Drug Rehab Options Blog

Welcome to a world so plain to see
Failing to see the futures, allways making mistakes
With no end in sight
Calamity of all the retribution left
No answer i ask where's my knowledge
Is it useless or loves lost unwillingly
Capsulated by a long lost love
Concept idea arranged marriage
What is in my mind
laughing at myself i just want to die
Who, all i can do is cry

You are reading from the book The Language of Letting Go

Step Eleven

Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God, as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out.
--Step Eleven of Al Anon

"... praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out" means that we ask on a daily basis to be shown the plan for that day. We also ask our Source for the power we need to carry that through. We will get a yes to both requests.

We do not ask other people to show their will for us. We ask God. Then we trust that we'll be empowered to carry God's will through.

God never, never asks us to do anything that He would not equip us to do. He never asks us to do anything we can't do. If we are to do it, we will be empowered. That's the easy part of this program. We never have to do more than we can, or anything we can't. If we want to worry and fuss we can, but we don't need to. That is our choice.

I have learned, through difficult and good times that this Step will carry me through. When I don't know what to do next, God does. Working this Step, one day at a time, will take us to places we could never have traveled on our own. Simple acts, done daily in accordance to God's will for us, lead to a Grand Plan for our life.

Today, I will focus on asking God to show me what He wants me to do. I will ask God for the power to do that; then I will go ahead and get the job done. God, help me let go of my fears about living life one day at a time. Help me trust that when life is lived simply and in trust, a beautiful mosaic called "my life" will be woven. I am being divinely led, guided, and cared for.

From The Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie ©1990, Hazelden Foundation.

Most of you know my situation.....

Here I sit in New York, in the comfort of two very good friends living room....contemplating my future. Make that OUR future. I am very sure I will be having my little girl here in New York surrounded by friends and family. In the back of my head, I am also pretty sure that I won't want to go back after knowing what REAL LOVE feels like.

ABF is all concerned. Wants to know if he'll see me in 2008. Wants to know if I am going to exclude him from the birth. To my knowledge, it still takes two to make something work. I did what was best for the baby and me. I left. He should understand that I did that so I could have a support network beyond his unreliable self.

So I think I'm pretty much going to tell him that there is lots of ways to get from Alabama to New York.... And if he really wanted to be a part of it that badly, and really loved us....he could use one of these ways to get to see her......I thought this could be fun for the SR gang....

Any suggestions????



Mine: Hitchhiking

You are reading from the book The Language of Letting Go

Knowledge

Learn to let yourself be guided into truth.

We will know what we need to know, when we need to know that. We don't have to feel badly about taking our own time to reach our insights. We don't have to force insight or awareness before it's time.

Yes! Maybe the whole world saw a particular truth in our life, and we denied it - until we were ready to deal with it. That is our business, and our right! Our process is our own, and we will discover our truths at the right time, when we are ready, when the learning experience is complete.

The most growth-producing concept we can develop for others and ourselves is to allow ourselves to have our own process. We can give and receive support and encouragement while we go through this process. We can listen to others and say what we think. We can set boundaries and take care of ourselves, when needed. But we still give others and ourselves the right to grow at our own pace, without judgment, and with much trust that all is well and is on schedule.

When we are ready, when the time is right, and when our Higher Power is ready - we will know what we need to know.

Today, I will let myself and others have our own pace and time schedule for growth and change. I will trust that I will be empowered with insights and the tools for dealing with these insights, at the right time.

From The Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie ©1990, Hazelden Foundation.

Hi all, been a while since I've posted. I had almost 14 months sober toward the end of August, but relapsed and have been drinking again since. A few days ago I decided it was time to get away from the booze again and it's been recommended that I spend some time doing inpatient.

It looks like things are falling into place for me to go to Cottonwood de Tucson, and I was hoping someone might have some knowledge or experience with it. I'm absolutely terrified at the prospect of spending a month almost all the way across the country from my friends and family, but I know I need to do what it takes to get well.

Thanks.

Hello everyone!!!! WOW it has been a while since I've post. Alot going on. Since I posted last, I have started therapy. I have really realized alot about myself and RAH. We are so on a different page. SO I have FINALLY realized that my life is mine. And I have worked toward acceptance regarding our relationship. He is moving out Saturday! And I am ok with it. I never thought I could/would be ok with that. BUT I am. My kids know about the addiction. My oldest says if he wants to leave let him....how sad! my dgt. says its not going to change much anyway because he is not there for us anyway....how sad. My 8 y.o. says as long as he doesn't see me cry anymore! How sad that they have experienced this at such a young age. BUt WE are going to get through this. I just pray that they learn from this and grow stronger not weaker from this. RAH returns to anesthesia in Jan. with his DOC placed into his hands. He continues to be distant and makes comments regarding how crazy I am that I won't trust him!! The nerve! What the hell does he think! One must walk and talk the same. He knows exactly what buttons on me to push.....but I have the knowledge now to not react and give him my time! 18 years together.....How our lives have changed.....BUT I will keep walking with my head up high and keep putting one foot in front of the other and not look back! The light at the end tunnel is there. Thanks to all of you......Thanks for being there and helping me!

Brother-in-law attempted suicide, now in ER. (admitted 12 hours ago)

Last time we were down this road (one year ago), they released him 36 hours later and left him on the side of the road.

If they find he needs to go to detox he'll be there for 7 days I guess.

Should we not even go to the ER, and just submit what knowledge we have to the doctors? The laundry list so he might be admitted to detox? (If he goes in in crisis it will be free. If not, then it will be $2k a day).

Should I just remind myself it's his problem, and not do anything?

Should I try and submit as much information as possible so he gets free care from the state, and it prevents us from caving in a few days and enabling him more?

Thanks so much for your comments last time. I thought I wasn't enabling, but I can see that I am... in fact I feel like doing it right now.

I'm just tired and rational decisions are hard to come by.

Dear all,

It has been a while since I last posted and something has changed - me.

My ex is still my ex. The last time he contacted me via text he was still saying the same things...yes, nothing has changed for him. He is still doing the same things. Whether he has progressed or not I have no knowledge of and to be honest I don't want to know. The only thing I want to hear or will make myself available to hear is that he is clean and has been clean for at least 6 months. I realise I may have a long wait on my hands but I am ok with that as now that I am getting clean of him I can see how bad for me he is when in addiction.

In the last month I finally hit my bottom after swinging manically from emotion to emotion. I cried so much one day I was left with this indescribable feeling of nothingness/grief I have never felt before. I started taking anti depressants on the advice of my doctor which although I have now stopped did help me in the initial stages to just get through my day/pain/confusion/depression and of course sleep. I stopped taking them by accident when I went to the city and forgot to take them with me. It was in this moment that I realised I didn't need to neccesarily get anti-depressed but maybe anti-him, his life, his circle, his town...that I needed a "change" more than a "prescription" that I needed a "cure" and not a "painkiller".... a new life, a new start, as in essence I needed to be reborn if that makes sense.

In the space of a month I have been non-stop busy in doing my job here and on my off days going into the city to create my new life. I am really happy to say I have found a home, some work and already some potential opportunities for my own personal project. All of this positive change within just one month confirms for me that what I am doing is the right thing, it's like the universe is saying "don't be afraid".

I have been having some bad dreams about my ex and woken up with dread but I have not contacted him because I know what will happen. I am peace with how I dealed with him and when I look back through all the words I said to him again and again in every possible context (in case he didn't get it in any of the previous ones), all the worry I expressed, all the love I expressed, all the support I offered....well, you know what? Now when I re-read them it makes me wonder why I tried so long because it didn't help one bit.

The more I tried to love him and worry about him the less he loved and cared for himself. If I had not stopped contacting him we would both still be ill now. He IS still ill of course, I tho am in recovery and the longer I stay away from him the better I feel. I don't mean this to be nasty or hurt him but really when in addiction that is all he has to offer me so as much as I love him I have to love myself more, because in doing that I am actually loving him more than if I stayed and continued to condone it/accept it/try and force my will upon him.

My world is now expanding, my opportunities are growing, my sense of self worth is returning, my feeling of guilt and fear is diminishing, my thinking is becoming clearer. I am feeling stronger, happier, hopeful, alive, at peace. I no longer feel at sea but am making plans I know will materialise. I have order returning to my life. I wake up each morning and no longer feel alone. I go to bed and no longer place my hand on my heart and cry.... Really, I did this!

I didn't plan to act as I did (holding on) just as I am sure he didn't plan to relapse but in refusing to let go I can now see how sick his illness made me too. If you keep sticking around then you are as in denial and ill as them - FACT. That is why I know I can't speak to or hear from him until he is a clean man again. I have finally realised that this action is the most loving one I can give him - whatever the outcome.

It is really quite strange to feel so good after such a short time living apart (just over a month and a half), especially in light of how very, very depressed I was. I think it is probably because all the months that we lived together prior to splitting up (when he first started this new relapse) I was already wanting change - i.e out - but I didn't know how to as as much as i didn't like this new man I had grown to love him and that love outweighed any love I had for myself....pretty much the same as he is going through now I suppose with his addiction.

It took me completely detaching and going through all the pain of "withdrawal" from him to get here but it has been worth it because I am now healing. It is so easy to stay stuck in the cycle with them, as they are with their attempts (always for us) to get clean, but any repair when done for anyone other than themselves is never long term is it? Holding on means just that. If you are experiencing pain/mistrust/fear/anxiety then the more you hold on the more you will get......

I read and re-read the Let Me Fall stickie and eventually I did let go, for him - to finally feel my silence that actually is probably louder than anything I could ever have said, and for me - to finally find true courage if that makes sense cause we too need to be courageous. My silence may not be being felt yet but it will eventually and if it doesn't then I will know even more I did the right thing for me. It is not about being selfish but self preservation. If he chooses to destroy himself then that is his choice but I can't let him (or more to the point his addiction) destroy me too...

I really wanted to share this message of hope tonight for anyone who may still be in no mans land/limbo, feeling guilty. They may have gotten themselves to a place where they FEEL they have no choice left but you do even if you FEEL you don't.
:ghug
xxxx