Archive for the ‘Ins’ tag
need feedback
friends,
my son called last night and he got a job. there is a condition. this is a job in sales and he needs a car. it is my understanding that this is a commission job. therefore you will have an outlay of cash in the form of gas, insurance, new car tag etc. he has a car here that is titled to his wife (soon to be ex-wife). I am presuming he has her okay.
Of course he wants us to assist him in the gas, ins., tag etc. until he can begin making sales. I told him I felt that was a lot of outlay for a job that might not pan out (example..no sales) for now I told him my dh and I would get the counselors(at his rehab) opinion and see what kind of company this is and if he thinks it is a good idea.
So once again I am in the doghouse for not being "gung-ho" on a job he found. However, if he expects us to help him make this possible don't we have a right to express our doubts? I personally feel like he should get a paying job that includes a regular week to week paycheck. But is that controlling on my part? Or just the expression of an opinion?
I think he should save his money while working at another job and if the sales job is available AFTER he saves his $$$ then go for it. Of course you all know how well that idea is going to go over. Seems to me I can never win. Now my son thinks I am the stumbling block in a great job for him.
I feel pretty low right now but we have only last week set him up in rehab and now this. Am I wrong thinking this sales job is a bad idea? Also my dh and I would have to miss a days work to get the car to him plus make the arrangements for a tag and insurance since he is in a different state. Really it isn't a cut and dried issue but I'd appreciate any thoughts. dixied
my son called last night and he got a job. there is a condition. this is a job in sales and he needs a car. it is my understanding that this is a commission job. therefore you will have an outlay of cash in the form of gas, insurance, new car tag etc. he has a car here that is titled to his wife (soon to be ex-wife). I am presuming he has her okay.
Of course he wants us to assist him in the gas, ins., tag etc. until he can begin making sales. I told him I felt that was a lot of outlay for a job that might not pan out (example..no sales) for now I told him my dh and I would get the counselors(at his rehab) opinion and see what kind of company this is and if he thinks it is a good idea.
So once again I am in the doghouse for not being "gung-ho" on a job he found. However, if he expects us to help him make this possible don't we have a right to express our doubts? I personally feel like he should get a paying job that includes a regular week to week paycheck. But is that controlling on my part? Or just the expression of an opinion?
I think he should save his money while working at another job and if the sales job is available AFTER he saves his $$$ then go for it. Of course you all know how well that idea is going to go over. Seems to me I can never win. Now my son thinks I am the stumbling block in a great job for him.
I feel pretty low right now but we have only last week set him up in rehab and now this. Am I wrong thinking this sales job is a bad idea? Also my dh and I would have to miss a days work to get the car to him plus make the arrangements for a tag and insurance since he is in a different state. Really it isn't a cut and dried issue but I'd appreciate any thoughts. dixied
Did I take a step backwards?
Hi all,
I always want to start my posts by saying thank you. You are all so helpful with encouragement and kind constructive criticism. It is a good safe place.
Anyway, once again, I need your opinion. Did I take a step backwards? The AH called me several times yesterday. I didn't answer, and he didn't leave any messages. Finally, when he did, he was sober and said, "G...I want to take you up on your offer to bring me food and if you could, please bring my bible." I called back (yeah, I know)...I told him that I would this morning.
I met him half way between where he is and where I am. At first he called me to make sure I was coming. I said I was. He then proceed to explain to me that he had been staying in a place that he had been renting week to week (not homeless after all...), but now he has pawned all his stuff and he is out of money. He was moving out of there that day since he couldn't pay for it anymore. He said he wondered if Faith Farm (christian based shelter) would take him. First he asked to come home. I told him no..it was too far gone now. He said okay, would I still bring food. I said okay. He also mentioned that the woman he was with had flipped out several times and he couldn't remain in her company. I didn't really comment on that. I didn't want to get into it with him.
When I met him at a gas station, he pulled up. Stuff in his car pack to the hilt. His clothes were filthy. He has lost alot of weight. We hugged and both cried. I brought him a sub, a bottle of soda, water, and some chips. I went into the market, and picked him up a pack of smokes (I know I know). I watched him inhaling his food from his car. It was so so sad. When I came out, I asked him where he was going. Said he didn't know, but that he had to find some place because of his gas situation (on empty). I did perhaps another questionable thing...I filled up his tank.
He told me felt he was at his bottom. Can I find him a rehab, he asked. I told him that he had our insurance, but he had to call himself. They won't give me authorization on his behalf since it is mental health. I told him a number of places he could go for shelter.
I gave him his bible and brought him a pillow. First he cried, and then he gagged a bit. It was so so sad...my heart broke watching it. Then he said, okay...well...I am sorry about everything...you were a good wife to me, and I was a $h!t to you...take care...I know you have to go. I gave him one last hug, and we went in the opposite direction.
He didn't ask for money, and I didn't give it...I already had told him no.
Was I wrong to do this? I post this to remain accountable. What do you think? Of course, the pain was fresh all over again. I love this man and never wanted to see this happen. I know I can't rescue him, but I felt like I couldn't say no to the food since he wasn't asking for money. I filled his tank partly because he asked and partly because I felt pity. I rationalized that it wasn't cash and he couldn't spend it on booze...I hope he will use it to get to a rehab.
What do you think?
I always want to start my posts by saying thank you. You are all so helpful with encouragement and kind constructive criticism. It is a good safe place.
Anyway, once again, I need your opinion. Did I take a step backwards? The AH called me several times yesterday. I didn't answer, and he didn't leave any messages. Finally, when he did, he was sober and said, "G...I want to take you up on your offer to bring me food and if you could, please bring my bible." I called back (yeah, I know)...I told him that I would this morning.
I met him half way between where he is and where I am. At first he called me to make sure I was coming. I said I was. He then proceed to explain to me that he had been staying in a place that he had been renting week to week (not homeless after all...), but now he has pawned all his stuff and he is out of money. He was moving out of there that day since he couldn't pay for it anymore. He said he wondered if Faith Farm (christian based shelter) would take him. First he asked to come home. I told him no..it was too far gone now. He said okay, would I still bring food. I said okay. He also mentioned that the woman he was with had flipped out several times and he couldn't remain in her company. I didn't really comment on that. I didn't want to get into it with him.
When I met him at a gas station, he pulled up. Stuff in his car pack to the hilt. His clothes were filthy. He has lost alot of weight. We hugged and both cried. I brought him a sub, a bottle of soda, water, and some chips. I went into the market, and picked him up a pack of smokes (I know I know). I watched him inhaling his food from his car. It was so so sad. When I came out, I asked him where he was going. Said he didn't know, but that he had to find some place because of his gas situation (on empty). I did perhaps another questionable thing...I filled up his tank.
He told me felt he was at his bottom. Can I find him a rehab, he asked. I told him that he had our insurance, but he had to call himself. They won't give me authorization on his behalf since it is mental health. I told him a number of places he could go for shelter.
I gave him his bible and brought him a pillow. First he cried, and then he gagged a bit. It was so so sad...my heart broke watching it. Then he said, okay...well...I am sorry about everything...you were a good wife to me, and I was a $h!t to you...take care...I know you have to go. I gave him one last hug, and we went in the opposite direction.
He didn't ask for money, and I didn't give it...I already had told him no.
Was I wrong to do this? I post this to remain accountable. What do you think? Of course, the pain was fresh all over again. I love this man and never wanted to see this happen. I know I can't rescue him, but I felt like I couldn't say no to the food since he wasn't asking for money. I filled his tank partly because he asked and partly because I felt pity. I rationalized that it wasn't cash and he couldn't spend it on booze...I hope he will use it to get to a rehab.
What do you think?
Oh embarrassment. I hate you.
I just had an experience that will probably repeat itself from time to time now that I'm back in my old stomping grounds. I bumped into a friend of a friend and he immediately remembered my name. This surprised me until I dimly recalled that one night when I was very very drunk, I got into a long conversation with this person in which I must have came across as an @sshole/idiot. I just have flashes of being stupid in front of this person. I don't know how to handle these run-ins. Do I say something about how I was pretty intoxicated last time we spoke? Or pretend like it never happened?
On the bright side, if I keep this sobriety thing up (as is my plan), if I say something stupid to someone, I will remember what it was I said!
On the bright side, if I keep this sobriety thing up (as is my plan), if I say something stupid to someone, I will remember what it was I said!
