Drug Rehab Options Blog

I am so F***** tired of this shyt!
She opened the bottle of wine I had bought for my cousins wifes grandmother for Christmas.
I have no money to get her another one.
We pull names for the adults for christmas and I got my cousins wife grandmother. She isnt an alcoholic but she is old italian woman who likes a nice bottle of chiante every now and then. Now I have nothing!!
Way to F***ing go grams!!!
Now I do want to get high to the moon. Good thing I dont have money.
Or I would be smoking like a friggin fiend.
I am not even going to lie.
We got a guy trying to fix our hot water heater that broke and half the house is flooded. The kids got a mess and a half everywhere getting the guys way.
I am trying my best to keep it together but its fading fast.

WTF do I have to do to get some friggin relief here!!!
I am done..I have F***ing had it!!!

Yesterday i found saw a message on my husbands facebook from a woman he used to work with in a different town saying that she was looking forward to seeing him on the weekend.

So i asked him what he is up to at the weekend and he tells me that he is going to stay at a male friends house in this town Saturday night. When i push a little more and ask who else is going to be there he tells me that there is a Xmas party at the womens house and he is going to that and his friend is putting him up after (it is a couple of hours drive home).

Now i have completely lost it. I dont understand why he didnt tell me that this was happening. I dont understand why he firstly just said he was staying at a friends house and didnt volunteer anymore information until i queried it at which point he probably knew that i had seen the facebook. I dont understand why he didnt ask if i would like to come....i have never met any of these friends of his that he texts and talks to on facebook all the time. Furthermore, i dont understand why the party invitation wasnt extended to me....they all know he is married.

While i sometimes go and see my women friends on my own and this alone time with girlfriends is important to me i would never go to a party without inviting him along. If i was having a party i would never invite a person without extending the invitation to their partner.

3 months ago he went to an overnight party there with my blessing and now i cant help wondering if something changed as before that he didnt really socialise with people from his old work & now he is texting & msn'ing with them a lot.

When i tried to talk to him about it he just said that he wanted to go on his own and it was not about me. He says if it is going to cause this much fuss he just wont go....seems he would rather not go than take me along.

But all i can think is that he is either:
a) ashamed of me....he always keeps me away from people he knows and has never introduced me to them.
b) or that he has developed some kind of feelings for this woman (or maybe someone else who is part of the social circle)
c) something happened at the overnight party 3 mths ago.

I am completely in bits about it. I cant stop crying. He says that it is me being ridiculous & insecure.

Have i lost the plot? I really need someone to tell me because i cant think straight anymore.

Thanks Ev

in the parking lot of our local convenience store (a very small town) for not stopping what i was doing (WORKING (grading papers)) and immediately bringing my husband and his buddies the bottle of crown royal they had requested.

why do i always forget that even a calm, rational voice ("do you hear how you are speaking to me? your whiskey is not more important than my job.") does not work with someone who has been drinking all day? ("you should have stopped what you were doing and done what i asked you when i asked you to do it. i am not f***ing happy.")

he had done a "favor" for me earlier (gone into the city to get my migraine prescription), so now i was apparently supposed to return said favor.

i should have known this "honeymoon" period of things going well was not going to last. why do i kid myself?

You can edit your details in your user cp and add a mini YouTube video in your profile.

Use the link within the embed code on YouTube.

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http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ing-glory.html

For those that don't know - my mom is addicted to prescription painkillers and heroin.

I haven't spoken to her since August when she came to my house and stole from me. She lives with my aunt (who is an alcoholic).

Well I guess her and my aunt got into an argument and my aunt said something along the lines of, "Your own daughter even told me she wants nothing to do with you" - which is true.

So for the last couple of days she is calling my work constantly and when I answer she just starts screaming...so I just hang up immediately without saying anything.

She then calls my cell phone and leaves me horrible messages saying, "You are the worst daughter I could imagine, I want nothing to do with you or your "f"ing wedding and you can go straight to hell"

She's left me 3 messages like this in the last 2 days.

Then last night at about 10pm she called from a private number and when I answered she said, "I hate your "f"ing guts" and then hung up on me.

I just can't take this anymore. When she says these things to me I am SO hurt inside. I don't know how much more of this I can handle...I cried myself to sleep last night thinking over and over about how she said, "I hate your "f"ing guts". How does a mother say that to her child??

I am at a loss about how to completely remove her from my life...she just keeps calling and calling just to hurt me.

My best friend has spinal cancer and can't walk now, my cousin was shot and killed recently--she was six, and lastly my father is an alcoholic who got himself so drunk that he almost went into a coma... (and this was before the cousin insident). I feel like my world is crashing into a black hole. I'm not okay, usually I can say "you're goining to be okay, NAME", but I'm not--i'm not o-F'ing-kay. I've bent so far that i'm going to break and soon.

I for the first time want to go to Alateen but i'm afraid to go by myself, and my aquantences are @$$holes and would either blab about my dad or me. I don't even like them, but its better than eating lunch alone, cause i'm alone for the rest of the day.

I'm so lost, and I'm not okay and I'm not going to pretend that I'm okay anymore.

I hate talking about my feelings, especially with other people. Because for the most part, they don't understand what it's like. And those that do understand they're they're already got it bad enough. My father's an alcoholic, I can say it on this forum but if a friend came and asked me, I'd lie my ass off and then make up some lame ass excuse (which unfortunately have gotten better) as to why they can't come over. Or I get all defensive with my best friends and pretty much tell them to f off, and leave me alone when they insist on coming over. And then when his stupid music starts and the floor shakes from the bass, which I must include that it's Bob Dyland he's listening too. Not a hip hop song where bass is, but freakin' Bob Dyland! And then he sneaks up into my room and takes my guitar down back to his drinking room and plays...all f.ing night. And it comes back to me with dents that I didn't cause, and he's so drunk that he's grey! And all I want to do sometimes is kick and yell and scream at him, not because he's ruining my stuff but because He's ruining me. He's going to do what he wants with his body, but he doesn't realize what he's been doing to me for years. You would think after your own daughter tried to kill herself that you'd get the hint. But nope...he instead goes away for weekends down at the trailor where he drinks more 24 cases in one weekend then anyone should in their life. And then he comes home being a total ******* and is shaking from detoxing. I hate him....I cannot wait to leave. My own house, I can't wait to go as far away from. How twisted is that? And I have all these friggin emotions pouring out of me and I'm still trying to find the hope inside the Pandora's Box that I've become. I feel empty inside, like if you opened me up you would find black--no colors, black the absence of light.

No, not me.. lol. But I went to the meeting I finally connected with the best so far, again on wednesday, only to sit down next to a guy who was obviously intoxicated (other than the smell), talked the entire time, insulted others ("what do you mean you're 22 years sober? You still come to meetings? Can't you f^$&ing get a clue on how to do it yet?"), or the classic "what the f*#& are character defects".. of course the latter was quickly answered by some of the oldtimers in the group.. "ego.." "anger.." and finally the chairperson said.. "getting drunk all the time is the biggest one" lol.. Anyways, it was a beginners group, I was pretty uncomfortable about it being so newly sober, I can't imagine how the people in there with multiple years of sobriety felt, knowing this guy had just drank.

In your experience, is this typical? Intoxication at meetings? Tolerance of rude and interrupting behavior? I'll go again, for sure, but wow could that change the group!

Thoughts?
oh... :( and back on day 3. MY LAST DAY 3.... yes that means I had drank the day before the meeting.

I'm new to AA, and have only been to 3 meetings, I may post some more questions as I go, so please bear with me like you always do when I pop back in :) Happy Friday friends!

Here I am venturing into another section of the forums.
My problem isnt drugs at the moment.
I am finding that I am getting sadder and sadder with every day that passes.
I feel like shyt. I dont have any energy. I dont feel like doing anything. I basically just dont care.
I felt like this using. So whats the point of not using if I still feel like crap?
My life isnt a mess. I know thats why. But the emotions. The mental state I have been in. The anger. The sadness. The lack of motivation. Its all the same still.
My job sucks. I hate it more than anything. But I need it more than anything.
I am struggling there and getting written up and critisised all the time from my supervisor. I can see what she is saying about me just pushing through calls and not showing concern. Well it gets hard to do after so long of people treating you like a piece of shyt because they are mad at the company. It takes a toll on me after awhile. But now I have been faking the chipper tone of voice and biting my tongue and scribbling so hard on paper I broke 2 pens so I dont break the phone. And it still isnt good enough. I chuckled in the phone. I sighed tooo loud in the phone. My responce of are you serious to a guy who said he was waiting 6 mos for resolution to his problem was not proper. GIVE ME F***ING BREAK!!!
I have always lived my life fast and free. Besides the drugs I always believe live life and do what makes you happy. I cant be one of those people that goes to work everyday miserable just so they can live. There are a million jobs that pay the same if not more than what I am getting there. But my circumstances at this very moment are hindering me from finding another job.
I have burned alot of bridges. I am tired of living paycheck to paycheck.
I want to move back to Florida or N Carolina. But wont because my grams is here.
I hate NY and always have.
I miss my friends. I miss doing things the way I am use to doing them.
Not because I have to or thats how is socially acceptable.
I am living the life of a broken beat person right now and it is killing me.
I just dont know what to do to stop feeling liek I just want to run away.
I am tired of feeling tired and sad. Angry as hell and so unfulfilled.
I am just tired.

Hello Family, well I been busy with a new trucking company and haven't been on here as much since I started driving for them in July. Life is going good for me right now, I am clean now 4 years as of Sept. 28th, thanks to my higher power who brought me to ask for help and guided me to a rehab that showed me a better way to live= the H & I panel from the local NA program... I heard my story( everything was the same but the DOC ) after almost dying in the detox room 3 days earlier. I apporched this man after the meeting that night and asked him to sponser me and all of my infinate 6 days clean logic, he hugged me and told me to finish my program at the rehab and he would see me outside at a meeting sometime... I went from a homeless meth addict, to a hope fiend that night... I had been blessed already, see I was there at the rehab on a 5 hour hold from the Rialto, CA police dept. who had offered to help me many time , and I finally forced them to by walking in the front door and not leaving the station until I got some help. 2 days after my 5 hour hold began I was given a 7 day detox bed during which the death thing almost caught me... needless to say when I was offered a 90 day program I jumped at it! now here I sit with 4 years clean, I have a good life, have had 2 great sponsers and and with a 3rd great sponser whom I have had for over 2 years... I am now finally out of debt took almost 4 years to do, and over 2 of those years were spent living out of a truck on the open road= less overhead=more getting out of debt... I don't have a jail story, I was wasn't a good criminal I was just lucky enough I was never really caught for anything that kept me from getting my CDL. In that way also I never took a break from using either I was out there couch surfing, room-mating and con-man-ing my way through using and life for 27+ years ending up homeless pennyless and strung out on meth with clothes hanging off me as I come out of the tent for the days adventure... I am so glad to be here today, to have my sponser, the program of NA, SR for the road to keep me cyberly connceted to recovery when I was unable to make it to a meeting, and most of all my Higher Power... for all of it.. all 4 years:a122: