Archive for the ‘Impulses’ tag
Timeframe
For me, early recovery has been a wild ride, a swing from one extreme to another. I cared too much, then too little, loved too much, then not at all. I involved myself in every aspect of my alcoholic's business, then, abruptly refused any participation in his life.
I think the pendulum has been slowly coming to rest somewhere in the center.
I don't want to be rash, though my impulses can still be.
I'm feeling particularly thoughtful lately.
When I moved out (Labor Day) - I planned to take advantage of the separation to assess my marriage and determine if divorce was in my best interest.
This isn't a pressing, immediate issue - everyone is getting along well, my child is safe and well-cared for, AH and I are communicating well, and I'm even having some fun! I love my little house, I cherish my privacy, and I am happy with my situation today.
But I don't want to stay here forever.
I miss regular physical intimacy. I miss having a partner who can, reliably, provide some emotional support for me.
AH is still drinking (though I never see it). He knows that I will not live with him while he drinks, and though he says that he wants me to come home, he continues to engage in the behaviors that are keeping me at bay.
I am not angry about this. I didn't move out to get him to quit. I understand the disparity between an alcoholic's words and actions, and I am keeping a careful, open eye on actions.
I have absolutely no desire to live with him if he continues to drink.
I will not do it.
Despite his words to the contrary, he is in no hurry to make any changes.
I guess I'm wondering if I am attempting to control him by giving him a "head's up!" timeframe kind of warning.
Like, "I love you, but I can't put my life on hold forever waiting to see if you'll make decisions that are compatible with a life with me. I know you want to quit drinking, and I know you can do it. But, if you can't do it soon, I need to move on. I will file for divorce in May."
I am prepared for this declaration to have little/no effect on his alcohol consumption, but I feel the need to let him know. So that, in the off chance that he's really just been cooling his heels, thinking that everything's hunky-dory, he'll know that I'm serious about divorce - serious about living my life the way I see fit, not just waiting around for him to figure things out.
When I had this realization, my instinct was to just blurt it out right then. Have some big emotional scene.
But I held back. I'd like some input on this situation before I make any announcements.
Any thoughts?
Thanks everyone!
-TC
I think the pendulum has been slowly coming to rest somewhere in the center.
I don't want to be rash, though my impulses can still be.
I'm feeling particularly thoughtful lately.
When I moved out (Labor Day) - I planned to take advantage of the separation to assess my marriage and determine if divorce was in my best interest.
This isn't a pressing, immediate issue - everyone is getting along well, my child is safe and well-cared for, AH and I are communicating well, and I'm even having some fun! I love my little house, I cherish my privacy, and I am happy with my situation today.
But I don't want to stay here forever.
I miss regular physical intimacy. I miss having a partner who can, reliably, provide some emotional support for me.
AH is still drinking (though I never see it). He knows that I will not live with him while he drinks, and though he says that he wants me to come home, he continues to engage in the behaviors that are keeping me at bay.
I am not angry about this. I didn't move out to get him to quit. I understand the disparity between an alcoholic's words and actions, and I am keeping a careful, open eye on actions.
I have absolutely no desire to live with him if he continues to drink.
I will not do it.
Despite his words to the contrary, he is in no hurry to make any changes.
I guess I'm wondering if I am attempting to control him by giving him a "head's up!" timeframe kind of warning.
Like, "I love you, but I can't put my life on hold forever waiting to see if you'll make decisions that are compatible with a life with me. I know you want to quit drinking, and I know you can do it. But, if you can't do it soon, I need to move on. I will file for divorce in May."
I am prepared for this declaration to have little/no effect on his alcohol consumption, but I feel the need to let him know. So that, in the off chance that he's really just been cooling his heels, thinking that everything's hunky-dory, he'll know that I'm serious about divorce - serious about living my life the way I see fit, not just waiting around for him to figure things out.
When I had this realization, my instinct was to just blurt it out right then. Have some big emotional scene.
But I held back. I'd like some input on this situation before I make any announcements.
Any thoughts?
Thanks everyone!
-TC
Pause
PAUSE
WhatÂ’s a minute worth to you? Is it enough time to text a friend? Enough time to race to class after sleeping thru the alarm (again)? Or is it long enough to separate a smart call from a risky move?
It only takes a minute to change your life.
That’s a one minute pause, 60 seconds to stop, think and consider the impact of your actions. A pause is a delay, a breather, a suspended reaction. A pause is about finding the time to get the facts, and using those facts—not impulses- to help make decisions, when emotions are running high and a minute can feel like an instant or an eternity, a moment of clarity you create for yourself.
PAUSE wonÂ’t tell you what to do. PAUSE will provide you with information about your mind, body, and relationships and empower you to make your own best decisions. When you can rely on accurate info and make choices youÂ’re comfortable with, youÂ’re in the driverÂ’s seat. PAUSE is not about judgment. PAUSE is about staying informed and in control. ItÂ’s about the confidence you gain when you know the facts and yourself. PAUSE is also about seeking help when you need it.
Pause is a collaboration of the Kaiser Family Foundation, FOX, and My Space
MySpace.com - Pause - 19 - Female - Los Angeles, California - www.myspace.com/pause
WhatÂ’s a minute worth to you? Is it enough time to text a friend? Enough time to race to class after sleeping thru the alarm (again)? Or is it long enough to separate a smart call from a risky move?
It only takes a minute to change your life.
That’s a one minute pause, 60 seconds to stop, think and consider the impact of your actions. A pause is a delay, a breather, a suspended reaction. A pause is about finding the time to get the facts, and using those facts—not impulses- to help make decisions, when emotions are running high and a minute can feel like an instant or an eternity, a moment of clarity you create for yourself.
PAUSE wonÂ’t tell you what to do. PAUSE will provide you with information about your mind, body, and relationships and empower you to make your own best decisions. When you can rely on accurate info and make choices youÂ’re comfortable with, youÂ’re in the driverÂ’s seat. PAUSE is not about judgment. PAUSE is about staying informed and in control. ItÂ’s about the confidence you gain when you know the facts and yourself. PAUSE is also about seeking help when you need it.
Pause is a collaboration of the Kaiser Family Foundation, FOX, and My Space
MySpace.com - Pause - 19 - Female - Los Angeles, California - www.myspace.com/pause
