Archive for the ‘Insulin’ tag
I dont want my son here
I wish my AS never came home - i hate to admit it especially with the holidays but he does nothing but hurt. We've only had a couple of arguments but i feel like i'm walking on eggshells and the arguments are the same ones we have had for a year and a half.
He doesnt feel loved because i'm not all touchy feely with him - i dont have it in me to treat him like that. He as usual says i'm selfish and dont treat him like i love him. He says i work too much and i dont do anything to show i care about my kids. I do work too much but its because i get no child support. I telecommute and can work as much as i need to so i'm pretty much always working just to keep the bills paid. Its all I can do to keep the bills paid, buy the insulin, pay the doctor bills. He cannot see that one of the reasons i have to work so much is because he is an expensive child. When he goes through one of his "episodes" I will miss so much work running back and forth to court, hospitals, whatever that time takes and it takes a while to recoup. Not to mention that it costs a small fortune to feed a 16 yo boy.
I'm just hurt. i'm tired of being expected to sit around and never tell him how i feel. i'm a mom so i'm not allowed to make him feel bad by saying that he has hurt me. My life was so peaceful when it was just my daughter and me. It was wonderful and I was really starting to be happy for the first time in a long long time. Now its gone because he's here and when he's here the whole world has to focus on him and if you dont - you better watch out because he's going to punish you. I'm realizing that he just sucks the joy out of my life.
He doesnt feel loved because i'm not all touchy feely with him - i dont have it in me to treat him like that. He as usual says i'm selfish and dont treat him like i love him. He says i work too much and i dont do anything to show i care about my kids. I do work too much but its because i get no child support. I telecommute and can work as much as i need to so i'm pretty much always working just to keep the bills paid. Its all I can do to keep the bills paid, buy the insulin, pay the doctor bills. He cannot see that one of the reasons i have to work so much is because he is an expensive child. When he goes through one of his "episodes" I will miss so much work running back and forth to court, hospitals, whatever that time takes and it takes a while to recoup. Not to mention that it costs a small fortune to feed a 16 yo boy.
I'm just hurt. i'm tired of being expected to sit around and never tell him how i feel. i'm a mom so i'm not allowed to make him feel bad by saying that he has hurt me. My life was so peaceful when it was just my daughter and me. It was wonderful and I was really starting to be happy for the first time in a long long time. Now its gone because he's here and when he's here the whole world has to focus on him and if you dont - you better watch out because he's going to punish you. I'm realizing that he just sucks the joy out of my life.
I’m so tired
I feel like i've been runover by a truck. I havent slept much the last few days. AS will have his court date tomorrow and I really wish I didnt have to go because i dont even want to look at him right now. I dont want to cry anymore but i know i will when i see him. The pain that he has caused is just unbearable. I saw my doctor yesterday because i just feel so bad. She gave me some samples of a prescription to help with the anxiety and panic attacks i've been having and today said she would send in a small prescription so i could sleep. All I really want is one full night sleep and I know i'll feel the world better. I cannot wait till bed time when i can finally fall asleep and not wake up every 15 minutes - hopefully tomorrow with some real rest my mind will be more at ease.
I just feel nothing towards my son right now. Its a very dark feeling to have but he just hurt me too much this time. When I think of him i just dont see my child anymore - I've had to put up the photos i have of him because i cant look at them. I dont want to go through my life having these dramatic episodes of not knowing if he's dead or alive. I'm so scared that it will never end because no matter how much I emotionally detach its still me who gets called when there is a problem so I cant stay away from it. Yesterday I didnt even want to take his insulin to him in jail - luckily his PO said he would do it for me - the court seems to understand what this did to me this time so I'm thankful for that. I still have to go pick up his possessions from rehab but they said they would give me a few days because they also understood that i was at my limit right now.
This would be so much easier if it wasnt my child and was just someone i could walk away from. I love him and always will but somtimes i wish i didnt because its so painful loving a child who only has pain to offer.
I just feel nothing towards my son right now. Its a very dark feeling to have but he just hurt me too much this time. When I think of him i just dont see my child anymore - I've had to put up the photos i have of him because i cant look at them. I dont want to go through my life having these dramatic episodes of not knowing if he's dead or alive. I'm so scared that it will never end because no matter how much I emotionally detach its still me who gets called when there is a problem so I cant stay away from it. Yesterday I didnt even want to take his insulin to him in jail - luckily his PO said he would do it for me - the court seems to understand what this did to me this time so I'm thankful for that. I still have to go pick up his possessions from rehab but they said they would give me a few days because they also understood that i was at my limit right now.
This would be so much easier if it wasnt my child and was just someone i could walk away from. I love him and always will but somtimes i wish i didnt because its so painful loving a child who only has pain to offer.
Help Please
My son has run away from rehab. I got the call around 12:30 today. He is diabetic and he left without taking any insulin with him. I'm told by one of his friends that someone does know where he is but wont tell anyone. I'm completely desperate. The initial danger zone for him would have been around 6:00 tonite when he would have to eat or risk a low blood sugar or seizure. Since he is with someone I'm assuming that he will at least eat. But within 24-48 hours he will risk high blood sugar shock if he doesnt have insulin. I'm going out of my mind - using is the least of my worries right now. The facility says that if he comes back soon they wont kick him out but if he stays gone for more than a day then he will go to YDC. I've tried to get word to him that he just needs to get back now but i dont even know if he got it or if he would even care.
He's thrown it all away but even worse he is risking his life right now. I'm so scared that he wont make it this time. I dont know if the next time i see him it will be in jail, the hospital, or the morgue. God help me
He's thrown it all away but even worse he is risking his life right now. I'm so scared that he wont make it this time. I dont know if the next time i see him it will be in jail, the hospital, or the morgue. God help me
Day 520………almost
things happen for a reason some ppl take time and some ppl just need time.....I did a little of both.....I needed the time to heal after we miscarried, once again, kept on taking care of our puppies of which we only have 3 dogs now our Spanky gave up the fight a few weeks ago, Edward and I have taken the time to get to know each other better, to come together stronger and at the same time still have a boat load of troubles, but other than that...today I am so much stronger than the woman that I was the last time many ppl saw me on here.
I am taking new meds, on is called ablify as well as my xanax and welbutrin, my good news I have another physician who has taken me off of all of my meds......what does that mean.....after many tests I am NOT diabetic so I dont need to take the insulin that has done a LOT of damage to my body...nor do I have to take any of the 20 other meds my previous doctor had me on......
I have something now that I haven't had in absolutley years.....it is called clarity of mind....the other night watching this historical presidential vote come in I just burst out crying.....Edward asked me what was wrong not sure if it was me or the babies or if I was just tired or all of the million other reason this man is learning I can start crying about....I was crying because I realized even this time last year I wouldn't of stopped long enough to watch the debates let along vote.....this has been such a eye opening few months lately.....I love being sober and not high!!!!!!!!
Now here is the best part of it......Edward and I are now pregnant with twins, something that we didn't think would ever happen with him just having the vasectomy and me and the miscarriages, we are now at 10 almost 11 weeks, and EVERYONE IS HEALTHY AND HAPPY!!!! The awsome news is they believe this time I will carry full term especially now that my body has healed enough from all of the drugs both perscription that I got from a script happy dr and from the streets......I LOVE MY LIFE AND I AM SO DAMN BLESSED......
Love and hugs,
Pamm, Edward and the crew!!!!
P.S.
AMY I LOVE YOU THANKS FOR BEING MY BEST FRIEND!!!!!!!
P.S.S. thank you sober recovery for being the support when I needed it and the kick in my ass to keep me going !!!!
:ghug3
I am taking new meds, on is called ablify as well as my xanax and welbutrin, my good news I have another physician who has taken me off of all of my meds......what does that mean.....after many tests I am NOT diabetic so I dont need to take the insulin that has done a LOT of damage to my body...nor do I have to take any of the 20 other meds my previous doctor had me on......
I have something now that I haven't had in absolutley years.....it is called clarity of mind....the other night watching this historical presidential vote come in I just burst out crying.....Edward asked me what was wrong not sure if it was me or the babies or if I was just tired or all of the million other reason this man is learning I can start crying about....I was crying because I realized even this time last year I wouldn't of stopped long enough to watch the debates let along vote.....this has been such a eye opening few months lately.....I love being sober and not high!!!!!!!!
Now here is the best part of it......Edward and I are now pregnant with twins, something that we didn't think would ever happen with him just having the vasectomy and me and the miscarriages, we are now at 10 almost 11 weeks, and EVERYONE IS HEALTHY AND HAPPY!!!! The awsome news is they believe this time I will carry full term especially now that my body has healed enough from all of the drugs both perscription that I got from a script happy dr and from the streets......I LOVE MY LIFE AND I AM SO DAMN BLESSED......
Love and hugs,
Pamm, Edward and the crew!!!!
P.S.
AMY I LOVE YOU THANKS FOR BEING MY BEST FRIEND!!!!!!!
P.S.S. thank you sober recovery for being the support when I needed it and the kick in my ass to keep me going !!!!
:ghug3
Update on the Changes in My Life
Hi Everyone
I don't know if anyone noticed but I haven't been on SR much over the past several weeks. I have had a great deal going on in my life but, by the Grace of God, I am still Clean & Sober.
I've shared that my Mom has been in poor health now and in an Assisted Living Facility for about a year. About three weeks ago, the remnents of the hurricanes swept through Ohio in the form of severe wind storms that left most of the state without any electricity or phone service due to trees that took out power lines. Many went for week or more without any electricity. I was one of the few people who was Blessed to not have lost any power, phone or cable service. I found out the next day that the facility my Mom lived in did not have a back up generator or any emergency plan in place so when we could get past the downed power lines in the roads, I went and got my Mom and brought her back to my house. She had a urinary track infection and wasn't acting right when I got her. It got worse so a few days later, I called 911 and she was hospitalized. She had such a bad infection that it had went throughout her entire body to the point that her kidneys began to shut down and she was passing a great deal of blood. It didn't look good. Mom was in critical condition and I thought we were going to lose her.
Over the first few days, I discovered that Mom wasn't getting the insulin that she needed to be on. She developed Diabetes in Feb., due to the many years on Prednisone, which is a steroid, for treatment of Rheumatoid Arthritis. The medical staff at the facility had been telling us that her sugar was so stable that she only required Lantus at night. We discovered that that was not the case and her sugar was out of control, which added another serious problem to her already poor health.
Mom spent over two and a half weeks in the hospital and throughout this I realized that she was not being care for and I would not take her back to this facility. Thanks to these problems, she now requires 24 hour care. I have moved Mom in with me. I am going to be caring for her until the time comes for her to leave this earth. I haven't been working due to my own health issues and my Dr. has told me that I need to file for my Disability, I will never be able to return to work. This was very hard for me to accept, I'm only 46 year old but my Rheumatoid Arthritis, Lupus, Osteoarthritis and heart problems have gotten to the point that I can't work. Mom needs round the clock care and I can give it to her so that's where I'm at now.
Mom was released from the hospital on Tues and has been here with me since. She's doing quite well, but boy, am I exhausted at the end of the day. I have to make sure to check her sugar 4X a day, give her insulin injections, keep her on a well balanced diet, make sure she has plenty of fluids, give her her showers, empty her bedside commode that I got for her, keep up with the private nurse schedules as well as physical therapy. I am learning to help her with certain exercises that we hope will keep her joints from deteoriating any further than they already are. I never stop.
But to me, this is my way of thanking my Mom for all the years that she put me and my brother and sister before any of her on needs. Mom has always been the kind of lady who thought about others first, especially her own kids. She stood by me and never gave up on me those 32 years that I was getting high and drinking. She never gave up on me . . . so I won't give up on her. I have promised myself that if the time comes where it's too much for me and cannot care for her in a way that she needs, I will have to put her into a Nursing Home. I hate to even entertain that thought as something that very well could happen.I am still able to get to some Meetings, which I will always need. My Aunt comes over a few times a week so I can go which I am forever grateful to have her come so I continue to do what I need to do for me.
I'm hoping that everyone who reads this asks that God watch over Mom and minimize her pain and suffering.
Thanks,
Judy
I don't know if anyone noticed but I haven't been on SR much over the past several weeks. I have had a great deal going on in my life but, by the Grace of God, I am still Clean & Sober.
I've shared that my Mom has been in poor health now and in an Assisted Living Facility for about a year. About three weeks ago, the remnents of the hurricanes swept through Ohio in the form of severe wind storms that left most of the state without any electricity or phone service due to trees that took out power lines. Many went for week or more without any electricity. I was one of the few people who was Blessed to not have lost any power, phone or cable service. I found out the next day that the facility my Mom lived in did not have a back up generator or any emergency plan in place so when we could get past the downed power lines in the roads, I went and got my Mom and brought her back to my house. She had a urinary track infection and wasn't acting right when I got her. It got worse so a few days later, I called 911 and she was hospitalized. She had such a bad infection that it had went throughout her entire body to the point that her kidneys began to shut down and she was passing a great deal of blood. It didn't look good. Mom was in critical condition and I thought we were going to lose her.
Over the first few days, I discovered that Mom wasn't getting the insulin that she needed to be on. She developed Diabetes in Feb., due to the many years on Prednisone, which is a steroid, for treatment of Rheumatoid Arthritis. The medical staff at the facility had been telling us that her sugar was so stable that she only required Lantus at night. We discovered that that was not the case and her sugar was out of control, which added another serious problem to her already poor health.
Mom spent over two and a half weeks in the hospital and throughout this I realized that she was not being care for and I would not take her back to this facility. Thanks to these problems, she now requires 24 hour care. I have moved Mom in with me. I am going to be caring for her until the time comes for her to leave this earth. I haven't been working due to my own health issues and my Dr. has told me that I need to file for my Disability, I will never be able to return to work. This was very hard for me to accept, I'm only 46 year old but my Rheumatoid Arthritis, Lupus, Osteoarthritis and heart problems have gotten to the point that I can't work. Mom needs round the clock care and I can give it to her so that's where I'm at now.
Mom was released from the hospital on Tues and has been here with me since. She's doing quite well, but boy, am I exhausted at the end of the day. I have to make sure to check her sugar 4X a day, give her insulin injections, keep her on a well balanced diet, make sure she has plenty of fluids, give her her showers, empty her bedside commode that I got for her, keep up with the private nurse schedules as well as physical therapy. I am learning to help her with certain exercises that we hope will keep her joints from deteoriating any further than they already are. I never stop.
But to me, this is my way of thanking my Mom for all the years that she put me and my brother and sister before any of her on needs. Mom has always been the kind of lady who thought about others first, especially her own kids. She stood by me and never gave up on me those 32 years that I was getting high and drinking. She never gave up on me . . . so I won't give up on her. I have promised myself that if the time comes where it's too much for me and cannot care for her in a way that she needs, I will have to put her into a Nursing Home. I hate to even entertain that thought as something that very well could happen.I am still able to get to some Meetings, which I will always need. My Aunt comes over a few times a week so I can go which I am forever grateful to have her come so I continue to do what I need to do for me.
I'm hoping that everyone who reads this asks that God watch over Mom and minimize her pain and suffering.
Thanks,
Judy
Taking a load off
I have to type this out before too much pressure builds.
My stepmother is an alcoholic. For almost all of the last 20+ years she was sober because my dad was the ultimate control freak. After he died four years ago it's been a constant struggle for her.
She recently took in a roommate from her group who was homeless. He helped her out a lot with heavy chores but, after stringing together several months of sobriety, one of them relapsed and the other followed.
Almost 24 hours ago her spleen was removed after she passed out behind the wheel and hit a tree. They were coming back from the liquor store and crashed a few yards away from home. That was the end of their week long binge and almost her life. This isn't the first time she's almost killed herself.
One of my childhood friends lives across the street from her. Thank God for him, he called me though I live a few states away. He called the paramedics first, then I passed on her medical info. She's insulin dependent and requires oxygen occasionally for respiratory ailments. After that I called her adult children who are local to her. The ER doctor said my friend did the right thing by not letting her go home when she tried, otherwise she would have died.
The oldest son told the roomy it was time to hit the road and I'm glad he did that, though he doesn't have a legal leg to stand on. I'm part owner of the home and will have to file an eviction notice if he doesn't leave but he said he would. Thankfully my friend across the street is a carpenter by trade and has offered to change all the locks, keep an eye on the house.
Her children, my friend and I, all have about one week before she comes home from the hospital. I will probably fly back there sometime in the next few days. I have to decide what to do with the house and figure out liability issues.
I almost forgot to mention I just got back from there for another family member's funeral.
If there's a silver lining in all of this, it's the knowledge that my friend loves me and I love him. He's been keeping an eye on my 70 year old mom as well and doing repairs on her home, too. We never dated because we've always been like siblings. I never dreamed when I met him at 14 that he'd be a lifeline to me 30 years later.
Tonight I was in the grocery store and stopped in the aisle. Between my mom, my stepmother, my RAD and that funeral, I suddenly felt old. It was a momentary thing before I told myself to suck it up and keep moving. I really didn't want to type this all out but knew I needed to before feeling old became a permanent thing.
Thanks for reading and helping me release some stress :)
My stepmother is an alcoholic. For almost all of the last 20+ years she was sober because my dad was the ultimate control freak. After he died four years ago it's been a constant struggle for her.
She recently took in a roommate from her group who was homeless. He helped her out a lot with heavy chores but, after stringing together several months of sobriety, one of them relapsed and the other followed.
Almost 24 hours ago her spleen was removed after she passed out behind the wheel and hit a tree. They were coming back from the liquor store and crashed a few yards away from home. That was the end of their week long binge and almost her life. This isn't the first time she's almost killed herself.
One of my childhood friends lives across the street from her. Thank God for him, he called me though I live a few states away. He called the paramedics first, then I passed on her medical info. She's insulin dependent and requires oxygen occasionally for respiratory ailments. After that I called her adult children who are local to her. The ER doctor said my friend did the right thing by not letting her go home when she tried, otherwise she would have died.
The oldest son told the roomy it was time to hit the road and I'm glad he did that, though he doesn't have a legal leg to stand on. I'm part owner of the home and will have to file an eviction notice if he doesn't leave but he said he would. Thankfully my friend across the street is a carpenter by trade and has offered to change all the locks, keep an eye on the house.
Her children, my friend and I, all have about one week before she comes home from the hospital. I will probably fly back there sometime in the next few days. I have to decide what to do with the house and figure out liability issues.
I almost forgot to mention I just got back from there for another family member's funeral.
If there's a silver lining in all of this, it's the knowledge that my friend loves me and I love him. He's been keeping an eye on my 70 year old mom as well and doing repairs on her home, too. We never dated because we've always been like siblings. I never dreamed when I met him at 14 that he'd be a lifeline to me 30 years later.
Tonight I was in the grocery store and stopped in the aisle. Between my mom, my stepmother, my RAD and that funeral, I suddenly felt old. It was a momentary thing before I told myself to suck it up and keep moving. I really didn't want to type this all out but knew I needed to before feeling old became a permanent thing.
Thanks for reading and helping me release some stress :)
