Archive for the ‘Intimate Relationship’ tag
GF/BF/Spouse Check In 2009
Well, I figured since there is a parent check in- I would start a check in for those who deal with addicts on the spouse/dating/intimate relationship level.
MY HB is in rehab after a 2mo. run (good)
He did it on his own (good)
I didn't enable (good)
He is making amends to return my stolen jewelry/get out of pawn (good)
He has plans to how he will recover (good)
He is willing to listen to my pain and how he hurt me (good). For the first time he stuck around long enough to hear how he damages relationships.
I'm depressed (bad) but working on it everyday by going to support groups and seeing a therapist (good).
I still hold onto hate for his actions (bad) but learning that's what addicts do (good).
I have set up boundaries (good) and was able to verbalize them without remorse or feeling bad (good)
Only one day at a time. I have stopped planning how my life will end up and giving it a time frame. Live for the moment and enjoy each day as it comes. Brace for the ups and downs and NEVER be surprised by another one's actions.
Happy New Year!!
MY HB is in rehab after a 2mo. run (good)
He did it on his own (good)
I didn't enable (good)
He is making amends to return my stolen jewelry/get out of pawn (good)
He has plans to how he will recover (good)
He is willing to listen to my pain and how he hurt me (good). For the first time he stuck around long enough to hear how he damages relationships.
I'm depressed (bad) but working on it everyday by going to support groups and seeing a therapist (good).
I still hold onto hate for his actions (bad) but learning that's what addicts do (good).
I have set up boundaries (good) and was able to verbalize them without remorse or feeling bad (good)
Only one day at a time. I have stopped planning how my life will end up and giving it a time frame. Live for the moment and enjoy each day as it comes. Brace for the ups and downs and NEVER be surprised by another one's actions.
Happy New Year!!
Language of Letting Go - Dec. 19 - Work Roles
You are reading from the book The Language of Letting Go
Work Roles
How easy it is to dive into roles at work. How easy it is to place other people in roles. Sometimes, this is necessary, appropriate, and expedient.
But we can also let our self-shine through our role.
There is joy in giving our gift of skill at work, at giving ourselves to the task at hand so thoroughly that we experience an intimate relationship with our work. There is joy when we create or accomplish a task and can say, "Well done!"
There is also joy when we are our self at work, and when we discover and appreciate those around us.
The most unpleasant, mundane task can be breezed through when we stop thinking of ourselves as a robot and allow ourselves to be a person.
Those around us will respond warmly when we treat them as individuals and not job defined roles.
This does not mean we need to become inappropriately entangled with others. It means that, whether we are an employer or an employee, when people are allowed to be people who perform tasks instead of task performers, we are happier and more content people.
Today, I will let myself shine through my task at work. I will try to see others and let them shine through too - instead of looking only at their tasks. God, help me be open to the beauty of others and myself at work. Help me maintain healthy relationships with people at work.
From The Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie ©1990, Hazelden Foundation.
Work Roles
How easy it is to dive into roles at work. How easy it is to place other people in roles. Sometimes, this is necessary, appropriate, and expedient.
But we can also let our self-shine through our role.
There is joy in giving our gift of skill at work, at giving ourselves to the task at hand so thoroughly that we experience an intimate relationship with our work. There is joy when we create or accomplish a task and can say, "Well done!"
There is also joy when we are our self at work, and when we discover and appreciate those around us.
The most unpleasant, mundane task can be breezed through when we stop thinking of ourselves as a robot and allow ourselves to be a person.
Those around us will respond warmly when we treat them as individuals and not job defined roles.
This does not mean we need to become inappropriately entangled with others. It means that, whether we are an employer or an employee, when people are allowed to be people who perform tasks instead of task performers, we are happier and more content people.
Today, I will let myself shine through my task at work. I will try to see others and let them shine through too - instead of looking only at their tasks. God, help me be open to the beauty of others and myself at work. Help me maintain healthy relationships with people at work.
From The Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie ©1990, Hazelden Foundation.
He wants to come home…
Ok, so I guess me contacting him after 10 days of no contact was more of a booboo then I had imagined it would be. He text me today to tell me how much he loves me, how hurt he has been over the last 4 months and it went on and on. Yes, I did text him back. I said it wouldn't work out between us, because just yesterday he left me e-mail which seemed to me seething with anger towards me. He said he would go to counseling and that he wants to be with me. I told him no, it's too late for that at this point and that I was sorry for contacting him because it has caused too much pain and I have shed enough tears over this S@(#.. I also said that I can't change yesterday, but I can make sure that he has no more of my tomorrows. He then asked me if I was having relationships with anyone since he has been gone. I told him the truth, that I can't imagine at this point that I can enter into an intimate relationship with anyone (albeit I have a male friend, but we just talk) He then asked me if he can call me to talk about this. I said no, I can't afford to talk to you right now. (emotionally) I was crying terribly by time the texting was done.
I got off the computer and called my brother right away. He said, listen you have to do what you feel is best for you, but in my opinion he is jerking you around because he senses that he is losing you because you went so long without contact and that isn't your personality. He will leave you again if you take him back. His (my brothers) girlfriend was in the background saying, but you changed why can't he quit drinking and go to counseling, maybe she should give him the benifit of the doubt. He repeted, you can do what you want, it is your life, but you can't hear yourself over the last 6 times he has left you and you are crying, in so much pain, nearly suicidal, but I have heard you.. I hear you and I don't want you to hurt that way and put yourself into the same situation because someone who promised you many times they would go to counseling (and never did) will come into your life and treat you unkind and downright mean and leave you sitting there crying and in pain all over again. But, listen, it is your life but please take time to think this over and think about what you have gained in personal strength. He said you are doing good. It was good to tell him that he can't call you tonight because you might just be too lonely right now and are not thinking this through.
This is my opinion on this, for myself. I WISH, hope, and pray that God has spoken to his heart and that he really wants to get help. I honestly can't see that he is telling the truth, not so much lying but just making false promises to keep me hanging on. He is still stuck on that notion that this is my fault because of my mistrust in men (which I do have.. no kidding!!) I look around at my life, not really empty, my arms may be empty at night when I lay down, but hey I have no one puking in the middle of the night, or spitting in my hair because he is mad at me for something I said while he was drunk. I am paying my bills, first time in my life that I was ever 100% responsible for paying the bills. I have a life with little to no stress. I have company, if my son is not here then someone is, and when my son is here so is 7 of his friends which is a blast to hear a bunch of teen boys laughing it up about stupid stuff. If the XABF came back he wouldn't be happy with that situation, and I don't want to cut my sons social life for an 'if'.
1/2 of me misses him so much I can puke, the other 1/2 of me wants to puke because I am still thinking about him and talking to him.
I really am contemplating taking him back. I am such a sad sack. ugghh..
Any input would help me out greatly. I am not going to take his call tonight, but I know him, he will call until I cave and I need some insight from people who have been there.
I got off the computer and called my brother right away. He said, listen you have to do what you feel is best for you, but in my opinion he is jerking you around because he senses that he is losing you because you went so long without contact and that isn't your personality. He will leave you again if you take him back. His (my brothers) girlfriend was in the background saying, but you changed why can't he quit drinking and go to counseling, maybe she should give him the benifit of the doubt. He repeted, you can do what you want, it is your life, but you can't hear yourself over the last 6 times he has left you and you are crying, in so much pain, nearly suicidal, but I have heard you.. I hear you and I don't want you to hurt that way and put yourself into the same situation because someone who promised you many times they would go to counseling (and never did) will come into your life and treat you unkind and downright mean and leave you sitting there crying and in pain all over again. But, listen, it is your life but please take time to think this over and think about what you have gained in personal strength. He said you are doing good. It was good to tell him that he can't call you tonight because you might just be too lonely right now and are not thinking this through.
This is my opinion on this, for myself. I WISH, hope, and pray that God has spoken to his heart and that he really wants to get help. I honestly can't see that he is telling the truth, not so much lying but just making false promises to keep me hanging on. He is still stuck on that notion that this is my fault because of my mistrust in men (which I do have.. no kidding!!) I look around at my life, not really empty, my arms may be empty at night when I lay down, but hey I have no one puking in the middle of the night, or spitting in my hair because he is mad at me for something I said while he was drunk. I am paying my bills, first time in my life that I was ever 100% responsible for paying the bills. I have a life with little to no stress. I have company, if my son is not here then someone is, and when my son is here so is 7 of his friends which is a blast to hear a bunch of teen boys laughing it up about stupid stuff. If the XABF came back he wouldn't be happy with that situation, and I don't want to cut my sons social life for an 'if'.
1/2 of me misses him so much I can puke, the other 1/2 of me wants to puke because I am still thinking about him and talking to him.
I really am contemplating taking him back. I am such a sad sack. ugghh..
Any input would help me out greatly. I am not going to take his call tonight, but I know him, he will call until I cave and I need some insight from people who have been there.
Things that go bump..
Day 8 of no contact with the AXBF, nearly 4 months he has been gone. I decided the last time he left (since it was the 6th time) that we could never travel down that relationship road again.
About 2 weeks after the AXBF left my son's best friends Dad came over for coffee. He is a single Dad, and at that point I brushed it off as all men are going to put me through hell and I think that came across in the hour we spent having coffee. I didn't talk to him or see him again until last Saturday. (well over 3 months) We talked for about a hour and then he called me, and left me a message (e-mail) that he would like to get to know me. (and at this point, I don't want an intimate relationship with anyone, but I don't want to turn down what could be a great friendship)
Last night he came over, neither of our children were around (like they were the prior 2 times) and before he got here I was in a panic because I don't want to be involved with anyone who may have any issues (such as drinking, or gambling, or LEAVING) even on a friendship level.
We talked for 3 hours over coffee and I laid it on the table and was up front that I can not have anyone in my life that is a drinker, or gambles. He agrees, that he too can not have that in his life. (his x is an A) He has been watching my life, through his son, over the last 10 years that he has been my sons best friend and he (his son told me) wants to be in my life and feels that I deserve respect and consideration that I wasn't given from the AXBF.
We talked about everything, from politics to religion to how it felt when we became parents. It was a nice break from the pressure of having to jump through hoops. I was completely myself, who I am, no up front face that is put on to attract the fly into the spiders web (on both parts) I decided well before the AXBF left that I LIKE who I am and it was raking on my nerves to accommodate him by being who he wanted me to be. (which still wasn't good enough) He was very respectful, made no passes at me in any intimate way, and the night flew by too quickly. I KNOW the red flags to watch for, and I am not lonely where I feel the need to fill that space, and I didn't see not one red flag.
I can say that I am scared that I will fall into being a codie again. I am reading, keeping a journal, and going to counseling to keep myself in the moment, and watch so I don't fall back into my old ways.
I AM SCARED as can be!
My son called me last night (he was at his Dads) and asked.. how did your date go. I said, that wasn't a date! That was just 2 people enjoying each others company. He said Mom, it's ok for you to like him, he is a good guy and you are worth having a good guy in your life. ugghh.. kids!
Is it too soon? Is 4 months too soon? I went from my AXH, to my AXBF over night, and want and need to crawl through this 'friendship' at this point. I have dreams that I want to accomplish, but I don't want to push people out of my life neither. I am not meant to be alone, but am feeling good living alone.
HELP!!..
The no contact with the AXBF is really setting me free in my mind. I feel like a weight is being lifted, I am getting so I don't worry about if he is dead or alive. I didn't stop loving him, I just stopped being involved in the insanity.
About 2 weeks after the AXBF left my son's best friends Dad came over for coffee. He is a single Dad, and at that point I brushed it off as all men are going to put me through hell and I think that came across in the hour we spent having coffee. I didn't talk to him or see him again until last Saturday. (well over 3 months) We talked for about a hour and then he called me, and left me a message (e-mail) that he would like to get to know me. (and at this point, I don't want an intimate relationship with anyone, but I don't want to turn down what could be a great friendship)
Last night he came over, neither of our children were around (like they were the prior 2 times) and before he got here I was in a panic because I don't want to be involved with anyone who may have any issues (such as drinking, or gambling, or LEAVING) even on a friendship level.
We talked for 3 hours over coffee and I laid it on the table and was up front that I can not have anyone in my life that is a drinker, or gambles. He agrees, that he too can not have that in his life. (his x is an A) He has been watching my life, through his son, over the last 10 years that he has been my sons best friend and he (his son told me) wants to be in my life and feels that I deserve respect and consideration that I wasn't given from the AXBF.
We talked about everything, from politics to religion to how it felt when we became parents. It was a nice break from the pressure of having to jump through hoops. I was completely myself, who I am, no up front face that is put on to attract the fly into the spiders web (on both parts) I decided well before the AXBF left that I LIKE who I am and it was raking on my nerves to accommodate him by being who he wanted me to be. (which still wasn't good enough) He was very respectful, made no passes at me in any intimate way, and the night flew by too quickly. I KNOW the red flags to watch for, and I am not lonely where I feel the need to fill that space, and I didn't see not one red flag.
I can say that I am scared that I will fall into being a codie again. I am reading, keeping a journal, and going to counseling to keep myself in the moment, and watch so I don't fall back into my old ways.
I AM SCARED as can be!
My son called me last night (he was at his Dads) and asked.. how did your date go. I said, that wasn't a date! That was just 2 people enjoying each others company. He said Mom, it's ok for you to like him, he is a good guy and you are worth having a good guy in your life. ugghh.. kids!
Is it too soon? Is 4 months too soon? I went from my AXH, to my AXBF over night, and want and need to crawl through this 'friendship' at this point. I have dreams that I want to accomplish, but I don't want to push people out of my life neither. I am not meant to be alone, but am feeling good living alone.
HELP!!..
The no contact with the AXBF is really setting me free in my mind. I feel like a weight is being lifted, I am getting so I don't worry about if he is dead or alive. I didn't stop loving him, I just stopped being involved in the insanity.
help me plz-i’m open to ANY suggestions from ANYONE
:prayingHow's this for a summary: I'M PREGNANT WITH THE BABY OF THE PERSON I'D BEEN SEEING, ALSO FROM THE PROGRAM AND WITH SUBSTANTIALLY GREATER TIME THAN MYSELF, BUT HE'S DECIDED TO AVOID RUIN OF EITHER OF OUR PROGRAMS BY COMPLETELY BREAKING-AWAY FROM ME.
THE EXPLANATION...
Hey yall! Thanks for taking the time to hear me out. A little background info: I'm 22 years old, not a first-time winner, both parents with over two-decades (a piece) in the program and, although untrue in the past, I'm 100% hopeful and serious about my recovery this time IN the rooms, instead of AROUND them.
After hitting bottom, by mid-September, I moved from Seattle back to the Northeast with my Mother, to heal while I get my program working. I was raised by a single-father, so I've always naturally been more in-tune and drawn to men, overall. Mind you, I also modeled for a greater (drunken) part of this year, so I am on the more attractive side of the scale (gratefully so.) But, one guy out of the thirty, or so, young guys I spoke with daily (beside my female network and female sponsor), one of the guys and I gradually (although over an abrupt couple of days) moved into an intimate relationship, then a sexual relationship and finally an emotional relationship. From middle-end of September until Monday, October 27, 2008 (<<<the date when we were last sexually involved,) we engaged in unprotected (no condom, no birth control, no "pulling-out"... NOTHING for protection) sex a total of about 50-times, averaging two-times a day although we never hungout daily.
I mentioned to the guy I was seeing that I hadn't been feeling like myself lately and felt something wasn't right with me. That was Friday, October 24, 2008, when I first voiced my concern although we went on to be intimate another 5-6 times after I commented on it.
On Tuesday, October 28, 2008, while on his way to my house to hangout (as per usual,) the guy I'd been seeing told me that he was going to stop-off at another friend from the room's house because the friend has asked him to and needed to talk to him. The guy I was seeing assumed it was about our relationship and turned out that the other guy was asking how serious we were because he had interest in me, as well. The other guy spent two hours convincing the guy I'd been seeing (who wasn't keeping me sober, but was def helping, and was my person to just vent to and whose opinion I respected because I knew he had my best interest at hand) that I was trying to two-time them and that I wasn't good for the guy I was seeing or his recovery.
It wasn't until I knew something bad was happening and intruded on the two, that I was told that it would be best for the guy I was seeing and I to part ways. I assumed this meant to take a break or take a step back from our relationship, but the guy I was seeing explained to me, two days later, that he couldn't see or speak to me again for a few months and when we saw each other at meetings (3-4 times a week), that it would be best to just not approach or acknowledge one another. Um-we share the same network, to an extent except I've stepped back from them, as well, and let them be his support since I do have other networks.
Anyway, two days in bed and I finally go to the doctor on October 30, 2008 (still not feeling like myself) and they run blood, urine, throat cultures... everything. No infections or bacterias. Lower abdominal pain led me to an appointment with my OB/GYN (women's doctor, yall) on November 1, 2008 where I learned that I am about four-weeks pregnant.
In case you'e skipping around: I'M PREGNANT WITH THE BABY OF THE PERSON I'D BEEN SEEING, ALSO FROM THE PROGRAM AND WITH SUBSTANTIALLY GREATER TIME THAN MYSELF, BUT HE'S DECIDED TO AVOID RUIN OF EITHER OF OUR PROGRAMS BY COMPLETELY BREAKING-AWAY FROM ME.
Yes, I've text him to tell him and picture-messaged him the documentation but... he has not responded.
WHAT DO I DO!? I'm hurt, feel manipulated (which he has repeatedly expressed feeling guilt and having done wrong during and after our relationship because it could be seen as though he was 13th stepping me or using me), feel alone now bc he's not here, scared, afraid to say anything, lost because i'm alone in it and, for a "know-it-all" I'm STUMPED on this one.
ANY HELP IS MUCH APPRECIATED!
God is Good.
xoxox:c029::c029:
THE EXPLANATION...
Hey yall! Thanks for taking the time to hear me out. A little background info: I'm 22 years old, not a first-time winner, both parents with over two-decades (a piece) in the program and, although untrue in the past, I'm 100% hopeful and serious about my recovery this time IN the rooms, instead of AROUND them.
After hitting bottom, by mid-September, I moved from Seattle back to the Northeast with my Mother, to heal while I get my program working. I was raised by a single-father, so I've always naturally been more in-tune and drawn to men, overall. Mind you, I also modeled for a greater (drunken) part of this year, so I am on the more attractive side of the scale (gratefully so.) But, one guy out of the thirty, or so, young guys I spoke with daily (beside my female network and female sponsor), one of the guys and I gradually (although over an abrupt couple of days) moved into an intimate relationship, then a sexual relationship and finally an emotional relationship. From middle-end of September until Monday, October 27, 2008 (<<<the date when we were last sexually involved,) we engaged in unprotected (no condom, no birth control, no "pulling-out"... NOTHING for protection) sex a total of about 50-times, averaging two-times a day although we never hungout daily.
I mentioned to the guy I was seeing that I hadn't been feeling like myself lately and felt something wasn't right with me. That was Friday, October 24, 2008, when I first voiced my concern although we went on to be intimate another 5-6 times after I commented on it.
On Tuesday, October 28, 2008, while on his way to my house to hangout (as per usual,) the guy I'd been seeing told me that he was going to stop-off at another friend from the room's house because the friend has asked him to and needed to talk to him. The guy I was seeing assumed it was about our relationship and turned out that the other guy was asking how serious we were because he had interest in me, as well. The other guy spent two hours convincing the guy I'd been seeing (who wasn't keeping me sober, but was def helping, and was my person to just vent to and whose opinion I respected because I knew he had my best interest at hand) that I was trying to two-time them and that I wasn't good for the guy I was seeing or his recovery.
It wasn't until I knew something bad was happening and intruded on the two, that I was told that it would be best for the guy I was seeing and I to part ways. I assumed this meant to take a break or take a step back from our relationship, but the guy I was seeing explained to me, two days later, that he couldn't see or speak to me again for a few months and when we saw each other at meetings (3-4 times a week), that it would be best to just not approach or acknowledge one another. Um-we share the same network, to an extent except I've stepped back from them, as well, and let them be his support since I do have other networks.
Anyway, two days in bed and I finally go to the doctor on October 30, 2008 (still not feeling like myself) and they run blood, urine, throat cultures... everything. No infections or bacterias. Lower abdominal pain led me to an appointment with my OB/GYN (women's doctor, yall) on November 1, 2008 where I learned that I am about four-weeks pregnant.
In case you'e skipping around: I'M PREGNANT WITH THE BABY OF THE PERSON I'D BEEN SEEING, ALSO FROM THE PROGRAM AND WITH SUBSTANTIALLY GREATER TIME THAN MYSELF, BUT HE'S DECIDED TO AVOID RUIN OF EITHER OF OUR PROGRAMS BY COMPLETELY BREAKING-AWAY FROM ME.
Yes, I've text him to tell him and picture-messaged him the documentation but... he has not responded.
WHAT DO I DO!? I'm hurt, feel manipulated (which he has repeatedly expressed feeling guilt and having done wrong during and after our relationship because it could be seen as though he was 13th stepping me or using me), feel alone now bc he's not here, scared, afraid to say anything, lost because i'm alone in it and, for a "know-it-all" I'm STUMPED on this one.
ANY HELP IS MUCH APPRECIATED!
God is Good.
xoxox:c029::c029:
Begging For Help! ANY1 PLZ!?
How's this for a summary: I'M PREGNANT WITH THE BABY OF THE PERSON I'D BEEN SEEING, ALSO FROM THE PROGRAM AND WITH SUBSTANTIALLY GREATER TIME THAN MYSELF, BUT HE'S DECIDED TO AVOID RUIN OF EITHER OF OUR PROGRAMS BY COMPLETELY BREAKING-AWAY FROM ME.
THE EXPLANATION...
Hey yall! Thanks for taking the time to hear me out. A little background info: I'm 22 years old, not a first-time winner, both parents with over two-decades (a piece) in the program and, although untrue in the past, I'm 100% hopeful and serious about my recovery this time IN the rooms, instead of AROUND them.
After hitting bottom, by mid-September, I moved from Seattle back to the Northeast with my Mother, to heal while I get my program working. I was raised by a single-father, so I've always naturally been more in-tune and drawn to men, overall. Mind you, I also modeled for a greater (drunken) part of this year, so I am on the more attractive side of the scale (gratefully so.) But, one guy out of the thirty, or so, young guys I spoke with daily (beside my female network and female sponsor), one of the guys and I gradually (although over an abrupt couple of days) moved into an intimate relationship, then a sexual relationship and finally an emotional relationship. From middle-end of September until Monday, October 27, 2008 (<<<the date when we were last sexually involved,) we engaged in unprotected (no condom, no birth control, no "pulling-out"... NOTHING for protection) sex a total of about 50-times, averaging two-times a day although we never hungout daily.
I mentioned to the guy I was seeing that I hadn't been feeling like myself lately and felt something wasn't right with me. That was Friday, October 24, 2008, when I first voiced my concern although we went on to be intimate another 5-6 times after I commented on it.
On Tuesday, October 28, 2008, while on his way to my house to hangout (as per usual,) the guy I'd been seeing told me that he was going to stop-off at another friend from the room's house because the friend has asked him to and needed to talk to him. The guy I was seeing assumed it was about our relationship and turned out that the other guy was asking how serious we were because he had interest in me, as well. The other guy spent two hours convincing the guy I'd been seeing (who wasn't keeping me sober, but was def helping, and was my person to just vent to and whose opinion I respected because I knew he had my best interest at hand) that I was trying to two-time them and that I wasn't good for the guy I was seeing or his recovery.
It wasn't until I knew something bad was happening and intruded on the two, that I was told that it would be best for the guy I was seeing and I to part ways. I assumed this meant to take a break or take a step back from our relationship, but the guy I was seeing explained to me, two days later, that he couldn't see or speak to me again for a few months and when we saw each other at meetings (3-4 times a week), that it would be best to just not approach or acknowledge one another. Um-we share the same network, to an extent except I've stepped back from them, as well, and let them be his support since I do have other networks.
Anyway, two days in bed and I finally go to the doctor on October 30, 2008 (still not feeling like myself) and they run blood, urine, throat cultures... everything. No infections or bacterias. Lower abdominal pain led me to an appointment with my OB/GYN (women's doctor, yall) on November 1, 2008 where I learned that I am about four-weeks pregnant.
In case you'e skipping around: I'M PREGNANT WITH THE BABY OF THE PERSON I'D BEEN SEEING, ALSO FROM THE PROGRAM AND WITH SUBSTANTIALLY GREATER TIME THAN MYSELF, BUT HE'S DECIDED TO AVOID RUIN OF EITHER OF OUR PROGRAMS BY COMPLETELY BREAKING-AWAY FROM ME.
Yes, I've text him to tell him and picture-messaged him the documentation but... he has not responded.
WHAT DO I DO!? I'm hurt, feel manipulated (which he has repeatedly expressed feeling guilt and having done wrong during and after our relationship because it could be seen as though he was 13th stepping me or using me), feel alone now bc he's not here, scared, afraid to say anything, lost because i'm alone in it and, for a "know-it-all" I'm STUMPED on this one.
ANY HELP IS MUCH APPRECIATED!
God is Good.
xoxox
THE EXPLANATION...
Hey yall! Thanks for taking the time to hear me out. A little background info: I'm 22 years old, not a first-time winner, both parents with over two-decades (a piece) in the program and, although untrue in the past, I'm 100% hopeful and serious about my recovery this time IN the rooms, instead of AROUND them.
After hitting bottom, by mid-September, I moved from Seattle back to the Northeast with my Mother, to heal while I get my program working. I was raised by a single-father, so I've always naturally been more in-tune and drawn to men, overall. Mind you, I also modeled for a greater (drunken) part of this year, so I am on the more attractive side of the scale (gratefully so.) But, one guy out of the thirty, or so, young guys I spoke with daily (beside my female network and female sponsor), one of the guys and I gradually (although over an abrupt couple of days) moved into an intimate relationship, then a sexual relationship and finally an emotional relationship. From middle-end of September until Monday, October 27, 2008 (<<<the date when we were last sexually involved,) we engaged in unprotected (no condom, no birth control, no "pulling-out"... NOTHING for protection) sex a total of about 50-times, averaging two-times a day although we never hungout daily.
I mentioned to the guy I was seeing that I hadn't been feeling like myself lately and felt something wasn't right with me. That was Friday, October 24, 2008, when I first voiced my concern although we went on to be intimate another 5-6 times after I commented on it.
On Tuesday, October 28, 2008, while on his way to my house to hangout (as per usual,) the guy I'd been seeing told me that he was going to stop-off at another friend from the room's house because the friend has asked him to and needed to talk to him. The guy I was seeing assumed it was about our relationship and turned out that the other guy was asking how serious we were because he had interest in me, as well. The other guy spent two hours convincing the guy I'd been seeing (who wasn't keeping me sober, but was def helping, and was my person to just vent to and whose opinion I respected because I knew he had my best interest at hand) that I was trying to two-time them and that I wasn't good for the guy I was seeing or his recovery.
It wasn't until I knew something bad was happening and intruded on the two, that I was told that it would be best for the guy I was seeing and I to part ways. I assumed this meant to take a break or take a step back from our relationship, but the guy I was seeing explained to me, two days later, that he couldn't see or speak to me again for a few months and when we saw each other at meetings (3-4 times a week), that it would be best to just not approach or acknowledge one another. Um-we share the same network, to an extent except I've stepped back from them, as well, and let them be his support since I do have other networks.
Anyway, two days in bed and I finally go to the doctor on October 30, 2008 (still not feeling like myself) and they run blood, urine, throat cultures... everything. No infections or bacterias. Lower abdominal pain led me to an appointment with my OB/GYN (women's doctor, yall) on November 1, 2008 where I learned that I am about four-weeks pregnant.
In case you'e skipping around: I'M PREGNANT WITH THE BABY OF THE PERSON I'D BEEN SEEING, ALSO FROM THE PROGRAM AND WITH SUBSTANTIALLY GREATER TIME THAN MYSELF, BUT HE'S DECIDED TO AVOID RUIN OF EITHER OF OUR PROGRAMS BY COMPLETELY BREAKING-AWAY FROM ME.
Yes, I've text him to tell him and picture-messaged him the documentation but... he has not responded.
WHAT DO I DO!? I'm hurt, feel manipulated (which he has repeatedly expressed feeling guilt and having done wrong during and after our relationship because it could be seen as though he was 13th stepping me or using me), feel alone now bc he's not here, scared, afraid to say anything, lost because i'm alone in it and, for a "know-it-all" I'm STUMPED on this one.
ANY HELP IS MUCH APPRECIATED!
God is Good.
xoxox
Shouldn’t I be more upset?
I just found where my husband has been soliciting women online. Our 'intimate' relationship has been out of the picture for months now, so I'm not really surprised. I would expect to be hurt by this, but strangely I'm not. I just made a copy of the info and sent it to my lawyer. He actually talked to these women about me and I laughed at the degrading names he used for me. I don't really feel like I'm being cold, I just think it's a natural progression of a marriage breaking down due to alcohol. I had no idea I was this strong... but I remember long ago I was this way... I remember the girl I used to be and she is SO AWESOME!!!
