Drug Rehab Options Blog

Every time I think I've found the lowest I could possibly go, life surprises me with yet another slide straight into hell, with no one to thank but myself.

This time, I was about 2 weeks into sobriety. Peer pressure overcame my decent judgment though and I decided it might be ok to have a beer. This kicked off a 4-day drinking and drug binge. My companion through this 4-day binge insists he will pay me back, and I believe him. He has always kept his word about paying me back. However, he's never owed me $2000 before and he's even more broke than I am so I'm just going to have to figure out how to pay for this one on my own, until he can pay me back. I'm sure my credit card already loves the interest payments.

Now, what have drinking and drugs done for me?

The thing is, if it were anyone else I could have easily said no. Every time I do something that I know is a bad idea, this guy is involved. I fell for him ages ago-- perhaps a year-and-a-half ago-- but we've always kept it "just friends" because he has a girlfriend (though she lives about 120 miles away). And we didn't start out this way, we were good friends, we did fun stuff together-- movies, concerts, etc- studied together for our classes, and generally stayed out of trouble and worked hard in school. Then we started drinking a bit and everything has spiraled down hill. Neither of us can stop drinking, he's engaged to his gf and they have a baby but whenever he gets drunk he tries to kiss me and hugs me and tells me he's in love with me but he wants to be in his daughter's life and can't call off the engagement at this point-- I don't know if he means it or he's being manipulative or he's just drunk. I'm heartbroken because I really did fall for him-- first guy I've ever been in love with-- and it kills me that we can only be friends so I drink all the time to forget about it.

And I KNOW that he's not good for me, because he's got so much power over me that I drink and do drugs with him even though I know I shouldn't, and don't even want to. I know I'd be better off without him in my life at all. When neither of us are drunk we're awesome friends, we have so much fun just watching movies or hanging out and we're supportive of each other and we are good influences on each other. And then we get around alcohol and we both become idiots; he wants to do this crap, and either puts a lot of pressure on me or sweet-talks me into it, and I give in every time.

Now all I seem to do is drink and cry. I hate my life, I can barely pay my bills, and I'm miserable from the time I get up until the time I either start drinking or crawl into bed. I want to be over him; I want to be the person I used to be before I started drinking, back when I liked myself.

PAUSE

WhatÂ’s a minute worth to you? Is it enough time to text a friend? Enough time to race to class after sleeping thru the alarm (again)? Or is it long enough to separate a smart call from a risky move?

It only takes a minute to change your life.

That’s a one minute pause, 60 seconds to stop, think and consider the impact of your actions. A pause is a delay, a breather, a suspended reaction. A pause is about finding the time to get the facts, and using those facts—not impulses- to help make decisions, when emotions are running high and a minute can feel like an instant or an eternity, a moment of clarity you create for yourself.


PAUSE wonÂ’t tell you what to do. PAUSE will provide you with information about your mind, body, and relationships and empower you to make your own best decisions. When you can rely on accurate info and make choices youÂ’re comfortable with, youÂ’re in the driverÂ’s seat. PAUSE is not about judgment. PAUSE is about staying informed and in control. ItÂ’s about the confidence you gain when you know the facts and yourself. PAUSE is also about seeking help when you need it.

Pause is a collaboration of the Kaiser Family Foundation, FOX, and My Space

MySpace.com - Pause - 19 - Female - Los Angeles, California - www.myspace.com/pause

There was a post here in the last few weeks regarding folks who were drunk at meetings. I'd just like to thank you all for that thread, because I think it helped me immensely tonight.

I woman came in to the meeting tonight and she smelled like booze. Sat next to me. Now, when this has happened before, I've stayed away from someone who was drunk at a meeting because I was reacting with my defects of judgment and fear.

Tonight I welcomed her. Then after the meeting I spoke with her and offered her my number, and offered to give her a ride in the future. I really hope that she takes me up on it.

Anyway, if I hadn't read that post here and read all the responses and reading the ESH of others who have been in that situation, I never would've reached out to that woman. And I feel good.

So, thanks.

xo

Karen

I have another stupid story to tell from the rooms. I am truly getting tired of all the BS, let me tell you. I have to say "take what I need and leave the rest" over and over in my head lately.

Anyway, so today I finally get a call back from my sponsor who has been MIA this week on vacation to visit her sponsor in another country.

She tells me that after talking it over with her sponsor (I knew that was going to cause trouble, because her sponsor doesn't know me or my life), she feels that I really have to start going to more meetings (I'm very busy at work now and am making 3 a week), that I won't get any better with my current schedule and that I must find a way to scale back my life to make "90 in 90." But I don't feel the need or desire to do that.

I explained to her that isn't doable due to my bills. I have a kid in college, a mortgage, two cars for us, a younger child, and all the regular bills that go along with all that. I asked her what she would have me cut back on. I mean, I told her, it's not like I'm buying new shoes, or taking any vacations even. I'm only 5 years from retirement at my current job, so a change in career isn't feasible now. And we're in a recession. Many of us, including me, are just scraping by, with the costs going up, but salaries staying the same.

She told me that she did it, so so could I. She says she went to 3 meetings a day when new. I pointed out the differences in our lifestyles. She is still living w/mom and dad, has no car, a part-time gig that she isn't committed to, and comes from money. I explained to her, that even if I wanted to, I wouldn't be able to live the way she does.

She told me that I will end up picking up if I don't do it her way. But I'm doing pretty well. I have 6 months, and I just spoke at a meeting for the first time. I really was feeling stronger lately.

I pointed that out and then she really got on my case about my service commitment to my home group; a reading. I selected that service because I'm a shift worker who can only make 1/2 the meetings (I'm on night shift 1/2 the time). My home group knew that when I signed up. So that didn't seem to be a problem then, someone could read the reading on the days I couldn't be there. It wasn't that big of a deal. But she said she wanted me to "resign the commitment" although there isn't anyone else who wants it. And I'm a good reader. Really good at that. Seriously, people say they love to hear me read. Sounds stupid, but they do say that at my home group. So I liked that job. It made me feel like I finally belonged somewhere.

At first, she made me feel really bad. And finally I just snapped. I went off. I told her "You can take that service commitment, and your home group, and you can get f'd." Then I hung up. I'm so mad. I'm so frustrated. It's my home group too. I don't know anymore. I just don't know if I want to belong to any of it right now. I'm so tired of non-constructive criticism from people who don't seem to know anything about how to live a balanced life in recovery. Or even how to help me work the steps. Or even how to be happy.

So once again, no sponsor, no prospects. Alone again. So sick of it.

KJ

You are reading from the book The Language of Letting Go

Knowledge

Learn to let yourself be guided into truth.

We will know what we need to know, when we need to know that. We don't have to feel badly about taking our own time to reach our insights. We don't have to force insight or awareness before it's time.

Yes! Maybe the whole world saw a particular truth in our life, and we denied it - until we were ready to deal with it. That is our business, and our right! Our process is our own, and we will discover our truths at the right time, when we are ready, when the learning experience is complete.

The most growth-producing concept we can develop for others and ourselves is to allow ourselves to have our own process. We can give and receive support and encouragement while we go through this process. We can listen to others and say what we think. We can set boundaries and take care of ourselves, when needed. But we still give others and ourselves the right to grow at our own pace, without judgment, and with much trust that all is well and is on schedule.

When we are ready, when the time is right, and when our Higher Power is ready - we will know what we need to know.

Today, I will let myself and others have our own pace and time schedule for growth and change. I will trust that I will be empowered with insights and the tools for dealing with these insights, at the right time.

From The Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie ©1990, Hazelden Foundation.

I see a lot of posts of people asking about boundaries, I read the sticky about "signs of crossed boundaries" I see people posting that ignore and cross boundaries, I see a lot of confusion about what boundaries are, so I thought I would start a thread about setting your own boundaries, successful stories thereof, unsuccessful stories, and examples of respecting and/or crossing other peoples boundaries.

I will start with a few examples from my own experience:

1) My XAGF was just beginning to get sober when she drank and lied to me about it. I stated "I'm sorry that you felt you had to lie to me about it, When you lie to me I have trouble believing you, and I don't want this in my life or relationship any more". She felt "attacked" and that I was "threatening the relationship" and I was crossing a boundary by "questioning her integrity" :wtf2

opinion 1) setting a boundary for yourself is NOT "crossing someone else's boundary" Setting a boundary in "someone else's "yard" is not a boundary

2) My XAGF was being distant and stated she was having childhood issues and asked for "space" I went home and saw she had "blocked" me from viewing her photos from her "social site" and had added a new man as a friend. This felt like "old behavior" on her part (I had seen all this before immediately prior to previous breakups) I ended up calling her, texting her, and finally using an IM to get ahold of her. Now for whatever reason, and I truly believe they were valid and pertinent, I didn't respect her boundary and crossed it.

Opinion 2) it's NOT OK to cross someone's boundary for ANY reason, a boundary is a boundary, however, healthy people set healthy boundaries, there are definitely two parts here, however, to stick strictly to my part, I crossed that boundary

3) Since I have moved back, I have encountered "judgment" for drinking from some of my old friends in the program, not a lot, some of it took the form of humor, but it was hurtful. I was talking to my XRAGFBFF today, telling her about the last few nights where I have pulled these people aside and said, "Look, it's NOT OK for me for you to call me "newcomer", I have 7 months, it's NOT OK to make fun of me and (blah blah blah)" and she made an interesting observation "I see a pattern here, you're beginning to establish healthy boundaries again and not let people put you down Andrew, that's healthy. I bet every one of those people "owned their part" and apologized and gave you a hug. The last few years people have been walking all over you and denying it, until you finally began letting them, and now, you are beginning too get healthy and set boundaries, it's not OK for people to say hurtful things to you anymore, congratulations. "

I hadn't even seen it like that

3) When you are healthy, you begin setting healthy boundaries, and healthy people in your life respect them, and if you are healthy, you can enforce those boundaries in a healthy non confrontational way.

Anyhow, this has been "rattling around in my can" all morning, can you guys help out with this thread? share experience, strength and Hope, and even ask questions, and maybe, if we get enough examples/stories, and ESH we can make a sticky and have a more comprehensive of what a "healthy boundary" looks like?

Hi Everyone,

I'm new to this wonderful community and so grateful
to have found SR. For the first time in a very long time
I feel I can speak honestly without fear of judgment. To
me, that alone is like a miracle. :wink3:

Seems I've read my story in dozens of different threads
here. The plot is the same only the names have been
changed. That's why I'm thinking maybe some of you
could share your wisdom regarding a question I have -
you've walked in my shoes.

So here's the question...

How do you forgive yourself? I know that God has forgiven me
and I know He know longer sees the sins I've confessed - even
though I keep reminding Him of them. Lord knows I've
repented of the same old sins more times than I can remember.

But I don't feel forgiven. And that in part is what has
kept me drinking for the past few years. Because even though
I know in my heart and mind I'm forgiven, I can't forgive me.
It's honestly been the biggest struggle of my life. My inability to
make peace with myself has taken me down roads I never thought
I'd travel. Depression, anxiety, fear, paranoia... pretty much constant
companions of mine.

Because of the shameful things I've thought, said, or done in a
drunken fog I don't feel I deserve any good thing - happiness, peace,
success, respect, etc.

I know I live under perpetual grace, but I can't fully embrace it. And
that is probably the biggest insult I could offer Christ. It's like "Thank you
God, for the ultimate sacrifice on the cross, but you must of been thinking
of someone else, not me."

And then I read on other forums that if I were truly a Christian I wouldn't
be an alcoholic. Or that I won't go to Heaven because there will
be no drunkards in Heaven. I've never questioned my salvation for a
minute so I know the above statements can't be true.

Then I read I don't need to forgive myself, God's forgiveness is sufficient.
I must be a really weak Christian because I just don't get that. I want
and need to forgive myself.

Is that so wrong? Please someone tell me how to do it.

pg

“For I am not ashamed of the gospel of Christ: for it is the power of God unto salvation to every one that believeth; to the Jew first, and also to the Greek..” Romans 1:16

Proverbs 23:22-23 (AMP):

22 Hearken to your father, who begot you, and despise not your mother when she is old.

23 Buy the truth and sell it not; not only that, but; also get discernment and judgment, instruction and understanding.

Thoughts for the Day

These verses in Proverbs instruct us to honor our parents and seek truth, wisdom, instruction and understanding. One of the 10 Commandments in the Bible, instructs us with these words in:

Exodus 20:12: Honour thy father and thy mother: that thy days may be long upon the land which the LORD thy God giveth thee.

One might think that this commandment is self-explanatory and needs no further teaching or elaboration. However, I believe as we look at this carefully, we will see something that perhaps we have not seen before.

The word for "honor" in Hebrew, is "kabed." This word is very closely related to the word that is translated as "glory" with respect to God. The literal meaning of this word is "to make weighty" or "to be heavy." Other definitions include, "to glorify or to make glorious, to honor, and to promote." To a certain extent, God wants us to treat our parents the way that we treat Him. We are to bring honor to their name, with our actions and words. The interesting thing about this commandment, is that it is the first one with a promise attached to it.

Ephesians 6:1-3: "Children, obey your parents in the Lord: for this is right. Honour thy father and mother; which is the first commandment with promise; That it may be well with thee, and thou mayest live long on the earth."

We will have a long life if we will respect our parents. This promise may sound vague and general, but there is an immediate application to it, especially in the lives of children. If children obey their parents, it can literally save their lives. For instance, a little child who runs across the street without looking both ways, as his parents instructed him to do, may get killed. His life can be cut short because of a simple act of disobedience. It really is true that disobedient children have a greater chance of not living long. The quality of their life may also be diminished because of rebellion. The Lord says that we must train our children to continually honor and esteem the Lord; and in doing that, they will learn to honor us as their parents.

If a child does not have a sense of respect for their parents, he or she will often have a harder time respecting other authority figures as well. I believe that this verse refers to more that just our biological parents, although it certainly is the first application we will want to make with this commandment. However, we see in Ephesians that God is saying that we must obey our "parents in the Lord." Therefore, this verse also refers to the elders within the church.

All of the Ten Commandments deal with rebellion in one way or another. Ultimately, it is rebellion that keeps us from obeying them. We will not love God with all of our heart when there is rebellion in it. No matter what the commandment is, the Lord is dealing with our attitude. He wants us to be submissive to Him, and that is why it is so important that we learn submission to our parents and elders.

In verse 23 of today's study we are told to "buy" truth. How does one "buy" truth? It will cost us something to get it. Truth is found by seeking God and studying His Word. Since our time is valuable, when we dedicate it to the study of God's Word, it is, in a sense, "buying" the truth. We are also told to seek discernment, judgment, instruction, and understanding, as well. Many of these things can be learned at the feet of our parents and elders. That is why the Lord tells us to honor them, and we are especially not to despise them in their old age. We will be old ourselves in time and we will reap what we sow. If we honor, respect and take care of our parents in their old age, we will be honored in ours. Honoring them begins with seeking God and His truth. We can "buy" the truth without money. We are invited to just come to the Lord and He will feed us with His spiritual bread, milk and wine.

Isaiah 55:1-2:

1 Ho, every one that thirsteth, come ye to the waters, and he that hath no money; come ye, buy, and eat; yea, come, buy wine and milk without money and without price.

2 Wherefore do ye spend money for that which is not bread? and your labour for that which satisfieth not? hearken diligently unto me, and eat ye that which is good, and let your soul delight itself in fatness.

Prayer for the Day

Dear Heavenly Father, Thank You for our families and may we especially be mindful to honor our parents and elders. Lord, give me a teachable spirit so that I might learn from those who are older and wiser than I am. Set me free from a prideful attitude and help me to listen to the voice of my elders. Lord, in my quest for truth, may I keep an open heart to receive those things that are of You, and give me discernment to recognize those things that are not of You. Open my understanding and instruct me in Your ways in all of the affairs of my life. I ask this in the name of my Lord and Saviour, Jesus Christ. Amen.

bible.com