Drug Rehab Options Blog

Hi everyone. I havent been posting much lately but I continue to read a lot and I continue to inspired by everyone here, from the newcomers who are looking to change their lives to the people who have years of experience, I get E,S and H from all of you and it helps me to get through the day. So thank you very much.

I am doing ok, I have only drank a few times in the last two months, which is still not complete abstinence but it is better than drinking everyday, and I feel that I am continuing to make progress towards complete sobriety.

Im taking a break from the job search until the holidays are over, although I have to admit that I have not been too serious about the job search in the past but I plan to change that and really try to find at least a part time job.

Im on a new medicine and it really helps my moods and energy level when I take it as prescribed, but it is so hard not to take more than the prescribed dose, just to catch a little buzz, I hate how difficult it is to be good with it. But I must take it as prescribed or it isnt going to work long term and I really dont want to mess this up, I've made too many bad decisions in the past and I really need to start doing what I know is best for me. But again, the temptation is so freakin hard to fight. Today I took the prescribed amount, and I will not take anymore until tommorrow.

Thanks and happy holidays. :) :Xmasha

Hi all,

First-timer. I'd like to confirm whether or not the symptoms I am experiencing are withdrawal symptoms. I take one 1 mg Lorazepam/Ativan each night, and have for about two years. In the last two months (and its getting worse), I feel like I have something crawling on my skin all the time, especially my scalp. (Tonight I'll make note whether it goes away after the Loraz kicks in).

Considering the short half life of this drug, is it possible that my body is wanting more, and I'm experiencing withdrawal each and every day in between doses?

I've also started to shake quite badly in the mornings (people have commented), and my muscles twitch. Brain fog is getting worse. Also, I've been drinking more and more alcohol to go with my Lorazepam.

I want to get off the stuff. I'm so shocked at what I'm experiencing - I feel like what I've heard heroin addicts describe withdrawal as. I'd like to try doing 1/2 pill a night and tapering that way, or skipping a night and gradually skipping more and more. What do you think?

Thanks so much for any help...

_________________________

The Amish say..."don't drink OR drive"

The last two months i have been staying in town in a small one room apt.
Being alone and me go together like a trainwreck.

Well on 6 mos no drugs.....no thats a lie. I got some pain pills from the hospital when i went in with a toothache....anbd abused them.

Still on around a sixpack a day.

There is no internet where i live now.....i'm using my mnother's PC.

Just wanted you guys to know i'm still kicking.

Thanks to everyone here for all you do.

Hi everyone, well I guess I hit my emotional rock bottom on Wed morning. I received some disturbing news (from my girlfriend of almost 40 years). She has in her wisdom decided to take sides regarding myself and my XAH. To the point of hiding information etc. The details are not important but what is are the feelings of ultimate betrayal that I felt. I believe this and everything else that has been going since I left the AH finally hit me.

I have not cried since I left him over 2 months ago. I've been fighting the usual the anger, hurt and let down feelings. I didn't even cry when I heard about his OW who he has been keeping a secret from for years! I never honestly knew, that's how much I believed in him and his fake recovery. Again I kept trying to deal with it.

So, I lost it as they say on Wed, everything from the last two months - no probably 24 years came out in huge gulping soul shattering crying. I now know what keening means.

It was terrible! I didn't sleep very well on Wed night and yesterday was very shaky and crying on and off again. Couldn't go to work.

I was lucky one of my best friends came over and spent the afternoon and early evening with me. She is an addiction counselor and really helped me get thru some of the feelings that I have been having.

Today I have deleted all the emails from AH that he has sent in the last few days and blocked his number and email from everything that I have. I've also spoken to my boss and the person who answers the phones here at work, they will not put any calls thru.

I feel like I have put up a fortress of sorts around me. I plan on looking after myself even more than I have. I have accepted what happened and am moving on.

Made an appointment to have my hair cut tomorrow and attend a yoga meditation workshop.

I think I needed this crying session (I don't often give myself "permission" to cry) to help clean out my heart if that makes any sense.

Thanks everyone for being there - K.

You've mentioned communication not being clear so I'll attempt to be as clear as possible. I will say what I mean, mean what I say, and I hope you'll realize I'm not saying it mean.

In the last two months I've found myself under attack by you twice. Both times were about my car and your expectations/demands concerning it. I don't respond well to that and will not be badgered into giving you what you want. I understand you are frustrated and so am I. Your explosive attacks don't help matters any and are non-productive for me. Nothing is accomplished. I shut down, do my best to mentally escape and refuse to engage in the dance. The only thing on my mind at that point is whether I should allow you to continue living here because that behavior compromises my serenity.

I've been reluctant to allow you the use of my car for several reasons.

A car will come with strings attached; I've already said this and you've said you expect that. Because you've been unable or unwilling to consistently respect the rules for living here, it is why I hesitate. I want you to be independent probably as much or more than you do.

I can't give you another privilege when you aren't consistently honoring the first one. When you become consistent, I will follow through because you will have earned that privilege.

When you've put your mind to it, you've kicked ass. It was an absolute joy to come home from out of town and discover you had been cleaning. I was so proud of you for making your own doctors appointments - that is truly taking care of yourself and not everyone in this home does that! When you go to meetings you are owning your disease and I can't want or hope for more. Every time you clean the kitchen, you do it without being asked. You got your GED! These are a small sample of the things you do, have done, that make me proud. It's growth and maturity.

You and I both depend on each other for some basic things. You depend on me for a roof over your head and food, though you may not like it all the time (that was an attempt at humor). I depend on your help with this house simply because you live here.

______, I have failed you and myself in the past but it is the past. If you will ask for my help I will do my best to give it to you. It may not be the help you want or even need, but it will be the help I am able to give in good conscience. If you need rides to meetings I will give them to you if I am physically able. If you need me to pick you up at midnight because of the 'after' get togethers, I will also do that if I'm physically able. To make this work, we have to respect each others time and always give each other advance notice whenever possible.

I will verbalize the extra help I need from you around here more often, and if you're bored and restless, ask me what else can be done. It's just like when we're up north: we jump in and help and don't complain when asked. That goes for all of us, it isn't exclusive to me and you. We come from a tribe and the four of us - this is our clan.

I won't ask you to do anything I'm not willing to do myself.

I love you and always remember, my continued support is based on you doing the next right thing.

**********

What do think? Does it come across clear? Does it sound kind? I'm not worried about her being offended (thats why I put the disclaimer in the beginning), I'm trying to improve my communication skills with everyone. Sometimes I get so far into my left brain I forget emotion and been told that by several people.

I f***ed up. Again. I knew I shouldn't do it but I did it anyways. Sort of like AA, if you've had a fair amount of exposure to AA and you decide to try drinking again, it will ruin your drinking career because deep down you know you're f***ing up.

Despite all her protestations and that email she sent me in June about "quitting drinking" and going to AA" I knew nothing had changed. She showed up on my doorstep, drunk again about two weeks after a Wednesday night race, and I just went along. Funny, I guess she figured if it worked once, why not again.

So the last two months, been waiting for the inevitable to happen, and it did. About a month ago we had a nasty little row, and I stated for the umpteenth time-far too many times-what behaviors on her part would constitute deal breakers. Being stood up was the thing we discussed, something she's done on many occasions.

Sunday night rolls around, leaving her Dad's house, and I'm not feeling real happy because I know she's planning her night of 'fun'. She asks me what's wrong, I tell her a lie. Tells me she'll be over after her shift ends, around 2am. She shows up at 6am, looking lie a deer caught in the headlights because I am up and she wasn't expecting that. Why didn't you come over when you said you would? Her 'girlfriends' Mom had a heart attack and I had to babysit her daughter! They took her to ******Hospital. I know this is bs, I tell her to leave. Immediately.

For my own gratification or whatever, I called the hospital, the nice lady at reception was more than happy to go through the registry, no person in the hospital under that name, anywhere including the ER. I send her the text message, and start to let myself get sucked into the drama, oh, she was never a patient, she died! Quack, quack, quack.

At some point I remember the real boundary issue, she stood me up, then made an excuse, something she'd done many times in the past. I was letting myself get drawn into the extraneous bs, and forgetting the real issue, the boundary.

So I finally called her Tuesday evening, after numerous text messages from her indicated that she wanted to get into the "who did what to whom" nonsense and ignore the boundary thing. So without actually accusing her of anything, I talked about the boundary thing, she tried to make excuses "I didn't want to wake you up" and me patiently explaining that I never put an exception on this particular boundary, and the only excuse I would have accepted, but she never offered, is that she was physically unable to call me.

I feel good about not getting drawn too deeply into this particular made-up drama, the last thing I wrote her via an email was that I felt she was either unwilling or unable to change her behavior and that it was something I would not tolerate, now or ever. And I feel fairly confident that if she shows up drunk on my stoop in the future I can tell her to leave. We all have different bottoms, I believe I've finally found mine.