Archive for the ‘Judgement’ tag
HE wants a divorce!
So, yesterday morning my AH sends me a text message from the living room couch (where he has been sleeping for the past 2 weeks straight, and every time that he is drunk) asking if I will come in there and talk to him. Against my better judgement, I go. He is still drunk from the night before, and I can tell right away that he is pissed. He asks where I was 3 nights ago, and I told him that I met a friend from work, and then we went back to his house and sat and talked to his wife and her sister. I have a couple of friends at work that I have confided in recently, and Thanksgiving was expecially hard on me since I had to fake that everything was fine while AH's family was around. I cried for hours. I needed someone to talk to. I talked about him the entire time! My friend also drinks too much, but at least he is home every night! Anyways, AH starts calling me a *****, and says that I better go get an attorney, because he is sick and tired of this (???) and he wants a divorce. I almost started laughing because his accusations are just SO FAR FETCHED! So I quietly tell him that if it makes him feel better to invent a dramatic event so that he can blame me instead of himself, then by all means, he should go for it. I've spent the last week trying to decide if I want to stay with him, even if he sobers up, and then all of the sudden he wants to divorce ME??? I decided to take off my rings, because I am not going to wear the ring of a man that would call me a *****, when the only thing I want is him. All I want is for him to sober up and make that transition from single party guy to married guy with a child. I guess that if he gets rid of me, he won't have to hear crap about how much he drinks. The bright side is that with shared custody, I would imagine that he will see more of his daughter than he does now living in the same house. The whole thing is just so sad to me. I won't be able to move out until after the 1st of the year, and I definitely cannot afford this house on my own. Right now, we are avoiding each other more than usual. He did give me my cell phone back, but only until tomorrow. Then I have to get my own phone service. I am taking it hour by hour. I am trying not to let me daughter see me cry any more. And the truth is that right now, I am so tired of being hurt, that I almost don't care anymore. I wish I could afford to move now. But then he took our daughter today to go xmas tree shopping! It's still in the back of the truck, but why buy a tree today if yesterday you told me that you wanted me out of this house and that he wanted a divorce!
Barb Dwyer’s boring life….
I posted in the AA forum about my 'yesterday'.
And I'd like to share it here:
Got a friend who, in the past year has been 'in and out' of the Program.
Recently, he's been 'out'.
Yesterday morning, I get a call from him.
"*Barb* I'm in a bad way and I need a place to be..."
Any of you who've been to this point know the state I'm talking about.
The DESPERATION of being the one making the call
and the RESPONSIBILITY of being the one to GET the call.
So he gets to my house...
Man was a hurtin unit.
Shaking.
Sweating.
Panting.
Skwirming.
Hot. Cold.
Crying.
God I remember that.
I was every bit that bad when I sobered up.
I made him come totally clear about
what he'd been drinking.
how much.
How long.
When was the last time he ate.
Had he called a doctor.
Then I asked about other substances.
There were.
He wouldn't go to the hospital,
but agreed that if it got any worse than what it was right then ... or if anything happened he'd trust my judgement that the situation had become more than I could handle and
he'd do what I said and go. I'd stay with him, take him to and bring him back, he wouldn't be alone. I'd be there the whole time.
So once we got that established
I proceeded to babysit.
I trust my instinct.
This man didn't need a preachment.
He needed a place to feel safe.
He felt safe at my house.
I did a lot of thinking
while he went back and forth to the bathroom.
He jumped at every car that came down the street.
My phone rang and I thought he'd come out of his skin.
I reminded him that bill collectors won't be looking for him on MY phone.
It took a lot of calm talking.
All day long.
I mixed up a few 'Emergen-C' cocktails for him every couple of hours.
Found out how long it's been since he ate last
and orded some chinese food.
(my house is bare of food this time of the month)
He hid in my bedroom when the delivery came.
God, I remember that.
Maybe God thought I needed to remember it ... a bit more vividly.
I'm posting this here instead of the AA forum because
I want to make it clear to those of you who are lurking
probably still drinking
but don't know how to get out
that ...
My prayer for you is that when you make that decision
you have someone.
But you have to ask.
My friend knew
from my OWN recovery
the kind of person recovery has shaped me to be ...
that there was a 'safe' place for him to be.
To be sick
paranoid
crazy
... and not be judged.
Not be preached at.
Not be dragged off to a meeting
and paraded in front of anyone
not be made to do anything really but breathe.
He could just be sick
And not be alone.
I think we forget that aspect can be so ... precarious
when someone is JUST putting down the bottle and pills.
Today I'm exausted.
" I am responsible. Whenever anyone anywhere reaches out - I want the hand of AA to be there. And for that - I am responsible."
If I've *got* a motto... I suppose that's it.
It was Dr. Bob's... but I've adopted it.
And I'd like to share it here:
Got a friend who, in the past year has been 'in and out' of the Program.
Recently, he's been 'out'.
Yesterday morning, I get a call from him.
"*Barb* I'm in a bad way and I need a place to be..."
Any of you who've been to this point know the state I'm talking about.
The DESPERATION of being the one making the call
and the RESPONSIBILITY of being the one to GET the call.
So he gets to my house...
Man was a hurtin unit.
Shaking.
Sweating.
Panting.
Skwirming.
Hot. Cold.
Crying.
God I remember that.
I was every bit that bad when I sobered up.
I made him come totally clear about
what he'd been drinking.
how much.
How long.
When was the last time he ate.
Had he called a doctor.
Then I asked about other substances.
There were.
He wouldn't go to the hospital,
but agreed that if it got any worse than what it was right then ... or if anything happened he'd trust my judgement that the situation had become more than I could handle and
he'd do what I said and go. I'd stay with him, take him to and bring him back, he wouldn't be alone. I'd be there the whole time.
So once we got that established
I proceeded to babysit.
I trust my instinct.
This man didn't need a preachment.
He needed a place to feel safe.
He felt safe at my house.
I did a lot of thinking
while he went back and forth to the bathroom.
He jumped at every car that came down the street.
My phone rang and I thought he'd come out of his skin.
I reminded him that bill collectors won't be looking for him on MY phone.
It took a lot of calm talking.
All day long.
I mixed up a few 'Emergen-C' cocktails for him every couple of hours.
Found out how long it's been since he ate last
and orded some chinese food.
(my house is bare of food this time of the month)
He hid in my bedroom when the delivery came.
God, I remember that.
Maybe God thought I needed to remember it ... a bit more vividly.
I'm posting this here instead of the AA forum because
I want to make it clear to those of you who are lurking
probably still drinking
but don't know how to get out
that ...
My prayer for you is that when you make that decision
you have someone.
But you have to ask.
My friend knew
from my OWN recovery
the kind of person recovery has shaped me to be ...
that there was a 'safe' place for him to be.
To be sick
paranoid
crazy
... and not be judged.
Not be preached at.
Not be dragged off to a meeting
and paraded in front of anyone
not be made to do anything really but breathe.
He could just be sick
And not be alone.
I think we forget that aspect can be so ... precarious
when someone is JUST putting down the bottle and pills.
Today I'm exausted.
" I am responsible. Whenever anyone anywhere reaches out - I want the hand of AA to be there. And for that - I am responsible."
If I've *got* a motto... I suppose that's it.
It was Dr. Bob's... but I've adopted it.
i need someone to talk to who doesn’t know me
:sorry I have had a lot on my mind lately, but is stuff i feel like I would get in trouble for if i had to admit it to someone who knew me. I know that sounds silly - but think of it like someone with a closet problem. I'm 27 years old and I have made some very bad decisions. I see a therapist less frequently as things appear to be getting better and more stable. I'm on anti-depressants and have family history of depression. I also have family history of alcoholism.
I wouldn't consider myself an alcoholic, but I know that is exactly the problem for most people - they wouldn't say they are when they are. I don't drink very often anymore, maybe once every month or two. Sometimes when I do it prompts me to keep going until I am drunk. I guess that sounds normal but in retrospect I have made some very bad decisions that wind up with me doing something very wrong once I'm drunk. I'm not talking about anything violent or harmful to people but I lack all judgement when it comes to anything and steal or vandalize things. When I look back, there was no reason for it. I don't know why I did it.
How can I solve the problem if I don't know what it is? How can I find the reasons for my actions when I just don't know why I made them? I am scared that I will never be able to fix the problem and live a normal happy life. I'm scared of making mistakes forever.
I wouldn't consider myself an alcoholic, but I know that is exactly the problem for most people - they wouldn't say they are when they are. I don't drink very often anymore, maybe once every month or two. Sometimes when I do it prompts me to keep going until I am drunk. I guess that sounds normal but in retrospect I have made some very bad decisions that wind up with me doing something very wrong once I'm drunk. I'm not talking about anything violent or harmful to people but I lack all judgement when it comes to anything and steal or vandalize things. When I look back, there was no reason for it. I don't know why I did it.
How can I solve the problem if I don't know what it is? How can I find the reasons for my actions when I just don't know why I made them? I am scared that I will never be able to fix the problem and live a normal happy life. I'm scared of making mistakes forever.
The Electoral College; Why it Exists
I just want to post this for the sake of knowledge. Many do not understand the purpose of the Electoral College, thus, want it abolished. Only time will tell if a Constitutional Amendment will come forth to make that happen. But, we should at least understand the reasoning behind the EC. Only then can we make a valid judgement on it's worth in our great Republic!
Dean's World - Arguments In Favor of the Electoral College
I am making *no* attempt to convince anyone of the need to keep the Electoral College, or to dismantle it here on this thread. This article is simply put here for educational purposes.
I hope it serves that purpose. :wink3:
Shalom!
Quote:
|
...[There are many] arguments [against the Electoral College. Many] are thoughtful and worth discussing. To be honest, though, they're not new. People made the same arguments a hundred years ago, and even 150 years ago. At least once a generation there are proposals to do it, and they never get past the talking stage. Most people, rather instinctively, say they don't like the electoral college. It strikes against the fundamental notion we were taught as kids: "majority rules." Obviously, those who were upset that Gore lost in 2000 felt that most keenly. But our system has bee designed from the beginning to balance state power against popular rule. We have the Senate of course, wherein huge states like Michigan and California and New York each get two, but also tiny states like Arkansas and Rhode Island also get two. But it goes further than that. States like North Dakota and Alaska have less population than even one congressional district in some of the big states, but they're still allocated a minimum of one House member. So, too, they're all guaranteed a minimum representation in the electoral college. From a moral perspective is this fair? Well let me ask you a different question: In the 2002 World Series, the Angels played the Giants. In that 7-game series, the Giants scored 44 runs. The Angels scored 41 runs. But the Angels won. Why? They won four games. They scored less runs over their four winning games than the Giants did in their three winning games. So, is that "fair?" Should we change the World Series to say that whichever team scores the most runs is the World Series winner? Wouldn't that be more "fair?" Wouldn't that be more fair? Or... maybe not? What's fair is often a matter of argument. I think it's fair that a Presidential candidate can't cynically play directly to the interests of the nation's biggest urban areas at the expense of smaller communities. And I think those smaller communities' best protections are all three Constitutional measures to protect them: the House, the Senate, and the Electoral College. All three protections have been built in from day one. So now you want to argue that one of those protections for small and rural states is unnecessary? Hmm. Is it really? Now consider this: If you add up the number of hispanic and white voters nationwide, it's an impressively huge majority. If I as a Presidential candidate don't have to pay attention to regional issues at all, it would not be unthinkable for me to try to create a "white/hispanic vs. everybody else" Presidential coalition. Such things may seem unthinkable now, but I suggest that part of this is because the system won't let it happen. Other ethnic groups are too important in too many states. On the flip side, black voters are only about 10% of the electorate. Which means that the 90% of the electorate that makes up the rest of us could gang up on them very easily if we wanted to. Oh, but guess what? Blacks are hugely important in critical states like New York, Illinois, Georgia, and Michigan, because there are so many of them concentrated in those states. I'm pretty sure the last time I checked, there are five black people in Nebraska and about forty-five bazillion of them in Illinois. (These are very scientific measures.) So guess what? Illinois is an important state, and what they think suddenly matters a good deal more to Presidential candidates that it might otherwise. From a purely machiavellian viewpoint, the only reason the black vote matters at all (except, you know, the fact that hopefully the rest of us are liberal enough to care) is that they are a critical constituency in important states. Jewish voters? What are they, 4% nationally? Who gives a crap? Well, they matter nationally because they are a crucial constituency in New York and Florida. Gay voters matter nationally because gay and gay-friendly voters are a significant constituency in important states like New York and California. Take away the electoral system and you take away a big reason for a Presidential candidate to care about those voters at all. Finally, there is a matter of simple pragmatism. Go back and recall what a mess 2000 was. Remember how Florida was the key to everything? Okay, but stop and think: that vote was so close nationally that whoever lost the vote on the first count wouldn't have wanted to just contest Florida. Both campaigns would have had huge incentive to demand recounts and start filing lawsuits in not just every state, not just every county, but in every single precinct anywhere in America where there was any irregularity of any kind whatsoever. We wouldn't have been watching them slug it out in Florida. We would have been watching them slug it out everywhere. Maybe watching them shoot at each other, even. Indeed, there would be a huge incentive for a candidate who lost the popular vote to stall the vote-counting and demand recounts and file endless lawsuits to slow the process down just long enough to force the vote to the House. In short, the electoral system has probably prevented more close and contentious elections than it's caused. But let's say you reject all my reasons. There is one overriding point that makes the whole discussion moot: To abolish the electoral college you must amend the Constitution. To do that, you need 2/3rds of both the House and Senate to ratify that amendment, and then you must get 3/4ths of the state legislatures to ratify it. So what you will essentially be proposing is that the representatives and Senators from Alaska, Hawaii, Connecticut, Rhode Island, Iowa, Arkansas, Nebraska, Montana, North & South Dakota, Wisconsin, Colorado, Utah, New Mexico, Arizona, Wyoming, and so on vote to make their less states less important. And then you will, state by state, be asking 3/4ths of the state legislatures to make their voters less important. All so you can get something that you think is more fair. I submit that while at first glance most people say "yeah that's more fair!" you really in the end are not going to get all those people in middle America to say, "You're right, we shouldn't be so important to the President." I don't see it happening. I will say this though: I don't think many people would object too strenuously if someone wanted to abolish the Electors, and have each state's electoral votes assigned automatically, so that the concern of the "faithless elector" is eliminated. Giving away the electoral votes in some proportional fashion is also interesting to discuss. But that's the whole problem there: once you start talking about changing it at all, no one can agree on how exactly it can be changed. And so, inertia tends to rule. It's just not likely to ever be substantially changed. And if you find that frustrating, consider this: constructing the perfect system is not possible. But ultimately, this is a pretty cool country, and a system that's stayed pretty stable for an awfully long time. So, if you can't always get what you want, well if you try sometimes you'll find you can usually get what you need. ;-) |
I am making *no* attempt to convince anyone of the need to keep the Electoral College, or to dismantle it here on this thread. This article is simply put here for educational purposes.
I hope it serves that purpose. :wink3:
Shalom!
Day 20
Day 20 was a pretty indifferent day ... i didnt really get the urge to drink but i felt like i needed to be in that environment again, but by better judgement i declined the invitations to go to oktoberfest with my mates.I dont think im really ready to put myself in situations like that just yet , it could be a test after i reach my 28 day goal. Thanx to all the ppl that gave me support in my last post it was a really ruff day n u guys really helped pull me thru. Im kind of anxious about next week in sittin down with my mum n sister to talk bout the full extent of my problem.. theyve always thought i had a problem with alcohol but they dont even know the half of it. My mate has asked me to join him in goin to church but im not a very religous person( no offence to those that r ) i see that hes tryin to help me fill the void with some spirituality but im not too sure. thanx guys once again for your support and if theres anyway i can help any of u pls dont hesitate to contact or even add me as a friend .... after all even tho were fighting our own battles but were all fighting the same war
peace out >
Robbie
peace out >
Robbie
Internet HO!
I am sooo upset and I hate myself that I a feeling this way. I was playing on the computer last night and logged onto a dating site that my exALBF used to be on. And to my surprise his profile was listed. And what is hurting me the most here is what he said in the profile. He wrote how he is looking for the perfect one to fit with him. How he wants a women who is forgiving and not judgement of his ways. OMG!!! Forgiving, like what a slap in the face, I tried so many times with him to forgive his ways etc... Plus he writes how he wants kids and marraige, but when we talked about that with us he was like no I am not ready yet. I don't know what to do and to top it off his profile says it has not been active in over 3 weeks, why? is he already with someone new? My friend thinks this is just another game to get me to react since he can't get through to me any other way....Plus,I met this GREAT man who really wants to date me and I know that this could be a really good thing. Why do I care that he is online, we are not together. I guess the pain that I feel is that he is ready to go find someone new and give them the love he should of given me...... :(
Worst nightmare comes to real life…
The day has come that my 15 yr old daughter confessed to me that she has tried beer and..... ACID a couple of times! WOW! I was/am speechless, but very understanding and supporting of what she was saying and her outlook on it, just listening to her. She has been raised in the program so she really knows where that road can lead......(She has seen her mother go there)not a nice place.
Being an addict/alcoholic and knowing where it can take a person makes me very sad right now.
But.....I do not want to smother her now and have her start to do things out of spite, cuz she normally has had very good judgement in the past as she has come across negative life experiences.
But drugs and alcohol has taken me to places that I would not wish on my worst enemy, I am so scared and sad. I really have to turn this one over to my HP, but this is a real hard one for me. I just wish I could do ...-- I don't know what to do or not to do. I do know I am not going to drink or use over it.
I quess I am just very scared for her.
I am so so powerless right now and I hate it.
Darn. This is a tough one for me. Any advice?
Being an addict/alcoholic and knowing where it can take a person makes me very sad right now.
But.....I do not want to smother her now and have her start to do things out of spite, cuz she normally has had very good judgement in the past as she has come across negative life experiences.
But drugs and alcohol has taken me to places that I would not wish on my worst enemy, I am so scared and sad. I really have to turn this one over to my HP, but this is a real hard one for me. I just wish I could do ...-- I don't know what to do or not to do. I do know I am not going to drink or use over it.
I quess I am just very scared for her.
I am so so powerless right now and I hate it.
Darn. This is a tough one for me. Any advice?
Is there a Hell?
My thoughts on Hell.............................
I have had this conversation with a few of my sponsees. The question is always brought up.............."Do you believe in Hell?'
My Higher Power, for me, is a forgiving God. He forgives all for their sins. We are all God's children and I can not believe he passes judgement on any of us.
I dont believe he is standing at the gates to heaven and casting his vote weather you are accepted into heaven or not.
That is not what the God of my understanding is, for me anyway.
I believe, that when a person commits a crime of sexual attack, death, cannabilism, molestation, etc etc..............that person is not in their right mind.
Sick, mentally disturbed, drug/alcohol induced etc etc.
I certainly am not saying it is right. But, in Gods eye, being one of his own children, I am not sure he would make the decisions to send them to Hell for eternity.
I was molested at a very young age. Through working the steps and a great sponsor............I have been able to forgive the man who did this to me.
The act that was done to me............ Is unforgiving!!
I understand that he was a sick man. I must forgive this man or live in emotional Hell. for the rest of my life. So why wouldn't God do the same?
Just curious your thought on "HELL".
I have had this conversation with a few of my sponsees. The question is always brought up.............."Do you believe in Hell?'
My Higher Power, for me, is a forgiving God. He forgives all for their sins. We are all God's children and I can not believe he passes judgement on any of us.
I dont believe he is standing at the gates to heaven and casting his vote weather you are accepted into heaven or not.
That is not what the God of my understanding is, for me anyway.
I believe, that when a person commits a crime of sexual attack, death, cannabilism, molestation, etc etc..............that person is not in their right mind.
Sick, mentally disturbed, drug/alcohol induced etc etc.
I certainly am not saying it is right. But, in Gods eye, being one of his own children, I am not sure he would make the decisions to send them to Hell for eternity.
I was molested at a very young age. Through working the steps and a great sponsor............I have been able to forgive the man who did this to me.
The act that was done to me............ Is unforgiving!!
I understand that he was a sick man. I must forgive this man or live in emotional Hell. for the rest of my life. So why wouldn't God do the same?
Just curious your thought on "HELL".
rude awakening
I am in need of advice with two problems.
I hate this being my first post and to lay this all out like this, but I really don't know what direction to turn. I'm not some 20 yr old kid in a manner of speaking.
I broke up with my lady friend this past weekend of 3 months. As embarrassed as I am to admit this, I fell for her rather quickly as we clicked on almost every level, very similar life styles... I thought this lady had her act together, however the truth is she is very ill mannered and mean spirited. She has a lot of anger and abandon issues.
When we first met I didn't know she was a 2 yr recovering binge drinker. After a while she claimed she was good (in control) and could handle any environment that served liquor. We discussed what was needed and expected and I didn't hold her past against her... it was past, right ?
Since we started dating, she has fallen off the wagon three different times. Each time she used an excuse about something I supposedly did but was actually relationship fears based from her past as an excuse to get drunk and confrontational.
Each time she apologized and promised it wouldn't happen again and would come up with a logical reasoning. This last time this happened in front of a lot of my friends and acquaintances. Needles to say that most scattered as we all are basically low keyed and she was way over the top. I was embarrassed and felt disrespected. Of course her response the next day was "she made a mistake and I should give her another chance". Of course since Saturday she has written me and has given me more logical arguments why she acted the way she did and how much she loves me, ect..ect...
To be honest, I don't trust my judgement at this point and it scares the hell out of me... I see a unhealthy pattern developing and I'm not sure if its her or me.
I see the pattern and I know in my heart that I'm in way over my head with her. Of course she claims to love me with all her heart, but what does love have to do with anything ? I cannot compete with her dead husband and I will not continue to take the wrath because of her last failed marriage.
15 yrs ago I waisted 2 1/2 yrs with an alcoholic woman and one of my good friends is a functional alcoholic, although I have given after he made it clear he knows he is and doesn't care.
Until tonight, I never labeled my father an alcoholic, but as I think about it, he drank a six pack or two every night.
Now here is where I get my rude awakening, thus my screen name.......
In searching the net on alcoholics and their patterns I came across a post made last yr here and this lady discussed how she found info about adult children and the dysfunction associated.
I read in literal horror what I endure when I was a growing up with various issues I have faced most of my life. You see I come from a dysfunctional family. I couldn't even begin to explain what I endured and how it had effected me.
I spent most of my life angry with a chip on my shoulder. Its a wonder I didn't end up a felon in jail. It wasn't until I was well in my 30's before I began to discover who I was and that I was ok. It was a long and lonely process, but I learned to be honest with myself or I thought I have been. I have dealt with a lot of issues and thought I was in a good place in my life, but after what I read today as well as taking the adult child test, I found I was 70 %. It said that I had been severely affected and should seek help... No kidding, I already knew this, however I found that I had learn to mask many more issues, thus lying to myself... there I go being hard on myself, again..lol
Hello, I am Rude awakening and I am an adult child. I am 48 and never married and I've had enough of choosing the wrong type of woman, making the wrong decisions based on something I had no control over 30+ yrs ago.
Please don't get me wrong... in the past 15 yrs I have gone from nothing to owning a business, my business practices has been written in several major magazines in my field... designed and built my house almost completely alone with very little help. I have over come many obstacles that has held me back, but the past 48 hrs has opened my eyes to so much more that needs addressing.
I recognise that the relationship with the ex girl friend had become a very unhealthy with her. Now if that isn't enough I recognizing that all I did was work around many of my issues that I had thought I dealt with.
I feel guilty that I have walked away from her and now I feel bad for failing to recognize what has been going on with me...
I promise this is no joke... I just need a little direction
Thank you in advance.
I hate this being my first post and to lay this all out like this, but I really don't know what direction to turn. I'm not some 20 yr old kid in a manner of speaking.
I broke up with my lady friend this past weekend of 3 months. As embarrassed as I am to admit this, I fell for her rather quickly as we clicked on almost every level, very similar life styles... I thought this lady had her act together, however the truth is she is very ill mannered and mean spirited. She has a lot of anger and abandon issues.
When we first met I didn't know she was a 2 yr recovering binge drinker. After a while she claimed she was good (in control) and could handle any environment that served liquor. We discussed what was needed and expected and I didn't hold her past against her... it was past, right ?
Since we started dating, she has fallen off the wagon three different times. Each time she used an excuse about something I supposedly did but was actually relationship fears based from her past as an excuse to get drunk and confrontational.
Each time she apologized and promised it wouldn't happen again and would come up with a logical reasoning. This last time this happened in front of a lot of my friends and acquaintances. Needles to say that most scattered as we all are basically low keyed and she was way over the top. I was embarrassed and felt disrespected. Of course her response the next day was "she made a mistake and I should give her another chance". Of course since Saturday she has written me and has given me more logical arguments why she acted the way she did and how much she loves me, ect..ect...
To be honest, I don't trust my judgement at this point and it scares the hell out of me... I see a unhealthy pattern developing and I'm not sure if its her or me.
I see the pattern and I know in my heart that I'm in way over my head with her. Of course she claims to love me with all her heart, but what does love have to do with anything ? I cannot compete with her dead husband and I will not continue to take the wrath because of her last failed marriage.
15 yrs ago I waisted 2 1/2 yrs with an alcoholic woman and one of my good friends is a functional alcoholic, although I have given after he made it clear he knows he is and doesn't care.
Until tonight, I never labeled my father an alcoholic, but as I think about it, he drank a six pack or two every night.
Now here is where I get my rude awakening, thus my screen name.......
In searching the net on alcoholics and their patterns I came across a post made last yr here and this lady discussed how she found info about adult children and the dysfunction associated.
I read in literal horror what I endure when I was a growing up with various issues I have faced most of my life. You see I come from a dysfunctional family. I couldn't even begin to explain what I endured and how it had effected me.
I spent most of my life angry with a chip on my shoulder. Its a wonder I didn't end up a felon in jail. It wasn't until I was well in my 30's before I began to discover who I was and that I was ok. It was a long and lonely process, but I learned to be honest with myself or I thought I have been. I have dealt with a lot of issues and thought I was in a good place in my life, but after what I read today as well as taking the adult child test, I found I was 70 %. It said that I had been severely affected and should seek help... No kidding, I already knew this, however I found that I had learn to mask many more issues, thus lying to myself... there I go being hard on myself, again..lol
Hello, I am Rude awakening and I am an adult child. I am 48 and never married and I've had enough of choosing the wrong type of woman, making the wrong decisions based on something I had no control over 30+ yrs ago.
Please don't get me wrong... in the past 15 yrs I have gone from nothing to owning a business, my business practices has been written in several major magazines in my field... designed and built my house almost completely alone with very little help. I have over come many obstacles that has held me back, but the past 48 hrs has opened my eyes to so much more that needs addressing.
I recognise that the relationship with the ex girl friend had become a very unhealthy with her. Now if that isn't enough I recognizing that all I did was work around many of my issues that I had thought I dealt with.
I feel guilty that I have walked away from her and now I feel bad for failing to recognize what has been going on with me...
I promise this is no joke... I just need a little direction
Thank you in advance.
