Archive for the ‘Last Tuesday’ tag
Alprazolam (Xanax) - Getting Off
Hello All,
I am currently trying to get off my addiction of alprazolam. I was given a very large prescription from my GP when I tried to quit drinking alcohol and I ended up taking these in excess (in upwards of 10mg - 14mg a day). Most days I took no less than 6mg for a period of at least 6 months. Last Tuesday I lowered my dose to 2mg and yesterday down to 1mg. I also quit taking my pain killer (tramadol 400mg daily) and began lowering my lexapro from 30mg to my current 10mg........ It has been hell. Sweeting, nightmares, insomina, shaking, you name it. I am also on topamax which I am contining to take for its anti-convulsant properties (100 mg daily, but I should be taking 150mg daily but it makes me really stupid) but I would wish to stop at some point.
What I wanted to ask is should I seek help, this is still really difficult, my wife is controlling the pills but I am worried about starting to drink again. The actual sick part is done I think, but my anxiety is through the roof, but I do not wish to use the alprazolam it is not for me. Once I am clear of it I do not wish to have it in my house, it has already done enough damage as is.
Thanks for your input!
I am currently trying to get off my addiction of alprazolam. I was given a very large prescription from my GP when I tried to quit drinking alcohol and I ended up taking these in excess (in upwards of 10mg - 14mg a day). Most days I took no less than 6mg for a period of at least 6 months. Last Tuesday I lowered my dose to 2mg and yesterday down to 1mg. I also quit taking my pain killer (tramadol 400mg daily) and began lowering my lexapro from 30mg to my current 10mg........ It has been hell. Sweeting, nightmares, insomina, shaking, you name it. I am also on topamax which I am contining to take for its anti-convulsant properties (100 mg daily, but I should be taking 150mg daily but it makes me really stupid) but I would wish to stop at some point.
What I wanted to ask is should I seek help, this is still really difficult, my wife is controlling the pills but I am worried about starting to drink again. The actual sick part is done I think, but my anxiety is through the roof, but I do not wish to use the alprazolam it is not for me. Once I am clear of it I do not wish to have it in my house, it has already done enough damage as is.
Thanks for your input!
Light at the end of the tunnel…
Hi everyone -
I'm mostly a lurker but have posted once before.
Last Tuesday, my AH started Antabuse! WOW!! What a difference!!
He has been doing great and I see the person I knew was there but who was hiding.
He made the decision by himself to start (he was going to wait until after New Year) and has been SO calm. This is the man I knew was trying to come out but was afraid to.
I am so proud of him for making this step. I do not know what tomorrow will bring but I do finally see a light at the end of the tunnel.
I pray for all of you that your "drinker" will see that the path they are on is going nowhere, and make the change you have been wishing for.
I also pray that my "drinker" will see that the person he was is not a person his friends and family want to be around. I do not know how long this will last but I am cherishing every sober moment with him.
I thank God for this reprieve from the anger and uncertainty. I now have strength to hang on a little longer.
Happy New Year to you all, wherever you are in your journey. Your stories have strengthened me. I am not alone. Nor are you.
S
:bbf:
I'm mostly a lurker but have posted once before.
Last Tuesday, my AH started Antabuse! WOW!! What a difference!!
He has been doing great and I see the person I knew was there but who was hiding.
He made the decision by himself to start (he was going to wait until after New Year) and has been SO calm. This is the man I knew was trying to come out but was afraid to.
I am so proud of him for making this step. I do not know what tomorrow will bring but I do finally see a light at the end of the tunnel.
I pray for all of you that your "drinker" will see that the path they are on is going nowhere, and make the change you have been wishing for.
I also pray that my "drinker" will see that the person he was is not a person his friends and family want to be around. I do not know how long this will last but I am cherishing every sober moment with him.
I thank God for this reprieve from the anger and uncertainty. I now have strength to hang on a little longer.
Happy New Year to you all, wherever you are in your journey. Your stories have strengthened me. I am not alone. Nor are you.
S
:bbf:
Back Again
Haven't been around in a long time. Long story short, left my ex and moved back to AZ in 2005. Would hear about him now and again and knew he wasn't doing. well. On Thanksgiving last year his youngest daughter (19) died of a crack overdose. I sent a condolence card and heard nothing. Then in May of this year, he called me. Didn't say too much other than he wasn't dealing well with her death. And we left it at that. A month later he called me to say he'd found an "angel" and he was going to marry her. And after that he called off and on to one day say he knew she was using him and he'd made a mistake. Next week, he was going to marry her...on and on. I had always hoped that one day he'd want to get clean and sober again and he'd call me. Well, 3 weeks ago now, I get a call in the middle of the night. He's drunk and as the story unfolds, this woman has thrown him out. Turns out he met her in a bar. He was lonely and didn't want to live on his own and she took him in. She is on disability for SEVERE mental problems and is a drug addict herself. She had nothing in her apartment and he bought tv, stereo and other things. They fight constantly and to "make up" he offers to marry her. Well, on this night she had thrown him out the week before. She was done "using" him and he had tried to commit suicide. He was released from the hospital and decided he wanted what we USED to have. He told me all about her. He said he was ONLY with her because he needed free room and board. And that he knows she was a mistake. And if he could get it together could he come out here. I told him if he was serious and got a ticket, we would see. This was the call I'd been waiting for. And he promised to call the next week. I heard nothing and last Tuesday I read where he had applied for a marriage license with her. Now I know that he's an addict. MUCH Worse than when we were together. HE has now progressed to drinking/drugging 24/7. And he is NOT the man I loved. But it still hurts that he would want to marry someone he does NOT love. That he would give up me...for her. I know he's using her...she's using him. It's what ADDICTS do. I know this. But why does it still hurt. His voice was the man I remembered....but again...he has changed. He no longer feels anything. He uses people for what he can get. And doesn't care who he hurts. Including me. I took marriage as a commitment. And it's obvious he does not. And that is why this hurts so badly. What we had was commitment, caring and respect...love. And I can't get that out of my head. What he wants NOW is a roof over his head and his willing to marry someone to get that.
Why can't I get it into my heart that this is NO longer the man I knew?
Why can't I get it into my heart that this is NO longer the man I knew?
Have to quit smoking today
Here I go again.
Hi everyone, fellow quitters.
In the last 3 years I have have quit, started and quit again and again and again. The longest I stayed stopped was 4 months and I vividly remember feeling great by 3 months.
Last Tuesday I had my annual physical which always includes an ECG. For the last 12 years they have always been normal. My Dr. office called me on Thursday to come back to talk about my ECG.
The news is that I have to see a cardiologist and have a stress test. My Dr. is theee WORST at answering questions so I left the office knowing next to nothing. No more than I went in with. Al she said was "Smoking has GOT TO STOP~today!!!
You'd think this would be a huge motivator to quit immediately, but I'm feeling more stressed by it. I have a few cigarettes left and plan for that to be the last. I have nicorette gum on the ready.
I've quit so many times before, but I have anxiety this time around.
Help anyone.
Hi everyone, fellow quitters.
In the last 3 years I have have quit, started and quit again and again and again. The longest I stayed stopped was 4 months and I vividly remember feeling great by 3 months.
Last Tuesday I had my annual physical which always includes an ECG. For the last 12 years they have always been normal. My Dr. office called me on Thursday to come back to talk about my ECG.
The news is that I have to see a cardiologist and have a stress test. My Dr. is theee WORST at answering questions so I left the office knowing next to nothing. No more than I went in with. Al she said was "Smoking has GOT TO STOP~today!!!
You'd think this would be a huge motivator to quit immediately, but I'm feeling more stressed by it. I have a few cigarettes left and plan for that to be the last. I have nicorette gum on the ready.
I've quit so many times before, but I have anxiety this time around.
Help anyone.
Someone to Talk to
Back-story. I work like crazy. My last day off was last Tuesday, since then I've been working non-stop/babysitting up to my 15 hour day this Monday, followed by early morning babysitting on Tuesday, a trip out of town, and then a 10 hour shift the next day (Wednesday), then babysitting early this morning, work, and then packing to move up to my apartment with a roommate who had to already borrow $500 because she can't pay our rent... it's been a non-stop whirl-wind and even I feel as though I've accomplished nothing this summer and haven't done enough. I am stressed.
I don't know what the hell is wrong with me, and I'm soooo irritable to my parents right now. They're not even drinking for once. They didn't drink tonight, possibly because of me. It was supposed to be a nice night to spend together, but instead I had to finish packing, and then just made snippy comments to them. I feel bad about my actions, and I know I am over-reacting and bitching too much to them. I am very mean to them, I know it.
My dad makes these comments to me, comments that make me feel as if I'm not good enough, not doing enough. He lectures me all the time. I misplaced my phone charger and it's so hard to find anything in the big mess of my stuff, and he just kept going on and on about how I should always put it in the same place, that it's important, that we'd have to go and buy a charger first thing in the morning, etc. When I explained why I moved it from my original place, it didn't matter, because I shouldn't have taken it out of that spot even if my reason was valid. I snapped. And still he didn't want to listen to me, to how I feel when he lectures me all the time. He's heard it all before so he doesn't want to hear it again, even though he's never listened to a word of it. I found the cord. Then it was something about how I shouldn't have worked so much so that I wouldn't be so bitchy, that I need to go to bed already so I can drive efficiently tomorrow. In my angst, I yelled something about how he's doing the opposite of what I want and need, that I just needed someone to talk to. He's confused, doesn't know what to do, so instead of simply listening he says, exasperated, "what honey, I don't know what else to tell you, your life is miserable, you work a lot, I know this." He loves me, he does, he just can't do anything right. All I wanted was someone to talk to, someone to listen to me. My mom just left the room, that's always her solution, and tonight she was not the problem. I was mean and snappy to her too though.
Just as I finished that paragraph my mom walked in here before bed and I just tested her. Her solution for everything is to apologize. I don't want anymore apologizing, and I said that. I also said "I just wanted someone to talk to" she says "I'm sorry, goodnight, honey, love you" then I say even more bluntly "I just want someone to talk to" she says "I have to go to bed.... uh, sorry" door shuts. She has never been affectionate. Couldn't she just listen to me? I actually asked her to listen to me! I couldn't be more obvious, and she refused. My dad always refuses simply because he doesn't listen, and my mom refuses. And they wonder why I'm so bitchy, why I can't stand them most of the time. I am ashamed at my behavior, because I was screaming out of control at my dad for about 10-20 seconds, and it really was over the top. Then I come up to my room and realize just how much it all hurts me. Why does it have to hurt so much? And at the end, I feel like I have upset them and made them feel badly and that I should.... know better than to do that. Oh god.... I shouldn't have to worry about it, I should be the kid!
I just want them to be parents. I want them to tell me that I'm being disrespectful, I want them to talk to me, I want them to listen to me, I want them to be responsible.
I have no one to talk to, no one. One of my close (well, fake close seeing as this friend knows nothing about my home life) is having a hard time with her father who won't pay child support, and another work friend that I have actually spoken to, tells me that her life is miserable, she can't leave her dead-beat boyfriend that she lives with (the girl just turned 18....) and she seriously considered popping some pills tonight. I just want someone to talk to. I am alone, that's how it's always been and always will be. Usually I can handle that, but it was overwhelming tonight. Since childhood, I have not felt close to a single human being outside of the family, never been in more than a casual relationship even. This is not due to lack of wanting these relationships or lack of trying.
Typing this has really helped.
I don't know what the hell is wrong with me, and I'm soooo irritable to my parents right now. They're not even drinking for once. They didn't drink tonight, possibly because of me. It was supposed to be a nice night to spend together, but instead I had to finish packing, and then just made snippy comments to them. I feel bad about my actions, and I know I am over-reacting and bitching too much to them. I am very mean to them, I know it.
My dad makes these comments to me, comments that make me feel as if I'm not good enough, not doing enough. He lectures me all the time. I misplaced my phone charger and it's so hard to find anything in the big mess of my stuff, and he just kept going on and on about how I should always put it in the same place, that it's important, that we'd have to go and buy a charger first thing in the morning, etc. When I explained why I moved it from my original place, it didn't matter, because I shouldn't have taken it out of that spot even if my reason was valid. I snapped. And still he didn't want to listen to me, to how I feel when he lectures me all the time. He's heard it all before so he doesn't want to hear it again, even though he's never listened to a word of it. I found the cord. Then it was something about how I shouldn't have worked so much so that I wouldn't be so bitchy, that I need to go to bed already so I can drive efficiently tomorrow. In my angst, I yelled something about how he's doing the opposite of what I want and need, that I just needed someone to talk to. He's confused, doesn't know what to do, so instead of simply listening he says, exasperated, "what honey, I don't know what else to tell you, your life is miserable, you work a lot, I know this." He loves me, he does, he just can't do anything right. All I wanted was someone to talk to, someone to listen to me. My mom just left the room, that's always her solution, and tonight she was not the problem. I was mean and snappy to her too though.
Just as I finished that paragraph my mom walked in here before bed and I just tested her. Her solution for everything is to apologize. I don't want anymore apologizing, and I said that. I also said "I just wanted someone to talk to" she says "I'm sorry, goodnight, honey, love you" then I say even more bluntly "I just want someone to talk to" she says "I have to go to bed.... uh, sorry" door shuts. She has never been affectionate. Couldn't she just listen to me? I actually asked her to listen to me! I couldn't be more obvious, and she refused. My dad always refuses simply because he doesn't listen, and my mom refuses. And they wonder why I'm so bitchy, why I can't stand them most of the time. I am ashamed at my behavior, because I was screaming out of control at my dad for about 10-20 seconds, and it really was over the top. Then I come up to my room and realize just how much it all hurts me. Why does it have to hurt so much? And at the end, I feel like I have upset them and made them feel badly and that I should.... know better than to do that. Oh god.... I shouldn't have to worry about it, I should be the kid!
I just want them to be parents. I want them to tell me that I'm being disrespectful, I want them to talk to me, I want them to listen to me, I want them to be responsible.
I have no one to talk to, no one. One of my close (well, fake close seeing as this friend knows nothing about my home life) is having a hard time with her father who won't pay child support, and another work friend that I have actually spoken to, tells me that her life is miserable, she can't leave her dead-beat boyfriend that she lives with (the girl just turned 18....) and she seriously considered popping some pills tonight. I just want someone to talk to. I am alone, that's how it's always been and always will be. Usually I can handle that, but it was overwhelming tonight. Since childhood, I have not felt close to a single human being outside of the family, never been in more than a casual relationship even. This is not due to lack of wanting these relationships or lack of trying.
Typing this has really helped.
