Drug Rehab Options Blog

I've been reading SR for a while now, and I guess I am pushing on close to 100 days of recovery now. I got my 3 month chip last Thursday, but I don't really count days, just kind of eyeball them if I even think about it.

Lots has changed. And it continues to get better all the time thanks to God, AA, and forums like this one that allow me to work at it. Sobriety is very important to me today.

Today is a Friday and the last thing I am even thinking about is drinking, although I do have an AA meeting on my schedule. It is about 20 minutes away, but it is a good meeting and a bunch of us go out for dinner afterwards. Friday used to be the start of the weekend binge but not today.

On Wednesday I went out for a Christmas banquet with a group that I volunteer with. There were 44 people there. Our local DA who is now retired and my former attorney were there, the same one who kept me out of jail for my stupid alcoholic behaviour with the same DA being the one who could have locked me up for 3 months. I never thought I would see the day that I would be accepted in the same rooms as them. That really made me feel good.

Last Friday I went to the jailhouse with another alcoholic to spread the message to those still suffering. The last time I was in there I vowed that I wanted to be someone who would come back sober and try to help others. The place is nothing like I remember it, and its great to be able to leave and feel grateful.

My local group has given me a key to the church where we hold our AA meetings. I open up, make coffee and get the rooms ready. We had a snow storm last night but that did not stop me, nor others from coming out.

I don't worry about a lot of things I used to worry about. I just try to do the next right thing and keep things in today.

For the person who said they were shy and that the meeting was so far away.....go. You will, if you are diligent and serious discover some great people there, and acceptance.

After 28 years of drinking, I have more sobriety today than I ever have had, and I am doing it one day at a time.

So to those in their first month, just hang in there.....it gets better.

Not quite sure why I'm posting other than to get this off my chest, and maybe it will help someone else ... This was a really tough weekend for me. I'm a huge animal lover, with both dogs & cats at home. One of my older cats, Bristol, who has been fighting kidney disease for 4 years, took a sudden turn for the worse last Thursday, and after a full day of heroic measures at the vet's on Friday, took another dramatic downturn on Saturday, and I had to make the kind, yet awful, choice to let him go & be in peace. My AH & I are separated, but I called him when I was at the vet's so he could come & say good-bye. Although he never took the time to bond with Bristol, I thought it was only fair let him make his peace with Bristol. My AH was very supportive & drove me home where I asked to be left alone for the day to process what happened. He respected my wishes & left me to my grieving. He called me several times later in the day to check on me & each time asked if I wanted to go out for a drink to toast Bristol. In the past, I would have agreed, to make HIM feel better (not me), but this time, I said "no" each time & got the time & peace I needed with just me & my other pets. Although this weeekend was very hard for me, I'm proud of myself for doing what I thought was best for Bristol and best for me to handle his passing. It also made me realize once again how short life really is & that you never know what's around the corner & hammered home for me that I'm ready to start determining what will make me happy for the rest of the life that lays ahead for me.

Thanks for listening.

This is it! FINALLY!!! 30 very LOOOOOOOONG days! My Dad, who has been sober now for 13 years calls it, "30 days, and 1000 nights!" And boy is that the truth! The past 30 days have felt more like 1000 nights, but I've made it!

In the past 30 days, I've learned to do things sober. A very strange thing for me. I've made it to every game, practice, and event my girls have had, and I can remember every one of them! I can remember what happened last thursday on Survivor, and all of my fav shows.

It's been a very long 30 days, and it hasn't been easy at times, but I'm here, and I've made it through it!

:bday7

Hello my friends!

I did it again. Sober since my dad's birthday (October 5), last Thursday I started a new frightening bender. Lots of "reasons" to justify it, some of them thoroughly contradictory: success with an academic event, my daughter's epileptic seizure (the 3rd since 2006, when she was diagnosed with simple cryptogenic epilepsy and my alcoholism progressed to a new stage), the accidental erasure of a photo folder on my computer and the frustrating but failed attempts to recover it, the startling discovery of the fact that my dad is drinking secretly (although forbidden to by the doctor), stressful paperwork with my job et al. Beer, wine, and plum brandy have been my steady companions for nearly a week. What scares me most is that eversince I acknowledged my alcoholism even a glass of poire (pear cider, almost non-alcoholic) brings about the overpowering urge to go for the hard stuff. God, in three hours' time I have to teach two courses and I'm pretty plastered. I think I'll have to review my pattern of getting back into sobriety: something gets jammed somewhere and I still haven't figured it out. Keep your fingers crossed for me.

Love,
Goob

I don't have Internet access at home at the moment but I considered posting a thread last night that I was moving on. I have Inet on my PDA but typing is so slow on it...I prefer to just read. :)

I left another sad Sally note with my AH on Tuesday, apologizing for what I did last Thursday, saying I don't know how to go on without him (because I don't) and telling him about S8 not sleeping well.

AH called last night and said he needed to push out the payment plan we discussed for D12's dental work. I've got a bit of laryngitis and I was surprised by his call and I just said okay. He said he was still planning to pay it and I said okay. I got a text message at the same time and we hung up.

He called back 30 minutes later and I answered. He wanted to know if I was saying something when we hung up. I wasn't.... Then I hung up on him at some point because he was being ugly. He was drinking and I wish I had the strength to NOT answer. Despite the fact that I love him and I want to be with him, I won't be with him the way he is right now. I can't. I'll be halfway to the funny farm by this time next week if I go down that road. Nothing at all was resolved in the phone calls and the last one was about why I wanted to get off the phone...you know, because my boyfriend was arriving at 1am. *sigh*

I was honestly ready to make a decision. I was ready to move forward and not look back, starting today. Seriously, could he sense that? It was just odd timing in my view.

I'm not making any decisions until I'm a bit more grounded but I'm at the want to want to make a decision stage. I'll get there. I'm confident that all is as it should be. I'm not settling, but I still love my AH. I'm just going to have to do it from afar for now. AH's problem at this moment is not consuming me, nor is it consuming the children.

Today I'm grateful that I get to keep my beautiful 15-month-old niece :Val004: while my sister is at the New Kids on the Block reunion concert! :lmao

Hi gang...Hank and I, with our faithful furry travel companion shedding all over the back seat of the new car, will be heading out for Wisconsin this coming Monday. its been quite a couple weeks as last Monday when Hank got to the new job site, he promptly tore a muscle in his lower back - he's worked right thru it, in major pain, finally got him into the chiro last thursday and between the adjustments and two therapeutic massages (which he LOVES by the way!) and our brand new "welcome to middle age" heating pad, he's healing remarkably well! work for ME has been crazy busy as in our admin dept of TWO, my sidekick has been on vacation since Sept 24th and i've been flying solo. and suddenly everybody has a damn grant they wanna push thru!!! i joke about how my job duties range from burnt out lightbulbs to grant administration and wouldn't ya know the FIRST day i'm by myself one of the hallway lights went out and somebody came to me with a grant to prepare - in total i've handled FIVE, including the $4 million dollar one i'm just getting off my desk today!!!

this weekend we'll finish up stuff around the house, any last minute shopping, have a tag team of friends plus my daughter to keep an eye on the house (evidently the bigger screen TV you have the more volunteers you get!!!), get the Subaru in for her first oil change and then come Monday hit the road, and Head East!

I want to thank you all so much for the kind words and thoughts and good wishes for Hank's dad. we are excited to get the chance to go "visit" but so heartbroken over the reasons. Dad's a gamer that's for sure, but the battle has already worn him down so. Fortunately we have Bucky the therapy dog!!! my chances to post will be quite limited, but i'll be staying in touch with Impurrfect and Hello-Kitty. may each of you have the chance to hold a loved one close to your heart and then have the strength and wisdom to know when to let them go. peace....Tess

I had a gastric emptying study done last Thursday and the results came back today. The vagus (sp) nerve does not contract to allow the food to completely leave my stomach and there is always some left over. I initially went in because of pain in my upper stomach under my rib cage. The pain has been intense like a stabbing at times or just dull and achy at times.

Has anyone else ever had this or know anything about this condition. I'm not asking for medical advise.

Hello All,

I am new to this, but I need a place to talk about how I feel.
I was in a relationship for 6 yrs and I found out that he was using heroin. I was 5 months pregnant when I found out also. I immediately went to the yellow pages to get some help. He started attend treatment I thought. I later found out that he was using again.
I went through this at least 10X. Why did I stay that long? I loved this guy with all my heart. Everything was perfect. I never would have imagined that this drug was so powerful.
Well to the present- I kicked him out 3 weeks ago. I received a call from my family saying that they seen my car in places it should not be and that a female was also in there. Yeah I know. WTF
Well I rode up there. And sure enough. I saw it with my own eyes. I cant even explain the pain I felt. The embarrassment that my family knows. He is the father of my kids.
Just last week he told me that he went to get treatment. That his next appointment was Friday. The clinic will probably put him on suboxone pills for long term treatment.
I am thinking- Okay- maybe he is getting it together. Maybe he had enough of sleeping in vacants and having no food (what he told me). Well I asked him to watch the kids Wed. 9 am turned into 10 into 11 into 12 and so on. No show.
I called numerous times. He was telling me that he was looking for someone to buy the pills from. I am like no you not. You lien. I just went off. He said that I am mad because I can't keep an eye on him 24/7. I told him. Yes I am mad. You had that freedom and look what happened. He kept saying that I am mad about the female and that it wasn't like that. That she just showed him where to get the stuff from- yet the same day he was looking for the subxone pill, she left a message saying where you at- and that she not going to be waiting all day.
So that was my answer. After cussing him out. I suspended his phone and I have not talked to him since last Thursday.
How do I feel. I am hurt, depressed, mentally disturbed and confused. I know it is not my fault. But I feel like crap because- why would he relapse so many times. I thought our relationship was great. I was happy and I thought he was too.
I am mad because he still has his job- and all the bills have piled up and I can't do it alone. I was dependent on his additional income. If I had know, I would not have quit my part time, but I thought everything was on the up and up. He was even doing well in school to be HVAC Certified.
I know that I was in denial because I believe it stated a long time ago. Well longer than what he told me.
I hate him. I know that I have to be strong and take care of home. I been doing that. But I would have never expected to be hit with this again, on top of infidelity.
Thank you all for listening. I am unable to attend Narnon meetings due to football practice ad after school programs. I can't even think of a decent time to work part time without burning my self out.
I pray for the pain to be lifted. I pray that the bills hold off a little while longer. I pray that my kids are always watched an protected. And I pray for happiness.
I just want my mind off of the pain he is putting me through. I do not think it is fair. I have to put on a act everywhere I go but inside I am deteriorating.

Ok, hereÂ’s the story and I need to know how to fix all of this . . .

I own two cars – 95 Honda my 27 yr old AS was driving that is now parked in my apt. parking lot, he claims it needs a clutch & a 95 Corolla I was driving that my AS now is driving (4-5 months.) I can get to work by bus and live w/my daughter that has a car so I hop rides w/her to grocery store, etc. I sadly think that if AS has car he can get to random UA tests required by court order and the job he claims to have and if worse comes to worse, live in the car (hasn’t happened yet.)

In the past 4-5 months I have gotten mailed 2 parking tickets he never told me about, claims he forgot to pay . . . Week & ½ ago he called and told me he was rear ended – really no damage to car. Claims other driver drove away, police & ambulance wanted to check my AS out, he had a cut over his eye and on his cheek. Says he didn’t want to be checked out, so he left as well???

Today 3 detectives from police show up at my apt., I wasnÂ’t home, daughter spoke with them and called me at work. I talked with them on the phone. They claim there was a hit & run yesterday involving my car w/male driver. I gave them my ASÂ’s cell phone #. Sent AS a text to call police. I called police station & spoke to detective again, they say it was in a Walmart parking lot, my AS had talked to them & hopefully they could meet up later today to look at the car. AS claims he did not hit anyone.

Last Thursday I took a check for $320 from AS & gave him $110 back – of course I’m sweating that the check clears. I’ve posted recently that I am not able to stop giving him money lately. I’m scared to death to say no – I’m afraid he’ll get mad & blow whatever $ is in his acct. so the $320 bounces. Yesterday I took a check for $125 from AS & gave him $80 back - I do not have the money to cover these if they bounce. I know I am the stupidest person on the face of the earth.

I’m afraid of abandoning him – He is supposedly passing the random UAs, so is he clean???? If he is clean, I feel guilty that I cannot provide a place for him to live and support him in his recovery.

My daughter is VERY angry that she was there today to deal with the police. (Two years ago when I, daughter, AS & AS’s gf lived together, our house was raided by the police for suspected drug activity by AS. I was at work that day as well & daughter and AS’s gf were home. Police were very aggressive w/drawn guns, etc. Nothing was really found so AS suffered nothing at that time.) Daughter & I have a shared cell phone plan – originally her plan, in her name w/my added line. In her anger today, she said give me your phone, you only talk to AS & you shouldn’t be. She also said get your car back in 2 days or I’m going to.

Can someone please tell me what to do? I obviously didnÂ’t do a very good job of raising him, of teaching him how to be an independent, responsible, functioning adult. How do I fix that? Can someone just come and handle my life for me cause IÂ’m screwing it up big time? Help me please....

My son has 102 days clean, :a122:.

We went to court last Thursday for a prelim hearing for probation violation, they wanted to put him in jail for 20 days, but since he has been in a 28 day treatment facility and already served that many days in jail after he got out, they released him and he is now done with the court system except for his fines and PO visits. I am so proud of him. I have just spent the last 2 days helping him set up his house and getting everything ready for school that starts tommorrow. He also starts his new job this week.

It is just so awesome to see him take responsibility for the first time in along time. I know I am not supposed to count on the future too much but it is hard not to get excited when thinking about how this nightmare might actually be over for awhile, if not forever.

Now I can concentrate on getting myself and my finances straightened out, getting straight A's in school(LOL) and moving on with my life. I am just so happy tonight I had to share with all of you.

Love to you all,
Barb