Archive for the ‘Kitchen Counter’ tag
Making new memories
One of the things I've learned in al-anon is that the best way to get over the holiday blues is to replace old, bad memories with good, new memories. My first Xmas after leaving me ex was awful. I felt miserable. But I decided I was going to follow al-anon suggestions and see if I could build new Xmas memories that were _good_.
I went out and found a little butterfly ornament, and a little plastic tree and set it up on the kitchen counter. The butterfly is the symbol of al-anon, and it represents how I'm growing from my old life as a caterpilar to a new life as a butterfly, free from all the "baggage" I was carrying around that made my life so burdensome. I decided I was starting a _new_ holiday tradition, which is to go find a butterfly ornament every year to hang on my little plastic tree.
Alkies get a "chip" for every year of sobriety, so I'm giving myself a butterfly for every year of sanity.
Here is a pic of this year's butterfly
http://evanayers.com/Images/Acha/Butterfly02.jpg
It was on sale at a local art shop, which makes it better cuz I'm all about sales.
When I arrived here I was living in a cozy little apartment behind the Salvation Army, and my tree was almost too big for the kitchen counter. Today I have somewhat bigger condo, and a bookshelf where the tree has plenty of room. This butterfly tradition also helps me see how my life is growing and improving over the years. Eventually, I want to move to Colorado Springs where there's real trees and mountains, the summer heat here in Las Vegas is _awful_ on my health.
Some day I'm going to have a _huge_ tree with tons of butterflies on it.
So what new memories are you all making for yourselves? Are you starting any new traditions to celebrate your new freedom?
Mike :)
I went out and found a little butterfly ornament, and a little plastic tree and set it up on the kitchen counter. The butterfly is the symbol of al-anon, and it represents how I'm growing from my old life as a caterpilar to a new life as a butterfly, free from all the "baggage" I was carrying around that made my life so burdensome. I decided I was starting a _new_ holiday tradition, which is to go find a butterfly ornament every year to hang on my little plastic tree.
Alkies get a "chip" for every year of sobriety, so I'm giving myself a butterfly for every year of sanity.
Here is a pic of this year's butterfly
http://evanayers.com/Images/Acha/Butterfly02.jpg
It was on sale at a local art shop, which makes it better cuz I'm all about sales.
When I arrived here I was living in a cozy little apartment behind the Salvation Army, and my tree was almost too big for the kitchen counter. Today I have somewhat bigger condo, and a bookshelf where the tree has plenty of room. This butterfly tradition also helps me see how my life is growing and improving over the years. Eventually, I want to move to Colorado Springs where there's real trees and mountains, the summer heat here in Las Vegas is _awful_ on my health.
Some day I'm going to have a _huge_ tree with tons of butterflies on it.
So what new memories are you all making for yourselves? Are you starting any new traditions to celebrate your new freedom?
Mike :)
Can loved ones help in a healthy way?
I normally post under friends and family, which has been a sanity-saver, but I thought perhaps you could help me out by sharing your experience. Sometimes I feel I need to get the perspective of addicts/alcoholics to make sense of things.
I met my ABF two years ago and I thought he was just a party animal who loves to go out with the boys (I successfully ignored the signs that it might be more than that). He did not drink consistently, but when he did he was wasted. For the first year of our relationship the frequency seemed within the ordinary. Then he had more binges (he was living with me by that time). He would go to the bar and come home to pass out wherever), but overall he was more sober than not.
I went away for the summer and we couldn't talk much. When I came back, he was binge-drinking every night and smoking pot before work and in the evening, on weekends all day long. I had no idea what in the world was going on. He said at first he was depressed and missed me and it seems as if there was a point of no return somewhere. August and September were hard for us because he drank, I nagged, he blamed me, I blamed him, etc. We had some good and honest talks in between, but overall we were both stressed to the max which gives me bad anxiety and makes him drink and there you have that viscious cycle....
He then moved out (for work-related reasons) and things calmed down a bit. I was reading here and got lots of great support from lovely people here at SR. We don't see each other often right now, but the last time I was at his place I saw several empty vodka bottles on the kitchen counter, which was new. He has never had hard liquor at home. Recently he spent one night in jail for something minor (a verbal argument while drunk) and when I picked him up the next day, he bought a can of Jim Beam and Coke and drank it in less than 30 seconds. He wanted to open the can in the car, but I asked him not to. This was also different: in the past he would have never involved me in anything even remotely illegal. He still treats me well, but with less effort (I don't know how else to put it). He calls me less and less. He was planning on coming over recently, but got wasted instead.
I am now trying to keep my cool, focus on myself, and hope for the best. But the progression worries me. He is not totally distancing himself (yet?), but something is changing and there are now more occasions where he chooses alcohol over me and I just feel that there is a distance that wasn't there before. I am trying not to take it personally that he is more distant and I try not to worry myself sick over him. I will also try to find an Al-anon meeting.
I know he has to want a change, but is there anything that a loved one has done that helped you? Even if it's just a note or some sign of "I am here"? I know what I need to do for myself and I come first, but if there is anything I can do for him that does not interfere with my well-being, I would really like to know. I know every one is different, but perhaps you'd like to share with me how it was for you and your loved ones.
Thank you for reading this far!
Kimmie
PS: He has been in treatment before, but it was court-ordered and he didn't really think he had a problem at the time. He didn't mind going there and recently, after admitting that he DOES have a problem, I asked him if he could see himself attending sessions and a therapist there again and that I would give him rides. He agreed at the time, but we haven't talked about it for a while and I don't know if I should bring it up.
I met my ABF two years ago and I thought he was just a party animal who loves to go out with the boys (I successfully ignored the signs that it might be more than that). He did not drink consistently, but when he did he was wasted. For the first year of our relationship the frequency seemed within the ordinary. Then he had more binges (he was living with me by that time). He would go to the bar and come home to pass out wherever), but overall he was more sober than not.
I went away for the summer and we couldn't talk much. When I came back, he was binge-drinking every night and smoking pot before work and in the evening, on weekends all day long. I had no idea what in the world was going on. He said at first he was depressed and missed me and it seems as if there was a point of no return somewhere. August and September were hard for us because he drank, I nagged, he blamed me, I blamed him, etc. We had some good and honest talks in between, but overall we were both stressed to the max which gives me bad anxiety and makes him drink and there you have that viscious cycle....
He then moved out (for work-related reasons) and things calmed down a bit. I was reading here and got lots of great support from lovely people here at SR. We don't see each other often right now, but the last time I was at his place I saw several empty vodka bottles on the kitchen counter, which was new. He has never had hard liquor at home. Recently he spent one night in jail for something minor (a verbal argument while drunk) and when I picked him up the next day, he bought a can of Jim Beam and Coke and drank it in less than 30 seconds. He wanted to open the can in the car, but I asked him not to. This was also different: in the past he would have never involved me in anything even remotely illegal. He still treats me well, but with less effort (I don't know how else to put it). He calls me less and less. He was planning on coming over recently, but got wasted instead.
I am now trying to keep my cool, focus on myself, and hope for the best. But the progression worries me. He is not totally distancing himself (yet?), but something is changing and there are now more occasions where he chooses alcohol over me and I just feel that there is a distance that wasn't there before. I am trying not to take it personally that he is more distant and I try not to worry myself sick over him. I will also try to find an Al-anon meeting.
I know he has to want a change, but is there anything that a loved one has done that helped you? Even if it's just a note or some sign of "I am here"? I know what I need to do for myself and I come first, but if there is anything I can do for him that does not interfere with my well-being, I would really like to know. I know every one is different, but perhaps you'd like to share with me how it was for you and your loved ones.
Thank you for reading this far!
Kimmie
PS: He has been in treatment before, but it was court-ordered and he didn't really think he had a problem at the time. He didn't mind going there and recently, after admitting that he DOES have a problem, I asked him if he could see himself attending sessions and a therapist there again and that I would give him rides. He agreed at the time, but we haven't talked about it for a while and I don't know if I should bring it up.
