to think about what you believe. Then you will look back at your life to identigy things you may have done that felt ?insane?, as well as forward into the future to envision the sanity you want.
QUESTIONS TO FOLLOW LATER TONIGHT :Val004:
Came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.
The key ideas in step 2 are faith and sanity. Faith includes the ideas of belief and trust. Many of us enter recovery thinking that nothing and no one can be trusted. We may be skeptical about belief in a Higher Power. We often feel confused about what we believe. We may have learned from bitter experience that many people cannot be trusted.
Trusting someone can feel risky, yet step 2 asserts that in order to recover, we need to find someone or something we can trust. Step 2 asks us to entertain the possibility that help is available, that we cannot and need not relay only on our EGO selves to break from our addiction. We are not told who or what this power is. Instead, we are invited to explore for ourselves and make up our own minds. Coming to believe means setting aside our illusion of control and opening ourselves to the possibility of support.
This step also asks us to admit that we have done some insane things in our unmanageable lives. We are not necessarily mentally ill?indeed, we very likely are not the ?crazy? women we may have feared we were. Maybe we grew up in ?crazy-making? families and came to doubt our perceptions of reality. Maybe we did insane things?harmful to ourselves or others..because of our addiction. The traditional AA definition of insanity is ?doing the same thing over and over, expecting different results.? Step 2 invites us to step onto a different path; for by living differently, we can expect different results.
In this chapter, you will explore the idea of belief?what does it mean to believe something? You will also have a chance to think about what you believe. Then you will look back at your life to identigy things you may have done that felt ?insane?, as well as forward into the future to envision the sanity you want.
QUESTIONS TO FOLLOW LATER TONIGHT :Val004:
Some humor
The Value of a Drink
"Sometimes when I reflect back on all the wine I drink
I feel shame. Then I look into the glass and think
about the workers in the vineyards and all of their hopes
and dreams . If I didn't drink this wine, they might be out
of work and their dreams would be shattered.
Then I say to myself, "It is better that I drink this wine and let their
dreams come true than be selfish and worry about my liver."
~ Jack Handy
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the hell
happened to your bra and panties.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they
wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're
going to feel all day. "
~Frank Sinatra
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are tougher, smarter, faster and better looking than most people.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading."
~ Henny Youngman
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to think people are laughing WITH you.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence? I think not."
~ Stephen Wright
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to think you can sing.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"When we drink, we get drunk. When we get drunk,
we fall asleep. When we fall asleep, we commit no sin.
When we commit no sin, we go to heaven. So, let's all
get drunk and go to heaven!"
~ Brian O'Rourke
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause pregnancy.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy."
~ Benjamin Franklin
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like a retard.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Without question, the greatest invention in the
history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the
wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does
not go nearly as well with pizza."
~ Dave Barry
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell your friends over and over again that you love them.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
To some ! it's a six-pack, to me it's a Support Group. Salvation in a can!
~ Dave Howell
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you can logically converse with members of the opposite sex without spitting.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
And saving the best for last, as explained by Cliff Clavin, of Cheers.
One afternoon at Cheers, Cliff Clavin was explaining the Buffalo Theory to his buddy Norm.
Here's how it went:
"Well ya see, Norm, it's like this... A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo. And when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members. In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, as we know, kills brain cells. But naturally, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine. That's why you always feel smarter after a few beers."
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you are whispering when you are not
"Sometimes when I reflect back on all the wine I drink
I feel shame. Then I look into the glass and think
about the workers in the vineyards and all of their hopes
and dreams . If I didn't drink this wine, they might be out
of work and their dreams would be shattered.
Then I say to myself, "It is better that I drink this wine and let their
dreams come true than be selfish and worry about my liver."
~ Jack Handy
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the hell
happened to your bra and panties.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they
wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're
going to feel all day. "
~Frank Sinatra
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are tougher, smarter, faster and better looking than most people.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading."
~ Henny Youngman
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to think people are laughing WITH you.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence? I think not."
~ Stephen Wright
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to think you can sing.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"When we drink, we get drunk. When we get drunk,
we fall asleep. When we fall asleep, we commit no sin.
When we commit no sin, we go to heaven. So, let's all
get drunk and go to heaven!"
~ Brian O'Rourke
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause pregnancy.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy."
~ Benjamin Franklin
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like a retard.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Without question, the greatest invention in the
history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the
wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does
not go nearly as well with pizza."
~ Dave Barry
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell your friends over and over again that you love them.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
To some ! it's a six-pack, to me it's a Support Group. Salvation in a can!
~ Dave Howell
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you can logically converse with members of the opposite sex without spitting.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
And saving the best for last, as explained by Cliff Clavin, of Cheers.
One afternoon at Cheers, Cliff Clavin was explaining the Buffalo Theory to his buddy Norm.
Here's how it went:
"Well ya see, Norm, it's like this... A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo. And when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members. In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, as we know, kills brain cells. But naturally, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine. That's why you always feel smarter after a few beers."
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you are whispering when you are not
Language of Letting Go - Nov. 9 - Accepting Love
You are reading from the book The Language of Letting Go
Accepting Love
Many of us have worked too hard to make relationships work; sometimes those relationships didn't have a chance because the other person was unavailable or refused to participate.
To compensate for the other person's unavailability, we worked too hard. We may have done all or most of the work. This may mask the situation for a while, but we usually get tired. Then, when we stop doing all the work, we notice there is no relationship, or we're so tired we don't care.
Doing all the work in a relationship is not loving, giving, or caring. It is self-defeating and relationship defeating. It creates the illusion of a relationship when in fact there may be no relationship. It enables the other person to be irresponsible for his or her share. Because that does not meet our needs, we ultimately feel victimized.
In our best relationships, we all have temporary periods where one person participates more than the other. This is normal. But as a permanent way of participating in relationships, it leaves us feeling tired, worn out, needy, and angry.'
We can learn to participate a reasonable amount, and then let the relationship find it's own life. Are we doing all the calling? Are we doing all the initiating? Are we doing all the giving? Are we the one talking about feelings and striving for intimacy?
Are we doing all the waiting, the hoping, and the work?
We can let go. If the relationship is meant to be, it will be, and it will become what it is meant to be. We do not help that process by trying to control it. We do not help the other person, the relationship, or ourselves by trying to force it or by doing all the work.
Let it be. Wait and see. Stop worrying about making it happen. See what happens and strive to understand if that is what you want.
Today, I will stop doing all the work in my relationships. I will give myself and the other person the gift of requiring both people to participate. I will accept the natural level my relationships reach when I do my share and allow the other person to choose what his or her share will be. I can trust my relationships to reach their own level. I do not have to do all the work; I need only do my share.
From The Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie ©1990, Hazelden Foundation.
Accepting Love
Many of us have worked too hard to make relationships work; sometimes those relationships didn't have a chance because the other person was unavailable or refused to participate.
To compensate for the other person's unavailability, we worked too hard. We may have done all or most of the work. This may mask the situation for a while, but we usually get tired. Then, when we stop doing all the work, we notice there is no relationship, or we're so tired we don't care.
Doing all the work in a relationship is not loving, giving, or caring. It is self-defeating and relationship defeating. It creates the illusion of a relationship when in fact there may be no relationship. It enables the other person to be irresponsible for his or her share. Because that does not meet our needs, we ultimately feel victimized.
In our best relationships, we all have temporary periods where one person participates more than the other. This is normal. But as a permanent way of participating in relationships, it leaves us feeling tired, worn out, needy, and angry.'
We can learn to participate a reasonable amount, and then let the relationship find it's own life. Are we doing all the calling? Are we doing all the initiating? Are we doing all the giving? Are we the one talking about feelings and striving for intimacy?
Are we doing all the waiting, the hoping, and the work?
We can let go. If the relationship is meant to be, it will be, and it will become what it is meant to be. We do not help that process by trying to control it. We do not help the other person, the relationship, or ourselves by trying to force it or by doing all the work.
Let it be. Wait and see. Stop worrying about making it happen. See what happens and strive to understand if that is what you want.
Today, I will stop doing all the work in my relationships. I will give myself and the other person the gift of requiring both people to participate. I will accept the natural level my relationships reach when I do my share and allow the other person to choose what his or her share will be. I can trust my relationships to reach their own level. I do not have to do all the work; I need only do my share.
From The Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie ©1990, Hazelden Foundation.
Acceptance—-how important is it to our sobriety?
How does acceptance play into our sobriety and chances of recovery? Why is acceptance important? Below are some quotes from the first 164 pages of the Big Book that relate to acceptance and help to explain it's importance to our new life as recovering alcoholics. I look forward to hearing your thoughts on this.
The steps propose a fundamental change in the way we live our lives and relate to the world. They require a complete abandonment of and turning away from the ideas and attitudes that have caused us to fail in life. They do not call for a minor modification of our behavior, but for the adoption of an entirely new way of life. If we are hesitant about embracing this new way of life, we can ask ourselves how the way we are living now is working for us.
When the authors use the term "most of us," they mean that it is very likely that we suffer from the same lack of willingness that they did. To help us diagnose our own alcoholism, they define it as being bodily and mentally different from our fellows. Though this is perhaps an unpleasant admission, we have to agree that in the light of our past experience this is true.
"Therefore" means we accept what has come before. Our unwillingness to admit our alcoholism leads us to try countless times to control our drinking. We become obsessed with the idea that this time our drinking will not get out of control, that we will enjoy our drinking as we did early in our drinking careers. Usually, if we control our drinking we do not enjoy it and if we drink enough to enjoy it, we lose control. The illusion that we have power over alcohol and that we can control it remains with us long after it is evident to everyone around us that we can not.
There are several ways we learn that we must admit powerlessness over alcohol. We learn by reading the book up to this point and by the example of the authors as well as millions of recovered alcoholics. Sometimes we learn by our own mistakes. Repeated failed attempts to control our drinking brings us to the point where we have to admit to ourselves that we are powerless over alcohol.
To fully concede is to admit that we are alcoholic. Any reservations we have must be set aside. This is not merely complying with the precepts of this program so as to avoid the negative results of drinking, but a complete and total surrender to the fact that we can not drink any alcohol at all and we never will be able to drink alcohol normally.
Who are we to admit our alcoholism to---our group, the police, our spouse? We are to make our admission to ourselves. No one else matters. We must speak to our hearts when making this admission.
These are the directions on how to take our first step. The author's promise was that they would show us precisely and specifically what they have done to recover and supply us with clear-cut directions. The directions are that we must admit we are, in fact, alcoholic and that we make this admission to ourselves. From the moment we make this admission, we can begin to recover.
Every word in the book up to this point has been to help smash our delusion. The third sentence of the book explains the authors hope that we can be convinced we are bodily and mentally different from our fellows by reading this book. If we are not convinced by these pages, we may have to continue in our current ways until our own experience allows us to see the truth of what the authors say.
Quote:
|
These were revolutionary and drastic proposals, but the moment I fully accepted them, the effect was electric. There was a sense of victory, followed by such a peace and serenity as I had never known. There was utter confidence. I felt lifted up, as though the great clean wind of a mountain top blew through and through. God comes to most men gradually, but His impact on me was sudden and profound. (quoted from Bill's Story) |
Quote:
|
Most of us have been unwilling to admit we were real alcoholics. No person likes to think he is bodily and mentaly different than his fellows. Therefore, it is not surprising that our drinking careers have been characterized by countless vain attempts to prove we could drink like other people. The idea that somehow, someday he will control and enjoy his liquor drinking is the great obsession of every abnormal drinker. The persistence of this illusion is astonishing. Many pursue it into the gates of insanity or death. (Quoted from More About Alcoholism) |
"Therefore" means we accept what has come before. Our unwillingness to admit our alcoholism leads us to try countless times to control our drinking. We become obsessed with the idea that this time our drinking will not get out of control, that we will enjoy our drinking as we did early in our drinking careers. Usually, if we control our drinking we do not enjoy it and if we drink enough to enjoy it, we lose control. The illusion that we have power over alcohol and that we can control it remains with us long after it is evident to everyone around us that we can not.
Quote:
|
We learned that we had to fully concede to our innermost selves that we were alcoholic. This is the first step in recovery. The delusion that we are like other people, or presently may be, has to be smashed. (quoted from More About Alcoholism) |
To fully concede is to admit that we are alcoholic. Any reservations we have must be set aside. This is not merely complying with the precepts of this program so as to avoid the negative results of drinking, but a complete and total surrender to the fact that we can not drink any alcohol at all and we never will be able to drink alcohol normally.
Who are we to admit our alcoholism to---our group, the police, our spouse? We are to make our admission to ourselves. No one else matters. We must speak to our hearts when making this admission.
These are the directions on how to take our first step. The author's promise was that they would show us precisely and specifically what they have done to recover and supply us with clear-cut directions. The directions are that we must admit we are, in fact, alcoholic and that we make this admission to ourselves. From the moment we make this admission, we can begin to recover.
Every word in the book up to this point has been to help smash our delusion. The third sentence of the book explains the authors hope that we can be convinced we are bodily and mentally different from our fellows by reading this book. If we are not convinced by these pages, we may have to continue in our current ways until our own experience allows us to see the truth of what the authors say.
Rough patch
I've been craving quite badly for a few days. My lucky, craving-free streak seems to be over. But:
Nope, I am not going to drink.
To be honest, don't give a flying **** about why I'm craving All I know for sure is that I'll be damned if I give in.
Time to stay in the moment... and use the tools I've been learning and preaching about for months. So I'm going to meditate for a minute or 500, give in to Spirit, phone a buddy... then grab a fluffy book and read until I fall asleep. And tomorrow, I'll do it again. Twice if needed.
I am sick and tired of this BS. I have accepted full responsibility for placing myself in this situation in the first place. I have hated myself, learned from it, listened to you guys.. And, right now, I accept full responsibility once again to get over this and myself for good. I'm putting my foot down with a stomp. Call me cocky, but I am not scared. I am ANGRY because enough is f**king enough.
I can understand why some people would be afraid of booze. However, as some of you know, this is not the first time I've had to destroy structures in my life - religion, sexuality, illusion... I'm willing to break another taboo, because I am most certainly not willing to allow fear to run my life anymore. I want to be free. So:
Alcohol, you can kiss my ass.
If I read this thread and hadn't written it, I'd be thinking "fools rush in where angels fear to tread". I'm no angel though, so you are all most welcome to call me a fool. And, by all means, if I were to relapse at some point, just rub this reckless post in my face. Right now, though, I've had enough.
Love you all - if I'm so "brave", why am I crying? I guess I AM a fool. Or just plain angry.
Nope, I am not going to drink.
To be honest, don't give a flying **** about why I'm craving All I know for sure is that I'll be damned if I give in.
Time to stay in the moment... and use the tools I've been learning and preaching about for months. So I'm going to meditate for a minute or 500, give in to Spirit, phone a buddy... then grab a fluffy book and read until I fall asleep. And tomorrow, I'll do it again. Twice if needed.
I am sick and tired of this BS. I have accepted full responsibility for placing myself in this situation in the first place. I have hated myself, learned from it, listened to you guys.. And, right now, I accept full responsibility once again to get over this and myself for good. I'm putting my foot down with a stomp. Call me cocky, but I am not scared. I am ANGRY because enough is f**king enough.
I can understand why some people would be afraid of booze. However, as some of you know, this is not the first time I've had to destroy structures in my life - religion, sexuality, illusion... I'm willing to break another taboo, because I am most certainly not willing to allow fear to run my life anymore. I want to be free. So:
Alcohol, you can kiss my ass.
If I read this thread and hadn't written it, I'd be thinking "fools rush in where angels fear to tread". I'm no angel though, so you are all most welcome to call me a fool. And, by all means, if I were to relapse at some point, just rub this reckless post in my face. Right now, though, I've had enough.
Love you all - if I'm so "brave", why am I crying? I guess I AM a fool. Or just plain angry.
Strugling to get length of sobriety!
In the past year I have tried many times to get my self sober for a period of time . I have been refered to an alcohol treatment centre for 6 months. But once I started back work my binge drinking has started again ,my access to my children has slipped. My attendance at work has been inconsistant.My financial afairs are in disaray. And I feel I am just about keeping an illusion of soacial inclusion by the skin of my teeth. 5 years ago I managed to abstain for nearly 2 years but of late I have strugled to get any lengthy sobriety under way. I have been sober now since monday . I work as a psychiatric nurse in a forensic setting which means I have to do random shifts which at times can be stressfull and do not enable me to have a regular AA home group.
Language of Letting Go - October 9 - Self-Disclosure
You are reading from the book The Language of Letting Go
Self-Disclosure
Learning to gently reveal who we are is how we open ourselves up to love and intimacy in our relationships.
Many of us have hidden under a protective shell, a casing that prevents others from seeing or hurting us. We do not want to be that vulnerable. We do not want to expose our thoughts, feelings, fears, weaknesses, and sometimes our strengths, to others.
We do not want others to see who we really are.
We may be afraid they might judge us, go away, or not like us. We may be uncertain that who we are is okay or exactly how we should reveal ourselves to others.
Being vulnerable can be frightening, especially if we have lived with people who abused, mistreated, manipulated, or did not appreciate us.
Little by little, we learn to take the risk of revealing ourselves. We disclose the real person within to others. We pick safe people, and we begin to disclose bits and pieces about ourselves.
Sometimes, out of fear, we may withhold, thinking that will help the relationship or will help others like us more. That is an illusion. Withholding who we are does not help the other person, the relationship, or us. Withholding is behavior that backfires. For true intimacy and closeness to exist, for us to love ourselves and be content in a relationship, we need to disclose who we are.
That does not mean we tell all to everyone at once. That can be a self-defeating behavior too. We can learn to trust ourselves, about who to tell, when to tell, where to tell, and how much to tell.
To trust that people will love and like us if we are exactly who we are is frightening. But it is the only way we can achieve what we want in relationships. To let go of our need to control others - their opinions, their feelings about us, or the course of the relationship - is the key.
Gently, like a flower, we can learn to open up. Like a flower, we will do that when the sun shines and there is warmth.
Today, I will begin to take the risk of disclosing who I am to someone with whom I feel safe. I will let go of some of my protective devices and risk being vulnerable - even though I may have been taught differently, even though I may have taught myself differently. I will disclose who I am in a way that reflects self-responsibility, self-love, directness, and honesty. God, help me let go of my fears about disclosing who I am to people. Help me accept who I am, and help me let go of my need to be who people want me to be.
From The Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie ©1990, Hazelden Foundation.
Self-Disclosure
Learning to gently reveal who we are is how we open ourselves up to love and intimacy in our relationships.
Many of us have hidden under a protective shell, a casing that prevents others from seeing or hurting us. We do not want to be that vulnerable. We do not want to expose our thoughts, feelings, fears, weaknesses, and sometimes our strengths, to others.
We do not want others to see who we really are.
We may be afraid they might judge us, go away, or not like us. We may be uncertain that who we are is okay or exactly how we should reveal ourselves to others.
Being vulnerable can be frightening, especially if we have lived with people who abused, mistreated, manipulated, or did not appreciate us.
Little by little, we learn to take the risk of revealing ourselves. We disclose the real person within to others. We pick safe people, and we begin to disclose bits and pieces about ourselves.
Sometimes, out of fear, we may withhold, thinking that will help the relationship or will help others like us more. That is an illusion. Withholding who we are does not help the other person, the relationship, or us. Withholding is behavior that backfires. For true intimacy and closeness to exist, for us to love ourselves and be content in a relationship, we need to disclose who we are.
That does not mean we tell all to everyone at once. That can be a self-defeating behavior too. We can learn to trust ourselves, about who to tell, when to tell, where to tell, and how much to tell.
To trust that people will love and like us if we are exactly who we are is frightening. But it is the only way we can achieve what we want in relationships. To let go of our need to control others - their opinions, their feelings about us, or the course of the relationship - is the key.
Gently, like a flower, we can learn to open up. Like a flower, we will do that when the sun shines and there is warmth.
Today, I will begin to take the risk of disclosing who I am to someone with whom I feel safe. I will let go of some of my protective devices and risk being vulnerable - even though I may have been taught differently, even though I may have taught myself differently. I will disclose who I am in a way that reflects self-responsibility, self-love, directness, and honesty. God, help me let go of my fears about disclosing who I am to people. Help me accept who I am, and help me let go of my need to be who people want me to be.
From The Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie ©1990, Hazelden Foundation.
