Archive for the ‘Last Sunday’ tag
Another Newbie Here!
Hello everyone and Merry Christmas or Merry Giftmas as I recently heard it called.
I actually quit drinking for almost 4 years, but made the fateful decision to have "just one glass of wine" at a celebration dinner with my wife and some business associates in March of 2007. I had just earned a promotion I had dreamed about for years, and the dinner was in my honor. My wife, of all people, urged me to take that drink. Note here that I'm not blaming her, but it does shock me when I think back on it, given her knowledge of substance abuse and the havoc it has cause in her own family. Her words were something to the effect of "can't you have 'just one' without going over the edge again?" My rational side was screaming HELL NO!!! I knew better, but allowed my idiot side to override my common sense, and here I am. Started back slowly, but we all know how that eventually ends up....The last six months I've been drinking pretty heavy, just like the bad old days I used to think were so much fun. I took my last drink last Sunday, 12/21, which is my 14 YO son's birthday. I reckon I figured I just had to finish off the rest of that half-gallon of Makers Mark since I paid over $40 for it. Felt like crap at work on Monday at my dream job and decided "Enough!" I worked my butt off the last several years to get here and I'll be damned if I'll let the desire for a temporary feel good booze buzz cause me performance problems and ultimately family and health problems.
I never hit bottom, but I can honestly say that EVERY time I got in serious trouble in my life it was booze related. When I look back on my life, I can only shake my head and wonder what I might have achieved had I left the booze monster alone. I got drunk for the first time at age 14, drank and smoked pot all through high school. Drank even harder during 4 years in the Marine Corps, getting popped on a urine test for marijuana, and discovering LSD could not be detected at the time on a urinanalisys, so me and my buddies did acid every chance we got - The Few, The Proud, The Tripping Marines..... I Discovered cocaine and crank after I was honorably discharged with a good conduct medal (Amazing, right?!) It was easy quitting the illegal drugs; by age 25 I was done with all of them, except the legal one, booze. Alcohol was the hardest to shake for me.
The four years prior to my decision to take that one drink was fantastic. I slept better, no hangovers, no upset wife, pumping iron at the gym 5 days a week, making 3-mile runs with ease. WTH was I thinking? Well, I have returned to reclaim the sobriety that is mine.
I like the logical, rational approach taken here because it suits me. And, if in some way, I can help motivate someone else while maintaining my own motivation, that in itself will be gratifying beyond measure. I know I am going to do this, as many here have already done.
I'm looking forward to meeting many new sober online friends.
John
I actually quit drinking for almost 4 years, but made the fateful decision to have "just one glass of wine" at a celebration dinner with my wife and some business associates in March of 2007. I had just earned a promotion I had dreamed about for years, and the dinner was in my honor. My wife, of all people, urged me to take that drink. Note here that I'm not blaming her, but it does shock me when I think back on it, given her knowledge of substance abuse and the havoc it has cause in her own family. Her words were something to the effect of "can't you have 'just one' without going over the edge again?" My rational side was screaming HELL NO!!! I knew better, but allowed my idiot side to override my common sense, and here I am. Started back slowly, but we all know how that eventually ends up....The last six months I've been drinking pretty heavy, just like the bad old days I used to think were so much fun. I took my last drink last Sunday, 12/21, which is my 14 YO son's birthday. I reckon I figured I just had to finish off the rest of that half-gallon of Makers Mark since I paid over $40 for it. Felt like crap at work on Monday at my dream job and decided "Enough!" I worked my butt off the last several years to get here and I'll be damned if I'll let the desire for a temporary feel good booze buzz cause me performance problems and ultimately family and health problems.
I never hit bottom, but I can honestly say that EVERY time I got in serious trouble in my life it was booze related. When I look back on my life, I can only shake my head and wonder what I might have achieved had I left the booze monster alone. I got drunk for the first time at age 14, drank and smoked pot all through high school. Drank even harder during 4 years in the Marine Corps, getting popped on a urine test for marijuana, and discovering LSD could not be detected at the time on a urinanalisys, so me and my buddies did acid every chance we got - The Few, The Proud, The Tripping Marines..... I Discovered cocaine and crank after I was honorably discharged with a good conduct medal (Amazing, right?!) It was easy quitting the illegal drugs; by age 25 I was done with all of them, except the legal one, booze. Alcohol was the hardest to shake for me.
The four years prior to my decision to take that one drink was fantastic. I slept better, no hangovers, no upset wife, pumping iron at the gym 5 days a week, making 3-mile runs with ease. WTH was I thinking? Well, I have returned to reclaim the sobriety that is mine.
I like the logical, rational approach taken here because it suits me. And, if in some way, I can help motivate someone else while maintaining my own motivation, that in itself will be gratifying beyond measure. I know I am going to do this, as many here have already done.
I'm looking forward to meeting many new sober online friends.
John
I’ll jump in here
Joined earlier today, and have been poking around a bit. Feeling like I need to reach out and connect a bit.
I haven't had a drink since last Sunday night, so it's a few hours short of a week. So, I guess that's a good start. It's not the first time I've gone a week without drinking, but it's rare enough that I get this far that it merits a bit of acknowledgement... acknowledgement as an accomplishment (however small) and more importantly, acknowledgement as an opportunity.
I'm not generally a daily drinker, and I've never been one who drinks early in the day. More commonly, over the past couple years, I've been a 2 - 3 days a week drinker. The issue is that, when I do drink, I don't stop. I drink until I pass out. It takes a fair amount to get me to pass out. If I don't have enough, I'll find myself walking to a liquor store late at night to make sure that I do have enough.
I travel for business, often for a week or more. When I'm gone, I WILL commonly drink nightly, although I tend to more commonly keep it to a pint of liquor (usually brandy). Sometimes I'll get a pint and a baby bottle, because I know that a pint probably won't be quite enough.
I have some experience with addiction recovery. I haven't ever used hard drugs. I did quit smoking, however. In that process, I joined a support group like this, and was quite active for a couple years. During that time, I learned a lot about the nature of addiction in general, and to speak eloquently and persuasively to others who were going through the process of escaping that addiction. So, I feel that I come to this with the advantage of at least understanding some important general principles.
I've realized I have a problem for several years now. There's a cycle with which I'm sure many of you are familiar, of waking up feeling miserable, ashamed, and desperate after a night of drinking. Of persuading myself that I needed to stop. Of walking myself through what I believed the course would be. Of committing to that course...
... of bargaining my way out of that course one or more days later, drinking myself into a slump on the couch and waking up in my own urine. Somehow, putting it that starkly seems to clarify the nature of my problem.
I've spent great resources of mental energy on this problem. I believe I understand some of the physical reasons why I can't stop once I start. And, I believe I also understand some of the physical reasons why it's getting harder to keep it to 2 or 3 nights a week. I think I have a tenuous grasp on some of the mental reasons I've refused to break the cycle to this point.
One thing that was vitally important to my recovery from nicotine addiction (over 6 years smoke-free now) was having some insight into the road ahead. Quitting was really hard at times. Having voices there to tell me how the hard times were temporary, how to cope with them, and most importantly, in concrete terms, what I could expect down the road in terms of comfort (as it applied to nicotine).
I'm at a pretty crucial point in the process right now. I made it to 11 days back in July (aided by a stomach flu that made it easier to turn away from alcohol temporarily). It's been nearly 2 years since I made it more than 2 weeks (16 day), and that's the only time I've gone 2 weeks in probably 5 years. I'm fearful of the days ahead. I really feel like I need some positive visions of life after alcohol. I need to hear that there really is comfort beyond quitting.
My wife doesn't have the same problem I have. She has a problem, but it's not nearly as severe as mine. She can stop... but she has a hard time going more than a couple days without though. We really do have a pretty classic co-dependency relationship. She's the enabler/instigator. I'm the willing participant when she pushes the "go" button.
We both made a commitment to not drink until Thanksgiving. I figured that was a start. But, we've made these commitments a hundred times, and we rarely last very long before one of us uses the other's weakness to jointly break the compact. Tonight, I felt like it was happening. I saw her at work (she works in a pub) and she said in a tone of voice we both recognize, "I don't want to stay in tonight, what'll we do?" I didn't have the strength to shoot her down, but went home, and worried about what fate would bring me. Was just about at the point of resignation that I'd end up losing my week of sobriety once she got home.
She got in, and there was a sporting event on TV that she was interested in. She watched it for an hour or so, and both of us avoided the elephant in the room. I worked on some stuff for my job, and she watched TV. I started cooking something, and that seemed to be enough of something for her to grasp onto that she no longer seemed to be pushing (without saying so) for a night out. I focused on the meal, and by the time we ate, both of us seemed to have recommitted (again, without saying so) to at least making it through today. We won't drink tonight.
That's the basics. As I say, I've thought about my problem a lot. I could probably keep writing for hours. But, I'd rather post what I've written, and pray that some of you have some encouraging glimpses at life without alcohol to offer me. The week hasn't been easy. I gather there are harder things, but part of the insidious nature of addiction is the fact that difficult times are obscured by moments of ease. We then cling to those moments of ease to convince ourselves that maybe it wasn't so bad after all... and so forth...
Thank you for your help.
RP
I haven't had a drink since last Sunday night, so it's a few hours short of a week. So, I guess that's a good start. It's not the first time I've gone a week without drinking, but it's rare enough that I get this far that it merits a bit of acknowledgement... acknowledgement as an accomplishment (however small) and more importantly, acknowledgement as an opportunity.
I'm not generally a daily drinker, and I've never been one who drinks early in the day. More commonly, over the past couple years, I've been a 2 - 3 days a week drinker. The issue is that, when I do drink, I don't stop. I drink until I pass out. It takes a fair amount to get me to pass out. If I don't have enough, I'll find myself walking to a liquor store late at night to make sure that I do have enough.
I travel for business, often for a week or more. When I'm gone, I WILL commonly drink nightly, although I tend to more commonly keep it to a pint of liquor (usually brandy). Sometimes I'll get a pint and a baby bottle, because I know that a pint probably won't be quite enough.
I have some experience with addiction recovery. I haven't ever used hard drugs. I did quit smoking, however. In that process, I joined a support group like this, and was quite active for a couple years. During that time, I learned a lot about the nature of addiction in general, and to speak eloquently and persuasively to others who were going through the process of escaping that addiction. So, I feel that I come to this with the advantage of at least understanding some important general principles.
I've realized I have a problem for several years now. There's a cycle with which I'm sure many of you are familiar, of waking up feeling miserable, ashamed, and desperate after a night of drinking. Of persuading myself that I needed to stop. Of walking myself through what I believed the course would be. Of committing to that course...
... of bargaining my way out of that course one or more days later, drinking myself into a slump on the couch and waking up in my own urine. Somehow, putting it that starkly seems to clarify the nature of my problem.
I've spent great resources of mental energy on this problem. I believe I understand some of the physical reasons why I can't stop once I start. And, I believe I also understand some of the physical reasons why it's getting harder to keep it to 2 or 3 nights a week. I think I have a tenuous grasp on some of the mental reasons I've refused to break the cycle to this point.
One thing that was vitally important to my recovery from nicotine addiction (over 6 years smoke-free now) was having some insight into the road ahead. Quitting was really hard at times. Having voices there to tell me how the hard times were temporary, how to cope with them, and most importantly, in concrete terms, what I could expect down the road in terms of comfort (as it applied to nicotine).
I'm at a pretty crucial point in the process right now. I made it to 11 days back in July (aided by a stomach flu that made it easier to turn away from alcohol temporarily). It's been nearly 2 years since I made it more than 2 weeks (16 day), and that's the only time I've gone 2 weeks in probably 5 years. I'm fearful of the days ahead. I really feel like I need some positive visions of life after alcohol. I need to hear that there really is comfort beyond quitting.
My wife doesn't have the same problem I have. She has a problem, but it's not nearly as severe as mine. She can stop... but she has a hard time going more than a couple days without though. We really do have a pretty classic co-dependency relationship. She's the enabler/instigator. I'm the willing participant when she pushes the "go" button.
We both made a commitment to not drink until Thanksgiving. I figured that was a start. But, we've made these commitments a hundred times, and we rarely last very long before one of us uses the other's weakness to jointly break the compact. Tonight, I felt like it was happening. I saw her at work (she works in a pub) and she said in a tone of voice we both recognize, "I don't want to stay in tonight, what'll we do?" I didn't have the strength to shoot her down, but went home, and worried about what fate would bring me. Was just about at the point of resignation that I'd end up losing my week of sobriety once she got home.
She got in, and there was a sporting event on TV that she was interested in. She watched it for an hour or so, and both of us avoided the elephant in the room. I worked on some stuff for my job, and she watched TV. I started cooking something, and that seemed to be enough of something for her to grasp onto that she no longer seemed to be pushing (without saying so) for a night out. I focused on the meal, and by the time we ate, both of us seemed to have recommitted (again, without saying so) to at least making it through today. We won't drink tonight.
That's the basics. As I say, I've thought about my problem a lot. I could probably keep writing for hours. But, I'd rather post what I've written, and pray that some of you have some encouraging glimpses at life without alcohol to offer me. The week hasn't been easy. I gather there are harder things, but part of the insidious nature of addiction is the fact that difficult times are obscured by moments of ease. We then cling to those moments of ease to convince ourselves that maybe it wasn't so bad after all... and so forth...
Thank you for your help.
RP
when is enough enough??? I’m going crazy
I went to my first al-anon meeting since IÂ’ve lived in AZ (6 years). I went because I screamed to loud and long I got winded and hurt my voice.
I have been on a rollercoaster for years with my AH. At the end of Aug. I went out of town and KNEW in my gut something bad was happening at my house.
When AH picked me up at the airport, he looked like death warmed over, maybe the worst I have seen him. He came home and flopped on the couch (not like him). I waited for a few days hoping he would for ONCE come to me with something on whatÂ’s up.
No - I had to confront, yell and eventually threaten. He admitted to drinking WAY too much and now knows, because of my yelling (?) that he needs to stop drinking. We argued for days, he pleaded, cried, begged and promised… Because we have over 20 years and I love him I decided to try it ‘one last time’. I made it perfectly clear that this was IT. I can’t keep going through this, don’t want it or deserve it.
I was a bit stuck on the fact that the decision to quit, didn’t originate with him. I have said – it has to be the strong desire from within to quit (and even then it’s not always successful). I said he can’t quit because I threaten to leave, I doubt it could work.
In past fights, I have said – “now if there’s anything I need to know, this is the time and place. I can work through most anything, but if/when I hear crap down the road from other sources then I FREAK because of the betrayal”. He had nothing else to say.
We had 2 wonderful, calm peaceful months then. He went to meetings, seemed to be getting well. We seemed to be connecting and re-creating a good life like we once had. We were happier than we had been in quite some time.
Last Sunday I ran into a friend of his and he was drunk and accidentally let out secrets that he thought I knew about. When I was out of town the friend, a bimbo and my husband did coke at my kitchen table!!
I am so incredibly mad! My AH had a ‘problem’ with coke when he was young and did it once in early dating 22 years ago. I said I won’t tolerate it and if it’s his thing, we cannot date. He promised to never touch it.
Now I wonder did the girl stay over? Does he have a secret sex life too? I donÂ’t trust anything anymore.
I am so hurt by the lies! I donÂ’t know if he knows how to tell the truth.
The last week has been crappy, tense and terrible. HeÂ’s going to many meeting, meeting with his sponsor, and made an appt. with an Alcoholic and lying psychologist. HeÂ’s been begging, crying, promising he will tell the truth.
I am SO scared to even consider entering back in to the marriage and trying again and I am SO scared of splitting up. My life feels horrible and confusing. I will go to Monday al-anon meeting. I know thereÂ’s no magic answers here.
Any ideas would be appreciated, thanks for letting me vent!
I have been on a rollercoaster for years with my AH. At the end of Aug. I went out of town and KNEW in my gut something bad was happening at my house.
When AH picked me up at the airport, he looked like death warmed over, maybe the worst I have seen him. He came home and flopped on the couch (not like him). I waited for a few days hoping he would for ONCE come to me with something on whatÂ’s up.
No - I had to confront, yell and eventually threaten. He admitted to drinking WAY too much and now knows, because of my yelling (?) that he needs to stop drinking. We argued for days, he pleaded, cried, begged and promised… Because we have over 20 years and I love him I decided to try it ‘one last time’. I made it perfectly clear that this was IT. I can’t keep going through this, don’t want it or deserve it.
I was a bit stuck on the fact that the decision to quit, didn’t originate with him. I have said – it has to be the strong desire from within to quit (and even then it’s not always successful). I said he can’t quit because I threaten to leave, I doubt it could work.
In past fights, I have said – “now if there’s anything I need to know, this is the time and place. I can work through most anything, but if/when I hear crap down the road from other sources then I FREAK because of the betrayal”. He had nothing else to say.
We had 2 wonderful, calm peaceful months then. He went to meetings, seemed to be getting well. We seemed to be connecting and re-creating a good life like we once had. We were happier than we had been in quite some time.
Last Sunday I ran into a friend of his and he was drunk and accidentally let out secrets that he thought I knew about. When I was out of town the friend, a bimbo and my husband did coke at my kitchen table!!
I am so incredibly mad! My AH had a ‘problem’ with coke when he was young and did it once in early dating 22 years ago. I said I won’t tolerate it and if it’s his thing, we cannot date. He promised to never touch it.
Now I wonder did the girl stay over? Does he have a secret sex life too? I donÂ’t trust anything anymore.
I am so hurt by the lies! I donÂ’t know if he knows how to tell the truth.
The last week has been crappy, tense and terrible. HeÂ’s going to many meeting, meeting with his sponsor, and made an appt. with an Alcoholic and lying psychologist. HeÂ’s been begging, crying, promising he will tell the truth.
I am SO scared to even consider entering back in to the marriage and trying again and I am SO scared of splitting up. My life feels horrible and confusing. I will go to Monday al-anon meeting. I know thereÂ’s no magic answers here.
Any ideas would be appreciated, thanks for letting me vent!
Brother in ICU
Have not been around here for a bit. My brother was on a motor scooter and hit a car head on. Fractured cheek, upper leg, broken hip, head trama collapsed lung. He has been sedated since last sunday night. We just found out he will be ok. They stopped doing cat scans yesterday.
I know he was drunk. He has not been without a drink in years. He was going up hill on the wrong side of the road. I'm sad that my brother thinks he will die drinking. And this almost killed him. He has never tried to stop. He is only 43.
I hate that he drinks, but I cannot control him. I hope this will make him wake up and see that he can stop.
I know he was drunk. He has not been without a drink in years. He was going up hill on the wrong side of the road. I'm sad that my brother thinks he will die drinking. And this almost killed him. He has never tried to stop. He is only 43.
I hate that he drinks, but I cannot control him. I hope this will make him wake up and see that he can stop.
Update on DS
Just an update on AS. He went to Florida to detox/rehab last Sunday. After a few touch and go days of him wanting out, he's been detoxing this week with Methadone. He's accepted that he is where he needs to be. I think the "fog" is lifting.
I got a call Friday that he was coughing up some blood, they had to do an xray, and saw something on it, and will be doing another xray. This is the last I have heard. I'm very concerned for the medical problems, and I think he hasn't signed for permission for the doc to call me, as it's always been the rehab that he's being transferred to that has been keeping me up to date. They said they want to rule out TB, which scares the hell out of me.
Thanks for all the support during this week. I did attend my first Alanon meeting on Wednesday, and I'm not sure I loved it. But I heard that you have to give it a chance, go to a few meetings. So I'll continue to go, and see what I can learn from them. I couldn't find a Naranon meeting close to me, so I was told that Alanon was ok for me to do. Is this right?
I got a call Friday that he was coughing up some blood, they had to do an xray, and saw something on it, and will be doing another xray. This is the last I have heard. I'm very concerned for the medical problems, and I think he hasn't signed for permission for the doc to call me, as it's always been the rehab that he's being transferred to that has been keeping me up to date. They said they want to rule out TB, which scares the hell out of me.
Thanks for all the support during this week. I did attend my first Alanon meeting on Wednesday, and I'm not sure I loved it. But I heard that you have to give it a chance, go to a few meetings. So I'll continue to go, and see what I can learn from them. I couldn't find a Naranon meeting close to me, so I was told that Alanon was ok for me to do. Is this right?
Update on Chris
First of all, my computer has been acting crazy so I haven't been on in a week. Last Sunday, Duey and I went to visit Chris and see his new apartment. It's clean and his frig is stocked so that me made me feel good. He looks fantastic and his job is going well. He's so talented in building and remodeling homes and it looks like he's enjoying his new self. We went out to eat and ran into someone he works with. Nice guy~~a little older than Chris and seems to be an up and coming new friend. All in all things look good on this end. I worry still but its up to Chris and his HP to keep him clean. From all I've read thou its quite hard to stay on the right path without meetings and he's not going to any. He spent one year going along with dating someone that is back in rehab. Hopefully this women doesn't reenter his life when she gets out. That relationship really didn't help either of them. So~~for today we are OK but I'm still a little on pins and needles here. Hugs, Bonnie
