Archive for the ‘Isolation’ tag
new, isolation or try to reconnect
hey everyone,
been reading for quite awhile but only recently signed up. I am 6 days sober after a tough detox but am feeling ok physically now. I used to be very outgoing with a lot of friends but in my early sobriety I just want to be alone. I haven't answered my phone since being sober and I'm not sure why. I feel like I want to wait until I am comfortable with my sobriety until I unveil the new me to the world or something. I know that is unrealisitic because who knows how long it will take me to be completely comfortable with being sober. I guess my question would be, is it bad for my sobriety to be isolated for a long period of time or should I try and reconnect with friends and family sooner than later. thanks for reading
been reading for quite awhile but only recently signed up. I am 6 days sober after a tough detox but am feeling ok physically now. I used to be very outgoing with a lot of friends but in my early sobriety I just want to be alone. I haven't answered my phone since being sober and I'm not sure why. I feel like I want to wait until I am comfortable with my sobriety until I unveil the new me to the world or something. I know that is unrealisitic because who knows how long it will take me to be completely comfortable with being sober. I guess my question would be, is it bad for my sobriety to be isolated for a long period of time or should I try and reconnect with friends and family sooner than later. thanks for reading
My boyfriend just relapsed. Am I handling this correctly?
I will try to keep this short as it has the potential to be very LONG. I have no experience with alcoholism in all my life until I met this man. I am 22 and he is 26. After kissing millions of frogs I finally found my prince. When I got with him I was very aware of his past with alcohol. He was two years sober.
Recently we began having problems, arguing and such. He started drinking, again. Doing coke, again. I will not sleep with him because I'm a virgin, and that is the cause of most of our fights. Now that he's drinking I am DEFINITELY not sleeping with him and I told him that. It is a devestation that no words exsist to describe. I have no idea what to do, no idea what to say, I feel like he is slowly slipping away from me. He is deeply, deeply depressed and is on medication which was controlling it. I tell him that drinking while taking the medication is extremely dangerous as the medication alone is already messing with the chemicals in his brain. Throw drinks and coke in there and... it's painful to even think about it. I have cried myself to sleep and literally made myself sick over this. It is the worst feeling of absolute isolation and helplessness. He is not in denial. He is very aware of what he is doing and how it is effecting me and himself. He just can't stop. He is not an angry drunk, in fact, all he really does is get wasted, come home and pass out. It's almost like he is the same man, just sillier. He is not verbally abusive to me when he is drunk, nor physically.
For the most part I have been by his side at all times because he never used to drink while I was with him. For a while that was enough and he once went an entire five days without a drink. I thought I was seeing progress. Then he started to ask if he could take me home (I don't have a car). Whenever he asks to take me home I know it's because he wants to get drunk and doesn't want me to see him that way as I am a crying, hysterical mess every time I do. For the most part when he asks me to leave I refuse to go because in the past my presence has kept him from drinking, but that is obviously no longer the case. Over the last few days he has been sneaking out and getting drunk in his car while I was asleep and I would wake up to him wasted/passed out. This was my last straw, it is too hearwrenching. I cried/screamed at him, threw out all of his beer, told him to never talk to me again and stormed out. After a long night of googling I've come to the realization that these are the three absolute worst things one can do to an alcoholic. They were right. Last night he was worse then I've ever seen him.
I just have a few questions and I would apprechiate any answers, please.
1) When he first started drinking again he brought his old AA books over to my place and was reading them, he even said to me that he was thinking about going back to AA meetings. Was this the point that I should have really pushed him? Or is his just mentioning going to AA in jest not enough? Everything I've read has told me that he has to make the phone call on his own, make the decision on his own, take action on his own, but if he is reading AA books and talking about AA meetings isn't that a cry for help? Should I not have taken action just because HE wasn't the one making the call? This was all weeks ago. Am I too late? I will always agonize over not taking his keys the moment he said this and dragging him out to the car for the meeting. All I did was say, "You absolutely should go back to meetings. I'll go with you". He said that he likes the all male meetings, so I couldn't go. That was it. :(
2) I broke up with him even though he told me that was the one thing that would make everything worse, but I don't know what else to do. I told him that I cannot see him outside of work anymore (we work together) but that he was welcome to call me whenever he needed to and if he was ready to get sober I would be behind him 100%. Am I going about this correctly? Should I not even let him call me on the phone? I can't see him anymore as it is agony and I know I have to take care of myself but cutting off all contact COMPLETELY seems like abandonment. Plus, I kind of need to hear his voice everyday to calm the anxiety I feel for him every other second. To make sure he's alive, and not overdosing in a ditch somewhere.
All of the articles I've read say that in a relationship with an alcoholic it is important to leave them as they will never need to help themselves if they are having everything handed to them, but that seems so broad. What do they mean by leaving them? Do they mean dissapear from their lives completely i.e no phone calls, no interaction, no nothing? Or just set minimal boundaries, as I have?
I have no ******* idea what to do. No idea. I'm in agony. Please help.
Recently we began having problems, arguing and such. He started drinking, again. Doing coke, again. I will not sleep with him because I'm a virgin, and that is the cause of most of our fights. Now that he's drinking I am DEFINITELY not sleeping with him and I told him that. It is a devestation that no words exsist to describe. I have no idea what to do, no idea what to say, I feel like he is slowly slipping away from me. He is deeply, deeply depressed and is on medication which was controlling it. I tell him that drinking while taking the medication is extremely dangerous as the medication alone is already messing with the chemicals in his brain. Throw drinks and coke in there and... it's painful to even think about it. I have cried myself to sleep and literally made myself sick over this. It is the worst feeling of absolute isolation and helplessness. He is not in denial. He is very aware of what he is doing and how it is effecting me and himself. He just can't stop. He is not an angry drunk, in fact, all he really does is get wasted, come home and pass out. It's almost like he is the same man, just sillier. He is not verbally abusive to me when he is drunk, nor physically.
For the most part I have been by his side at all times because he never used to drink while I was with him. For a while that was enough and he once went an entire five days without a drink. I thought I was seeing progress. Then he started to ask if he could take me home (I don't have a car). Whenever he asks to take me home I know it's because he wants to get drunk and doesn't want me to see him that way as I am a crying, hysterical mess every time I do. For the most part when he asks me to leave I refuse to go because in the past my presence has kept him from drinking, but that is obviously no longer the case. Over the last few days he has been sneaking out and getting drunk in his car while I was asleep and I would wake up to him wasted/passed out. This was my last straw, it is too hearwrenching. I cried/screamed at him, threw out all of his beer, told him to never talk to me again and stormed out. After a long night of googling I've come to the realization that these are the three absolute worst things one can do to an alcoholic. They were right. Last night he was worse then I've ever seen him.
I just have a few questions and I would apprechiate any answers, please.
1) When he first started drinking again he brought his old AA books over to my place and was reading them, he even said to me that he was thinking about going back to AA meetings. Was this the point that I should have really pushed him? Or is his just mentioning going to AA in jest not enough? Everything I've read has told me that he has to make the phone call on his own, make the decision on his own, take action on his own, but if he is reading AA books and talking about AA meetings isn't that a cry for help? Should I not have taken action just because HE wasn't the one making the call? This was all weeks ago. Am I too late? I will always agonize over not taking his keys the moment he said this and dragging him out to the car for the meeting. All I did was say, "You absolutely should go back to meetings. I'll go with you". He said that he likes the all male meetings, so I couldn't go. That was it. :(
2) I broke up with him even though he told me that was the one thing that would make everything worse, but I don't know what else to do. I told him that I cannot see him outside of work anymore (we work together) but that he was welcome to call me whenever he needed to and if he was ready to get sober I would be behind him 100%. Am I going about this correctly? Should I not even let him call me on the phone? I can't see him anymore as it is agony and I know I have to take care of myself but cutting off all contact COMPLETELY seems like abandonment. Plus, I kind of need to hear his voice everyday to calm the anxiety I feel for him every other second. To make sure he's alive, and not overdosing in a ditch somewhere.
All of the articles I've read say that in a relationship with an alcoholic it is important to leave them as they will never need to help themselves if they are having everything handed to them, but that seems so broad. What do they mean by leaving them? Do they mean dissapear from their lives completely i.e no phone calls, no interaction, no nothing? Or just set minimal boundaries, as I have?
I have no ******* idea what to do. No idea. I'm in agony. Please help.
My disease is not “cool” - Mom for xmas - Long Post
I am a 51 yo recovering alcoholic addict. I completed an 8 week rehab after a rather sudden, then unexpected, dramatic and imposed intervention. It was, I am certain, God?s will. That was a little more than 3 months ago.
I am married to a wonderful non alcoholic wife and have four beautiful kids. My wife and I work together, live in the country and have a life that I am proud of. Boy Scouts, bicycling, skiing, church and community service. All in the same small Pennsylvania community for over two decades.
So why did I fall into alcoholism and addiction? Slow downward spirals that somehow just became sort of normal for me and my family... sleeping in the afternoons, drinking during nearly every activity, lots of short sudden trips to my closet for another pill and always the increasing isolation and unexplained moods. Why did I have to try and escape what should have been a life that so many dream of?
When did it start? Did it start when I was 12 years old? In 1969 - two years after the ?Summer of Love?. My mom, then 29, and dad, then 34, embraced the counterculture. Peace marches at the university, civil rights demonstrations, swingers parties, good music and drugs and alcohol. We housed hippies from California in our garage at our small town midwestern home, on their way to Canada to avoid the draft, a speed freak who lived for a while in our back room because her drug addict boyfriend beat her, skinny dipping at the lake with my parents friends (grad students), that smell of pot rising up out of the living room to my bedroom accompanied by the music of Country Joe and the Fish coming from my father?s amazing Hi-Fi... ?Give me an F ! Give me a U ! ....?
Did my disease start when I was 12, or maybe 13, when I was sitting in the living room with my parents and their cool friends, listening, for the very first time, to Carlos Santana play Oye Como Va? When my mom passed me the joint and told me how cool the music sounds, just like they are right there, in the living room! The music sounded cool, alright, everything was cool and everything stayed cool until 3 months ago. Now, thank God I am clean and sober and learning this new way of living, which can be hard and is, definitely, not always ?cool?. Neither are the consequences of my disease, ?cool?...
I am trying to accept my alcoholism and addiction. I am responsible for my recovery. No one is to blame, but I want so badly to understand it all....
My brother is in AA 24 years this month. My dad was 24 years in AA, since the divorce, until he died, suddenly, 10 years ago at age 63, I think, of a broken heart left over from when my mother left him. My mom has spent the last almost 30 years trying, seemingly, to get as far away from us as she could - California, Hawaii...
Now, in my early recovery, at Christmas, she wants to come and spend a couple of days with me and my family. Is this God?s will? What is the next right thing?
Mark
I am married to a wonderful non alcoholic wife and have four beautiful kids. My wife and I work together, live in the country and have a life that I am proud of. Boy Scouts, bicycling, skiing, church and community service. All in the same small Pennsylvania community for over two decades.
So why did I fall into alcoholism and addiction? Slow downward spirals that somehow just became sort of normal for me and my family... sleeping in the afternoons, drinking during nearly every activity, lots of short sudden trips to my closet for another pill and always the increasing isolation and unexplained moods. Why did I have to try and escape what should have been a life that so many dream of?
When did it start? Did it start when I was 12 years old? In 1969 - two years after the ?Summer of Love?. My mom, then 29, and dad, then 34, embraced the counterculture. Peace marches at the university, civil rights demonstrations, swingers parties, good music and drugs and alcohol. We housed hippies from California in our garage at our small town midwestern home, on their way to Canada to avoid the draft, a speed freak who lived for a while in our back room because her drug addict boyfriend beat her, skinny dipping at the lake with my parents friends (grad students), that smell of pot rising up out of the living room to my bedroom accompanied by the music of Country Joe and the Fish coming from my father?s amazing Hi-Fi... ?Give me an F ! Give me a U ! ....?
Did my disease start when I was 12, or maybe 13, when I was sitting in the living room with my parents and their cool friends, listening, for the very first time, to Carlos Santana play Oye Como Va? When my mom passed me the joint and told me how cool the music sounds, just like they are right there, in the living room! The music sounded cool, alright, everything was cool and everything stayed cool until 3 months ago. Now, thank God I am clean and sober and learning this new way of living, which can be hard and is, definitely, not always ?cool?. Neither are the consequences of my disease, ?cool?...
I am trying to accept my alcoholism and addiction. I am responsible for my recovery. No one is to blame, but I want so badly to understand it all....
My brother is in AA 24 years this month. My dad was 24 years in AA, since the divorce, until he died, suddenly, 10 years ago at age 63, I think, of a broken heart left over from when my mother left him. My mom has spent the last almost 30 years trying, seemingly, to get as far away from us as she could - California, Hawaii...
Now, in my early recovery, at Christmas, she wants to come and spend a couple of days with me and my family. Is this God?s will? What is the next right thing?
Mark
SOS - Your Sobriety Toolkit
Your Sobriety Toolkit
Tool: A means by which something is done or obtained.
Did you ever try to fix or adjust something without the proper tool? These are some tools of sobriety. There are many more. Look into the population of alcoholics and the field of alcoholism and you will find a tool for whatever needs fixing or adjusting. If you don’t find just the right tool, fashion one yourself.
No matter what — there is no valid reason on earth to drink again.
Here’s sobriety — there’s everything else — separate and prioritize sobriety.
Seriousness — this is nothing less than life or death.
Determination — there is no turning back, especially if it gets rough. You’ve gotten another chance at life. How many really have that chance? Sobriety doesn’t fix everything, but it makes it possible.
Information — retrain your brain; stimulate it with things related to alcoholism: books, audiotapes, videotapes, movies, pamphlets, brochures, meetings, plays, television and radio, newspapers and magazine articles, etc.
People — human contact is powerful. Try to meet people, at least one, and be sure to meet other alcoholics. Interaction fights the old patterns of isolation.
Honesty — this is the time to get things into the open. Get rid of the shadows and darkness of the past. Put light on the dark things and they lose their power. Things can be dealt with reasonably when they’re seen as they truly are.
Listening — especially to people with long-term sobriety.
Take notes — anytime; but especially in early sobriety when memory can be tricky.
Meetings — be with people who want better lives and are taking actions to get what they want. Meetings are a good place to establish or re-establish social skills in a supportive environment. There is a lot to learn and feel in a meeting. You are not alone. You have not done the worst or been the most; there are always those who have ‘bettered’ you. Think about what you hear and see, but better yet is to feel what you hear and see at meetings.
Folk wisdom and slogans — don’t underestimate them.
Commitments — if you make them, keep them. You show yourself and others a lot by doing so.
Personal ‘program’ — develop your own recovery process from what you hear and see. It has to be what works for you, not anybody else.
Sharing — surprisingly therapeutic when done honestly. Free yourself from holding things in.
Phones — get plenty of phone numbers of other alcoholics and use them.
Willingness — allow yourself to change. You have nothing to lose.
Openness — Don’t reject ideas without at least considering them.
Approachability — isolation can be deadly.
Ask questions — no matter how foolish you think they seem. Never be afraid to ask other alcoholics about things.
Nutrition — improve it any way you can.
Exercise — however little, even just moving around.
Help other alcoholics — you really can keep it by giving it away.
Joy — it’s great to be alive and sober.
Perceptions — it’s all real, not diluted or distorted. A keen, rich mind versus a drugged, limited mind.
Easily obtainable goals — success breeds more success. Reach for the moon later.
Call-up — remember, visualize, and image behaviors and incidents from your drinking days that are repellent and associated with alcohol. Replace ‘alcohol good’ with ‘alcohol bad’. This is especially useful when you feel seduced by alcohol or cocksure about sobriety.
Live in the present — visits to the past are okay, but don’t freeze your life there.
Abstinence — the only sure way to stay sober. Any statement to the contrary is hypothesis or commentary. Don’t drink, no matter what.
Avoid ‘slippery’ places, people and things — reinforce ‘alcohol bad’ by avoiding the places, people and things you associate with ‘alcohol good.’ If you can’t avoid, you must be aware that they are dangerous to your sobriety and proceed with caution.
Safeguard your sobriety — don’t be concerned with what others think of how you do it. Don’t be embarrassed if what you need to do to stay sober is ‘un-adult,’ ‘un-cool,’ ‘weak,’ or ‘stupid’ in the opinion of others. You are rebuilding and recreating yourself. You want to own your life, not be a slave to alcohol. It’s your life and your sobriety. Try to avoid things like homicide and robbery as tools to keep you sober, but be as flexible as you can in using whatever it takes to safeguard your sobriety. Be aware.
Acceptance — of your alcoholism. Think of the things you used to do that were related to alcohol and the need to drink. Were they normal? Does anyone but an alcoholic do these things? Know that you are an alcoholic like someone with diabetes or allergies knows his or her reality. Don’t be ashamed, be aware.
Fear — use it if you get it. Don’t live in fear, but use it. The same goes for horror, shame, regret or any other negative thoughts or feelings that may come when you think about your drinking days. Don’t stifle or deny these states of mind. Use them as tools to reinforce yourself, not stumbling blocks.
Watch for tools — everything can be a tool to help maintain sobriety. Train your mind to see and hear tools. Don’t doublethink yourself. If it works for you, use it. If you feel it may work for you, try it. You are fighting for your life, nothing less. You are the owner of your life. You are responsible for the caretaking of your life and you have decided to find better ways to live. Other people have gone before you and put together their own ‘tool kits.’ Ask them to share.
Do it now — procrastination is an anti-tool, feeding the negative and working against self-esteem.
Credit yourself — for your attainment and maintenance of sobriety. Others may have helped, but you did it.
Enjoy life — you can be dead any time. Drinking is slow suicide. Life is a banquet. Depth, complexity, the full fabric of life is yours to experience. The blinders and mufflers are off. Think of yourself as a child occasionally. Experience wonder and intensity.
It’s right — when you are sober, you feel ‘in your spine’ that it is right. Believe your guts on this when the feeling comes.
Care about yourself — things you do for yourself tell you at a gut level that you care about yourself. You have the option to make things bad or good for yourself.
Alcohol is not a tool — everything you were able to do under alcohol’s influence came from between your ears. Don’t think you are less creative, a lousy dancer, etc.
Remind yourself — even when you think you have ‘got it,’ remind yourself. Never again. Keep it fresh.
Imagery — for example, be mad at alcohol. Hate it for what it has done to you and those you care about. Being free of a horrible nightmare, knowing you are sober, is far better than the relief of waking from a bad dream. You were running on empty; as your drinking progressed, you were getting closer to the end of your life.
Make concepts real — if you are having a bad day, start it over, anytime, any number of times.
Visualize — for example, drunk living is wimp living.
Expect good things — they happen when we expect them. Mindset in a positive light gets us to perceive positive, helpful things rather than negative, destructive things.
Interrupt negative thoughts — identify them as ‘drinking thinking’ or some such. Change them, turn them around, obliterate them.
Look at drunks — especially when they are trying to pass as sober. Listen to what they are saying. Is that a wonderful life?
Action — no matter how small it seems.
From the SOS web page:
toolkit
Tool: A means by which something is done or obtained.
Did you ever try to fix or adjust something without the proper tool? These are some tools of sobriety. There are many more. Look into the population of alcoholics and the field of alcoholism and you will find a tool for whatever needs fixing or adjusting. If you don’t find just the right tool, fashion one yourself.
No matter what — there is no valid reason on earth to drink again.
Here’s sobriety — there’s everything else — separate and prioritize sobriety.
Seriousness — this is nothing less than life or death.
Determination — there is no turning back, especially if it gets rough. You’ve gotten another chance at life. How many really have that chance? Sobriety doesn’t fix everything, but it makes it possible.
Information — retrain your brain; stimulate it with things related to alcoholism: books, audiotapes, videotapes, movies, pamphlets, brochures, meetings, plays, television and radio, newspapers and magazine articles, etc.
People — human contact is powerful. Try to meet people, at least one, and be sure to meet other alcoholics. Interaction fights the old patterns of isolation.
Honesty — this is the time to get things into the open. Get rid of the shadows and darkness of the past. Put light on the dark things and they lose their power. Things can be dealt with reasonably when they’re seen as they truly are.
Listening — especially to people with long-term sobriety.
Take notes — anytime; but especially in early sobriety when memory can be tricky.
Meetings — be with people who want better lives and are taking actions to get what they want. Meetings are a good place to establish or re-establish social skills in a supportive environment. There is a lot to learn and feel in a meeting. You are not alone. You have not done the worst or been the most; there are always those who have ‘bettered’ you. Think about what you hear and see, but better yet is to feel what you hear and see at meetings.
Folk wisdom and slogans — don’t underestimate them.
Commitments — if you make them, keep them. You show yourself and others a lot by doing so.
Personal ‘program’ — develop your own recovery process from what you hear and see. It has to be what works for you, not anybody else.
Sharing — surprisingly therapeutic when done honestly. Free yourself from holding things in.
Phones — get plenty of phone numbers of other alcoholics and use them.
Willingness — allow yourself to change. You have nothing to lose.
Openness — Don’t reject ideas without at least considering them.
Approachability — isolation can be deadly.
Ask questions — no matter how foolish you think they seem. Never be afraid to ask other alcoholics about things.
Nutrition — improve it any way you can.
Exercise — however little, even just moving around.
Help other alcoholics — you really can keep it by giving it away.
Joy — it’s great to be alive and sober.
Perceptions — it’s all real, not diluted or distorted. A keen, rich mind versus a drugged, limited mind.
Easily obtainable goals — success breeds more success. Reach for the moon later.
Call-up — remember, visualize, and image behaviors and incidents from your drinking days that are repellent and associated with alcohol. Replace ‘alcohol good’ with ‘alcohol bad’. This is especially useful when you feel seduced by alcohol or cocksure about sobriety.
Live in the present — visits to the past are okay, but don’t freeze your life there.
Abstinence — the only sure way to stay sober. Any statement to the contrary is hypothesis or commentary. Don’t drink, no matter what.
Avoid ‘slippery’ places, people and things — reinforce ‘alcohol bad’ by avoiding the places, people and things you associate with ‘alcohol good.’ If you can’t avoid, you must be aware that they are dangerous to your sobriety and proceed with caution.
Safeguard your sobriety — don’t be concerned with what others think of how you do it. Don’t be embarrassed if what you need to do to stay sober is ‘un-adult,’ ‘un-cool,’ ‘weak,’ or ‘stupid’ in the opinion of others. You are rebuilding and recreating yourself. You want to own your life, not be a slave to alcohol. It’s your life and your sobriety. Try to avoid things like homicide and robbery as tools to keep you sober, but be as flexible as you can in using whatever it takes to safeguard your sobriety. Be aware.
Acceptance — of your alcoholism. Think of the things you used to do that were related to alcohol and the need to drink. Were they normal? Does anyone but an alcoholic do these things? Know that you are an alcoholic like someone with diabetes or allergies knows his or her reality. Don’t be ashamed, be aware.
Fear — use it if you get it. Don’t live in fear, but use it. The same goes for horror, shame, regret or any other negative thoughts or feelings that may come when you think about your drinking days. Don’t stifle or deny these states of mind. Use them as tools to reinforce yourself, not stumbling blocks.
Watch for tools — everything can be a tool to help maintain sobriety. Train your mind to see and hear tools. Don’t doublethink yourself. If it works for you, use it. If you feel it may work for you, try it. You are fighting for your life, nothing less. You are the owner of your life. You are responsible for the caretaking of your life and you have decided to find better ways to live. Other people have gone before you and put together their own ‘tool kits.’ Ask them to share.
Do it now — procrastination is an anti-tool, feeding the negative and working against self-esteem.
Credit yourself — for your attainment and maintenance of sobriety. Others may have helped, but you did it.
Enjoy life — you can be dead any time. Drinking is slow suicide. Life is a banquet. Depth, complexity, the full fabric of life is yours to experience. The blinders and mufflers are off. Think of yourself as a child occasionally. Experience wonder and intensity.
It’s right — when you are sober, you feel ‘in your spine’ that it is right. Believe your guts on this when the feeling comes.
Care about yourself — things you do for yourself tell you at a gut level that you care about yourself. You have the option to make things bad or good for yourself.
Alcohol is not a tool — everything you were able to do under alcohol’s influence came from between your ears. Don’t think you are less creative, a lousy dancer, etc.
Remind yourself — even when you think you have ‘got it,’ remind yourself. Never again. Keep it fresh.
Imagery — for example, be mad at alcohol. Hate it for what it has done to you and those you care about. Being free of a horrible nightmare, knowing you are sober, is far better than the relief of waking from a bad dream. You were running on empty; as your drinking progressed, you were getting closer to the end of your life.
Make concepts real — if you are having a bad day, start it over, anytime, any number of times.
Visualize — for example, drunk living is wimp living.
Expect good things — they happen when we expect them. Mindset in a positive light gets us to perceive positive, helpful things rather than negative, destructive things.
Interrupt negative thoughts — identify them as ‘drinking thinking’ or some such. Change them, turn them around, obliterate them.
Look at drunks — especially when they are trying to pass as sober. Listen to what they are saying. Is that a wonderful life?
Action — no matter how small it seems.
From the SOS web page:
toolkit
staying clean day by day
hi all
just checking in to the SR internet world with a report of my sobriety. I am staying clean and today is my 40th day clean
I never have to pick up a crack pipe again
i never have to drink again
i never have to live with the additional isolation and fear that using and drinking brings to me
I have enough of that inside of me already! and today I am continuing to work on my recovery. from my first moment awake until the last before sleep, I have work to do. the work of recovery. the work of practicing new behaviors and new activities. the work of acting and creating my life instead of "re-acting" and of living in "automatic".
so that's it for me for today....except for....below I am reposting something I wrote last week on SR. I've gotten a lot of positive feedback on it from friends and want to include it here again and maybe it will bring something good to someone.
A look at my life today, and then 20 years into the future?(by Jerry K.)
TODAY...I'm in the middle of a dream, but don't know it. It's a happy dream of sorts. The dream seems to be coming to a possible conclusion and before the final details, your alarm goes off. You hear it and turn it off and get out of bed. The rush of madness begins. Another day. Lots to do. Brush teeth. Shower. Clothes. Coffee. Medications. The News. And midst these subplots, are the bigger plans of the day itself. What will come first? A little change will be needed here. Then your phone rings...you hang up and a dozen more things come into your mind. You begin your journey to WORK with your bag of stuff, and start your car, and drive, and approve the traffic report to begin your normal route.
Like the approach of a train, signaled by its steady growth of power, all these things going on in your mind begin to rattle the windows of your soul. And to think it's only just begun; you've only been awake for 35 minutes and you're wound up tight already. But you know how to push the limits of this obsession with your life, and your multitasking parade of events. You have lived over the edge without any consequence, and heck you're not even close to the ledge. Then it occurs to you that it's only 6:25AM, and you know by 10:00 things will be in full tilt. Are you up for the challenge, up for the game? -- To process the input of the data of your life, and create an impressive output of productivity and outright ?together-ness?? For a moment you feel a general tiredness. It has nothing to do with lack of sleep, but you take another drink of your caffeinated medicine and return it to the cup holder and enter the Left Lane of I-75 South.
20 YEARS LATER...In the early morning you can ease up on your wants ? those instant desires of self-ness that race out the morning gates in your brain as you rise. You take a deep breath in, accepting the pain of those desires and the anxiety of the wait. You now claim the life of the breath, and release it to the world with all the love of your soul.
The peace of morning quietness now comes into your Heart early. The winter's forced air of the furnace soothes your reality. Gratitude fills you, and constant wordless prayer emanates from your Heart. All the past, present, and future of your being lives and breathes, here now.
There is no rush and there is no waiting, because you are at exactly where you are at. You are spreading goodness now; and that is what you are about. You are love. This kind of love is a state of being, your state of being. It is a love that is not outward or inward. It is a love of ?being?.
So this love, this nature of love, is now the Way. There are no conditions for it; it is. It is in your breath, your mind, your heart. It is spontaneous; it requires no plans. During pain or joy it always remains. Its existence never waits for another time, it doesn't wait until your vacation, or until you?re out of rush hour traffic, or until you ?fall in love?. It just goes on. It always occurs with the breath.
just checking in to the SR internet world with a report of my sobriety. I am staying clean and today is my 40th day clean
I never have to pick up a crack pipe again
i never have to drink again
i never have to live with the additional isolation and fear that using and drinking brings to me
I have enough of that inside of me already! and today I am continuing to work on my recovery. from my first moment awake until the last before sleep, I have work to do. the work of recovery. the work of practicing new behaviors and new activities. the work of acting and creating my life instead of "re-acting" and of living in "automatic".
so that's it for me for today....except for....below I am reposting something I wrote last week on SR. I've gotten a lot of positive feedback on it from friends and want to include it here again and maybe it will bring something good to someone.
A look at my life today, and then 20 years into the future?(by Jerry K.)
TODAY...I'm in the middle of a dream, but don't know it. It's a happy dream of sorts. The dream seems to be coming to a possible conclusion and before the final details, your alarm goes off. You hear it and turn it off and get out of bed. The rush of madness begins. Another day. Lots to do. Brush teeth. Shower. Clothes. Coffee. Medications. The News. And midst these subplots, are the bigger plans of the day itself. What will come first? A little change will be needed here. Then your phone rings...you hang up and a dozen more things come into your mind. You begin your journey to WORK with your bag of stuff, and start your car, and drive, and approve the traffic report to begin your normal route.
Like the approach of a train, signaled by its steady growth of power, all these things going on in your mind begin to rattle the windows of your soul. And to think it's only just begun; you've only been awake for 35 minutes and you're wound up tight already. But you know how to push the limits of this obsession with your life, and your multitasking parade of events. You have lived over the edge without any consequence, and heck you're not even close to the ledge. Then it occurs to you that it's only 6:25AM, and you know by 10:00 things will be in full tilt. Are you up for the challenge, up for the game? -- To process the input of the data of your life, and create an impressive output of productivity and outright ?together-ness?? For a moment you feel a general tiredness. It has nothing to do with lack of sleep, but you take another drink of your caffeinated medicine and return it to the cup holder and enter the Left Lane of I-75 South.
20 YEARS LATER...In the early morning you can ease up on your wants ? those instant desires of self-ness that race out the morning gates in your brain as you rise. You take a deep breath in, accepting the pain of those desires and the anxiety of the wait. You now claim the life of the breath, and release it to the world with all the love of your soul.
The peace of morning quietness now comes into your Heart early. The winter's forced air of the furnace soothes your reality. Gratitude fills you, and constant wordless prayer emanates from your Heart. All the past, present, and future of your being lives and breathes, here now.
There is no rush and there is no waiting, because you are at exactly where you are at. You are spreading goodness now; and that is what you are about. You are love. This kind of love is a state of being, your state of being. It is a love that is not outward or inward. It is a love of ?being?.
So this love, this nature of love, is now the Way. There are no conditions for it; it is. It is in your breath, your mind, your heart. It is spontaneous; it requires no plans. During pain or joy it always remains. Its existence never waits for another time, it doesn't wait until your vacation, or until you?re out of rush hour traffic, or until you ?fall in love?. It just goes on. It always occurs with the breath.
Isolation?
Hi Everyone!
With the holidays coming up, I thought I'd post about one of my most serious codie issues.
I isolate myself from others. I hide. I especially hide from my family because no one wants to admit that mom was an alcoholic and we are all VERY dysfunctional. We paste on the smiles and pretend everything is ok.:ghug2
Anyone else deal with this? If so, how do you stop distancing yourself - even with those who you love and who love you? It hurts my friends and my husband.
Thanks for any and all replies!
Cheese
With the holidays coming up, I thought I'd post about one of my most serious codie issues.
I isolate myself from others. I hide. I especially hide from my family because no one wants to admit that mom was an alcoholic and we are all VERY dysfunctional. We paste on the smiles and pretend everything is ok.:ghug2
Anyone else deal with this? If so, how do you stop distancing yourself - even with those who you love and who love you? It hurts my friends and my husband.
Thanks for any and all replies!
Cheese
my story
hello. my mother was an alcoholic and died when i was 17. i'm 27 now, i don't have a drinking problem, but i can't help notice that i view life differently than most people. my mother was not physically abusive, but she liked to contort the truth and turn everyone against each other. i know a lot of people have had it worse than i have, and honestly i cannot recall really what was so bad about the past events. but i know that i'm effected by what happened. i judge myself so harshly that i almost cannot stand myself. i attempted suicide when i was 16 and realized that it wasn't the answer. i usually keep myself in isolation, my friends call me and sometimes i don't even answer the phone or call them back for weeks, which to them appears that i am ignoring them, which i guess i am. in social events like parties, i am usually really quiet and sit back and observe. its hard for me to find anything in life that i want, there is nothing that seems interesting to me or fun, i have no motivation to do anything with myself. i feel as if there is no hope for humanity, and at times, i hate people as a whole. i'm not an angry person nor do i have any ill feelings towards anyone. i try to find any escape from life i.e. video games, books, TV, anything that takes me out of this world that i don't find interesting. i am depressed and feel comfortable in it. i want to feel differently about life and myself, but its hard to break the mold and leave my security blanket. i think my father views me as lazy, and i suppose i am, but its more than that. how can i change this when, in a way, i don't want to?
Why do addicts withdraw from life?
Why does an addict turn inward and become so disconnected with the people that are around him? I dont understand why addicts feel the need to not interact with people and to keep everything inside. Can anyone help me understand why the isolation? Why the depression?
Taken Hostage
Hello all,
I had a dream the other night I saw myself all tied up with tape on my mouth. Like I was a hostage.
This dream has really bothered me, but in real life I have been isolated, isolation forced by my AH. No car. I can't go to some meetings that I loved because he is there, churches, because he is there. AH and cheater, and AS have tried to shut my mouth, not to reveal what they have done, I have spoken up that is why they are gone. AH has been gone 1 1/2 yrs, many court appearances, but he is still very sneaky, dirty etc.. I just got an order of protection on my older son. I couldn't take another day. I just feel so alone sometimes. They are both gone now, and I am greiving the loss.
Court is on Sept 26 concerning visits of my little son w/ my AH (now ordered supervised visits), and AH is trying to get joint custody, and unsupervised visits even though he hasn't remained sober.
Please pray concerning all of this
Thankyou, NH7
I had a dream the other night I saw myself all tied up with tape on my mouth. Like I was a hostage.
This dream has really bothered me, but in real life I have been isolated, isolation forced by my AH. No car. I can't go to some meetings that I loved because he is there, churches, because he is there. AH and cheater, and AS have tried to shut my mouth, not to reveal what they have done, I have spoken up that is why they are gone. AH has been gone 1 1/2 yrs, many court appearances, but he is still very sneaky, dirty etc.. I just got an order of protection on my older son. I couldn't take another day. I just feel so alone sometimes. They are both gone now, and I am greiving the loss.
Court is on Sept 26 concerning visits of my little son w/ my AH (now ordered supervised visits), and AH is trying to get joint custody, and unsupervised visits even though he hasn't remained sober.
Please pray concerning all of this
Thankyou, NH7
JFT Sept 7 - Resentment and Forgiveness
September 7
In NA, we begin to interact with the world around us. We no longer live in isolation. But freedom from isolation has its price: The more we interact with people, the more often weÂ’ll find someone stepping on our toes. And such are the circumstances in which resentments are often born.
Resentments, justified or not, are dangerous to our ongoing recovery. The longer we harbor resentments, the more bitter they become, eventually poisoning us. To stay clean, we must find the capacity to let go of our resentments, the capacity to forgive. We first develop this capacity in working Steps Eight and Nine, and we keep it alive by regularly taking the Tenth Step.
Sometimes when we are unwilling to forgive, it helps to remember that we, too, may someday require another personÂ’s forgiveness. HavenÂ’t we all, at one time or another, done something that we deeply regretted? And arenÂ’t we healed in some measure when others accept our sincere amends?
An attitude of forgiveness is a little easier to develop when we remember that we are all doing the very best we can. And someday we, too, will need forgiveness.
Just for today: I will let go of my resentments. Today, if I am wronged, I will practice forgiveness, knowing that I need forgiveness myself.
Copyright © 1991-2008 by Narcotics Anonymous World Services, Inc. All Rights Reserved
Resentment and forgiveness
“Where there has been wrong, the program teaches us the spirit of forgiveness.”
Basic Text, p. 12
––––=––––
––––=––––
In NA, we begin to interact with the world around us. We no longer live in isolation. But freedom from isolation has its price: The more we interact with people, the more often weÂ’ll find someone stepping on our toes. And such are the circumstances in which resentments are often born.
Resentments, justified or not, are dangerous to our ongoing recovery. The longer we harbor resentments, the more bitter they become, eventually poisoning us. To stay clean, we must find the capacity to let go of our resentments, the capacity to forgive. We first develop this capacity in working Steps Eight and Nine, and we keep it alive by regularly taking the Tenth Step.
Sometimes when we are unwilling to forgive, it helps to remember that we, too, may someday require another personÂ’s forgiveness. HavenÂ’t we all, at one time or another, done something that we deeply regretted? And arenÂ’t we healed in some measure when others accept our sincere amends?
An attitude of forgiveness is a little easier to develop when we remember that we are all doing the very best we can. And someday we, too, will need forgiveness.
––––=––––
Just for today: I will let go of my resentments. Today, if I am wronged, I will practice forgiveness, knowing that I need forgiveness myself.
Copyright © 1991-2008 by Narcotics Anonymous World Services, Inc. All Rights Reserved
