Drug Rehab Options Blog

imagine my shock when two policemen showed up at my door with a warrant for my arrest!

seems as if my xah had been skimming quite a bit of money from the business i was managing and fixing it all so it wouldn't show up.....at least on my end.

i'm crushed. i had no idea how far he would go to destroy me.

i'm not afraid because i have done nothing wrong.

i think back now, and at the time, i wondered why he always encouraged me to take the day off and let him run the office......my health has been really bad, and for about 3 solid months, he let me pile up in bed (with illnessess and depression) while he did his evil.

i hate him so much. i used to feel empathy for him, but now i believe he is pure evil and i hate him.

it will all come out in the wash, but when will this friggin nightmare end? what more can he possibly do to me and my life?

surprisingly, i have no problem going out into the community and holding my head high. i hate him so much it is unbelievable. i'm offering no explanations to people who ask out in the community. i figure the least said, the better off i am right now.

i can't wait to see him hung high.

Last time I went on withdrawl I didn't last very long. Turns out I was getting the flu, which made the withdrawls that much worse and I welched. Anyhow, as you can imagine I snowballed. After days of feeling terrible with the flu I ended up on the wine. Last week alone I drank about 9 bottles of red wine in five days - and I did it in hiding as well. Anyhow, as you can imagine I've felt pretty damned awful since dropping the sauce and I feel so upset with myself that I got back into this cycle.

I'm now on day 3 and sitting at my desk at work, but dammit I feel worse on this withdrawl than ever before. I think the psycological part of it has really gotten to me this time. I'm having more anxiety than usual.

What's more is that my body seems to be more weakened than usual. I presently have weak legs, pains in my hands and feet and a terrible brain cloud. I'm worried that I'm going to have a seizure or something. The problem I have is that I am energyless but I need to commute into the city every day for work, until Christmas Eve. I then have to cook three meals in three days, and at the end of Boxing Day board a flight to Dubai to see the in-laws for 10days, during which I certainly can't afford to drink to "see me through" until I come back and start again.

I know I can't drink because if I do I'll just be delaying all this another day. But I so what to die right now The craving is unreal. Its worse than it has been before.

Help me! :(

For those that don't know - my mom is addicted to prescription painkillers and heroin.

I haven't spoken to her since August when she came to my house and stole from me. She lives with my aunt (who is an alcoholic).

Well I guess her and my aunt got into an argument and my aunt said something along the lines of, "Your own daughter even told me she wants nothing to do with you" - which is true.

So for the last couple of days she is calling my work constantly and when I answer she just starts screaming...so I just hang up immediately without saying anything.

She then calls my cell phone and leaves me horrible messages saying, "You are the worst daughter I could imagine, I want nothing to do with you or your "f"ing wedding and you can go straight to hell"

She's left me 3 messages like this in the last 2 days.

Then last night at about 10pm she called from a private number and when I answered she said, "I hate your "f"ing guts" and then hung up on me.

I just can't take this anymore. When she says these things to me I am SO hurt inside. I don't know how much more of this I can handle...I cried myself to sleep last night thinking over and over about how she said, "I hate your "f"ing guts". How does a mother say that to her child??

I am at a loss about how to completely remove her from my life...she just keeps calling and calling just to hurt me.

So, yesterday morning my AH sends me a text message from the living room couch (where he has been sleeping for the past 2 weeks straight, and every time that he is drunk) asking if I will come in there and talk to him. Against my better judgement, I go. He is still drunk from the night before, and I can tell right away that he is pissed. He asks where I was 3 nights ago, and I told him that I met a friend from work, and then we went back to his house and sat and talked to his wife and her sister. I have a couple of friends at work that I have confided in recently, and Thanksgiving was expecially hard on me since I had to fake that everything was fine while AH's family was around. I cried for hours. I needed someone to talk to. I talked about him the entire time! My friend also drinks too much, but at least he is home every night! Anyways, AH starts calling me a *****, and says that I better go get an attorney, because he is sick and tired of this (???) and he wants a divorce. I almost started laughing because his accusations are just SO FAR FETCHED! So I quietly tell him that if it makes him feel better to invent a dramatic event so that he can blame me instead of himself, then by all means, he should go for it. I've spent the last week trying to decide if I want to stay with him, even if he sobers up, and then all of the sudden he wants to divorce ME??? I decided to take off my rings, because I am not going to wear the ring of a man that would call me a *****, when the only thing I want is him. All I want is for him to sober up and make that transition from single party guy to married guy with a child. I guess that if he gets rid of me, he won't have to hear crap about how much he drinks. The bright side is that with shared custody, I would imagine that he will see more of his daughter than he does now living in the same house. The whole thing is just so sad to me. I won't be able to move out until after the 1st of the year, and I definitely cannot afford this house on my own. Right now, we are avoiding each other more than usual. He did give me my cell phone back, but only until tomorrow. Then I have to get my own phone service. I am taking it hour by hour. I am trying not to let me daughter see me cry any more. And the truth is that right now, I am so tired of being hurt, that I almost don't care anymore. I wish I could afford to move now. But then he took our daughter today to go xmas tree shopping! It's still in the back of the truck, but why buy a tree today if yesterday you told me that you wanted me out of this house and that he wanted a divorce!

It's been a while since I've been on. For all of you who don't know my story, here it is in short. I've always been an honest, good and decent person. One of those good girls who never did drugs and didn't really drink except the occassional social event. About 7 months ago, I fell in love with a man who I later found out was addicted to pain killers. He is on a program that uses suboxone to recover however, he abuses that as well.
A few months ago, I was so entangled in what he was doing, where he was and if he was going to kill himself. One night, I fell hard. I slit my wrists and wound up in the pshych ward. I loved him so much and I couldn't imagine my life without him. I was so depressed from thinking he was going to kill himself that I ended up losing myself in him. I was becoming a horrible mom and didn't really like myself. I got help.
We moved in together and everything seemed to be going fine. Now, the worst has happened.
I was an enabler, as much as I hated to admit it. In one of my enabling events, my world turned upside down. Now, instead of an enabler, I am writing to you as an addict. A cocaine addict.
We have spent so much money. We have so much to lose. I don't know what to do. I can't go into rehab because I will lose my job and with the economy the way it is, I definitely wouldn't be getting another one anytime soon. It has not gotten to the point where I steal or sell my stuff but if I keep going, I'm sure it would.
I love cocaine. I love the way I feel when I do it. But I also hate cocaine. I hate the way it takes all of our money. I hate the way I'm an addict instead of the mother I should be. I hate the way it separates him and I because we are each so busy doing stuff that we end up not spending time with each other. And mostly, I hate the guilt and depression that follow. I swear I'll never touch it again and then a couple days later, we are back at it. I don't know what to do.
Advice would be good right now. I'm sure you are all shaking your head wondering how I could be so stupid. I deserve that.

In the morning's, I know I'm an alcoholic but by 5 o'clock I convince myself that I'm not - everybody drinks and I'm just like everyone else, so I may aswell have a drink..... But when I start drinking, I don't stop til I've passed out (unlike everyone else), I don't usually remember going to bed and I drink every night. Maybe just a few beers instead of the wine (this is often my rationale) but I'll have a bottle of wine on-hand just in case (plus it makes me feel better knowing there's more grog if I need it).

I'm just astounded by the grasp alcohol has on me and my ability to convince myself that I'm normal, so I can justify the next drink!

I really can't imagine NEVER having a drink again but there's a part of me that knows this is the only answer. It seems so unattainable! Every social outing and friendship I have, revolves around alcohol, so what does that leave?

Hi friends

I love a movie called "Everything about my mother" by Pedro Almodovar, in there an actress says

"One is more authentic when she is closer to the dream she had about herself"

How do you imagine the very best version of yourself?

For me:

healthy self esteem
better sister, daughter, friend, coworker
fit
confident
free from anybody and free from my past
positive thinking
more compassionate with myself and my mistakes
loving and grateful for one more day of life
doing things i really enjoy!! like painting and theater
look good for ME
live more in the present moment
study more and support my career
stop caring so much about other opinions
give myself credit
decorate my room and keep it clean
be more careful with my thoughts, words and people I choose to be around with
give an extra effort!!
support more other people (I know I am good at it)

I just can't stop guys. I am in a pattern right now where I drink every other day. I am to the point where I can't imagine my nights without drinking. It's like I have nothing else to do. I like working out, but I drink instread. I like AA meetings but I don't go, I drink instead. I don't know what my problem is. I really don't. I swear, if I could go to a 90 rehab center I would go. I feel like the familiarity of my life influences me to drink.

I really have isolated myself. I used to be very active and have many freinds. Now I come home, eat dinner, and then start drinking. I don't even get hungover anymore. I'm drinking over a half of a fifth of strong liquor and smoking and I don't even feel bad the next day. Or, maybe I do feel bad, I'm just used to it. I need to stop. Check my old posts. I have been at good points with sobriety before but they were all short lived.

I have gone through custody battle with my ex regarding my son and I think the sadness may contribute as well. I just don't know where to start or how to stop.

WILL SOMEONE HELP ME PLEASE... I love the forum and there are so many good people here that had to be where I am. I just can't stop drinking...

"Imagine life without faith! Were nothing left but pure reason, it wouldn't be life. But we believed in life - of course we did. We could not prove life in the sense that you can prove a straight line is the shortest distance between two points: yet, there it was. Could we still say the whole thing was nothing but a mass of electrons, created out of nothing, meaning nothing, whirling on to a destiny of nothingness? Of course we couldn't. The electrons themselves seemed more intelligent than that. At least, so the chemist said."

I had been heavily abusing opiates for about three to four months, prior to that I had been using them not nearly as heavily for about a year. At first it was weekly, then twice a week, then bi-daily (I'm sure you all know how it goes).

Anywho, stupid me decided to drop it all at once, AND quit caffeine at the same time. You can only imagine what ensued, it was by far the most horrifying thing I've ever experienced.

Two trips to the hospital later, they have me on Effexor XR and things are going... well, they're going. I'm in therapy and I'm off work temporarily still, but I do believe that things are looking up. I am stuck with a horrible depression, as you would imagine, but I've been through depression before too.

I'm just looking for support from people in similar situations, I'm searching for compassion and to give compassion. If there's anyone else that's just bumming around at home all day, drop me a line.