Archive for the ‘Just Friends’ tag
Clarity moment
On Friday I went to a concert that had been planned over two months ago. My ex boyfriend (just friends) asked me to go and I said I would. This was all before my husband decided to get sober and come home. Since I already made the plans and really wanted to go to the concert I went.
I asked the ex not to bring drugs or alcohol into my car and told him I was not kidding. So get what happend.........
We get close and he insists we drive straight to a liquor store. I refused because I didn't have the gas and he was already showing signs of drinking so I turned the car around to go to the concert. I think that ticked him off a bit.
We get to the front gate and cops are frisking people. They go to frisk him and the cop notices he isn't pulling everything out of his pocket. My "friend" starts getting rude saying "what man? what the fk?" I'm totally embarassed at that point.
So John (the friend) pulls out a little joint and the cops says "all this for that?" and lets him go into the concert. Ohhhh and a handfu of condoms.I was mortified. So the ticket scanner couldn't scan his tickets because they were off the computer and the ink was dull. So then John starts getting rude again. Acting stupid. Total disrespect for authority.
Luckily I saw a few friends and they let us go in. Once we were in he headed straight to the beer tent.
He kept pressuring me to drink. I kept saying "I don't want a drink"
He wondered off the entire concert, all but a few times and when he walked up to me he would try to put his hands on my hips and I would firmly tell him to stop it! I was standing with my sister and her friend.
I told him I was leaving before the last band and on the way to the gate he started getting pissed.
Apparently he had planned that he was going to have sex with me. Alcoholic thinking. No way, shape or form did I give him that impression. So on the way to the car I started to get a bit scared and wondered what I should do.
For a few minutes into the ride he was oddly quiet. Then he starts swearing at me saying "now that your husband is back you are going to be with him?" and getting so bad I thought he was going to hit me. He is a big guy.
He was ranting and then would repeat himself which made me believe he was blacking out.:c029:
I felt I was going to be hit and raped without a doubt. I had to do some quick thinking and pulled into a store and asked him as nice as I could to please go buy me some water.
As soon as he got out I drove off and left his arse there.
I came home and told my husband. He knew I was shaken.
What a wake up call. I forgot how unpredictable alcoholics can be. How it can turn a kind, gentle friend into someone that you don't recognize. I've been friends with him for 15 years.
So any girls out there that have alcoholic friends, please be careful. They turn into other people so fast and it can be so dangerous. I learned a huge lesson that could have been deadly. That's why I am sharing
I asked the ex not to bring drugs or alcohol into my car and told him I was not kidding. So get what happend.........
We get close and he insists we drive straight to a liquor store. I refused because I didn't have the gas and he was already showing signs of drinking so I turned the car around to go to the concert. I think that ticked him off a bit.
We get to the front gate and cops are frisking people. They go to frisk him and the cop notices he isn't pulling everything out of his pocket. My "friend" starts getting rude saying "what man? what the fk?" I'm totally embarassed at that point.
So John (the friend) pulls out a little joint and the cops says "all this for that?" and lets him go into the concert. Ohhhh and a handfu of condoms.I was mortified. So the ticket scanner couldn't scan his tickets because they were off the computer and the ink was dull. So then John starts getting rude again. Acting stupid. Total disrespect for authority.
Luckily I saw a few friends and they let us go in. Once we were in he headed straight to the beer tent.
He kept pressuring me to drink. I kept saying "I don't want a drink"
He wondered off the entire concert, all but a few times and when he walked up to me he would try to put his hands on my hips and I would firmly tell him to stop it! I was standing with my sister and her friend.
I told him I was leaving before the last band and on the way to the gate he started getting pissed.
Apparently he had planned that he was going to have sex with me. Alcoholic thinking. No way, shape or form did I give him that impression. So on the way to the car I started to get a bit scared and wondered what I should do.
For a few minutes into the ride he was oddly quiet. Then he starts swearing at me saying "now that your husband is back you are going to be with him?" and getting so bad I thought he was going to hit me. He is a big guy.
He was ranting and then would repeat himself which made me believe he was blacking out.:c029:
I felt I was going to be hit and raped without a doubt. I had to do some quick thinking and pulled into a store and asked him as nice as I could to please go buy me some water.
As soon as he got out I drove off and left his arse there.
I came home and told my husband. He knew I was shaken.
What a wake up call. I forgot how unpredictable alcoholics can be. How it can turn a kind, gentle friend into someone that you don't recognize. I've been friends with him for 15 years.
So any girls out there that have alcoholic friends, please be careful. They turn into other people so fast and it can be so dangerous. I learned a huge lesson that could have been deadly. That's why I am sharing
I am a complete failure
I am a complete failure in every aspect of my life. I thought i was always there for everybody in my family but all im hearing now is how bad i am, the two people (my mother and AH) i love more than anything in this world are stripping away who i am bit by bit, im not good enough for either one of them, i cant live up to their expectations of what i should be or what i should do
im having my baby tomorrow, i go in for my c-section early in the morning, it should be the happiest time of my life right? this is the absolutely worst time of my life, i cant even enjoy having my baby because of the selfishness of my family
i asked my dad last night if he was gonna be in the operating room with me, he said no he couldnt do it, he couldnt stand to see me have surgery, well my mom has told me from the begining she couldnt be there and watch it, so im like ok im not going by myself, well my dad was the only one home but i remembered my mom saying she couldnt do it either so i went to my husbands apartment and asked him to be in the room with me, it was the first excitement ive seen from him about the baby, but i coudlnt stay and talk to him because his "friend" was coming over, he says they are just friends now and shes helping him get back to alabama, hes told me over and over they arent sleeping together anymore so i said ok, ill come by tomorrow and stay the night then we'll go to the hospital together from your apartment, he hugged and kissed me and said he loved me and i left, i was on the top of the world, i know the horrible things hes done but i so badly wanted it to be his face i was looking into when i had the surgery
i get home and my mom wont even speak to me, she finally says you knew i would have been there, i said you and daddy both told me you couldnt be there, whats the big deal, i said maybe my husband seeing his baby born will click in his head and he will get straight, who knows, i said hes still going back to alabama, i still cant be with him drinking as much as he does now, i said you get the baby all the time but this is his only chance and maybe it will make him see what he has to lose if he continues down this path, i was just dumbfounded that she was acting like this, shes been coming down on me all week, just a few days before she told me she wasnt going to feel guilty anymore , i said guilty about what? she said how you turned out, how do you say that to your child, i said what am i doing, i know im not perfect, im not the only person caught in the cycle with a alcoholic, me and her have been fighting all week, i never knew how selfish she was, i said over and over how this is my pregnancy and this is about me and what im about to go through, im the one getting sliced open, so eventually we ended up screaming at each other
so i write a letter to my husband in case his "friend" is still there, i make up my mind if shes still there and i think they are sleeping together then ill tell him he cant be there, well i go by there after midnight and her car is still there and all the lights are off in his apartment, so i pretty much got the picture of what he was doing, so i left the letter, which basically said i wasnt going to be second to anyone else, if he couldnt put me and my child first then i was done, that he coudlnt be in the hospital, i was sorry i even asked him and i left, i was only there like 25seconds, well i have a voicemail from him this morning, hes totally p*ssed, he said i dont appreciate being watched, you knew she was there, dont hurt me like this, come by tonight, i love you, i just deleted it, he didnt even try to deny sleeping with her, and i cant be second anymore, my child deserves better
i get home last night from leaving the letter and i figure now my mom would let up cause he wouldnt be at the hospital , she was even more pissed cause i had left in the middle of the night, i said im 25 i dont need permission, i took my own car, what is the big deal, hes not going to be there so why are you still pissed, so then shes like well you better tell him he can cause im not going to be there, i totally snap, i told her she was so f*cking selfish, this has nothing to do with anyone but me, why is everyone making it about themselves, i begged her to quit trying to control me, but she turns everything around on me and now says she didnt say the things to me that i remember, im like do you have mental problems it was five seconds ago you said that to me, but she denies it, so now shes whining to my sister about how mean im being to her and how i wont sit and talk to her anymore all i do is yell and scream
and all i do is yell and scream because ive asked her over and over to leave me alone, i dont need the stress, i said your gonna cause me to go into labour, i finally had enough, im so tired of her and my husband telling me how bad i am, if it wasnt for my baby i would just give up, how can these two people not see what they are doing to me, if my mom helps me it always comes with a price, i have to do things her way or no way, hes not going to be there yet shes still p*ssed at me, i dont have the money to get the rest of the stuff i need for the hospital, i dont have gas in my car to get there, ive told her she coudlnt be at the hospital , her or my husband both of them can stay away from me, i dont need that stress
and despite the lies and cheating and everything my husband has done, i cant help but hate myself, he will never forgive me for this, now he really does have a reason to hate me, and blame me, and theres nothing i can do, it was absolutely the cruelest thing in the world to tell him he could be there and then take it away, and i know he hasnt shown any interest in the baby or me, that only because his life is falling apart does he talk about us being together , i cant do anything about what hes done to me, he has to live with that, but now i have to live with this and the guilt is driving me insane, ill never be able to face him again, i dont expect him to ever forgive me, its kinda ironic that this is what finally split us up for good cause i could never go back, i can never look into his eyes again, he may be an alcoholic and put me through more h*ll than anybody in the world, he lied last night and slept with that girl, but i never truly thought i did anything so horrible to him that he could hate me, until now, and ill never speak with him again, im so embarrassed
no matter what i do they are both mad at me, i cant make etiher one of them happy, both have turned the situation around on me and now im the bad guy, im never good enough for anyone, now im gonna end up in that delievery room by myself, im sure my mom in the end would be there, but now i have so much resentment for her that i dont want her in there, i truly want my husband there but its not going to happen, i cant get the family i so badly want no matter what, and i cant let him be around my son when he refuses to give up a woman that hes not even really with, i was so stupid for believing him, yet i still feel guilty, i wish i would have never asked him, and i cant wrap my mind around my mom, how she can be so selfish and controlling, i never seen that, she acts like this baby is hers or something, yet she denies all this, im the one causing all this, i cant be perfect for either of them
this is what im bringing my baby into, i love him more than anything, but i really shoudnt have had him, its my own fault for bringing him into a life like this, with a father like he has
i am so completely unhappy and i cant get out of the surgery tomorrow so i dont know what to do, ive never been this low before in my life
im having my baby tomorrow, i go in for my c-section early in the morning, it should be the happiest time of my life right? this is the absolutely worst time of my life, i cant even enjoy having my baby because of the selfishness of my family
i asked my dad last night if he was gonna be in the operating room with me, he said no he couldnt do it, he couldnt stand to see me have surgery, well my mom has told me from the begining she couldnt be there and watch it, so im like ok im not going by myself, well my dad was the only one home but i remembered my mom saying she couldnt do it either so i went to my husbands apartment and asked him to be in the room with me, it was the first excitement ive seen from him about the baby, but i coudlnt stay and talk to him because his "friend" was coming over, he says they are just friends now and shes helping him get back to alabama, hes told me over and over they arent sleeping together anymore so i said ok, ill come by tomorrow and stay the night then we'll go to the hospital together from your apartment, he hugged and kissed me and said he loved me and i left, i was on the top of the world, i know the horrible things hes done but i so badly wanted it to be his face i was looking into when i had the surgery
i get home and my mom wont even speak to me, she finally says you knew i would have been there, i said you and daddy both told me you couldnt be there, whats the big deal, i said maybe my husband seeing his baby born will click in his head and he will get straight, who knows, i said hes still going back to alabama, i still cant be with him drinking as much as he does now, i said you get the baby all the time but this is his only chance and maybe it will make him see what he has to lose if he continues down this path, i was just dumbfounded that she was acting like this, shes been coming down on me all week, just a few days before she told me she wasnt going to feel guilty anymore , i said guilty about what? she said how you turned out, how do you say that to your child, i said what am i doing, i know im not perfect, im not the only person caught in the cycle with a alcoholic, me and her have been fighting all week, i never knew how selfish she was, i said over and over how this is my pregnancy and this is about me and what im about to go through, im the one getting sliced open, so eventually we ended up screaming at each other
so i write a letter to my husband in case his "friend" is still there, i make up my mind if shes still there and i think they are sleeping together then ill tell him he cant be there, well i go by there after midnight and her car is still there and all the lights are off in his apartment, so i pretty much got the picture of what he was doing, so i left the letter, which basically said i wasnt going to be second to anyone else, if he couldnt put me and my child first then i was done, that he coudlnt be in the hospital, i was sorry i even asked him and i left, i was only there like 25seconds, well i have a voicemail from him this morning, hes totally p*ssed, he said i dont appreciate being watched, you knew she was there, dont hurt me like this, come by tonight, i love you, i just deleted it, he didnt even try to deny sleeping with her, and i cant be second anymore, my child deserves better
i get home last night from leaving the letter and i figure now my mom would let up cause he wouldnt be at the hospital , she was even more pissed cause i had left in the middle of the night, i said im 25 i dont need permission, i took my own car, what is the big deal, hes not going to be there so why are you still pissed, so then shes like well you better tell him he can cause im not going to be there, i totally snap, i told her she was so f*cking selfish, this has nothing to do with anyone but me, why is everyone making it about themselves, i begged her to quit trying to control me, but she turns everything around on me and now says she didnt say the things to me that i remember, im like do you have mental problems it was five seconds ago you said that to me, but she denies it, so now shes whining to my sister about how mean im being to her and how i wont sit and talk to her anymore all i do is yell and scream
and all i do is yell and scream because ive asked her over and over to leave me alone, i dont need the stress, i said your gonna cause me to go into labour, i finally had enough, im so tired of her and my husband telling me how bad i am, if it wasnt for my baby i would just give up, how can these two people not see what they are doing to me, if my mom helps me it always comes with a price, i have to do things her way or no way, hes not going to be there yet shes still p*ssed at me, i dont have the money to get the rest of the stuff i need for the hospital, i dont have gas in my car to get there, ive told her she coudlnt be at the hospital , her or my husband both of them can stay away from me, i dont need that stress
and despite the lies and cheating and everything my husband has done, i cant help but hate myself, he will never forgive me for this, now he really does have a reason to hate me, and blame me, and theres nothing i can do, it was absolutely the cruelest thing in the world to tell him he could be there and then take it away, and i know he hasnt shown any interest in the baby or me, that only because his life is falling apart does he talk about us being together , i cant do anything about what hes done to me, he has to live with that, but now i have to live with this and the guilt is driving me insane, ill never be able to face him again, i dont expect him to ever forgive me, its kinda ironic that this is what finally split us up for good cause i could never go back, i can never look into his eyes again, he may be an alcoholic and put me through more h*ll than anybody in the world, he lied last night and slept with that girl, but i never truly thought i did anything so horrible to him that he could hate me, until now, and ill never speak with him again, im so embarrassed
no matter what i do they are both mad at me, i cant make etiher one of them happy, both have turned the situation around on me and now im the bad guy, im never good enough for anyone, now im gonna end up in that delievery room by myself, im sure my mom in the end would be there, but now i have so much resentment for her that i dont want her in there, i truly want my husband there but its not going to happen, i cant get the family i so badly want no matter what, and i cant let him be around my son when he refuses to give up a woman that hes not even really with, i was so stupid for believing him, yet i still feel guilty, i wish i would have never asked him, and i cant wrap my mind around my mom, how she can be so selfish and controlling, i never seen that, she acts like this baby is hers or something, yet she denies all this, im the one causing all this, i cant be perfect for either of them
this is what im bringing my baby into, i love him more than anything, but i really shoudnt have had him, its my own fault for bringing him into a life like this, with a father like he has
i am so completely unhappy and i cant get out of the surgery tomorrow so i dont know what to do, ive never been this low before in my life
No one to blame but me
Every time I think I've found the lowest I could possibly go, life surprises me with yet another slide straight into hell, with no one to thank but myself.
This time, I was about 2 weeks into sobriety. Peer pressure overcame my decent judgment though and I decided it might be ok to have a beer. This kicked off a 4-day drinking and drug binge. My companion through this 4-day binge insists he will pay me back, and I believe him. He has always kept his word about paying me back. However, he's never owed me $2000 before and he's even more broke than I am so I'm just going to have to figure out how to pay for this one on my own, until he can pay me back. I'm sure my credit card already loves the interest payments.
Now, what have drinking and drugs done for me?
The thing is, if it were anyone else I could have easily said no. Every time I do something that I know is a bad idea, this guy is involved. I fell for him ages ago-- perhaps a year-and-a-half ago-- but we've always kept it "just friends" because he has a girlfriend (though she lives about 120 miles away). And we didn't start out this way, we were good friends, we did fun stuff together-- movies, concerts, etc- studied together for our classes, and generally stayed out of trouble and worked hard in school. Then we started drinking a bit and everything has spiraled down hill. Neither of us can stop drinking, he's engaged to his gf and they have a baby but whenever he gets drunk he tries to kiss me and hugs me and tells me he's in love with me but he wants to be in his daughter's life and can't call off the engagement at this point-- I don't know if he means it or he's being manipulative or he's just drunk. I'm heartbroken because I really did fall for him-- first guy I've ever been in love with-- and it kills me that we can only be friends so I drink all the time to forget about it.
And I KNOW that he's not good for me, because he's got so much power over me that I drink and do drugs with him even though I know I shouldn't, and don't even want to. I know I'd be better off without him in my life at all. When neither of us are drunk we're awesome friends, we have so much fun just watching movies or hanging out and we're supportive of each other and we are good influences on each other. And then we get around alcohol and we both become idiots; he wants to do this crap, and either puts a lot of pressure on me or sweet-talks me into it, and I give in every time.
Now all I seem to do is drink and cry. I hate my life, I can barely pay my bills, and I'm miserable from the time I get up until the time I either start drinking or crawl into bed. I want to be over him; I want to be the person I used to be before I started drinking, back when I liked myself.
This time, I was about 2 weeks into sobriety. Peer pressure overcame my decent judgment though and I decided it might be ok to have a beer. This kicked off a 4-day drinking and drug binge. My companion through this 4-day binge insists he will pay me back, and I believe him. He has always kept his word about paying me back. However, he's never owed me $2000 before and he's even more broke than I am so I'm just going to have to figure out how to pay for this one on my own, until he can pay me back. I'm sure my credit card already loves the interest payments.
Now, what have drinking and drugs done for me?
The thing is, if it were anyone else I could have easily said no. Every time I do something that I know is a bad idea, this guy is involved. I fell for him ages ago-- perhaps a year-and-a-half ago-- but we've always kept it "just friends" because he has a girlfriend (though she lives about 120 miles away). And we didn't start out this way, we were good friends, we did fun stuff together-- movies, concerts, etc- studied together for our classes, and generally stayed out of trouble and worked hard in school. Then we started drinking a bit and everything has spiraled down hill. Neither of us can stop drinking, he's engaged to his gf and they have a baby but whenever he gets drunk he tries to kiss me and hugs me and tells me he's in love with me but he wants to be in his daughter's life and can't call off the engagement at this point-- I don't know if he means it or he's being manipulative or he's just drunk. I'm heartbroken because I really did fall for him-- first guy I've ever been in love with-- and it kills me that we can only be friends so I drink all the time to forget about it.
And I KNOW that he's not good for me, because he's got so much power over me that I drink and do drugs with him even though I know I shouldn't, and don't even want to. I know I'd be better off without him in my life at all. When neither of us are drunk we're awesome friends, we have so much fun just watching movies or hanging out and we're supportive of each other and we are good influences on each other. And then we get around alcohol and we both become idiots; he wants to do this crap, and either puts a lot of pressure on me or sweet-talks me into it, and I give in every time.
Now all I seem to do is drink and cry. I hate my life, I can barely pay my bills, and I'm miserable from the time I get up until the time I either start drinking or crawl into bed. I want to be over him; I want to be the person I used to be before I started drinking, back when I liked myself.
New behavior
It's funny, but the more time I have clean, the healthier my behavior in relation to men and dating improves without my even trying.
Last night I met a guy after a meeting, who really impressed me in our conversation with how well he seems to be doing in his recovery. He asked me for coffee. At first I was going to say "lets go with the rest of the group" but then nobody else could go out, so I decided it would be OK just to get coffee, since I'd really wanted to go out after anyway.
Before recovery, "coffee" would have lead me to a whole night out, then bed together, then regrets the next day.
But last night, even though he was hinting at it, I said, "No, I don't let anyone come to my house until I'm seriously involved with them, and I don't want to go to yours. We don't know each other at all yet." I was clear about it.
He was complaining that his recovery life has become kind of lonely and sexless, and although I can relate, I still explained that I have new rules for myself in recovery, including sex being reserved for committed long-standing relationships. I also told him that "Being single is fun. I'm getting to know myself better."
Part of me was sitting outside of my body watching me, saying "Who are you, weirdo? And what have you done with KJ?"
I really do want to be just friends with men for a while. Like several months. Although I miss sex sometimes, the trade-off of self-respect and lack of man-related chaos is so great. I still have a little left-over drama with one of my exs that I have around me at times, but it is so much less than how I used to have it.
I used to keep at least a couple men in my life all the time. Just so I could feel like I was worthwhile. Now I understand that it didn't make me feel any better, just worse about myself. It didn't make me any less lonely to have several half-@ssed relationships going, actually it made me deeply lonely. Being single is cool.
It was just coffee. And that was just fine.
KJ
Last night I met a guy after a meeting, who really impressed me in our conversation with how well he seems to be doing in his recovery. He asked me for coffee. At first I was going to say "lets go with the rest of the group" but then nobody else could go out, so I decided it would be OK just to get coffee, since I'd really wanted to go out after anyway.
Before recovery, "coffee" would have lead me to a whole night out, then bed together, then regrets the next day.
But last night, even though he was hinting at it, I said, "No, I don't let anyone come to my house until I'm seriously involved with them, and I don't want to go to yours. We don't know each other at all yet." I was clear about it.
He was complaining that his recovery life has become kind of lonely and sexless, and although I can relate, I still explained that I have new rules for myself in recovery, including sex being reserved for committed long-standing relationships. I also told him that "Being single is fun. I'm getting to know myself better."
Part of me was sitting outside of my body watching me, saying "Who are you, weirdo? And what have you done with KJ?"
I really do want to be just friends with men for a while. Like several months. Although I miss sex sometimes, the trade-off of self-respect and lack of man-related chaos is so great. I still have a little left-over drama with one of my exs that I have around me at times, but it is so much less than how I used to have it.
I used to keep at least a couple men in my life all the time. Just so I could feel like I was worthwhile. Now I understand that it didn't make me feel any better, just worse about myself. It didn't make me any less lonely to have several half-@ssed relationships going, actually it made me deeply lonely. Being single is cool.
It was just coffee. And that was just fine.
KJ
I just walked in on him
I just walked in on my AH in bed with the skankwhore. Yep. The one he said they were just friends. Slept with 5 weeks before I had our baby. Said it was over. I caught them having more contact and kicked him out almost 2 months ago.
He swears as recently as yesterday they were just friends and I was overreacting.
I just went to his house to drop of a picture cd of our 6 month old daughter. The daugther he said he missed so much and loved and missed his family this morning. I walk in and find them in bed...yep!
I was holding baby and threw the covers back. The look on the skankwhore's face was priceless. I just threw the cd at him and said see ya.
I am not crazy. I knew it. He is now texting me 'asking what the fu** that was about'.
I hurt really bad right now. Beyond belief, but this just seals the deal.
He swears as recently as yesterday they were just friends and I was overreacting.
I just went to his house to drop of a picture cd of our 6 month old daughter. The daugther he said he missed so much and loved and missed his family this morning. I walk in and find them in bed...yep!
I was holding baby and threw the covers back. The look on the skankwhore's face was priceless. I just threw the cd at him and said see ya.
I am not crazy. I knew it. He is now texting me 'asking what the fu** that was about'.
I hurt really bad right now. Beyond belief, but this just seals the deal.
